How it happened was anyone’s guess really. However, considering the circumstances at hand, it made more sense to expect fuckery on an absolutely astronomical scale. And for some reason, someone had decided to make it his problem, despite the fact that he was honestly far beyond such things; he was bloody retired, for fuck’s sake!

And yet, now he suddenly had an errant Demon King on his hands, and no clue as to what to do with him or how to explain this whole situation – and an explanation would certainly be needed, seeing that this fool had just up and abducted him right in front of his colleagues. If the police hadn’t already been called, then they would be called very soon, and if such trouble could be avoided, then all the better, honestly.

“Honestly,” he said, making another attempt at dislodging the arms around his middle. “Why do I have to deal with this?”

In turn, the moron of a Demon King just held on, murmuring some unintelligible nonsense into his hair, one arm locked around his waist and the other around his chest, locking both of his wrists in place – which was indeed unfortunate, because in his current position, kicking was out of the question. Honestly⸺

“Let go of me, you damned beast,” Jixue hissed, in spite of already having established that they couldn’t communicate efficiently, given that they no longer shared a language. Besides, technically speaking, he was no longer Jixue, nor was he You Bingleng. Also⸺ “Ow.”

Predictably, this immediately loosened the other’s grip, making You Bingleng’s efforts at remembering quite worth it. And he wasted little time diving forward, snatching up the phone that had been rudely swatted out of his hand just minutes prior right before he was trapped once more and held in place with a warning growl.

Honestly, with the amount of frustration at hand, You Bingleng felt quite tempted to growl right back. In the end, he didn’t though. Instead, he picked up his phone, confirming that although the screen had suffered a crack, it was still usable. Good.

“Honestly,” he muttered to himself, searching through his contacts. “Someone will have to pay for this.”

 

---

 

After entirely too much trouble, You Bingleng had finally managed to resolve the most acute situation at hand, leaving him with the one that although quite serious did not involve snipers and professional hostage negotiators. Granted, technically, You Bingleng had played such a part at one point in time, but again, he was retired.

Still, in a way, he counted himself as quite successful, having managed to “clear up” the “misunderstanding” with both the hospital staff and the police, and that he’d gotten the nuisance known as the Demon King back to his apartment. This by no means meant that his troubles were over though.

“You’re such a pain, you know that, right?” he said, and he very much meant it – and going by the soft snort that followed that statement, it seemed as though enough of the sentiment had carried across even without a proper translation. As such, You Bingleng readily carried on, because frankly, he had a lot to say on the matter.  “Honestly, how did you even get here? Clearly, those System Admins are useless.”

Clearly, those System Admins were more than useless. Still⸺

“Look,” You Bingleng said, putting two cups of hot tea on the table before taking a seat himself. “I don’t know your circumstances, but here are mine: I’m retired. I don’t deal with that world-hopping or world-saving or world-destroying shit anymore. If you need a transmigrator’s input on that, then bloody ask that Jiao Zilei.”

Predictably, there was a noticeable reaction to the name – an almost sour look followed by a mutter that was entirely too quiet and too quick for You Bingleng to catch. He could still guess though.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “I know he’s incompetent, but at the very least, he’s yet to turn up to bother me in person.”

At this, there was yet another noticeable reaction; a flash of hurt that even You Bingleng picked up on, even with his significantly dulled human senses.

Still, he didn’t feel bad about it – not overly so, at least. Because first of all, it wasn’t really his job to coddle the Demon King. Second of all, whatever the other’s deal was, someone needed to deal with it – and this someone was apparently him, since System Admins apparently couldn’t be bothered to do their damned job these days.

“Go home,” You Bingleng said, then, digging out the words from a distant memory, he repeated himself: “Go home.”

For a while, the menace said nothing, just stared right back at him. Then finally, the Demon King opened his mouth and said: “Jixue gou houmu.”

It was frankly a bit impressive – and also a bit jarring – to hear that statement, which was easy enough to understand, faulty grammar and odd pronunciation aside. Still⸺ “I am home. This is my home now. This is my life. Hongyan, go home.”

“...Jixue Hongyan gou houmu.”

“Jixue stays,” You Bingleng said. “Demon Bastard goes home alone.”

“No bastard,” the fool answered right back. “Jixue, come with.”

Ah, honestly⸺ “This is not a debate. I’m not going back.”

“Why?”

Ugh.

He put his teacup back down, resisting the urge to slam it down onto the table. Because Heavens knew that he had burnt his hand on hot liquid more than enough times since he’d last had extremely convenient ice powers.

Quietly annoyed, he then stood up to stare down at the nuisance. And in a way, it felt good to do so, because typically, the other was the one towering over him.

“I’m a human,” You Bingleng hissed, pulling up his sleeve to display the bruises on his wrist. Because even if he’d wanted to go back there, his current body was unlikely to survive the experience – too weak against the demonic qi permeating the Demon Realm, and vulnerable to any diseases over there in general.

As for You Bingleng himself, he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to handle the dirt; the stench. Speaking of which⸺ “When was the last time you even washed yourself?”

 

---

 

This was by no means how You Bingleng had imagined his day would turn out. Had he known beforehand, then he would’ve definitely called in sick – for all the good it would’ve done him, no doubt.

The menace of a Demon King meanwhile very much seemed to enjoy the impromptu bath and his earnest efforts at washing and combing out those annoyingly tangled crimson locks.

“So annoying,” You Bingleng muttered. “I should just cut it off. Shear you like a damned sheep.”

At this, there was a low growl, hinting that the other must’ve understood at least a portion of what he’d just said.

“I won’t though,” You Bingleng elaborated. “I’ll just put it up in pigtails instead.”

