“Fuck it!” Nivelle said, then hit the table with her fist. A large basket with wine bottles appeared on the table from nowhere. Nivelle tore the lids off with her teeth.

“As no doubt you’ve noticed,” she began, pouring the wine, “This place where I live is far from the human town. People somehow didn’t like my family. And, somehow, my family didn't like humans, although they were human. And a couple of the nearer agreements were burnt because my birl parent decided the pants were being paid for an expensive price. Not many people liked my birl parent. Except for me, naturally. I cried awfully when she died. Since she was dead. As her child, I had to lead the gang.”

“What gang?” Saren said.

“A gang of my family that our money bought. We had enemies so did we have gangs.” Nivelle continued, “I was young at the time and a real coward, so the gang members would knock me. I wasn’t as much in command of them. We soon began doing things which my family would never have allowed if they had been alive. One day we took ourselves as far as the furthest town, and we robbed a temple there. A young priestess was there too.”

“Which temple, Nivelle?

“No one knows, but it must have been a bad one. There was human dust there, I remember, and a green fire was burning. But to the point. The young birls of my gang overpowered the priestess and stripped her, then said I had to become an adult. Well, I became an adult and while I was achieving my adulthood, the priestess spat into my face and screamed something.”

“What?”

“That I was a monster in human skin, that I’d be a monster in a monster’s skin, something about love, blood... I can’t remember. She must have had the dagger, a little one, hidden in her hair. She killed herself and then. We fled from there, Saren, I’m telling you. It was a bad temple.”

“Go on.”

“Then it was as the priestess had said. A few days later, I woke up and became what I am today. I went to the mirror andI panicked, I remember it clearly. To put it briefly, people died. I used whatever came to hand—and I’d suddenly become very strong. And the house helped as best it could: doors slammed, furniture flew in the air, fires broke out. Whoever could get out ran away in a panic: my aunt and cousin, the young birls from the gang. What am I saying? Even the dogs howled and cowered. My cat ran away. Even my aunt’s parrot flew away from me. I was alone, roaring, howling, going mad, smashing whatever came to hand, mainly mirrors.”

Nivelle paused and sighed.
“I was alone after the attack, I mean my transformation, I guess. Yes, my appearance changed but people around me couldn’t understand that only my look had changed. I always feared that some people would attack and kill me. But nobody ever tried to come here and see me.”

Nivell was silent and wiped her mouth. “Those days hurt me so much that I don’t want to remember them anymore. And they made me timide that’s why I have never left my yard, since I became what I am.”

“Have you been alone for years?”

“Yes I have, I have spent my years, being alone in my house and talking to the statues. One day I looked out of the window and saw them. Person I thought was a traveler was collecting the roses in my yard and at that moment, I became angry with such behaviour. And I ran in a rush and jumped outside.”

“I was going to kick them out but the stories my family told me stopped me doing that.”

“What stories?”

“Some of the stories in which frogs turn into princesses. Do you know them?”

“You mean that fairy tail for children to grow their self-esteem.”

“Yes, anyway... I thought, at that time, that the story was true. And I yelled at the stranger, ‘Your daughter or your life!’ I was so hopeless that I said such words to her. Then she began to weep, then confessed that her daughter was seven years old. Are you laughing?”

“No, I just… Yes I was laughing.”.

“Fuck my fate. But I felt really sorry for her and invited her inside as I did for you. And, when she was leaving I summoned some golds for her and put them into her backpack. She became so happy and she said ‘People in town must know such a good monster that helps people.’ After those words and in two weeks, strangers started to appear in front of the gate. As well as their daughters. And some of them even brought their birl children. Stop laughing!”

“Are you interested in birls children!” Saren laughed. “Are you!?”

“Fuck you I didn’t even invate birls into my house, I am into girls, you stupid witcher!”

Nivelle stretched her arms out until the armchair creaked.

“I came to an understanding that if you help people you hurt yourself,” she continued. “But the first person that I helped was a trader and left her daughter with me for a year. The others came too but couldn’t find the courage to leave their children with a monster like me, although I wouldn’t even touch them. Speaking of the trader, I had to help her load the sack with lots of money. She wouldn’t have managed by herself.”

“And her girl?”

“I would have fucked her If I hadn’t been raised by a family in which ethics was the most important value on earth. Simply, I found her charming. She was kind and smart. But she had thought, the first time she came here, that I was going to rape her or eat her. None of them happened, don’t look at me like that, Saren. Months later, we would eat at the same table and enjoy our meals together, we would play games outside. However, after one year, the trader came and took her away from me.”

