18th of the Garland Moon 1196

 

It had been an hour since Hubert had begun his work at home. He once again found himself running behind his own schedule. He pondered what he could have done differently. Attending the children’s punishment was a necessity, but perhaps he could have skipped breakfast and made time there. Skip a meal on my wife’s watch? I’ve caught myself daydreaming again.

 

It had not even been a day and yet he could already feel the absence of his wife’s assistance. The stack of papers he had to go through might have been neat and orderly at first glance, but they weren’t organized the Byleth way. He grew self aware of how spoiled he might have become from her efforts, since she had a better mind than his for listing his priorities and keeping him on track. This brought the unfortunate image he dreaded, of returning back to where he used to be before her involvement. Those days of old when he would have to work through the nights so he could finish his larger tasks, but then run short on time if he was too focused and neglected his other projects. 

 

Until now, he hadn’t needed to be careful about how he managed his time; Byleth was careful for him. She knew how much time he had for each task better than he did at times. His wife was a genius at managing it while still making sure that not only did he finish on time, but that there would also be time to spare for his sons. She was thoughtful like that, even making sure that he would remember to eat when needed, and she would scold him if he tried to dodge a meal. If he said he wasn’t hungry, she would still supply him with toast and jam to make sure he got at least something in.

 

Toast and jam. He mocked his wife in the only place safe to, in his thoughts. Most times he would default to taking a full meal to avoid another encounter with toast and jam. He was afraid, with all the bread the woman gave him, that he might one day turn into a bird.

 

He rolled his neck around to work out the strain. It was too soon to begin feeling stiff now, but he’d had a nagging and uncomfortable feeling following him since this morning. He was more conscious of the warmth of his heart, no doubt caused by this nervous feeling he had for his work. He moved the document he had just completed into a steadily growing pile of finished work. He stopped for a moment when he grabbed the next document. He was missing a reference form for it. I could have sworn that I prepared it...?  

 

Hubert stood and turned to face the filing cabinets behind him. Leaning over, he rummaged through his documents for what he was looking for. It wasn’t in the first cabinet as far as he could see, and the second was a fruitless search as well. It had no reason to be in any of the others though, or so he thought. When he reached for another one, he stopped. His hand hovered inches from the door and he realized that it had been trembling. 

 

A memory from the morning played back. He remembered his son Ferdinand looking away from him as they discussed his actions the evening prior. His son shied from him as he continued to reprimand him for his actions.  

 

I just wanted to be like you, dad.

 

Hubert jerked his hand back and paused. He closed his eyes and got his breathing under control. Easy, now. Pull yourself together, we don’t have time for this.

 

He stayed the most still he had been since he’d woken up that morning. He continued to keep his eyes closed, feeling the sun’s rays gently kiss his skin with warmth. He regulated his breathing in a slow and calm rhythm. 

 

Everything is fine, he thought to himself. He did in fact feel better. He was in control. Calmly he returned to the first cabinet he’d checked and perused it again. As he thought, he had been too wrapped up in his own head the first time to see what he’d missed. He pulled free the document he was looking for and set it on the table. He took one last big breath of air before he settled back down into his chair. 

 

Rummaging through his pocket, he pulled his watch out. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. Satisfied, he slipped it back into his pocket again and began his work with renewed vigor. 

 

A moment later, Hubert heard a knock on his door.

 

“Hubert, is this a good time?” It was Edelgard.

 

“Of course, just a moment.” His work for the state could wait; a retainer’s duty never ended. Hubert set his quill down and eyed a folder he kept on the side. It lay open with an important reminder for himself. He flipped it closed. He would rather not talk about what it entailed just yet. Picking himself up, he marched towards the door. 

 

He greeted her with a polite smile. “Come in, Lady Edelgard. How are you holding up?”

 

“With a cane,” she grumbled as she stepped into the room. As Hubert cocked an eyebrow at her, she winced. “I’m being catty again, aren’t I?”

 

Perhaps a tad, Hubert thought. “May I offer you a seat?” he said instead, pointing towards the two chairs he had in front of his desk. He pulled one out for her and strolled back around to his own seat, but not before reaching into one of the cabinets to pull a spare glass tumbler for his guest. 

