Alice

Alice’s watch passed without interruption. In the morning, she reconvened with James, Rain, and the knight. Vivien, Alice reminded herself. Should that have been obvious? James didn’t seem surprised when she told us. But he’s always been the best of us at reading people.

Rain filled their basin with water, and activated their scrying spell. Karla’s face appeared in the water.

“You made it back,” Karla said. “Were you successful?”

“In part,” Alice replied. “We destroyed the crystal, but not the whole of the blood knights’ magic. There's one more piece of the network."

“Another piece?” Karla asked.

Vivien spoke up. “It’s the general,” she said. “He's got the rest of it.”

Karla’s eyes narrowed as her gaze turned to Vivien. “Did you pick up another team member? Or did the knight just get a lot prettier?”

Vivien grinned. “The latter. I, uh, go by Vivien now.”

She was more expressive now, Alice noticed. Even I couldn’t miss that. Which made sense – Rain had mentioned finding it easier to open up now than in the past, as well.

“Noted,” Karla said, then looked back at Alice. “Guess she's becoming a proper mercenary."

Rain snorted. Karla’s not wrong, Alice thought. Lot of people who don’t fit into the Empire’s… expectations… have a better time with mercenary work than in the military. Which included all four of them, apparently. Alice was only into women, and James wasn’t into anyone.

“So,” Karla continued, “tell me about this other piece.”

“With the crystal gone,” Rain explained, “the other blood knights’ powers are now tied directly to the general. I couldn’t study the connections in-depth, but I believe he can replicate its tracking and empowerment functions on his own.”

Karla frowned. “In that case, what was the purpose of the crystal?”

“It stored more power than he could on his own,” Rain said. “It also split the signal, which meant I couldn’t trace his location through Vivien. Now that it’s gone, I was able to find him.”

“The general has a laboratory to the south of here,” Vivien added. “Which fits what Rain found. He’s gotta be there.”

“This is General Silas, correct?” Karla asked. “Do you know anything about his capabilities?”

“Silas, yeah,” Vivien replied. “I’ve never seen him fight, but… he uses psychic magic. He can break people’s minds, then take control or leave them empty. Nasty stuff.”

“Mind control?” James asked. “Could that be what happened to Lilith’s team?”

“Wait, who’s Lilith?” Vivien asked.

“Lilith was the leader of another mercenary group,” Karla replied. “Her team went missing a few months ago, during their own investigation into the blood knights. We’ve been assuming they were dead.”

Alice frowned. You never told us that was what they were doing.

“That would fit,” Vivien said.

“We’ll have to assume they could be enemies as well,” Karla continued. “Do you know anything that might free them?”

Vivien shook her head. “Never heard of someone coming back from that. If Silas goes down, they’ll probably stop fighting, but I don’t know if there’d be anything left of them. Most likely, anyone he’s gotten to is as good as dead.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Karla said. “As for his powers… could he replace this crystal?”

“Probably,” Rain replied. “It was really just a repository – I don’t think it had its own magic, only what he put into it. I don’t know how long it’d take for him to set up a new one, but if it’s possible, I bet he’s working on it already.”

Karla nodded. “Could it be possible to take him down now, before he can finish?”

“Maybe,” Vivien said. “He should be weaker without it, but that also means he’ll be expecting us. We won’t have the element of surprise, this time. He’s probably pulling in some additional guards, but most of the blood knights should still be busy elsewhere.”

“We’ve started heading towards him,” Alice continued. “Should be about two days away. But we may need additional support.”

"And supplies," James added. "I've burned through a lot of my materials, that'd be a bad time to run out."

“I see.” Karla looked contemplative. “I’ll reach out to my other contacts in the area. Assuming they’re able to help… I can give you twenty thousand for the job.”

That's more money than we ever expected to have. Alice looked to the others. James let out a whistle, and all three nodded. No need to suspend the call this time. Now or never.

“If you can get us enough backup, we’re in,” Alice said. “We’ll keep approaching and stay in touch.”

“Excellent,” Karla said. “And if Lilith and her team attack you… feel free to use any force needed.”

Alice fought the urge to wince. After what Vivien said, it’s the right call. But you would have given the same order if it had been us.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Karla said. “We’ll talk again in the evening.”

Karla’s face disappeared, and the water returned to normal.

