Idelle and Cateline spoke little after that, focusing instead on the slow and painful work of finishing the burials. By the time all the bodies had been carted out of the city, it was near sunset, and this time the sergeant really did insist that Idelle take a break and rest.

Idelle didn’t complain. For all that her body could continue, she felt numb and distant after the day’s events. The realities of her situation were finally starting to sink in again. The closest of her friends were gone, her worst secrets might be an open secret among some of the most powerful people around her, and she had no idea who she could trust, and what she should trust them with. 

She’d felt less alone when she was still lost in Perien Forest, in a way. There her loneliness had only been an absence, an ache settled almost comfortably in the background of her quickly passing days. Now? It felt more like thorns lodged under her skin. She found herself staring at her fellow soldiers as she leaned against a tree next to her sword. Wondering if any of them had been involved in the attack, with their faces hidden, only to rejoin their supposed comrades later in the chaos of evacuating the city. 

She wished she had someone to confide in, to ask what she should do from here. It was easy to promise herself that she would plan ahead, this time, but now that she had a real break to actually do it in? She found her mind instead stuck in the past day’s events. Replaying her conversation with Cecilia, brooding on what she could have done differently.

Should she have just told the princess she trusted her, Idelle wondered? Asked to go along with her, until Cecilia had time to explain, and confronted her about it then if she hadn’t liked the explanation? It would have been smart, in retrospect, but her stomach turned at the idea of lying and plotting like that. Of trying to keep her true feelings hidden until she got what she wanted.

Besides, it was already over and done with. Her path was set, for better or for worse. Her only other option was to run away, to escape from all of this and try to start again with a new name or something. 

She dismissed the thought out of hand. She was no coward, and she would see that smug, superior grin wiped off Cecilia’s face for what the princess had done to her. Yes, next time they met, the other girl would be the one kneeling, the one forced to plead, as was the rightful order of — 

Idelle shook her head, feeling the bark of the tree behind her rough against her scalp as she wrenched her mind away from the errant uncharacteristic fantasy. Focus, she reminded herself. She needed a plan for what to do here and now. She could figure out the far future later. If she was strong enough, she could discard things like plans anyway, who would be able to stop her? But she had to get there first.

Idly, she ran her fingers along the smooth side of her blade, skirting the edge but never quite touching it. She had two things she needed to do, as she saw it. 

First, she needed to grow stronger. That was easy in principle — she had her power. But she still didn’t think it was a good idea to be completely open about it. The more she learned and experienced, the more she was convinced: whatever it was, it was far more dangerous and powerful than any magic or abilities that a normal soldier would have the chance to more than glimpse at.

Second, she needed information. Somehow, Idelle doubted that Cecilia would just show back up at Wyrlet for her to interrogate. No, she would need to hunt her down. How?

Her fingers drummed lightly on the blade. She could only think of two options. One was to investigate traditionally, using people. She could gain the trust of those with intelligence networks, or even use her powers to discover secrets from… unsavory people, she decided to call them. Find out who was behind the attack, and then hunt them down until she found Cecilia’s trail.

The other option was simpler, but Idelle was less sure of how it might work. Her mind flashed back to her conversations about magic. Tracking magic was out, at this point. But she remembered mentions of more advanced forms, of scrying and the like. If magic really was just a way to impose your will on the world, it must be possible to use it to follow someone, to uncover a scent that had long since dissipated. The problem would be finding someone who could teach her how.

She was under the impression there were other magicians in the garrison here, but she suspected none of them were talented and specialized enough for such advanced spells. She herself almost certainly hadn’t been. 

Until now, that was. Her fingers snapped, and a ball of light materialized in front of her, easily visible despite the blades of sunlight still slowly slicing horizontal through the trees. The blood she’d drunk under the city had fundamentally shifted something about her affinities, and the magic came easily to her now; just a moment’s focus away as it permeated around and through her.

Idelle found herself grinning, despite everything. Yes, magic was definitely an option. 

She let the light fade away. The garrison might have someone to teach her beyond Cecilia, she supposed, it was not like she’d ever actually asked. Another thing to check up on.