“So then?”

“I kept myself away from society and resigned for months. It was hard for me to not have a person to talk to.”

Nivelle sighed and took a sip from the chocolate shake and wine.

“How was it?” Saren said, “Can I try?”

“What?”

“You mixed up the wine and the chocolate shake.”

“Take them and try and decide if you like them in your mouth.”

Saren did. “Tasty, I liked them. Okay, Continue your story.”

“Yes, where was I?” she said, “the next girl was Fenne. And for my luck, although she was young, she loved drinking a lot. I mean alcohol at that age could lead to troubles and it did to her, for sure. We had sex and I was so happy of having sex with her, not because I enjoyed her body, it’s because I had thought the fairy taild I told you about could be true. But it didn’t turn out to be true. I went to the mirror that night. I must admit I was disappointed. I was the same as I ever was as a monster, and there was no sign of the human being I used to be. Fuck the fairy tails and the wisdom in them.”

“At least, Fenne was a joyful and made me forget my worries for a short time. Do you know what we would do if strangers came into the courtyard without any permission?”

“What would you do?”

“We would scare them, I would mostly scare them by roaring and Fenne would be naked sitting on my back naked, wearing a mask that was as monstrous as my monster face.”

Nivelle shook, laughing.

“Fenne,” she said, “stayed with me for a year, then returned to her family with lots of money. She was preparing to marry a inn owner. Saren, are you still listening?”

“Carry on, Nivelle. This is interesting.”

“You think so?” Nivelle said, scratching her ears. “All right. The next girl is Primula. She was a daughter of a knight that was in debt. Primula was so naughty that I couldn’t even frighten her because everytime I tried to make her cry she would say ‘beat me you monster!’ Or ‘Tear me apart, you beast!” I don’t know what their parents teach them at home but I am sure they are not ethical. Primula’s sexual sentences and behaviors taught me a lot about how to talk to a girl. She gave me strength and reminded me of the benefits of being a monster. Look, Saren, as a human I would keep getting ill but as a monster I am so strong that I can even tear the chairs apart by biting. Do you want me to bite a chair leg?”

“No, I don’t. I prefer seeing you eating some more donut but not furniture.”

“Maybe that’s good.” Nivelle opened her mouth wide. “My appearance now amuses the girls and there aren’t many chairs left in the house.” Nivelle yawned, her tongue poked out.”

“You look tired?”

“Yes, This talk has made me tired, Saren. Shortly there are those girls who visited me so far; Primula, Ilka and Venimira. Briefly, my relationship with them goes like that; they come and fear me. They then want to have sex with me with such sentences ‘Bite me, you beast!’ Then a cheerful farewell follows and they leave. You know what, I also stopped believing in the fairy tales that motivated me to become the human I used to be but it seems there is no way back. And I think things are better as they are now than they used to be.”

“Really? No changes, Nivelle?”

“I’ll tell you why. When you are a human, people could gather and kill you to steal your property. But when you are a monster they are afraid they will erase you from their memory, so, there is no trouble. You see, the second most important reason is safety. First is, of course, amusing girls with my new look. Stop laughing! I would have never been able to attract a girl like Venimare, who was an extremely attractive maid. I don’t think she would want to see me as a human in the portrait on the wall.””

“You seem quite sure that you are so helpful and joyful” Saren said, playing with an empty bottle, “Are you sure that you haven’t offended anyone in your present form?”

“Leave off, Saren, I am a good person,” Nivelle was loud. “I tired to be as kind as I could to the girls who stayed with me for years. I was generous. And the children? If you are asking if I ever hurt them. No I haven’t. I always asked for their permission before we did something together. Their will was important to me. I made them feel like they were rich and safe by dressing them with the clothes they ever wanted to wear, and giving them food they ever wanted to eat. I summoned up a tin bath for them to enjoy hot water. And you are questioning my kindness. Their parent would rape them and hurt them in their home. Not all of them were hurt but I could say that Primula had marks on her legs that I am sure were given by her knight birl parent, who was in debt. But I am the one being questioned here instead of her. Fuck on it, virtue is rarer today than a rock dragon. I didn’t force any of them, Saren.”

“But you suspected someone had paid me to kill you. Who would have?”

“A rogue who wanted the contents of my cellar but didn’t have any more children,” Nivelle said. “Human greed knows no limits.”

“And nobody else?”

“And nobody else.”

They both remained silent, gazing at the flicker of the candle flames.

