Natalie

She only wanted to scare her a little, make her think twice about firing any more arrows at Andrew and the others whilst they slept. She thought a tiny display of her power would help her behave. She was subtle… at first. 

Lightning striking twice here. A flash downpour there. She’d summoned purple bolts from the heavens. Making them strike thrice to the far northern horizon. She repeated this to the far south. When Gracie saw them, Natalie then alternated those three strikes in a north-south-north order.

She did unnatural things, impossible things. All to grab the archers’ attention. She could see Gracie's head swivel right and left to her thunderbolts, trying to watch both the south and north at the same time. Natalie could feel the girl was at her wit’s end.

She did not need to be a mind reader (although she tried) to know what was running through the archer’s mind. Without knowing what Natalie was capable of, she’d think that this was all the workings of some benevolent force. Some divine message the cycle itself had ordained for her to observe, an ominous omen of her imminent death.

And she continued playing the role of a cosmic puppet master at Gracie’s expense. When she was ready to strike the message home, to make sure that there was no doubt that what she saw was done by none other but her.

Natalie held out a glowing ball of purple electricity in her hand as she gleaned daggers at her. Her angel eyes on full display. Andrew had once told her eyes had a glowing hue to them. And despite the distance, Natalie prayed that the archers’ sight was as sharp as she claimed. Gracie froze when she turned to her. Natalie smiled. In her effort to drive the point home took it too far by summoning her wings of night.

She just wanted to scare her a little… make her think twice about hurting them as they rest, and failing that… she wanted to draw her ira onto her. If she was still willing to kill them, then she’d hoped that at the very least she’d see her as the biggest threat. And so, when Natalie saw recognition in her posture, and instead of showing fear, she jumped off the farmhouse roof and sprinted towards her with open awe on her face. Natalie blinked. 

“How far can you summon lightning?! Can you reach the village?!” Gracie shouted once within range. Natalie’s mind went blank. Was she worried that she’d destroy her home? Folding her arms to hide her thumping chest, Natalie aimed to leverage this likelihood.

“And what if I could?” she said. 

Before Natalie knew it, Gracie had run over and taken her hand into their own, eyes brimming with frantic hope. 

“I need a favour!” She said, her awed expression threw Natalie through many loops. Snapping out of her stupor, she snatched her hands back before jumping away and getting into an awkward fighting stance. 

“What’s your damage!?” she exclaimed. She was unable to hide her heavy breathing now as her heartbeat shot through the roof. This was not how she imagined things would go. Gracie looked at her sideways. 

“If it’s money you want, then I’m sure that-”

“-That’s not what I meant!” Natalie snapped. “You threaten our lives! And now you suddenly come running over here begging for help?! Who in their right mind does that?!”

“Someone who’s really desperate,” she said. The lack of shame in admitting that to a stranger staggered Natalie. 

“So you’re desperate enough to place your faith in strangers? That’s stupid,”

“It’s about my village,” Gracie said, straightening up. Natalie froze. Recollections of her own village being overrun with demons flashed through her mind, the red sky, the sickening smell of burning flesh, the terror of demons-

“-What’s wrong?” Gracie said, pulling Natalie back to the present. 

How long was I spaced out? Her eyes were watering from failing to blink them for some time. Gracie was looking at her cautiously now. Cursing herself for a fool, Natalie cleared her drying throat and turned from her.  

“That sounds like a you problem,” Natalie’s words were meant to take the wind out of Gracie’s persistence. But she just looked at her nonplused. 

“You don’t think that,” Gracie said, a smile of gratitude appeared on her face. 

“Like you know a single thing about me,” Natalie snapped. Only when the words came out did she realise how stupid she sounded. She was trembling now. She must look crazy. 

“I guess not, but I’m starting to believe that you are the type of person who doesn’t like injustices going unanswered,” Gracie said. Turning back, Natalie remained silent. Looking upon Andrew, Natalie fought to regain control. Andrew’s sound-asleep expression helped level her mood.

“We should have been on the way to Aqua Falls by now.” If the stars of Halo were there, then who knows how long they were present in Andrew’s mother’s home village? They should be dead set on reaching there. And yet…

And yet, he’s willing to stay here and watch over these people…

“You mean him?” Gracie asked, pointing her nose in Andrew’s direction. It was only then that Natalie realised that she said the last part out loud. Pinching her eyes shut, Natalie pushed the issue aside. 

“Well… maybe he’s better off placing his charity elsewhere,” Gracie said. There was a cold undertone to her words. One that pushed Natalie to the edge of her patience. 

This ungrateful louse…

“He’s already doing you a favour despite your threats! To even make demands is-.” 

