When we had been summoned to rise by the bell the next morning and then were later gathered in the chapel for Lauds, I could vividly see the tension with which the women carried themselves. Everyone was waiting for another bomb to go off, every step – a potential trigger for disaster. Even the prayer did not sound so uplifting as it normally would, sung in voices unsure and shaky. I kept hearing feed me while we prayed but tried to ignore it, though it seemed to become more persistent, louder and more tangible. And every time I heard it echoing in my head, I grew more stressed and agitated. I am not crazy, I mouthed my mantra. I am not crazy.
I forgot to mention that it was a Sunday, which meant – a mass. Several, actually. The first sororal mass, that is, to sanctify the day, took place at 7 a.m. right after breakfast which I had barely touched for all I had focused on was a nagging feed me. Then the second public one happened 2 hours later, and the third one at 10:30 a.m. The last mass was quite big and crowded, as not only the locals but tourists showed up, for experience more than for worship. We welcomed them all. And of course the nuns seemed worried. What if this time, god forbid, the building collapsed with all the people inside? Different scenarios came to mind, one scarier than the other. The sisters kept casting their anxieties on Christ.
I remember I sat in the back pew together with Valeria and Dominique when the last mass had begun. The priest, clothed in stunning ivory vestment, blessed the congregation and went on with the Liturgy of the Word – Acts 15:1-6, something about circumcision, something I hardly paid attention to. His manner of delivery was passionate, vowels prolonged to accentuate the meaning behind the words. It made his turbulent, emphatic voice bounce through every wall in the chapel, starting from where he stood, which was the altar, and ending right where I was, which was near the entrance.
Feed me, I heard his voice bounce.
I squeezed my fingers into fists, heart pounding with irritation. Did he actually say it? I glared at the priest so hard that if my eyes could shoot laser they’d burn a hole in the man’s head. Did he?
“You okay?” I heard Valeria murmur.
I glared at her instead.
“…remains in me will bear much fruit–” the priest stretched.
“No, I’m not okay. I–” I lowered my voice to whisper, “keep hearing this, feed me, feed me, feed me. I mean constant–”
“I am the vine, you are the branches,” the priest’s sharp preaching made me wince. I exhaled.
“It’s driving me crazy!” I hissed.
Valeria frowned, whispered back, “Feed me? What the hell is ‘feed me?’”
I shrugged. “No. Idea.”
“When do you hear that?”
“Like, always–”
Feed me!
“There!”
I might have said it a bit too loudly: several people turned their heads and the priest halted momentarily. Both Valeria and I turtled our necks into shoulders and sank deeper on the bench.
“Did you hear it?” I gaped at Val hopefully, but she only shook her head no, staring at me like I grew five heads.
“No?” I mouthed, disappointed. More like pissed. I was getting very, very exasperated.
“Er…no…?” She mouthed back, brow raised quizzically. “Are you sure you’re not…um… ” Her finger twisted slowly near her temple. I instantly felt the need to punch her in the throat.
“No-o-o-o!” I mouthed, stretching inaudible vowels like that obnoxious priest. “I’m serious!”
“…will gather them and throw them into a fi-i-i-ire and they wi-i-i-i-ill be burned.”
Feed me.
Valeria kept on staring at me like I was demented. Her face told me that she wasn’t taking me seriously and evidently this conversation would go nowhere. I decided to close it.
“You know what? I’m just tired,” I waved off.
“I would think so.”
Feed me.
Get lost. I barked internally, something only a crazy person would do.
I kept on rehearsing my mantra while the mass went on, for 1.5 hours. Then we were to help with the passing of sacramental breads. If you ever went to church then you know how it goes. You come up to a clergy with a Ciborium bowl of hosts and receive yours to a bow or a kiss. That mass I was to offer consecrated hosts to the congregation. So now I stood with my bowl and watched how the crowd broke down into three lines. Maybe it was because I was starving for not eating my breakfast, or because I was exasperated for hearing stuff, but my line seemed never-ending. And each person took his sweet time to trail over to me. I absolutely hated it.
