Chapter 46 – The Shadow Behind
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The Shadow Behind

Karl didn’t return to his hotel. He walked around the city even if it was late at night. It was then that he spotted a baroque church that had a nun ringing a bell in the middle of the night. He saw an image of the holy patron of the church of Jove.

The Lady of Jove, Heavenly Mother of Life and Love.

“Good morning, Sir. Would you like to donate?”

Karl reached out to his pockets and donated fifty notes to the pot. The sister smiled kindly.

“Thank you good, Sir.”

“It’s a pleasure, Sister.”

Karl was about to walk when the Sister stopped him.

“Pardon me, good Sir. But are you alright?”

“I am.”

“You can always talk to a stranger, Mr?”

“I am Dr. Karl Von Alden.”

“Oh, a good Doctor,” the sister smiled. “Please Dr. Alden. Allow me to hear your wounds. I am Sister Ada.”

Karl hesitated. But the image of a kind-sounding sister was like a chime of a bell. Karl twisted on the bench and sat alongside the sister. He still smelled like medicine and blood. It was probably why the Sister believed him.

“It’s already late at night, Sister. Why are you still around?”

“I was hoping to get some donations. The orphans in Mano Street are really hungry. Well, you know how it is.”

“No, I don’t, Sister,” Karl said with his head down. “I found out today that despite fighting in the war and thinking to myself that I am good enough. Heavens had slapped me for my arrogance.”

“Only God could possibly be able to see it all, Dr. Alden.”

“I just thought it would be far kinder. After so much tragedy, there are still a lot of things to do.”

“Happiness and Sadness… are partners in life, Dr. Alden. Life is hard, but when does it truly start to be easy? To live is to struggle. There are times where I too myself feel so lost. If anything,” she smiled at him. “It is because this is life that we can only move forward. The kids in the orphanage. They are young. They are also curious. My poor heart would ache when they think of their parents. What can this sister do? Nonetheless, kids are smarter than they look. And I heard them say that even if they feel bad. They can’t show it to the big sisters and brothers in the orphanage. So I was hoping that I could at least buy something for them. But then I meet you good Doctor!”

The Sister laughed. “Whether God or fate brought you. I am grateful nonetheless. The children can eat well tomorrow!”

“You’re exaggerating, Sister. If anything I just didn’t think of anything. I just thought of dropping money.”

“Even if you thought nothing of it. It means that there is goodness in your heart, Dr. Alden. I can tell that you have fought in the war. I lost my husband in a much earlier war.”

She sighed with melancholy. “I thought of being lost as well. I have done bad things, Dr. Alden. I am not proud of them. Nonetheless, I am still here. Still fighting the good fight!”

She raised her hand in cheer. Karl found the Sister silly. Karl relaxed however. Strangers made it easy for others to talk.

“Sister, I was an orphan too, you know? My old man picked me up after my ma and pa died. Back then, I always saw memories. Once I saw myself as a wandering knight in a pilgrimage, ever-having a courage that wouldn’t lose out. Then later on I dreamed of myself as a courageous hero trying to be so stupidly competent that it broke the woman’s heart. It was a strange dream, Sister.  So strange that I thought to myself that I must be so scared that I started to have such clear and realistic dreams. Haha, I have always been unnaturally strong so those songs gave me courage. The thing is, that no matter how strong, I wanted to be,” he pointed at his chest and then tapped his head twice. “I can’t be just cool.”

“You are a kind man, Dr. Alden. A lost, but kind man.”

“Sister, no need to flatter me.”

“Let me guess. Dr. Alden is saddened by your brothers? Silly Doctor, I’ve been around the city, and I wouldn’t easily forget the familiar smell that you have. You must have been to the Veterans Hospital,” she showed her badge hidden under her habit. It was a bluebird with a wheat straw.

“So Sister must have quite a story to tell.”

“A woman can love a single man in her lifetime. Besides, I choose this path myself. I can see through your bearing, Doctor Alden. You know that you still have that rage in you. That shadow that would love to just let you lose control. I’ve seen it so many times, but yours is rather tamed, so docile, and yet so saddened. It feels like it has already aged.”

“Hah, Sister, are you sure you should say this?”

“Why not? Once upon a time, they said that the world was formed because of a spark. Whether it was natural or whether it was God. It was because of this that the world formed and life spread all over the world. In the Antediluvian Age, they say there was a great change, and an event caused the world to lose its spark. The spark gives life, and it also takes away. So, it’s not that grand of me to speak of such supernatural things. Though truly, it is because of how tame it is. Doctor Von Alden. You are divided by the soldier and the doctor. Who are you? Are you The Soldier? The Doctor? Or the Mister who, because he thought nothing, donated to a Sister?”

“I guess I’m just me, Sister. A mindless fool who’d just do his own thing without knowing what he truly wants.”

Karl leaned his elbows on his thighs. “Guess, even a Sister like yourself could see through my mind so easily.”

“Oh, you overestimate me. It’s just that… let’s say that sometimes you just meet a lot of people that have the same shadows around them. They are lost in their shadows, unable to discern who they are. You are a kind man, Dr. Alden.”

“I’m far from being kind. Nonetheless, I appreciate that the Sister is giving me help after a donation.”

Karl jested. The Sister took no offense and then turned her eyes to the noisiness near the church. Karl spotted a few kids trying to sneak, but met eyes with the Sister. She stood up.

“Silly kids, I must scold them.”

“Sister, please let me check on the children.”

“I think you need rest, Doctor.”

“No, please, I implore you to check on their health.”

The Sister frowned at her before smiling and leading the way. How could she refuse when the Doctor insisted? The children did expect to be scolded. Who knew that it was far worse? They saw a smelly man and then asked them to form a line. Kids were naturally afraid of Doctors and Dentists.

Some started crying, thinking that the Doctor was going to pinch them. Nonetheless, Karl asked simple questions while consulting his pocket book. He asked them to open their mouths, and then checked on their skin. They didn’t have a weighing scale so Karl noted down their rough estimates down in his notes. The Sister was rather worried about how thorough Karl was.

After the rough checkup. Karl told the little kiddos to sleep while quietly leaving their room. They all shared an entire room with rows of beds. Some of the children were bedmates. Truthfully, the state of the orphanage was rather clean. Nonetheless, it was still an environment that needed to nurture children. The boys and girls were separated and the building complex was made to accommodate the kiddos. The bigger kids used the attic and were rather mature compared to the kiddos he had examined. Karl also noticed that some of them were clearly working.

It was already late at night so the Sister invited Karl to drink coffee. She also asked one of the brothers in the church to give Karl a ride to his hotel. As the brother prepared the horses. Karl talked to the Sister about their health. Most of them were malnourished, underweight, and some have signs of illness. Karl recommended medicine and at the same time handed the money.

“No. How could we dare to accept your money?”

“This is for my silliness, Sister.  Please, I insist that you take this and get them some medicine. Besides, this is for my own self-satisfaction.”

Karl bid a silent goodbye and joined the priest-in-training brother in the wagon. Karl’s face was still half crumpled. As the wagon left the vicinity of the church. Karl stared at the moon shining silver light on the sett road.

He laughed to himself, before choosing.

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