Alice turned to the others. “Looks like we’re doing this. Gonna be rough.”

“Especially with only three of us able to use proper magic,” Vivien said. A devious grin spread across her face. “But what if we could make it four?”

---

Vivien

The others looked like they’d just heard something crazy. Which, in fairness, was true.

“You want to learn a new kind of magic?” Rain asked. “In what, two days?”

“I’ve used magic for years,” I said. “That’s gotta give a big head start, right?”

“Not by that much,” James said. “Different types of magic don’t carry over well. Even different specializations within a type are hard enough to learn.”

“You said my blood magic was a kind of alchemy, right?” I asked. “Maybe it’s really close to the alchemy you use, and it’s just that no one’s tried it yet.”

James frowned. “I don’t… think so? Can’t be sure, but it doesn’t sound right.”

“We should get moving before trying any of that,” Alice said. “I’ll drive, maybe you and Vivien can come up with something on the way?”

My grin returned. Still a nice surprise, hearing the others call me Vivien. Finally getting more things to like about myself than what I can do.

Not that many of the things I’ve done were worth liking, anyway. With that thought, the moment soured.

We gathered up our things and returned to the road. James joined me and Rain in the back of the wagon, and pulled out one of his component pouches. He shook out some of the contents, which looked like a mix of iron and wood shavings.

“This is what I use for light magic,” James said. “Maybe that’s close enough to lightning to be a good place to start?”

James took a pinch of the mixture between his fingers and snapped. A golden glow spread from his fingers, covering his hand. He held out his hand and the glow gathered in his palm, coalescing into a ball. He threw it to the floor of the wagon with an impact like a punch. The ball burst, scattering light around.

James put another pinch of it into my hand. “Try to, uh… feel the energy in it, and do that? I… don’t really know how to explain. Been a while since I’ve had to think this much about it.”

“Worth a shot,” I said.

I put the mixture between my fingers. There was more variety than I’d thought, some sort of mix of dried plant bits, but I wasn’t sure what. I tried to think really hard about the magic inside, and… nothing. Just felt like some weird powder.

Well, I’ve always learned best by just trying to do things. I snapped my fingers, generating a cloud of powder, but nothing more. I gave it a few more tries with what was left on my hands. Still no luck.

Maybe it’s because I’m used to taking the magic source into myself first. I held my fingers up to my face, looking at the residue on them.

“Wait,” James said. “Don’t-”

I ignored him and licked the powder off my fingers. A bizarre taste flooded my mouth, intensely bitter but also awful in about ten other ways. I recoiled, my eyes watering.

“Hold out your hands,” Rain said.

I cupped my hands in front of me, and Rain conjured water to fill them. I drank, trying to wash the taste out of my mouth, and partially succeeding.

“Yeah, it’s not meant for that,” James said.

Alice glanced back at us. “You ate it?”

I coughed, some bitterness still lingering. “What, do you think I’m the sort of girl who would eat some weird magic stuff without asking what it is?”

“Yes,” Alice said.

I laughed. “Had to try it. And maybe it worked? I could try to cast the spell now and-”

“You don’t want to do that either,” James cut in. “If it worked, you’d cast it inside yourself. That would be… bad.”

“Uuuuuuuugh,” I groaned.

“Look,” James said, “I’ve heard of some forms of alchemy that work with ingestion. None of the materials I use are meant for that, but maybe after this, we can find something that does.”

“But I want to shoot lightning at Silas,” I complained.

James nodded. “Yeah. I’m not sure that’s doable, though. This stuff doesn’t really work on that kind of timescale. And if you burn yourself out trying, you’ll be less ready for the fighting ahead, not more.”

“Bleh, fine,” I said.

“Speaking of those fights…” James turned to Rain. “I have an idea for if we end up fighting Lilith.”

I dropped back into my seat. I looked out at passing fields, thinking about the confrontation we were headed for. General Silas, with that weird silver glow in his eyes and whatever awful mind magic lay behind it. Maybe joined by the husks of other mercenaries who’d been doing the same thing, trying to help stop the blood knights from slaughtering everyone in the Empire’s way. Slaughters I was part of.

What was the difference between me and the rest of them, really? That I was captured by some people who were way nicer to me than they had any fucking reason to be? That I took better to it than other blood knights might have because I’d snooped around in the journal of some woman I helped kill and started realizing I wanted to be a girl?