“Body of Christ.” I stretched a wafer to a grandpa who – no kidding – looked like he was about to expire right there right that moment.
“Amen,” he wheezed, accepting his blessing. I watched him merge his emaciated body into the fourth “exit” line.
Another person approached, another body of Christ. Another Amen. Then another person, and another. And another. And another. And so on and so forth. Then a mother with a kid approached. The woman let go off her daughter and stepped up to receive her blessing.
“Body of Christ.”
“Amen.”
She beckoned to the little girl. The latter neared timidly.
“Body of Christ–”
“Feed me!” She barked.
I vividly felt the last fiber of my patience break.
“Screw you! Starve!” I snapped at the baby face in front of me, heart racing like Alfa Romeo at formula-1.
The mother quickly withdrew her child away, watching me – like every other person – with bewilderment and dismay. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“What!” I snapped again, snapped like that last fiber of patience.
“Hey, hey, Eve, it’s alright,” Valeria murmured as she simultaneously apologized to the mother of the child that sobbed into her mother’s stomach. Sister Catherine approached us hastily.
“What’s going on here?”
“Nothing, sister,” answered Val, pulling me by the sleeve away from the crowd that was slowly forming around us. “She’s just stressed. I’ll take her outside to get some air.”
The nun gave me a sharp look. “Please do.”
We were out in an instant, made our way to the back of the building where, instead of the bright green fields and brilliant blue sky, stretched snow-white flatness and still whiter heaven. It was so white it was horizonless. Even the air felt white, that is, washed of all dirt and now – crisp and pristine. I only had to take one deep breath to clear my head of nasty fog that polluted it. It sobered me up. Then I stared at the blanch unending view before me before Valeria blocked it with her disquieted countenance.
“Are you with me?”
I stared at her, exhaled gravely. “Yeah.”
“What was that about?”
“What?”
“That. You know what.”
“I told you, I keep hearing shit…”
“What shit. Eve.”
“Feed me.” I rubbed my forehead.
“Feed me…da’ fuck.” She muttered under her breath. “Why did you yell at the kid?”
“She said ‘feed me’.”
“No, Eve. She said ‘amen’.”
“How do you know what the fuck she said?”
“I fucking stood next to you, hello-o-o.”
“Well then, you heard wrong.” My temples began to throb.
“I heard what I heard. A clear amen.”
“So did I! She said feed me, goddamnit!” My voice raised to the level of scarce birds flying above us.
“Shhhhh!” Val’s eyes went alarmingly round and brows furrowed angrily as she hissed at me. “Calm down! Shit! What is wrong withchu?!”
Those were not the words I wanted to hear from my friend, because the truth was that I did not want to be calm. I wanted to be right. I needed to be right. Because if not, the only other option for me was to be mad. And I was not about to lose my sanity in a fucking monastery.
“You think I’m crazy? Think I’m coo-coo?”
Valeria only stared at me pitifully. Then her face relaxed. It was an understanding face. “I think you’re stressed. I get it. We all are. Girl––come here.” She pulled me into a hug; her lips ever so softly grazed against my ear as she added, “Feed me.”
My body went cold and rigid, not because her voice whispered those words, sharp and clear, but because of what suddenly flashed before my eyes: everything. I remembered everything I had done three days prior to the disasters that had hit us. It was like my head were my cell and a light switch had turned “on” at last to illuminate the whole picture. That night. That stupid ritual. That entity. Its horrible voice. What have I done! The memory of those blinding eyes was so transparent that I felt my eyes water. I squeezed them shut and took another cold deep breath, as deep as I could, to actually calm down. Val pulled me away.
“Hey-y-y-y…I only said the truth. I love you, boo.” She smiled. “You know I’m on your side, always will be. Come on, let’s get back before we freeze our pretty asses off. You should rest, chill for a while. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the abbess.”
I wiped my messy face and followed her like a lost, frightened child. Inside of me – nauseating, rising fear.