“Nivelle,” Saren said, “are you alone now?”

“Witcher,” Nivelle said after a moment’s hesitation, “I think that I should insult you. I should take you by the neck and throw you down the stairs. Do you know why? Because you treat me. I noticed how you’ve been glancing at the door. You know perfectly well that I don’t live alone. Am I right?”

“You are. I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you and your apologies. Have you seen her?”

“Yes. In the forest, by the gate. Is she the reason why traders and daughters have been leaving here empty-handed for some time?”

“So you know about that too? Yes, she’s the reason.”

“Do you mind if I ask whether—”

“Yes, I do mind.”

“Oh well, it’s up to you,” Saren said, getting up. “Thanks for your hospitality, dear host. It’s time to leave.”

“Quite right.” Nivelle got up. “For certain reasons, I can’t offer you a room in the manor for the night, and I don’t encourage you to spend the night in these woods. Ever since the area’s been deserted, it’s been bad at night here. You should get back to the highway before dusk.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Nivelle. Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

Nivelle looked at her. “You think you could help me? You’d be able to lift this from me?”

“I wasn’t only thinking about that sort of help.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Although... you probably did. You wouldn’t be able to.”

Saren looked her in the eyes.

“You had some bad luck,” she said. “You picked the wrong church. As I understood, the temple was The Lionhead Spider. In order to lift the curse thrown by the priestess that turned you into a monster, you need knowledge and powers, which I don’t possess.”

“And who does?”

“So you are interested after all? You said things were fine as they are.”

“As they are, yes. But not as they might be. I’m afraid that—”

“What are you afraid of?”

Nivelle stopped at the door to the room and turned. “I’ve had enough of your questions, witcher, which you keep asking instead of answering mine. Obviously, you’ve got to be asked in the right way. Listen. For some time now I’ve had bad dreams. Maybe the word ‘monstrous’ would be more accurate. Am I right to be afraid? Briefly, please.”

“Have you ever had mud and needles in your sheets?”

“No.”

“And have—”

“No. Briefly, please.”

“You’re rightly afraid.”

“Can anything be done about it? Briefly, please.”

“No.”

“Finally. Let’s go. I’ll see you out.”

In the courtyard, as Saren was adjusting her belt, Nivelle stroked the belt and touched her neck.

“What was that for?” Saren squinted.

“Sorry, I wasn’t going to touch your skin,” Nivelle said, staring down at her hands. “My instincts…”

“No worries.”

“Monsters and animals like me,”Nivelle said. “And I like them, too. I thought you were kind of a monster. Besides, my cat ran away at the beginning but she came back later. For a long time, she was the only living creature who kept me company in my misfortune. Vereena, too—”

Saren smiled. “Does she like cats too?”

“Birds.” Nivelle said. “I gave myself away, fuck it. But what’s the harm? She isn’t another trader’s child, Saren. It’s serious. We love each other. If you laugh, I’ll punch you.”

Saren didn’t laugh.

“You know your Vereena,” she said, “is probably a rusalka?”

“I suspected as much. Slim. Dark. She rarely speaks, and in a language I don’t know. She doesn’t eat human food. She disappears into the forest for days on end, then comes back. Is that typical?”

“More or less.” Saren tightened the belt. “No doubt you think she wouldn’t return if you were to become human?”

“I’m sure of it. You know how frightened rusalkas are of people. Hardly anybody has seen a rusalka from up close. But Vereena and I... Fuck it! Take care, Saren.”

“Take care, Nivelle.” Saren said and walked to the gate. Nivelle walked along at her side.

“Saren?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not as stupid as you think. You came here following the tracks of one of the merchants who’d been here lately. Has something happened to one of them?”

“Yes.”

“The last one was here three days ago. With her child, not my type, by the way. I commanded the house to close all its doors and windows and give no sign of life. They wandered around the courtyard and left. The girl picked a rose from my aunt’s rosebush and pinned it to her dress. Look for them somewhere else. But be careful; this is a horrible area. I told you that the forest isn’t the safest of places at night. Dangerous things are heard and seen.”

“Thanks, Nivelle. I’ll remember about you. Who knows, maybe I’ll find someone who—”

“Maybe yes. And maybe not. It’s my problem, Saren, my life and my punishment. I’ve got used to it. If it gets worse, I’ll get used to that too. And if it gets far worse, don’t look for anybody. Come here yourself and put an end to it. As a witcher. Take care, Saren.”

Nivelle turned and walked toward the manor.

Saren walked away toward the forest.