 

Edelgard sat down and propped her cane on the desk, then proceeded to scan the room. It had been a long while since the last time she had visited Hubert in his home office, and something about the room appeared off to her.

 

“Your office seems different somehow. Didn’t you used to have a lot more trinkets on display?”

 

Hubert paused and looked around. After a few seconds it dawned on him what she meant. “Ah, yes,” he said as he recollected. “I used to have an ornate dagger over here, and a tusk of one of the monsters we killed during the war beside it. I also used to keep a few vials of liquids in that spot. I took a fancy to making people think I was dangerous enough of a man to keep poisons out in the open. Helped with my unsettling image.”

 

He could see the ah ha moment cross Edelgard’s mind as the pieces snapped cleanly together. Her eyes drifted to where she undoubtedly remembered the collection of strange vials that he kept, with their sinister looking brews, in arm’s reach. “What were they really?” she asked.

 

Hubert smiled and chose to finally sit down. “Drops of dye and a little water. It would be terribly irresponsible to keep any of the real stuff out where, say, a child could reach it. Though for the same reason, it wasn’t even safe for the useless baubles. We were forced to take those down around the time Jeralt turned five. He delighted in his newfound ability to scale even the highest of bookcases if left unwatched.”

 

Hubert rubbed his chin in deep thought. He stopped with a sigh and gave Edelgard a weary look. “Just about everything which lent to my fearsome image that you may have become accustomed to has been locked in the attic by now. I fear that in time I will be joining my own collection.”

 

Despite coming in with a bad mood, Hubert could see Edelgard’s attempts to resist cracking a smile were thwarted. “You’re over dramatic, Hubert,” she teased. She remembered the climbing phase. Though her work had kept her busy during it, context began working its way to solving various mysteries from those days. It was like receiving the punchline for a joke told years ago but that still remained fresh in her mind.

 

“Dramatics are about all that I’ve got.” Hubert reached for a carafe of water he kept on hand and poured a glass for Edelgard before setting it in front of her. With his guest attended to, it was now acceptable to refill his own cup. He granted Edelgard enough of a pause to let her sit on that bit of humor before jumping right into what she wanted to discuss. “Now then, how can I be of assistance for you today, Lady Edelgard?”

 

Whatever fire she’d had when she arrived seemed diminished in her eyes. Hesitation, confusion, and a good bit of frustration were easy to read in her expression. “Byleth…” Edelgard began, then hesitated. She couldn’t think of a better way to bring it up, so she decided to be blunt. “She left earlier today because of me, right? It seemed unexpected to everyone else.”

 

Ah.

 

“She left because I asked her to.” Hubert reached for his glass and took a sip for a pause. Edelgard didn’t look convinced but waited to hear more. 

 

After setting his glass back down, Hubert continued. “Yesterday was hard on all of us. I thought it best to encourage some space and she agreed, though reluctantly, might I add. It should be of no surprise that our beloved Professor enjoys overworking herself. Though I suppose we would be hypocrites if we ever dared to call her on it.”

 

Edelgard remained quiet, now holding the glass that was offered to her, but she did not drink from it. She merely stared down into the liquid while she lost herself in thought. Eventually she broke the silence. “Hubert, do you believe...” The question died in her throat. Whatever she was trying to say made her uncomfortable. Hubert waited patiently, anticipating another go at the question she had for him. 

 

“Do you think-- Why does she...?” She paused again. “Alright,” she breathed deeply and let out a long and frustrated sigh. She rubbed her temples to collect herself. “Forgive me, I have not been feeling myself lately.”

 

“There is nothing to forgive.”

 

She shook her head. “No, I have been losing my temper. I feel like I don't have control of anything lately, not even myself.” She looked away for a moment, wrestling with herself to get the words out. “This frustration is practically bleeding into everything I do. I need to do something about it, but it's been difficult. I need a better understanding of the things that I can control.”

 

Hubert stayed quiet long enough to be sure that she was done. He spoke when he was certain the floor was his. “How can I help you?”

