Prologue
In a dark and empty place, a place without light, there exists one person.
He whore a dirty pair of clothes and a creepy smile can be seen on his face as he held a crystal ball in his right hand.
Suddenly, that person yelled. “That is the mark of a real hero!”
Meanwhile, a girl with snow-white hair appears behind him: she has a horn on her head and is wearing chainmail.
Meanwhile, the girl kneeled.
“Master, I have something to tell you,”
“What is it?"
"The 'Duchess' wishes to see you,"
“that 'Duchess' is a pain in the ass...let her in!”
"Understood master," as soon as she finished speaking, she disappeared.
"I guess it's time for me to go back to work," he mumbled
As he finished saying his sentence, his surroundings changed to a more luxurious place, even his dress changed into a black cloak.
The person then glanced out of his window.
"It has been a long time since I came to this world, huh?"
~~~~~
My name is Kurayami Saito, 25 years old. My hobbies include watching anime, reading manga, and playing online games. My favorite genre is where the protagonist is a demon lord.
I like how they performed their speech, and how they show how op they are towards the hero.
Since elementary, I tried copying their postures, and the way they speak in front of the mirror. I did it until high school.
But when I graduated and was able to get a job, I became so busy, that I was not able to 'continue' my hobbies anymore.
My life 'had' the same routine every day, I was so busy that I even forgot to take care of myself.
Right now, I am on my way home. I see two teenagers crossing the road. Suddenly, a truck appeared out of nowhere, and it looks like the truck loses its control while heading towards them.
As the two teenagers were late to notice the truck coming, I began running towards them.
“Hey, you two get out of here!"
I quickly pushed them out of the way when I arrived there. The look on their faces when they saw me was an image of confusion.
At that moment, my body started hurting a lot, and I found myself floating in the air. Then my vision got dark.
-
Yes it's hard to read pls fix it. Votes: 0 0.0%
-
No it's not that hard to read. Votes: 4 33.3%
-
Their is some wrong grammar but it's readable. Votes: 8 66.7%
Thank you for this chapnya!
Prolonged
Prologue
she has a horn on his
She has a horn on her
Thanks I will change that part thanks.
At that moment, my body started hurting alot
'A lot' should be two words.
Ah and I kinda got carried away editing, sorry if I scared you off I mean well, I swear! I usually edit translations so maybe I overstepped my bounds as a passing reader... But I hope you at least found my comments a little helpful!
appeared
This should be present tense: appears.
My life goes around the same routine everyday
"My life 'had' the same routine everyday"
I was not able to do my hobbies anymore
"I was not able to 'continue' my hobbies anymore" is better
even his dress changed into a black cloak.
'Clothing' is a better word than 'dress'. Even though they mean the same thing, on first glance, this wording may cause misunderstandings because 'dress' is usually associated with the long, feminine type.
Also I don't believe you previously specified what this character wore. I think if you had described his clothing before, the change in attire would be more impactful.
"I guess it's time for me to go back to work," he uttered.
Using the word 'uttered' in this context sounds awkward. Some better options would be: said, muttered, mumbled, etc.
Of course, you can also also add some modifiers(?) like 'said dully' or 'mumbled to himself' to make it more interesting
"Understand master," as soon as she finished speaking, she disappeared.
Should be past tense: understood.
"The duchess wishes to see you,"
"that duchess is a pain in the ass...let her in!"
Duchess should be capitalized as they are referring to a specific 'duchess' even if her name is not specified.
In a blink of an eye, the girl kneeled.
I think you should substitute the 'in a blink of an eye' with the 'meanwhile' you used in the previous sentence. Also, it should be 'in 'the' blink of an eye' (not 'a').
Meanwhile, a girl with snow white hair appeared behind him
And in the first sentence I quoted, you can just not add anything before 'the girl kneeled' and end the sentence in a comma (because your next sentence is dialogue).
Thank you for your help I try editing it
@Mighty No problem! I'm glad you found it helpful