“-It’s my sister!” Gracie said. Her words hung in the air, giving Natalie time to see the vulnerability on her face. Like exposing a freshly made wound, Gracie hugged her stomach. With her breathing shaky, she stepped back, trying to regain her composure. 

“I don’t care about me, it’s just that something crazy is happening in my village, and I just know that Isabella will somehow find herself in the dead centre of it. I’d go myself, but I’ve promised to protect Chase and... I can’t be in two places at once. So please.”

“No…” Natalie felt the weight of more responsibility falling on her already heavy shoulders, and before she realised it, the word came out. 

“You won’t go unrewarded-I promise! You don’t even need to fight for the village! Just look out for Isabella and I’ll-”

“-I said no!” things became painfully silent then. As Gracie nodded to herself and turned to leave, Natalie’s beating heart eased up. In turn, however, she was left with the guilt of turning her down. Throughout the night, as she sat there keeping watch, it was all that she could think about. It churned in her mind like butter in a barrel. She came up with good reasons at first. Logical reasons. Why should she help them? This was not her fight. They had enough on their plate as is. They needed to stay focused. To force her hand to just deal with their dirty work was out of line. 

But as the night passed, her heart trampled upon every argument she had, every self-made excuse she’d built. She remembered the times when she’d asked for help from grownups. Hunters and knights that she once thought so highly of.

She recalled her plea to help her chase a lead and how they simply turned their backs on them. She remembered a time when a mother was pushed aside, cast off and beaten simply for begging someone to go and try to save their son from a kidnapping.

She saw how the woman was forced to live on the street because everyone was helpful to her until she mentioned wishing to save her son. The cowardice in their eyes whenever she talked about it. She’d sworn to herself that she would never be like them. 

But I’m doing the same right now. That thought clouded her judgement thereafter. By the time she pushed the issue aside, Natalie was bone tired. She fell asleep as soon as Sophie took her post.

With her mind clear by the next morning, Natalie set off to help at the village. For once she wanted to be the change that she felt was lacking in the world, for once she wanted to do some good-to be there for people that the grownups’ had turned a blind eye to. So when she heard from Andrew about who it was that caused all this mess Natalie knew, she was no better than those grown up’s.

“Minda was right… they’ve acted drastically again because of me,” she said, her voice hoarse. “All I wanted to do was to stop them, so why?” falling to her knees, Natalie sobbed. Head bowed to the deck, her eyes grew blurry with tears. The great damn she put on her emotions had crumbled, causing rain to once again fall heavily upon the land. Her chest was tight. Her breathing laboured. In her grief, she felt a comforting hand touch her shoulder. 

“That’s not true,” Andrew said. 

“It’s true!” she turned to look up at Andrew, “I started this fight. I chose to go to the village, and it killed her.” His face held deep remorse. But despite that, his eyes wandered elsewhere. So, even in his sympathy, he couldn’t outright deny the fact that what happened here was partly her fault.

“So you’re trying to tell me that all the bad things in this world that happened to us are because of you?” Shepherd sniffed. “What a load of crap!” 

“Hey!” Andrew snapped at Shepherd, seemingly getting his attention. 

“I don’t fault him,” Shepherd said. Wiping her eyes, Natalie got to her feet.

“We started this war with them when we attacked their base.” 

“It’s a war that they started,” Andrew said. “Or are you going to pretend that you were not taken by them?“ Natalie bowed her head in agreement.

“But even so, it is us who they are after. Why else would they be here?” she sighed.

“I don’t know. Haven’t had time to think. So much going on.”

They must have come for them. It’s what they’d done to bait them into their trap before.

“Seven seems surprised that he ran into me.”

“He could have been lying,“

“Maybe“ Andrew sighed. Eyes darkening, he turned back to her. “He spoke some crap about culling the weak. Whether this was their plan, whether we got here or not, is hard to say. All I can say for certain is, either way, we are lucky we got caught up in this.”

“I don’t like how you are treating us like helpless victims,” Shepherd said. His words felt like a slap on already sour skin. 

“What do you want from me?” Natalie said.

“I want honour for my people, and I want Gracie to be remembered for all the good she’d done for the sake of her sister. I want to look back on this day and be proud of the choices they made. And as much as I understand your plight, to take our hard-fought choices and turn them into your very own personal mistake, it spits in the faces of all the people who sacrificed themselves to protect their home.”

“That’s not true!”

“You see us as nothing more than a bunch of victims, don’t you?” 

“You’re wrong, I…”

“I am thankful that you fought with us, but our people are knights and fighters all. I will not have you turn there will to protect their home into your sin.” mouth turning dry, Natalie stood there pole-axed. He was right. She was trying to find something to pin this aching pain on she had ever since waking up.

