CHAPTER 010

RESOLUTION 

 

(Yesim's POV)

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Time passed, and he continued to do his thing. First, he shuffled inside the cave, and then inside the yurt. After that, he checked the sacks and the small backpack near the fire.  Then he left the campsite leaving me to my own devices.

 

I stood in front of the campfire and watched the wicked orange-yellow flame for a long time and contemplated the things that happened today. 

 

First, my captive decided to free himself, bested me in unarmed combat if you can count someone unarmed with that coat from Yerlik knows where, and showed the audacity to tie me up like a sacrificial sheep. 

 

'Irony? Definitely!' I thought sighing inside while moving to prevent my legs to go numb.  

 

After that, he loaded me like a beast of burden and force marched for the better part of the day only to decide to attack a camp of dumrul watch. Then just as I thought have seen everything, he armed me, used me as bait, and then armed me more and released me.  In the end, he scared the wits out of me and left me out here all alone and walked towards Kayra knows where. 

 

'Definitely giving mixed signals.' I couldn't but help think while munching the cured cheese of the late dumruls. 'Damn, they were eating better than me, lowly scum.' 

 

All of this happened in less than a day and I nearly died three times during this period of time, all because of my curiosity. Four if I count the fight with the idiot,  so... 

 

'Three it is!'  I decided. Even at its worst, the Coquet didn't make me feel as close to death as the damn thing. 

 

'Nope, not thing Yesim. We have already talked about this. Say uncle till you cross the bridge.' I reprimanded myself inwardly in case he is still listening. After a time my mind started to wander again. 

 

'Alas, I can't be blamed for any of this.' I  thought at last. 

 

It was not even my fault. All of this was happening because of that waste of a man.

 

'What have you released Coquet? Did you even have any idea?' I cursed the damn idiot again. 'Heavens... He can weave erk in cursed lands. Is he really human or a demon in human skin?'

 

There was just too much in my mind to control my thoughts. He was just weaving erk in the bloody cursed lands like any other damned place. 

 

'Obviously, this kind of thing is a blessing, right?' I thought then shuddered. 'Maybe, it is a dark blessing from a goddess of darkness.'

 

No matter how much I think, I was still thinking him as it involuntary. I know he can't be a human but I couldn't think of him as a demon either. Maybe this was the real temptation of the wicked thing. 

 

My gaze drifted to the fire again. The dancing and crackling flames would have been relaxing if only their color was not so... Red? Yellow? Orange?

 

'Even the flame is cursed in this place.' I thought while sighing again. The sun was slowly lowering on the horizon.

 

'Where did he go?' I wondered. 'If not for his damned coat, I would have thought he left me permanently.' Maybe rightfully after that last blunder... 'But there was no reason for him to leave his coat behind if he was going to leave me here, right?' The bloody thing must have its worth in gold after all.

 

Especially a coat that is of such high quality with a coat of arms on it, probably an artifact even. 'I wonder what that symbol means.' I thought while I was gazing at it across the fire like it was some exotic animal. 

 

Well, it wasn't an animal but sure it was exotic. The strings were so thin and the fabric was so densely woven that it was hard to imagine that someone could accomplish something like that.

 

'Erk-woven...' I thought and shuddered again. 'Why am I shuddering this much?'

 

Moreover, the sigil at the back was definitely not mundane. It was not stitched or painted on the fabric. On the contrary, it was like erk was imbued string by string before those strings were woven into the fabric. No commoner could afford something like that.

 

'Is he a noble or something?' I thought in jealousy.  'I would have given my right arm to have something like that.'

 

Just like that, I was dazing off, thinking stupid things again. 'Well, maybe not an arm, but definitely a finger, or maybe not...'

 

'But, for heavens' sake...' What kind of boots were they? I have never seen boots with metal plates. Insoles, caps, counters, heels... Almost half of his boots were made of shiny metal, probably steel. 'Kayra forbid, those parts must have been castle forged.'