 

“I want to ask more about this… relationship? The one that Byleth spoke of.”

 

Now Hubert’s tension began to rise. He stiffened up for a moment, clearly not expecting to have this talk so soon and without Byleth around. He counted on Byleth to be the one to more readily speak of deeper emotions. “Yes?” he nearly croaked, as he went to take another sip.

 

“I mentioned that I wasn’t romantically interested in you. I don’t think that will just change, so why? What do you get out of this?” Having said the words aloud, Edelgard became self conscious about how they had come out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t care for you at all. You are my oldest friend and maybe now more than ever I need you in my life, which is saying something. Everything is changing and I feel like I have no control. You have always been an anchor in my life to keep me focused when I needed to move forward. I don’t want to end up hurting either one of you and end up pushing the ones I love away.”

 

Hubert eased up at that, even cracking a small smile. You speak as if it were even possible to get rid of us, he thought teasingly. He was confident he could answer these questions on his own. “It is as fair a question as any, and if I have to be honest with you? I found myself relieved when you told me this the first time. It’s true that you're an important person in my life, and I do in fact still have a strong love for you, but I don’t think I could push myself into anything more. I thought I could, really, but the longer I sit on it, the more that I feel that maybe...”

 

He paused, trying to find the right words. “Maybe I’ve done enough? Even have enough, if that makes sense? We have been involved in almost every aspect of our lives. I’m content with what we have. I don’t really want more. You are family to me, and I’d like to keep it like that.”

 

He looked up to see Edelgard staring at him with knitted eyebrows and squinted eyes. “Just like that? It’s that easy for you? You’re sure there isn’t anything more you want?” She shook her head, bewildered at how simple Hubert was making it sound. 

 

“You asked what I am getting out of this? I get peace of mind. We have both watched and cared for each other since we were children. Byleth adores you, the children look up to you and I can’t stand the thought of you being alone. It would break our family’s collective hearts. So I’m open to exploring how this could work, in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling.”

 

Edelgard laughed dryly. “What changed in you? You have become as sentimental as a poet. It's charming.”

 

Hubert shook his head, amused at hearing the same joke twice from someone else now. “Comes with age.”

 

Edelgard took a sip of her water when she felt her throat go dry. There was a tickling sensation in the back of her mind as she teased herself with the invitation once more. This preposterous idea of theirs was slowly starting to sound less preposterous the more she thought about it. It was either that or perhaps, in her isolation being left with nothing but her thoughts, she had been slowly whittling her own resistance down. She knew that could be the case, and for that alone she wouldn’t act on anything. 

 

No, it was a fun thought to play with, but it was surely a substitute for the current lack of direction she felt. The simple guilty pleasure of a what if scenario. How would this relationship work, or what would it even look like? 

 

Edelgard considered her next question carefully. She struggled with herself on how to bring it up, but Edelgard always did like to keep to a forward approach. “What was it like being with Ferdinand?”

 

The silence was palpable. Though Hubert’s expression remained mostly the same, there was that slight give that told her enough. “Just wanting to clear things up,” he began slowly. “What in particular are you referring to?” 

 

“The first year of the war, when the Professor was not with us. You were noticeably closer to Ferdinand.”

 

“Well, naturally. He was becoming an asset to the Empire and proving himself. He needed guidance the same as anyone else. I was prov--”

 

“Hubert, I know what was going on between the two of you,” Edelgard interrupted.

 

Hubert was silent, but his seemingly unbreakable demeanor faltered at her words. His face twisted with confusion. “How?”

 

Edelgard forced a cough to clear her throat, her eyes drifting to anything else in the room that wasn’t Hubert. “Well, I admit that it was just a suspicion early on. You were practically glued to my side and have been for most of my life, so when you took all those absences, it was very noticeable. I distinctly remember that you began to make excuses to work with him.” 

 

Hubert slipped his face into his hands, resisting to groan. He sat idle, listening to Edelgard as she continued to unknowingly twist the knife. “I didn’t think much of it at first. The two of you were always at each other’s throats, so I just assumed the conflict united you as friends. I didn’t bother to pry since it was nice to imagine you getting along with someone else for a change. I knew the war was as hard on you as it was for me, so I left it at that.” 

