Shan

 

I pick myself up off the ground apparently unhurt, though everything’s silent.  Stones are falling all around, bodies are lying on the ground, people are rushing towards me, their faces horrified.  I try to tell them I’m all right, but they don’t seem to hear, they run straight past me.

 Everything‘s in confusion, but there’s one thought in my mind.  I’ve got to find Jinhai.  So I start to walk away from the Palace and somehow find myself out in the city, though I don’t recognize the streets.  I still can’t hear anything, the result of the explosion, I suppose.  I need to get to the Pavilion, but I don’t remember exactly where it is.  I try to stop a passer-by to ask, but he doesn’t seem to hear my question, so I just keep walking.  And then unexpectedly I’m right there, in Yuan Song’s courtyard, though I don’t remember how I got there.

 Jinhai’s sitting on the veranda with a book in his hand.  He’s dressed in the green robe he was wearing on our first night together and his hair’s long as it was back then, down to his waist.  But surely that robe was left behind in Qiu City all those months ago?  And isn’t Jinhai’s hair shorter now?  He’s surrounded by flowers, but I don’t remember seeing flowers when I was here before.

 He looks up, sees me, and gives that smile which strikes straight to my heart.  Putting his book down, he says, “You’re too early.  We have a long time ahead of us.  Go back.  I’ll be waiting.”

Then suddenly the bright scene disappears, everything goes dark and sound crashes in on me.  Far away I think I can hear familiar voices.  I’m conscious of pain.  Closer to me, somebody says, “Ah-Shan, can you hear me?”

I struggle to open my eyes, succeed with a huge effort and see Liang Zhou’s familiar face hovering above me, illuminated by candle-light.

“Jinhai,” I croak, dazed.  My own voice sounds very far away.

“He’s gone out.  He’ll be back soon.  Gods above, we were worried about you.”

“How - long…?”

“Two days.”

I try to gather my scattered thoughts.  My mouth’s dry and stiff, but I manage to gasp out, “What - happened?  Everyone - all right?”

“More or less.  You were lucky.  There was blasting powder in the cellar of the tower and something set it off, they think maybe a fire-arrow.  The blast threw the four of you into the Palace flower-beds, so your fall was broken by the bushes.  Duan Bai has a broken arm and a wound in his leg, Kong Guanyu broke his nose and Shao Ru’s deaf, though we’re hoping he’ll get some hearing back.”

Relief sweeps over me like a hot wind.  We all made it.  Everyone’s alive. 

Liang Zhou takes my good wrist to feel the pulse.  “Pain anywhere?”

“Every - where.”

“How’s your hearing?”

“Right - side - not so good.”

“That should improve.  You dislocated your right shoulder and broke your wrist.  And you’re covered in cuts and bruises, like the others.”

I struggle to sit up, but I’m too feeble and need Liang Zhou’s help.  I feel hot and sticky.  My right wrist’s splinted and there are strappings on my right shoulder and across my chest under my sleeping-robe.  My head’s ringing like a temple bell.  There’s a terrible taste in my mouth.

Outside, we hear Madam Liang calling Jinhai’s name.  Then there’s a quick flurry of movement at the door and suddenly he’s there.  I try to reach out my arms and can’t, but before I know it, he’s got me in his embrace and my face is pressed against his chest.  I can feel his heart beating like a drum.  My left arm’s round his waist, clutching as if I’ll never let him go.  He’s murmuring my name, his fingers are in my hair, his cheek against my head.  I feel limp with sheer relief, with love, with longing.

“Dear heart,” he says in a whisper, “You’re awake, you’re safe.”

“Saw - you…” I whisper back.

“Where?”

“Pavilion.  You said - to go back.”

“Very sensible of me,” he says with a little laugh, but his eyelashes are wet with tears.  “I told you I’d be waiting.”

We cling together for a long while and it's only with reluctance that we let each other go.  He helps me lean back on the pillows again.  Liang Zhou, tactfully, has disappeared

“Need – water,” I croak.

He reaches for the jug and cup on the table by the bed.  One cup isn’t enough.  I drink three, and then one more.  My headache lessens a little.  I no longer feel that my mouth’s full of sand.

“Need anything else?” Jinhai asks.

With my good hand, I clutch his robe.  “You.”

His heart-melting smile appears.  “Apart from me?”

The words are coming very slowly, but at least they’re coming.  “Head – aches.”

“I’ll get Liang Zhou.”

I think, Crap, another stinky potion, and I’m right.  But first they wash me, massage my stiff legs and change my sleeping-robe and quilts for warm fresh ones.  The inevitable broth appears and Jinhai settles down next to my bed with the bowl and spoon.  As I drink obediently, I have plenty of time to look at him.  The signs of worry and sleeplessness are there like bruises under his eyes.  I reach out painfully with my good hand to touch his face and he takes my hand and kisses the palm.  No words are needed.