 

The other half of his boots were leather... Hard on the outside and soft on the inside and perfect in size... I must admit that I was shameless enough to try the boots of the damned thing while he was still sleeping.

 

Those things were so soft that it was like wearing clouds instead of heavy metal boots. Just how much must that thing have cost? Was the damned man really a noble? 

 

'Definitely a noble.' I decided. There was no other explanation.  'A noble demon then. Great!' At least I didn't shudder this time. I think I was getting used to the insanity of this situation. 

 

The only thing that does not fit was the color of it. No, not just the coat or boots. Everything he wore was in dull colors. Greens, browns, and grays... More like a hunter or a ranger than someone important.

 

Nobles and even rich commoners were known to wear bright colors. It just was the easiest way to underline their social standings. Damn, even impoverished, I too was wearing ivories, sapphires, onyxes, and golds in colors. Not even whites, blues, blacks, or yellows... 

 

But more importantly, the expensive accessories, or expensive or not the lack of any accessories were actually striking. 'Clothes have a function after all, but accessories have not, except underlining social standing.' I thought. Although expensive, even a not-so-rich commoner may have one set of silk garments for special occasions, even as a family heirloom, but no jade bracelets. 

 

Likewise, a nobleman may choose to wear modestly during a long journey or even as a style to underline his warrior nature. But even accessories have no other function than showing social standing and providing additional prestige. No noble men with self-respect would leave home without his prized tapers, after all.

 

In the end, no sane person does carry a jewel worth a fortune if he can't afford to protect it or replace it if lost. So he can't be one of the noble or the rich. But no commoner could afford to wear tailored clothes and boots too, not to mention erk-tailored or castle-forged steel ones. Was he rich then, noble even?

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Everything about him was a mystery. 

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'He left so long ago.' I thought after some time, sighing audibly this time. 'He won't leave me here just by myself without saying anything, right?' Would he, really?

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'Pinhan...' What kind of name was that? Does it have a meaning? I was drifting in thoughts again. 'How much time did pass?'

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Pinhan was a man trained to kill. 'Man? Thing? Man-Thing?' That was obvious from the way he walked, he talked, even from the way he breathed. The efficiency of the way he killed and the lack of emotion after, made me shudder with fear. 'Again!' Everything about him was alien and unknown. He was a man with many secrets.

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'Without a doubt, he is going to be my inevitable doom.' I accepted the very fact readily, too readily even. Then put a little bit more of the stew and continued filling my already full self unnecessarily again.

 

However, there was still more than fear in me. There was curiosity, and that curiosity has already almost killed me, three times actually. 

 

The first one was in the morning when he easily released himself from his bindings and attack me.

 

'Damn! Those tethers were made of silverskin sinews and he tore them like nothing. Even body strengthening type erk users can't do it with that much of an ease.' I thought but then shuddered 'Again!' remembering him groping me to find my own knife and almost stabbing me right in the eye. 

 

The second one was during the early afternoon. Again, he almost stabbed me right in the eye after the fight with dumruls. What was his problem with the eyes anyway? Were they always the first target he went after?

 

'He doesn't fool around ever, doesn't he?' I thought involuntarily. 

 

I shouldn't have tried to follow the damn coat when it started to fly like that, that was obvious.  I couldn't even remember what was I thinking back there. Still, that one was really close and I couldn't help but think 'What would have happened to me if he didn't stop the knife?'

 

Would I just have lost an eye or would it have stabbed through my skull and brain and kill me? Even while just thinking about it, I was sweating coldly.

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'Damn! I am tired of shuddering every damn time I think something about the damned thing.' I cursed inside.

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Still, amongst all of those close calls, the last one was the best, the most hilarious one. 'Did I almost talk myself to death back there?' I thought. Was I really that tired of living?

 

Obviously, that one couldn't be explained simply as curiosity anymore. I acted like someone possessed there. It was almost like a deadly obsession erk.