What if it had been Matthew instead? I hadn’t been much better than him, really. How many people have I killed by now? Hundreds? More? And he hadn’t invented the blood knights’ methods any more than I had. If things had played out a bit differently, maybe he would have been the one captured and I’d still be…

I didn’t want to think about that. Need a distraction.

“What about sorcery?” I asked. “Blood magic has a lot in common with it, maybe that would work better.”

“You’re really set on this, huh?” James replied.

“I just want to be ready,” I said. “And I gave it a rest for like an hour.”

James frowned. He glanced up at the sky, his eyes flashing gold. “That was ten minutes.”

“Well, whatever,” I said. “I’m bored.”

“Hmm,” Rain murmured. “This might be a good time for that, actually.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Rain paused, looking away for a moment before starting to explain. “Sorcery involves drawing on your… inner self, basically. Having a clearer self-image can help with that. Like, after I figured myself out, my magic started getting easier. Maybe that means you’re in a good position to try it, too.”

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s see. Inner Vivien…”

I closed my eyes and tried to visualize myself. My new self, not the obnoxious old one. Pink hair, a face that was so much prettier than it used to be… But the illusion was just the surface level, wasn’t it? Rain had told me, last night, that there was magic that could change my body for real. But I haven’t done that yet. Not even entirely sure what I’d do with it.

And even deeper than that… What about personality? Hopefully she'll be nothing like the old me. But I didn’t know what that meant, really. Probably not as nice as James – that didn’t sound like me, it didn’t feel like something I could live up to. So who was the new Vivien I was trying to create? If I succeed in discarding everything I don’t like about myself, what’s left?

“Augh,” I said.

“Not going well?” Rain asked.

“Gonna need to do some thinking,” I said. “Anyway, those other mercenaries, what were they like?”

We talked for a while, going over potential challenges. After a couple of hours, it was time to make another stop. We pulled off the road at the edge of a forest to disembark.

I stretched by the wagon, my thoughts returning to sorcery. I still didn’t completely understand myself, and I probably didn’t have enough time to figure it out before reaching Silas. But Rain didn’t say it had to be a perfect understanding, did they?

I breathed in, thinking about what I did know. I know I like my new look. I know I like being a girl. I don’t like how I used to act, and I’m trying to do better. I focused on those aspects of myself, seeing if I could follow them to some power within me. Something I could draw on, like I had as a blood knight.

Something responded. A power source, coursing through me. It felt like it had been there all this time, I’d just never noticed it.

I held out my right hand and reached for that power, trying to shape it the way I knew. Lightning. Make lightning.

I felt something. Not light, not sound, but… warmth. It’s working. Keep going. I drew on it more, more…

Sparks appeared above my palm, crackling for about a second before fading.

A grin spread across my face. I did it! I-

Pain shot through my hand, like it was burning from the inside. I grabbed it with my left hand, but it kept getting hotter, and the heat began to spread further up my arm.

“Nngh,” I grunted out, dropping to my knees. “GAH!”

The others ran over. James reached into one of his pouches, and his eyes flickered to the gold of his detection spell.

“Oh, fuck,” he said.

James grabbed my arm. The glow of his healing magic spread over it, and the heat and pain subsided.

I took a few breaths, waiting for my heart to stop racing. Eventually, I found myself grinning again.

“I did it!” I said.

Alice gave me a concerned look. “What the hell did you do?”

“Sorcery!” I held out my hand. “I looked inside myself and found this power, and it kind of burned me, but it worked!”

James frowned. “That wasn’t sorcery. You were doing alchemy – blood magic – but you didn’t have any magic in your blood, so you drew from yourself and ignited your own blood as a component.”

“Oh,” I said. “Okay, that’s less good. But whatever it is, I did it! Just need to get better at controlling it and…”

“No,” James said. “Vivien, this isn’t an effective form of magic. It all comes out of your body – even if you get more efficient at using it, you’ll still hurt yourself more than anyone you hit with it.”

I scowled. “When did you get so negative?”

James let out a sigh. “Look, I don’t want to discourage you. But this reminds me of how you said you learned magic in the first place. Taking risks to push past your limits, trying to make things faster and easier… and getting hurt in the process. I don’t think it’s good for you.”