Learning magic would potentially be a safer choice, as well, especially compared to using her powers to find things out that she shouldn’t know. Hmmm. Safety… Idelle considered, maybe she should add that to the list as well. All right.

Third, she needed to keep herself safe. That meant continuing to keep some secrets, at least until she was powerful enough to deal with any potential messy repercussions. 

For starters, if she told anyone about her power, she wouldn’t reveal that she could steal memories and skills from feeding on people — that was definitely a giant no-go. Even admitting that she could grow stronger by feeding on people at all seemed like a huge risk, honestly. 

Idelle winced, remembering that she’d already mentioned a tracking spell that used corpses to Cateline. At least it wasn’t an obvious connection to the aspect of her powers that strengthened her body, and the sergeant had assumed that it was simply blood magic. It would be much better to avoid slips like that in the future, however. She supposed that was why she was thinking this through in the first place.

Still, she didn’t see any way to get stronger without either fleeing into the mountains on her own or admitting publicly admitting at least some of her unique abilities. 

The shadows slowly deepened among the trees as Idelle considered. All right, then. She’d say that she had an ability to grow stronger using the blood of freshly hunted cursed beasts. That much was true. She’d admit as well that Cecilia had known about it, and that it was the reason they’d met — that was technically true as well, ironically, and it wasn’t like the princess was here to contest it even if it wasn’t. 

Beyond that, she’d be as vague as reasonably possible. It would be best if she could arrange privacy to feed, or better yet figure out if it was possible to do more subtly than straight-up biting into corpses. It wasn’t like the corpses had a beating heart that was pumping the blood into her, or that she was digesting the magic with her stomach somehow; that much was for sure. 

Another thing to experiment with, when she had the opportunity. Yet again, she regretted not exploring her strange powers in more detail before this. If she hadn’t been such a coward; if she hadn’t tried to run away from what she’d done… 

Idelle’s jaw clenched. No, there was no use fixating on it, she reminded herself. All she could do was plan better, for next time.

She was getting off track again. As far as anyone was concerned, she had a special form of something like blood magic that let her strengthen her physical body with the blood of magic beasts. Cecilia had recruited her because of it, and if they wanted to assume she’d been secretly trained in swordsmanship or something to go along with it, great. The more she could play up the mysterious background until she knew for certain how much Cecilia had told her Lieutenant, the better. 

Beyond that, she was a model soldier from here on forwards. Her momentary confusion about Cecilia’s loyalty was just that and had been easily cleared up by Cateline’s explanations. She wanted to find the princess in hopes of rescuing her, nothing more, and her efforts to grow strong were all in pursuit of that same goal. 

As far as her past? If anyone asked, her parents were dead, and Her Royal Highness Cecilia had recruited her into the princess’s personal troops for her special talents — until the two of them had been violently separated. No complicated details to remember or get confused and it was technically almost all true, so there shouldn’t be any inconsistencies with anything Adrian, or anyone else for that matter, might know. 

Idelle’s fingers slid, almost tenderly, over the crested pommel of her sword, before firmly grasping the hilt as she slowly straightened her back and rose to her feet. All right. She had a plan, time to see about putting it into action. 

Step one was to stop beating around the bush and make totally sure Adrian and Cateline weren’t plotting to kill or imprison her, or something. If they were, then step two would probably involve a lot more running for it. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that.

RavenTears

When writing this chapter, I wanted to use the word "fallout" instead of "repercussions" in one place, but it occurred to me that it might seem kind of anachronistic for a mostly medieval society? But then it further occurred to me that it might be originally derived from "falling out" with someone, and not the nuclear sense. So I looked it up with google's ngram viewer, and was delighted to find many examples of the word in use since even the early 19th century!

Unfortunately, closer investigation revealed that these earlier uses were only related to, of all things, instructions on gymnastics? I didn't quite manage to grasp the full context, but it didn't seem to be anything to do with the modern sense of "repercussions/consequences" — that seems to be squarely a modern use generalized from the idea of radioactive fallout. Oh well.

Maybe you won't find that little bit of etymology as interesting as I did, but regardless, it might hopefully shed some light on why my dumb ass often struggles to get chapters out in a timely fashion, hehehe😋