 

Still, I was alive. 'I have seen people kill for less but he didn't.' I thought involuntarily again. At this point, it was all clear. This was obviously my fortunate encounter. Something that can happen once in a lifetime, and it happened at the perfect moment of my life.

 

Not when I was old and withering. Not even after I completed my pilgrimage and returned to my okul to find myself a mentor or a husband, maybe both, and set a route in life.

 

'No, I happened to find him at the exact moment of the crossroads of my life. Just when I needed a fortunate encounter the most.' I thought while licking the bowl and spoon. The thing was addictive. 

 

"No one can weave erk inside of the cursed lands." I whispered like I was trying to persuade my own self. It was simply impossible because the cursed lands were devoid of erk. A desert if one must define it. But then there was the obvious. He was here and could not only weave it but weave it phenomenally.

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I checked for confirmation again as I did it before at least a dozen times and yet... 'Nope, no erk. Not even a tiny bit.'

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'What was the thing he said?' I thought of his cold voice again and whispered to myself.  “I don’t weave erk, I am erk incarnate!” Proud and arrogant… Damned, shudders...

 

'Still, not without basis.' I gave in. 

 

Those two cravens that I used to call brothers literally sold me. No, not just that. They sold me and then they stole my years worth of savings just to leave me as bait to stall the enemy. 'Maybe they sold me to the Coquet himself, after all.' I thought bitterly. 

 

Still... 'What can I do at this point?' I continued my inner monologue. 'Should I just put my tail between my legs and return to the okul just after leaving?' That was obviously not the answer. How was I going to get a proper master's then? Let alone seeking justice.

 

'Damn!' I cursed again, Yerlik knows how many times today. 'If only Oyku Bilge was willing to accept me...'

 

I could have continued to curse my fate at this point, or simply start to curse anyone and everyone that could have helped but didn't choose to. 'No use to cry over spilled milk.'

 

The choice was obvious, or more like there was no choice. If not going back, I was either going to give up and join the condemned, damning my soul for eternity, or continue striving. The question was, do I strive alone and hope for a miracle or... I use that thing, Pinhan, and create my own miracle. 

 

'Do I even have a choice in this?' I thought involuntarily. 'Would he even let me go at this point? After I have already learned his secret? Definitely not.' So it was either going back to okul to spread my legs like a common whore or risking damnation one way or another. Thus, I decided to change my perspective.

 

'So what if he is really a demon in human skin?' I thought this time. 'Does it really matter at this point?' Whatever he is, he was someone away from home, without anyone or anything to rely upon. No political connections, no okuls, no elders to back him, not even family. For Yaren's sake, he didn’t know what an okul is until this morning. Talk about grapes without stems...

 

'Yes, this is my fortunate encounter or... It must be. Even if it wasn't,  I will make it my fortunate encounter with my own hands.' I decided but there was a problem. How to control someone who has no weaknesses called bonds...

 

'No, don't be a dreamer Yesim.' I reprimanded myself immediately. That was the mistake that Coquet made. 

 

Controlling or coercing was out of the question. But if I could convince him to teach me a few things or even join our school... Maybe even teaching the secret of using Erk in cursed lands? I could have everything I have dreamed of, perhaps even more. Even if not, just the information of someone or something capable of waving erk in cursed lands and his origins was enough of many merits. 

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'Indeed it is. But what can I provide in exchange for his cooperation? My body? Doesn't it what I was striving to avoid all this time?' I continued contemplating.

 

'No, that is not the question. Does my body belong to me at this point considering he didn't use any rights of the winner...' I thought. The interesting thing was, that thought didn't disgust me as I thought it would.  'In the end, even he is a far better choice than any other candidate isn't he?' I laughed bitterly inside with only a smirk betraying in my face. 

 

A perverted old geezer who scams young girls with sweet nothings and promises of apprenticeship? A hideous scum who has nothing but the status of his relatives who changes lovers like changing shirts when he is bored, selling them even? Or a young and charming, or at least seemingly young and charming demon in human skin? He was even more decent in his treatment than the other two. So, which one was better? Damnation of the body or the damnation of the soul? A staff with shit on both ends...