 

But did you actually leave it at that? That wouldn’t be the Edelgard von Hresvelg I know, Hubert thought to himself. Judging by her shy expression, his hunch was soon going to be proven correct. “Why do I have the impression that there is something you are not telling me?”

 

Edelgard cleared her throat a second time, now opting to look down into her glass of water. “Well, you see. I might have caught you two… together?” She turned her attention back to him to look in the eyes but she had a terrible wry smile plastered on her face. 

 

Mortified, he dreaded the answer to the question he dared not ask. Together how?  

 

“You know I have trouble sleeping. One night I went for a stroll and saw you two together… kissing. I didn’t mean to spy, it was an accident.”

 

“Where were your guards?” Hubert demanded suddenly, his old instincts kicking in, flared on by his embarrassment.

“Excuse me?” 

 

“How is it possible that you could have snuck up on us with the guards I assigned to you? We were in the middle of a war and you swore to me that you would take them with you for any of your nightly walks.”

 

Edelgard was stunned. “Hubert, are you turning this back to me? You are not seriously about to scold me for something I did years ago, are you?” 

 

“Perhaps I will.” Hubert’s disposition betrayed his tone. Watching Hubert’s calm and cool demeanor break had to have been fascinating for the former Emperor. One hand covered his face while his cheeks now burned with a rare look of bashfulness Edelgard wasn’t certain if she had seen before. 

 

He was the first to break into a chuckle, which earned hers in return. Hubert pressed his face into his hands again. “I can’t believe that you knew all this time and said nothing. It’s the height of embarrassment to have been caught like that. I thought we were more careful.”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up. I don’t even know when it ended, and it certainly didn’t seem appropriate to talk about it when you began courting the Professor.”

 

“Then I should thank you for your discretion. I would have appreciated avoiding the topic.”

“Does Byleth know about your history with Ferdinand?”

 

“No she does not, and for similar reasons to why you never brought it up. I admittingly didn’t know how she was going to react when she barely had control of her emotions. I’m old and wise enough now to know she wouldn’t have minded it, but I avoid it for a different reason these days.”

 

Edelgard was genuinely curious. “Why?”

 

“She ruthlessly teases me about Ferdinand, particularly when I work directly with him. Ever since we had the talk about what she wants with you, she has been more open in discussing these sorts of things. I think she refuses to believe that she’s the only one in the house to be lovestruck by someone of the same sex, so her favorite pastime appears to be projecting that onto me.”

 

Lovestruck ? Edelgard struggled to hide her smile, choosing to bite her lip instead. Hearing her teacher’s feelings again didn’t feel as terrifying to hear as the first time did, in fact it was another guilty pleasure she treasured. She had to push the topic somewhere else; she couldn’t linger on these feelings for long. “If she were to find out you two had something going on before, she would be elated but you would never hear the end of it, is that what I’m hearing? You don’t want her to know how on the mark she is.” Edelgard couldn’t stop herself from smirking.

 

“She’s not ‘on the mark’ if it's old news. Those feelings have already come and passed.”

 

“Does Constance know?”

Hubert caught himself groaning again. “Unfortunately she does. Ferdinand isn’t as reserved as I am. As bad as Byleth may be, Constance is so very much worse. There is a reason why I’m reluctant to visit the Aegir manor.”

 

Edelgard stared down at her water, her smirk softening with fondness. “I miss her. Perhaps I should write to her soon.” 

 

Hubert nodded in agreement. “Perhaps you should, she means well enough. From what I heard, she could probably benefit from a letter. She’s terribly restless about potentially having twins again.”

 

“Do they know yet?”

 

“They do not. It's very unlikely for it to happen twice, but you never really know. She is a pretty strange case. Even she doesn’t have a particularly strong understanding of the spell she’s under.”

 

Edelgard reflected back on her last visit to the Aegir manor. “Those children are polar opposites of one another, like how Constance is when she’s in and out of the sun. I hope that’s not the magic she’s under.” She grew quiet then, as a new thought had caught her interest.