Her head throbbed whenever she tried to piece together what it was. A cold feeling in her chest spread down to her core, that feeling of doing something so wrong, so utterly messed up, but having no recollection of what that thing was plagued her. 

“I messed up.” She’d done something she cannot take back-she was sure. But try as she might, she could not put it into words. 

“Get in line,” Shepherd said. “We’ve all messed up. Nobody is perfect, and nobody remembers you for your failures. It’s what we do after we fail that’s important.” 

“Agreed,” Andrew picked up. Natalie saw him standing there looking inwards, his head slowly nodding. “We pitched our tent and rode out the storm that came. We are in too deep for second-guessing. It’s time we get our minds back on the task at hand.”

 As they sailed past Isabella and the group of villagers by the river, Shepherd gave one last passing glance at his people before turning his back to them. 

“If you still wish to do something for Gracie, then why don’t you think about how you will honour who she might have become, instead of who she was already? Cycles know that’s what I’ll be doing.” Climbing down the steps, he made his way back inside the boat. “Now come down and eat before it gets cold,”

She and Andrew spent a few seconds in silence, watching the burning graves begin to sink into the lake before they said anything. 

“You know, I half expected him to be colder,” Andrew said. Natalie nodded. He talked sense, and the fact that she could not get a read on his mind told her that he was a pentagon knight.

My powers…

They have felt… strange ever since she’d woken up. More present, heightened. Like whatever heavenly plain she drew their powers from drew a mile closer to her. Although she felt relieved to have more of a mastery over them, Natalie still could not shake that sinking sensation she felt from within her dream.

It was such a strange feeling. Like getting burned, but having no recollection of when or where it happened. Natalie could not make sense of this feeling. All she knew was that something had turned her longing to recollect her dreams inside out and upside down. If she could live the rest of her life without ever recalling another dream, then...

Yet another thing these powers have stolen from me… That thought darkened her mood.

“Natalie?” Andrew looked at her now, concern filling his features. His worry for her melted her heart. Despite the heavy burden of his mother resting on him, he still had space for her. Had the tables been turned, she’d be too consumed by the goal to even give him the time of day. 

He’s too good for me… He’s done so much for her, and all she does in return is to be a burden. She vowed to put her needs aside and put all her effort into helping Andrew and his mother. The river opened up to the great lake. Natalie recognised it as the battlefield where they fought the Famine Fissure and its horde of demons. It was also where she was knocked into a horrid dream she cannot remember.

“That dream you told me about before, have you remembered anything yet?” she found herself asking. Andrew turned to her with an odd expression. 

“No,” he said. “Why did you ask?” Andrew looked more curious now, but she just shrugged. 

“I don’t know…” she answered honestly. There was something she recalled the stargazer Minda asking. Some of the things she asked her had been swirling around in her mind the more times she thought back on it. Resting her chin on her knees, she looked onwards.

“I just got this feeling,” Natalie expected a dismissive grunt from Andrew, instead Andrew just stood there looking deep within himself. His hand slowly scratched an itch on his back. The scar she gave him long ago. Soon after, he sighed. 

“I know we said that we’ll move on, but I can’t help but feel that I failed her.” Natalie stood up to lean forward on the boat’s railing. She knew Andrew’s feelings about this. She knew the words that he left unsaid. 

“I’m just glad that you didn’t fail your family,” she said.

“What?” 

“I don’t know what I would have done if you’d died,” she said. Andrew blinked a moment before realisation took hold of him. Now he looked more conflicted.

“We spoke about the torture of sitting around and waiting for news of a loved one’s well-being. I suppose the least I can do now is face the answers that await me at the village,” he said. Natalie nodded.

He should not have given his pledge to protect anyone besides his family. Least of all her. There are things more important for him to stake his life on than her. As they came off the lake and sailed down to where the river forked in two directions. Natalie clenched onto the railing at her resolute thought. 

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you finally arrive home?”

“Why I’ll find and protect mum, of course, anything beyond that I’ll worry about after,” he said. Natalie nodded. It was the perfect answer. His mother should be his top priority. But it was not the question Natalie wanted to ask.

She was too scared to ask. The fear of hearing the correct answer would sting her, and the worry of hearing the incorrect answer would infuriate her, left Natalie in a cycle of self-deprecation. 

“From now on, don’t let anything else distract you from that.” 

Least of all me… Her heart ached at the thought, but she did all that she could to keep a neutral face. Yes, she will trade her life to make sure that what happened to Gracie doesn’t happen to him or his mother. And when all is said and done and Andrew chooses to end his journey with her to stay with his mother, she will not stop him.