No, Val, you did not say, I love you. You said, feed me.
†††
I went to the abbess right after Valeria had escorted me back to my room. I felt I had to explain myself.
“Forgive me, reverend mother. I do not know what had gotten into me. It must be all the stress.”
“God alone knows what truly drives us,” she replied. “Our job is to listen to Him, and learn.”
“Yes, reverend mother.”
“Exercise temperance, dear.”
“Yes, reverend mother.”
The abbess gave me a warm smile. Sister Evelyn. She was a mellow woman with a gentle elderly voice. Did I mention it already? Besides, her appearance with those big ol’ glasses resembled an owl. A wise, harmless owl. She seemed omniscient. No wonder she wanted the archbishop’s blessing. It’s like she knew there was something evil roving around.
“May I ask if you heard from sister Rosalyn?”
“Why yes, I have.”
“When will she be coming?”
“I believe Thursday. Saturday the latest.”
“This coming week?”
“Yes.”
“And the archbishop?”
“They will arrive together.”
“To bless the monastery?”
“Yes, dear.”
“That is good news,” I remarked, my ceaseless fear vanishing momentarily. But I only had to think of the glowing eyes and my scalp prickled. It was all my fault. I had made this mess. I was the one to fuck around with spells and herbs, stupid enough to conjure a spirit I had no knowledge of. And I had this gut feeling that no amount of archbishops and blessings would undo the damage I had done. I needed to fix this shit myself.
“Reverend mother, I may need your permission to go to town.”
†††
I went alone. I told the abbess that the kitchen was running low on herbs and spices, something sisters Sarah, Nancy and Elizabeth needed to boost their immune system. I also suggested on getting gelatin powder for the elderly nuns to support their stiff joints. The past three days had taken a toll on the women, I told her, and it distressed me greatly; owl Evelyn had bought it. In reality however, the wellbeing of the grandmas and the three coughing sickos hardly bothered me as I was focused on eliminating the wicked thing which was clearly threatening the wellbeing of the entire community, old and young included.
It was evident, I didn’t know what spirit I was dealing with, and it was evident I had to try and gather as much information about it as I could in order to wipe it out. And since the abbess had granted me only two hours outside, I had to compile my fiend’s portfolio as quickly as I could. My first thought was to find a bookstore, but when I stumbled upon one, it was closed. The store’s operating hours were shorter on Sundays. I was fifteen minutes too late. Disappointed, I had to think of a different resource as I walked farther down the street. After several minutes I slowed down. Across the road stood two petite side-by-side establishments, a coffee shop and an internet café. I waited for the red light to turn on.
Inside of the internet café was quite empty, except for three persons: a middle aged man with a killer-on-the-loose newspaper, a skinny-bones lad with messy hair, and a teenage girl in huge headphones, ripped jeans, Metallica T-shirt and bubble gum popping every two seconds. And then there was me. A nun. The bubblegum girl stared at me with a curiously arched kohl brow. I stared back, managed a thin smile, looked away. What in the world am I doing here…I gave myself a mental slap in the face.
“May I help you?” I heard someone drawl a question. It took me a minute to realize the voice was addressing me.
“Ah, yes, please.” I inched closer to the nerd-looking guy with an undeveloped beard who hunched over the cashier desk. His name badge said “Noah”. We seemed to be the same age, though I wasn’t really sure. “Would you by chance have a spot available for one hour?”
The geek waved sluggishly towards fourteen vacant booths. “Sure, help yourself.”
“Thank you,” I replied and retired towards the very back of the room were no one could see me google paganistic definitions. Once I flopped on the chair, however, I had no idea where to start, or how to start…a computer, for instance. Let’s not forget, I never had a computer, or any gadget for that matter (besides Val’s smuggled iPhone). Let’s not forget – good christian girls don’t use technology. They use books. One book. Bible. The universal Truth. And they usually ask God for help, not online research engines. I waved at Noah. “Excuse me?”
The guy turned his head as slowly as a sloth, shuffled to me even slower.