 

After a pause: “Why did you keep the relationship a secret? I can understand why you didn’t want to make it public, but you kept it even from me.”

 

Hubert grew stoic and unreadable yet again. “I keep many things from you. You know that,” Hubert stated, as if it was a simple matter of fact.

 

“Yes, I do. Why keep this one guarded?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Hubert said bluntly. 

 

Edelgard appeared perplexed before her eyes widened in surprise. “Wait. You’re not ashamed, are you?”

 

“No… Not exactly. It's complicated.” If he had it his way, he wouldn’t have implied even that much, but the assumption sat wrong in his stomach and he had to clarify that much.

“Does this have anything to do with you both being men?”

 

Hubert bit his tongue. The question was like a blow to the gut and made him tense. “Please, Lady Edelgard, spare me from having to explain.”

 

Edelgard hesitated, but reached forward to touch Hubert’s hand. “If you don’t want to tell me, I won't pursue it, but I do ask just this once if you can reconsider if you think it will help me. I’m not proud to admit it, but I’m a little scared right now about my feelings for Byleth. I’m sure that the situation of what two men have gone through is different than what it’s like for two women, but it's the closest thing I have to hang onto.”

 

Hubert sat still, thinking heavily on her words. He cupped his free hand over hers, and hesitated for a moment before getting the word out. “Alright.”

 

Hubert pulled himself up and turned to look outside the window. He leaned over, bracing both hands on the sill. He took his time working out what he wanted to say and how. When he was ready, he turned around and brought his hands together.

“Was I ashamed? No, not entirely. I was ashamed of how it started, and I was ashamed of how I ended it. Do I regret what we had? No. I sincerely would not like to think about how I would have gotten through the war without him.”

 

He could feel that anxious feeling bubbling up again. He reached for the bottle and his glass and refilled his cup. Setting the bottle down again, he began to pace around the room.

“The first year of the war was perhaps the worst for all of us, I think. The little rivalry I had with Ferdinand stopped being constructive criticism towards one another and started to become more personal. I was stressed, I’m not proud of it. I took a lot of my frustrations out on Ferdinand because he was the only one that could really take my cutting words. One night after a particularly bad day, he sought to make peace with me and invited me to share a drink.” 

 

He felt his lips pull into a small smile he couldn’t fight as he looked back at the memories. He gently swished the water around, the same way he remembered doing with the wine. “It was some vintage wine I can’t even remember the name of, but he went out of his way to pick a bottle he believed I would like. To my surprise I did enjoy it; there was a sweetness to it that complimented the bitterness well.”

 

Hubert took a swing of his water to force a pause. He realized he was starting to ramble. “Right. Well, it should be of no surprise that I don’t have a tolerance for alcohol. Wine in particular is devilish in nature because it can be quite the silent killer. It has a way of catching up with you when you least expect it. With it, lips loosen a bit and suddenly the things that you're both keeping inside you come pouring out more quickly than the wine.”

 

“So you two confessed your feelings for one another?”

 

Hubert chuckled. “Lady Edelgard, I beg your pardon, but we did a lot more than confess our feelings that night.”

 

“Hubert!” Edelgard gasps, clasping a hand over her mouth.

 

That’s about the reaction I expected , he supposed. “Now you understand why I was not proud of how it began. It was a day of arguing, an evening of drinking, and a night of clumsy passion. You can only imagine how we felt by the morning, embarrassingly piecing together what had transpired and figuring out where to go from there.”

 

“How was… Is it rude to ask what it’s like? Is it any easier if you're the same?”

 

Hubert stared into his water again, thinking back on a lot of memories. He expected himself to feel quite guarded about those intimate moments, but he would be lying to himself if finally telling someone didn’t feel good. “If only. Just because you have the same, doesn’t mean you are the same. You find that out right away, so it doesn’t help make it any less terrifying if that’s what you're asking.”

 

Hubert gave Edelgard a glance and could see how strongly she hung onto his every word. He smiled to himself, deciding to lend a little bit more. “The exploration is… a pleasant experience. After you push through the nerves and the awkwardness, you become more conscious of the little tells their body gives when you do something they like.” He pauses, sitting on a particular warm memory. “That’s the secret, in case you’re wondering.” He tapped his ear as he gave Edelgard a side glance. “Listening. I think it works regardless of who you're with.”