Then comes the stinky potion.  I don’t want to sleep, I want to stay awake looking at Jinhai, but I’m in no fit state to argue with Ah-Zhou.  As they settle me down, Jinhai says, “I’ll be here all night.  If you need anything, ring this bell.”  A small hand-bell is placed within my reach.  I’m still trying to say that I won’t need it when sleep overcomes me again.

It’s daylight when I wake again, with a vivid sense of relief at finding myself still alive.  Jinhai’s asleep in his quilts by the bed.  Not wanting to disturb him, I reach out to the cup of water on the table by the bed and, infuriatingly, only manage to knock it over.  Jinhai stirs and sits up, rubbing his eyes.  “Let me do that.”

“Sorry.  I hate being so fucking helpless!”

He grins.  “Ah, your voice is back.  Hold on.  I’ll sort you out.”

He sees to my various bodily needs and helps me lie back on the pillows.  My headache has retreated considerably, but instead I’m now feeling the pain from the other injuries.  “Oh Gods, everything hurts like hell,” I say, wincing.  It’s a lot easier to talk today, though words are still slow.

“Not surprising.  It was a huge explosion.  A terrible accident.”

“Not an accident.  Xu Yating’s last gesture of defiance.” 

“Hah!” he says.  Then, his voice bitter, he adds, “She was never going to go quietly.”

“Luckily for us, she couldn’t resist gloating.  We just about had time to get out.  How are Shao Ru and the others?”

“Duan Bai’s much better.  Yuan Song’s looking after him.  Shao Ru’s pretending he’s fine and Kong Guanyu’s in hiding because he’s embarrassed about his black eyes.”

I try to laugh, but it comes out as a grunting cough.

“Third Brother’s been here to visit you.  Or, I should say, the Emperor.”

“They’ve proclaimed him Emperor?”

“Day before yesterday.  You’ve missed a lot.  He and I had a talk yesterday.  About my future.”

“What did he say?”

“He agreed to everything I wanted.  I’m no longer an Imperial Prince, just plain Young Master Zhao.  Both my parents’ families and Yuan Song’s family will be rehabilitated and compensated.  Everyone who helped us will be rewarded.”

I take his hand and hold it to my battered face.  “I’m so very glad.  You all deserve it.”

“You’ll be rewarded too.  You deserve it more than any of us.”  He hesitates.  “I heard you killed Du Xun.  I thought the Emperor wanted him captured?"

“Maybe so, but I wanted revenge.  It was probably my last sword-fight.”   I lift my splinted wrist as far as I can, which isn’t far. 

Jinhai bends to kiss the fingers sticking out of the wrappings.  “I don’t care.  I’m just glad you’re alive and in one piece.”

I may be alive and just about in one piece, but when Liang Zhou comes next to check on me, he tells me that it was a near thing.  “After three or four days, unconscious patients start to decline and there’s really nothing we can do.  It brings home how little we really know.  So after two days, I can’t say I wasn’t worried about you.  However, you've been lucky.  There don’t seem to be any serious ill-effects, apart from what you’d expect.  The wrist will mend in four or five weeks, the headache should go and your hearing will come back.  But don’t rush your recovery.  I mean it.  I know what a shockingly bad patient you are.”

All I really want is to be left alone with Jinhai, but the news has got round that I’ve recovered consciousness and everyone in the house wants to come and cry over me or pat me on the shoulder and congratulate me.  Ah-Lien brings my little niece, who chuckles and tugs at my bandages.  Xiaxia bounces in to kiss my cheek.  Madam Liang brings food, touches my uninjured shoulder tenderly and wishes me well.  Mo Jiang wants to know about the fight with Du Xun.  Kong Guanyu sidles in shamefacedly, his handsome features a terrible mess.  I reassure him that it’ll all go back to normal in a couple of weeks, which makes him groan.  Yuan Song sends his own good wishes and those of Duan Bai.  Then Shao Ru comes in, limping a little and shouting because he can’t hear himself speak.  Like me, he’s a mass of bruises.  I’m tired by this time and the sight of him nearly brings me to tears.  We clasp hands and even though he can’t hear me, I try to thank him for saving my life. 

By nightfall, I’m exhausted and Jinhai gets rid of everyone and fetches dinner himself.  I feed myself clumsily with my left hand, while he nobly refrains from offering to help.

“Head any better?” he asks.

“Worse.  Too much talking.”

“I can help with that.”

In the candle-light, it’s as if we’re back in my tent on the journey to Qiu City, when he tended my wounds after the jiju game.  He helps me wash, checks the bandages and then settles behind me and starts to massage my neck and shoulders.  His long fingers move up to my temples and I feel the pain lessen as he presses on the acupuncture points.  It’s such a relief, not just from pain, but the relief of knowing that it’s all over, that we’ve succeeded, that I don’t need to make an effort any more.  Jinhai’s here, we’re together, no-one’s going to come and separate us.  My eyes are closing.  I’m barely aware of Jinhai settling me back to sleep, though I feel a light pressure on my lips and I murmur his name before the welcome dark descends.