I looked away. Is that what this is? Those same FUCKING habits?

“I’m not… ugh,” I said. “Fine, I’ll give it a rest.”

I glanced towards the trees near us. “Need a minute. To think, that is. I’m not gonna try to do more magic on my own.”

The others stepped back, giving me room to get up and head into the forest. Thoughts swirled around my head. Anger at myself, for not being… better at this. Anger at the blood knights for all the ideas I’d picked up from them, ideas I wanted to claw out of my head but couldn’t. Anger at James even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong, really, just saying things I didn’t want to hear, which turned into more anger at myself for being angry with him.

What the hell was I going to do? If I tried to face Silas like this, would I have to stay out of trouble, like James had suggested? Could I do that? But I didn’t want to just charge in and get mauled, either, like I had with Matthew. And I definitely didn’t want to let the others get their minds shredded because I wasn’t strong enough to stop it.

My eyes fell on a small tree near me. With a slash, I carved through the trunk, and the tree toppled to the ground. I continued hacking at it, mustering enough restraint to stick to cuts easier on my sword, but not enough to stop.

A voice came from behind me. “Vivien?”

I turned to see Alice, standing about ten feet back.

“Ah,” I got out. “Hey.”

Alice glanced towards the pile of wood. “Still frustrated?”

I sighed. “Yeah. I… thought this would be easier.”

Alice nodded. “Mm.”

I waited for her to say more. She didn’t.

“Not gonna tell me to roll with it and accept things as they are?” I asked.

“James is good at that sort of thing,” Alice said. “I didn’t really have anything to say. Just wanted to check on you. I can go, if you want.”

“No, I…” I reached a hand out. “Wait.”

None of us really know what we’re doing, do we? We’re all a mess in our own ways.

I sat down on the stump of the tree I’d cut down. Alice joined me – there was just enough room for the two of us. She was tall enough, strong enough to make me feel small in comparison. Small, and… safe.

I breathed in, trying to ground myself with her presence and make sense out of things. I blinked, and felt… something run down my right cheek. Tears. How long has it been, since the last time I cried?

Apparently I’d finally remembered how. I cracked a smile, at the thought of that. A laugh shook its way out of me, then another as the absurdity sunk in.

Guess I’m changing a bit, at least.

“Something the matter?” Alice asked.

“No,” I said. “It’s… a good thing, I think.”

Commander William would say otherwise. But he's dead now, and I'm still here.

Alice went quiet again. After a few minutes, my thoughts stopped whirling around. I still didn’t have answers, and I wasn’t really okay with that, but I was ready to stop thinking about it for now.

“Okay,” I said. “Doing better. Let’s head back.”

We rejoined the others. Before long, we were on the road again, talking strategy and trying to stay positive. At the end of the day, Karla contacted us again.

"Morgan has agreed to help," Karla said. "She and Kai should be able to join up with you four, once you're closer to the target."

"I've worked with those two before," James chimed in. "Kai's powers offer a lot of mobility, they could arrange a diversion."

"That sounds useful," Alice said. "We'll scry Morgan directly tomorrow, to sort out details."

The next day, I tried my hand at magic again. We went over both alchemy and sorcery, more carefully this time, but still no luck.

“Sorry it didn’t work out,” James said.

I sighed. “It’s fine. We’ve got plenty of other tricks, we’ll work things out somehow.”

Maybe if I keep saying that, I’ll finally start believing it.

We set up camp one last time, a few hours away from Silas. We took the wagon into a forest, following our now-usual method of choosing places where we wouldn’t easily be spotted. This time, we stopped earlier than usual, to avoid getting closer than necessary and making ourselves easier to find.

I closed my eyes, began to doze off, and-

A shout from Alice rung out, jolting me awake. A familiar-sounding explosion.

I scrambled to my feet, grabbing for my sword. Next to me, I saw James and Rain getting up as well. Alice stood before us, axe in hand.

“She’s here!” Alice shouted, pointing. “Right over-”

A thunderclap boomed as a bolt of lightning crashed into Alice. Rain fired a volley of icicles back at the source, the figure Alice had pointed at. A woman in a blue cloak, with long, brown hair. That’s gotta be Lilith.