“What’s up?”
“I–er–Would you be so kind to help me turn it on?” I felt ancient and the need to justify my technological illiteracy. “It’s been a long time.”
“Go-o-o-t it,” stretched Noah tonelessly. With a placid expression he pressed a button at the bottom of the computer on and began to impatiently drum his fingers against the desk in anticipation for the screen to wake up. It didn’t. He looked over at the router. Pressed another button. Nothing. “Da’ hell?” I heard him mutter. He tweaked something, waited some more. Nothing. “Come on, wake up, you old thing.” I wondered if he perceived me the same way. When nothing happened again, he pressed the button for longer and softly banged the top of the computer with his fist. It turned on. “Yep. Works every time.” He smirked, more to himself, as he straightened himself upright. “Here ya’ go. This one lags quite a bit. If you want faster speed, there is number seven over there.”
I glanced at the booth labeled “➐” that was situated in the middle of the room. No, I’d be too exposed, I thought.
“Thank you very much,” I smiled my polite smile, “but I am fine with this one. I just need to look up one thing.”
He shrugged. “A’ight ma’am. I’m at the front if you need any assistance.”
“Perfect, thank you.”
The geek shuffled away. I breathed out.
Now, let’s see. What do we have here.
My fingers covered a big mouse with a roller at the top. Click. Click. Slide. Click. The browser unfolded. Before me, Google search bar. My fingers went from the mouse to the keyboard. I was surprised at how loudly it sounded when I punched on the key. Tap. Tap. Tap. Space. Tap. Space! Tap! Tap-tap-tap-tap! Space!!!
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭
A bunch of websites, Ad. suggestions and related searches popped up. I checked out several links, a few forums, Q&As from strangers with queer nicknames. Everything and everyone gave identical replies put in different words. Holy water. Prayer. Sage. A second seance to ask the spirit to leave. Well, I thought, this looked like the archbishop’s job. But for now it wasn’t…it. I reworded my request.
𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭?
Nothing useful came up. In general, the links I visited only spoke of ‘being careful’ and then referred to ‘top 10 steps you should take in case you’re not careful’ which were redirected back to holy water, sage, prayers, and a proper ‘farewell’.
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭
One of the Q&A forums had some interesting info.
𝑃𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑦/𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Q: How do I know if the spirit is evil?
I was trying out a spell and it looks like it worked. I think I’ve summoned something. Not sure if its good or bad??
[deleted] 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
If it scares or harms you in any way, it’s definitely evil.
Baron_Tint 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Has it spoken to you? Did you talk back to it? Don’t do it! It’s bad luck.
↱𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝐵𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑛_𝑇𝑖𝑛𝑡
Quincy/sorratto 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
I kinda asked if it was there? Does this count as talking to it? Never heard a reply but I constantly hear weird noises and it gives me nightmares. What do I do to get rid of it?
ChiChakra 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Please follow the link to purchase my Healing Energy Kit which includes a limited edition evil eye bracelet,100% pure lavender oil, premium quality white sage bundle and a Russian shungite stone. http://www.chichakra.com
[deleted] 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Not much, buddy. Ur in deep shit.
At least now I had a rough idea of were I was – in deep shit. I scrolled down to stumble on another desperate cry of the same user.
Quincy/sorratto 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Please, anyone, I need help ASAP. My cat is going nuts! I think it senses it. It scares me! Please what do I do? How do I get this thing out of my house?
four_by_four 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Don’t fuck with spirits lol
purple_runner20 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Identify the entity first.
↱𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑙𝑒_𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟20
Quincy/sorratto 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
How?!
↱𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑄𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑦/𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜
purple_runner20 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
What was your ritual about?
↱𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑙𝑒_𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟20
Quincy/sorratto 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
I don’t really remember. Something for prosperity to a hindu deity.
↱𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑄𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑦/𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜
purple_runner20 2 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜
Do you remember its name?
“A name!” I yelled excitedly.
The bubblegum girl who had goggled at me earlier goggled at me again. Without a back thought I closed down the page and went bad to the search bar.