 

'Then you must hold it from the middle, Yesim.' I encouraged myself. 

 

If I choose to follow... No, following was not a choice, if I choose to coerce him, I must be ready to not only be his guide, scout, interpreter but more. So what should I do to make him appreciate and teach me? Should I be his servant or a slave even? Surely he wouldn't take me as a mistress or a wife. 

 

'Do I have the stomach for it?' I thought shuddering again. Not being disgusted with the idea was one thing but being willing to do it was completely another thing. 

 

Still... I was already thinking about the idea to become a mistress of a decent mentor if I couldn’t achieve something significant in this last journey. Not that I would do it. Really! But at least I thought about it. It was not that bad once you accept it as long as the said mentor was not a wrinkled old pervert or a hideous young one. 

 

But this one, Pinhan... He was not even like those wrinkled old men with good hearts and mild temperaments. He was even better than middle-aged women with independent agendas and good connections. He was young, strong, and good-looking. Different, but in a good way. 

 

'So, why shouldn't I do it? Fortune favors the bold, right?' 

 

Alas, I was a fool up to this point. I have almost gotten myself killed, thrice in a day, and the day was not finished yet. 'I should be far more intelligent from now, and cunning even if I want to convince him.' I though decisively. 

 

'I already know that I am living on borrowed time.' I grimaced inside. That was no secret he deemed worthy to keep. 'The only reason that he has not killed me yet is some kind of code of honor that prevents him to harm someone that has shown mercy on him while he was unconscious.' What was the name of it? The Tally? The Tallion? Whatever...

 

'I am sure. The moment I decide to leave him behind would be the moment I die. So, why should he leave me alive while I know that he can weave in the cursed lands? Maybe he would have before, but not after our little talk.'

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While I was contemplating the dusk came, but he did not. I was on the edge, asking questions that has no answers. 'Where did he go? Did he really leave me because of my earlier behavior? Isn't it better than being killed to be left for dead?'

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Apparently, it wasn't. Without even spending a day together, he had already become my best bargain in this damned place if I want to achieve anything significant. Thus, 'I should find a way to make up for him.' I thought. But, 'What can I do?' was the biggest question. Then I remembered. He didn't have dinner yet? Maybe I could prepare something for him to get in his good graces? 

 

'Like a proper apprentice would do for her master?' I thought and then decided. 

 

'Yes! Better start acting like one if you ever hope to be considered as one. Even if he doesn't want to teach me anything, he would be less inclined to kill someone who served him or better yet, continuously serve him bread and salt than some freeloader, right?' What was it like? The ritual he did for his lunch?

 

'Clean it with water? Rub with your fingernails? Heat the insides of it on fire? Then add the stew and boil it? What about the water? He boiled it too, right?' I started crudely imitating his actions. 'Why was all this solicitude? Is there a meaning of these or are they whims of the strong?' I kept complaining while doing everything.

 

I continued planning my next move while preparing his dinner and boiling his water. The worst thing was his mind-reading stuff. I still didn't know if he can still hear or affect me from wherever he is. Which made me extremely wary of him. 

 

In the end, was it even possible to convince him when he, obviously, could read my purposes like an open book? And that thought rang bells in my head.

 

'Yes!' I almost screamed. 'An open book... I must be an open book, precise with my wants and needs, and then hope for the best. Although I can bargain with him, why should he comply, right? He can always find someone like me, but is there anyone or anything like him? It?'

 

Thus, the answer was obvious. If I can’t leave him, then I must somehow be irreplaceable to him. Slave if need be but an irreplaceable one... 

 

'But, what should I do to make him reveal his secrets?' I asked myself, dazing into the wicked flames again.

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Sometimes life was ironic in funny ways.

 

'Do I even want to leave him at this point?' I thought, but there was no answer to that question.