That would’ve undoubtedly been quite a sight, and he would’ve probably snapped a few photos as well and kept them around to have something to laugh at in moments when his life felt a bit drearier than usual.

He wouldn’t though, not wanting to deal with the hassle of it. Instead, he added in a few side braids instead.

The latter went quite well with the spare set of clothing found inside a spatial ring that You Bingleng felt immensely tempted to steal. He obviously knew better than to attempt it though, and instead led the now significantly cleaner nuisance back into the apartment’s main living area.

Once there, he put on the TV, which made the other startle. He opted to ignore it though, and instead flipped through the channels until he landed on one broadcasting a nature documentary of some sort. It would probably be innocent enough, he figured, leaving firm instructions for the other to just sit there and watch and to not touch anything, and that he’d be back soon.

Of course, the moment You Bingleng moved towards the bathroom, the menace obviously got up to follow, which made him clarify that he’d bloody kill the other if the other attempted to enter – and surprisingly, this was all it took. Because by the time he stepped back out, feeling thoroughly refreshed, the Demon King was still sitting where he’d left him. Granted, he was watching You Bingleng rather than the TV, but he was staying put, so that was something at least.

“I’m going to make some popcorn,” You Bingleng announced, well aware that the other would have no idea what that was – because maize didn’t exist over there, or at the very least not in any of the regions he’d ever visited.

Predictably, You Bingleng wasn’t alone in the kitchen for long though. Because as soon as the kernels started popping, a certain demon nuisance was there, apparently intent on pulling him away from the danger.

“Hey, bastard,” he said. “Stop that. Sit down. No danger.”

“No danger?” the nuisance repeated, eyeing the noisy pan with clear scepticism.

“No danger,” You Bingleng affirmed. “Go back to the TV.”

The Demon King repeated the word, then pointed towards the TV.

“Yes, that one,” You Bingleng said. “Go watch TV. I’ll watch TV when I’m done here.”

“Done soon?”

Huh. The other was clearly getting better at this. “Yes, done soon. Go there. Wait for me.”

The Demon King took a moment to process the words, then nodded and did just that. And by the time You Bingleng brought over a bowl of popcorn and some bottles, the other didn’t look up, continuing to watch the documentary with a great deal of concentration – which was admirable, seeing as to how the documentary had now ended. Perhaps the rolling credits proved more interesting than the former though.

Well, in any case, it was hardly any of You Bingleng’s concern. He sat down beside the other and put the bowl of popcorn in-between them, even though he’d much rather have kept it for himself.

However, when he reached out to grab some, a hand quickly shot out to grasp his wrist, much too quick for him to dodge. And You Bingleng was annoyed, he really was, but his irritation wasn’t enough to blind him to the deliberate caution as the other moved his wrist, obviously checking the extent of the bruises.

Then, after another fraught moment, You Bingleng heard it, quiet but clear.

[I’m sorry.]

[Not my intention.]

Huh. “Well, clearly. If hurting me had been your intention, I’d been dead by now.”

[Sorry.]

He sighed, then shook the limb, signalling for the Demon King to let go, which he did. Then, figuring that this method of communication would probably resolve things much sooner and thus be worth the additional mental discomfort, You Bingleng held out his hand.

Predictably, the Demon King hesitated, but not for long. Because soon, he reached out to grasp it, then tentatively interlaced their fingers.

“Well,” You Bingleng said, moving the bowl of popcorn onto his own lap for easier access. “Why did you come here anyways?”

For a good moment, there was silence. But then⸺

[I wanted to see you.]

“See me?” he snorted, staring at the commercials now playing on the screen. “What for?”

[I don’t know. Just wanted to.]

Hah. “Well, you see me now. Not an awful lot to look at, don’t you agree?”

[I suppose not.]

“Nothing worth staying for either for that matter.”

[Is that so?]

Hah. “You’ve got your own world, where you belong, and this is mine. Besides, even if your presence would be tolerated here in the longer term, I’m sure you’d hate it here. It’s too loud, too crowded, and too polluted in many ways.”

At this, there was a brief pause; a tentative silence. Then⸺

[And you?]

Hah?

[Do you hate it here?]

Ugh. Honestly⸺ “If I hated it, would I still be living here? I’m a doctor. I could get a position anywhere in the country – anywhere in the world even.”

[Then, are you happy?]

Nosy bastard. “My current life is hardly perfect. However, all in all, I’ve got no greater complaints.”

No greater complaints other than a certain nosy Demon King, that is.

[Are you sure?]

Ugh. Honestly⸺ “Believe whatever you want, but I chose this life for myself. Are we clear?”

The Demon King met his gaze briefly and then promptly averted his eyes, withdrawing the hand as well.

“Good,” You Bingleng said, opening the first of the bottles. “Now that you have your answers, you should focus on recuperating your strength. I only really have one futon, but you’re welcome to use the sofa. It’s honestly not that bad.”

With all due likelihood, the Demon King only understood a fraction of that. But at this point, You Bingleng honestly didn’t care. Instead, he tipped his head back, downing most of the bottle in one go.

 

---

 

Hours later, there was the Demon King, curled up on his sofa in a manner that was distinctly catlike, somehow.

You Bingleng took care not to linger too long however, stepping away as quietly as possible. He didn’t head over to his own futon however. Instead, he moved towards the balcony. He didn’t slide the door open immediately though, and took a moment to simply stare at the being seated upon the railing.

Then, with no small amount of irritation, he stepped forward, pushing the door open to allow it entry – which was more of a formality, really.

“You’re late,” he said. “And you owe me an explanation.”