Now, what was it?
That was the only thing I could not remember. I thought hard. You may call me–what? My fists softly banged against my head. You may call me–you may call me–I could only recall that it was something ancient. Something long. Something that started with an...A.
𝐀𝐬𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬
𝐈𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡
𝐀𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐧
Nothing.
𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐢𝐬
Nothing. I tried several more names that I thought sounded familiar, manipulated them so and so. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐑𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐥
What came up was: Demons – the antipodes of angels.
𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐮𝐬
The page started lagging. I hopelessly watched the rainbow circle as it took its time to rotate. “God, come on. Work.”
The page refreshed.
𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧: Asmodeus
My jaw dropped. This was the name. With nervous excitement and shaky fingers I punched in, who is Asmodeus? I clicked on the top link and was momentarily redirected to a Gothic-themed platform adorned by the dark pentagrammic artwork. A large bright image of a monster with a cock leg, a serpent tail and three heads – a man, a sheep and a bull, crowned the page. Underneath the picture: Asmodeus. I began to study the creature with accelerating heartbeat.
𖤐 One of the Seven Princes of Hell commanding 72-legions.
𖤐 Greatest Devil.
𖤐 Lord of the Nine Hells.
𖤐 King of Lust.
𖤐 The third face of Darkness.
𖤐 Patron of dissipation and terror.
𖤐 Guardian of the hidden treasures and custodian of secrets.
𖤐 Incites gambling and sexual desires.
𖤐 Able to grant the power of invisibility.
𖤐 Reputed for teaching geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and the mechanical arts.
𖤐 The Demon of Destruction.
Click. Scroll. Scroll. Scroll…
The article seemed endless, with plenty of literature about the demon. Besides the Bible – how did I miss him? – his name featured in the Book of Tobit (400 AD), where Asmodeus appears as an evil spirit, kills husbands of some Sarah chick, and is driven away by the Angel Raphael. That is besides Talmud, the Malleus Maleficarum, the Dictionnaire Infernal, The Magus, the Kabbalah, the Quran, and the Vedas. Further down, a bit about its preferences. Loves sexual satisfaction, fullness, praise, recognition, clear intent, sacrificial energy. Hates unintended disturbance, sheatfish, water and birds as those remind him of God. Prefers a host communication.
Scroll. Scroll. Scroll.
Finally, the step-by-step guide on how to connect with the demon. The ritual made me hysterical.
𝕃𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕓𝕦𝕥𝕖𝕤:
Salt. Mint. 3 large candles. Red color of any form and shape to ignite passion. A wand. The sigil of Asmodeus. Headphones for binaural sounds to clear out mental chatter or otherwise quiet space. The summoning prayer. An article of sacral offering.
𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕡𝕤:
Assemble a triangular altar using the aforementioned attributes. Light the candles. Meditate on your request, and then delineate the sigil of Asmodeus using the wand. Call upon the spirit with intention.
𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕚𝕟𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕣:
“The seance must be performed with a clear motive, and as with all spirits, Asmodeus must be addressed with high respect and gratitude. Failure to present sacral gratification, or the inability to construct the question for which the spirit is conjured may anger it and lead to serious consequences such as illness, immediate harm to an inquirer or his/her environment, self-possession, death.”
I could not believe how precisely I fucked up.
“Genevieve, you are an astronomical idiot…” I muttered through utter shock.
There was a soft rustle behind my back. I slowly turned around to find a boy of no more than thirteen years of age sitting on the opposite booth’s chair with a half-eaten candy bar in his hand. He just gawked at me, mesmerized. I could only imagine what it looked like to him, seeing a nun googling satanism in an internet cafe. Then I saw what really mesmerized him, the gothic screen behind me. He got up from his spot and inched towards me, goggling at the gruesome artwork of the beast. Then he stared at me, and I at him. Then we both gaped at the screen.
“What the hell’s that?” The boy asked with mounting interest in a thin boyish voice.
“Asmodeus,” I enunciated. “And I need him back in hell.”