Lightning crackled around Lilith, shattering the icicles. It was the middle of the night, now, but something felt… off. I coughed, looking around for other attackers. Something moved from the opposite direction, and a huge shape bounded out of the trees.

James spun around to face the attacker, raising his spear. A claw swiped down at him, attached to a hulking, wolflike figure. Had to have been at least eight feet tall. If Lilith is here, this is that shapeshifting mage from her team. Noelle.

Noelle’s claw caught James’ spear. She pulled back, and the spear snapped in half. James backed up, flinging a blast of light into Noelle’s face.

As spells lit up the area, I coughed again, feeling my eyes and throat itch. And… was the air tinted green?

Oh no.

I looked up, searching around the trees for a pair of black wings. It didn’t take long to find them. Captain Xavier hung in the sky, green smoke pouring down from his hands towards us.

“Poison gas!” I shouted. “It’s coming from the guy up there!”

Rain conjured a sphere of water between their hands, then hurled it into the air. The water dispersed into a mist, spreading out in all directions, and taking the poison with it. The green tint faded, but I was pretty sure it had already done a number on us.

Alice ran towards James, reaching him before Noelle could strike again. She swung her axe at Noelle’s claw, knocking her strike to the side, but not scoring a clean enough hit to do much damage. Seems like Noelle is pretty sturdy, as well.

As the two of them faced off, Lilith raised a hand and sent a wave of lightning towards us. James turned back towards Lilith and countered with a ray of light, scattering the lightning into harmless flashes.

Captain Xavier crashed to the ground, one wing covered in ice. He conjured a spray of acid, melting the next volley of icicles, and splashing onto Rain’s sleeve. Rain washed the acid away, but it had already eaten holes in the fabric, showing burned skin beneath.

“You’ve got something that belongs to us,” Xavier growled. “Where the hell is he?”

“I’m not going back,” I said.

“…Oh.” Xavier’s face twisted with contempt. “So this is what you’ve been… playing at.”

Why did I say anything? Stupid, stupid-

Xavier drew his sword and lunged for Rain. I jumped into his path, raising my own sword, and the two collided. A green glow began to spread down my blade from the spot he’d hit, and the glowing part started to dissolve.

Before the glow could reach my hands, I dropped my disintegrating sword and jumped back. What the fuck do I do now?

Xavier sent another spray of acid at Rain, who blasted it away with a torrent of water. He raised his sword, took a blast of light in the face from James – and a lightning bolt hit James in the back, knocking him to the ground.

We can’t keep up. Not against all three of them. But if we can just find a way to take out one…

I ran towards James, an idea taking shape in my head. Lilith threw another lightning bolt at him, and I stuck my right hand into its path. I called on my power, the bit of magic within me… This better fucking work.

Sparks formed in my palm as my hand began to burn from within. I reached for the lightning heading towards me, gathered it, shaped it – FUCK this hurts – and held it in a ball in front of me as heat spread up my arm once again. I turned towards Noelle. If this works on any of them, it’ll be her.

“Alice!” I shouted.

Alice jumped back from Noelle, giving me a clear shot. I shoved forward, turning the power I’d seized back into a bolt of lightning, heading straight into Noelle’s face. With an awful crack, her face exploded, trailing smoke from where her eyes used to be as she slumped to the ground. Her body began to shrink, turning back to human.

I gasped as the heat began to sear into my chest, into my head. The world spun, I began to collapse… A pair of hands grabbed me, pulling me onto their owner’s shoulder.

“I’ve got him,” Xavier called out. “Let’s get out of here.”

I tried to fight his grip, but my muscles wouldn’t respond. Lilith ran up to us, reaching a hand out to Xavier’s other shoulder. Lightning crackled around us. I heard a roar from Alice, as she charged for Xavier.

The world around us disappeared in a flash of light. A new set of surroundings appeared – some building we were standing near. A laboratory?

Brown hair hung into my face. I squeezed my eyes shut, light and sound becoming too much to process. I felt us enter the building, then go up what must have been stairs. Bits of speech pierced the haze around my mind.

“…ridiculous, you know that? How do you think this makes me look?”

We stopped moving, and the hands pulled me down to a stone floor. I blinked, and a pair of glowing, silver eyes stared back down at me.

“You’ve caused quite a mess, young man. Let’s get this all sorted out, shall we?”

The general reached for me, and everything

went

silver