 

He turned to look back at her with a shy smile. “Forgive me, that was very forward. Perhaps I overshared.”

 

“No, no, not at all. I think I needed to hear it. It's rather refreshing to be this open for a change.”

“I think I know what you mean, and oddly I find myself agreeing with you.”

 

“So did you love him?”

“Well, it was not just for sex. I think opening up to him helped me come to appreciate him in a similar way to how I appreciate you. Referring to your character, of course.” He rubbed his chin in thought as he paced some more. “During that time, when I looked at Ferdinand, I began to see the future of Fódlan. I think that scared me. I was never able to truly visualize what Fódlan would be like after your rule, let alone consider what this country would need to fill the void you left behind.

 

“That’s why it ended so poorly…” Hubert stopped pacing around and moved back to his desk, deciding to sit next to Edelgard and putting his glass next to hers. “Ferdinand is brilliant. I’m at a loss of words to really describe what I see in him when I look at his growth. No matter how dark the war turned, he stayed as a beacon of light, guiding me home. At some point I realized that there was only going to be one thing that marked his reputation and would hinder him when it would become his turn to lead.” Hubert met Edelgard’s questioning gaze with his own solemn one. “Me.”

 

“What?”

 

“I am not a war criminal. I am the war criminal. The things I have done to keep the cause afloat, the sacrifices I made even behind your back? I took any and every advantage I could get my cursed hands on. Not just to win but also for the idea that if there should ever be repercussions to face post-war, that all the evidence should trace back to mostly me.”

 

He let out an exasperated sigh. Fiddling with his pocket, he pulled out his watch and checked the time. With his compulsion soothed, he put the watch back into his pocket. “You are partially correct though,” he went on. “The other reason is simply because we are both men. Our country does still struggle to acknowledge same sex relationships. It takes time to guide a country out of its mindset, and Faerghus’s interpretation of the church’s teaching still holds strong. I would look like a demon, corrupting one of the few splendid people in our cause that everyone loves with a life of debauchery or whatever other sins the Goddess would damn us with.”

 

He could see the hurt and confusion she held plainly on her face. Perhaps there was even anger on Ferdinand's behalf. “And Ferdinand just went with this?” she asked.

“I never gave him the choice,” he spoke in a low whisper. 

 

“Hubert, how could you give up so easily? You didn’t even talk it out?”

“Did I misjudge?” he snapped. “Years later, having already been so involved in the country’s inner workings, can you tell me that I was going to be wrong about the state that Fódlan would be in? Have we truly done so well to have not run into any snags, any resistance, even when we were the only players that remained? Or was I correct, and it’s been a struggle the whole way through? Did we not have to pick and choose our battles very carefully knowing that we have a ticking clock counting down on us?

 

“As the years have gone by, I have become even more certain of my decision. I don’t hate that I did it. I hate that even if I did everything right, if I was an exemplary model of a human being, I would still have to do it to protect his reputation. I only regret how I handled it, because it put a damper on our friendship for years.”

 

Edelgard reached for Hubert’s hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry.”

 

Hubert sat motionless. He realized his other hand, the right one, began to tremble in that uncomfortable sort of way again. He tucked it out of view and shifted his left hand to properly hold Edelgard’s. Their fingers intertwined and that felt natural to the both of them, save for the glove perhaps. Hubert found comfort in the gesture all the same. 

 

They stayed like this for a while, appreciating each other’s silence. Hubert swallowed the lump in his throat, his own emotions stirring. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to talk about this. “It’s fine,” he uttered softly. She responded with a squeeze of her hand and a smile.

 

If you were ever looking for a time to tell her the news, this would be it.

 

He looked at the folder whose contents he had tried to hide. Leaning over, he secured it with his free hand and presented it to Edelgard. She tentatively let go of his hand so she could pull it open and read. Then Hubert sat for a minute longer, waiting in anticipation as she carefully read over the document. He spoke when he was certain she'd gotten far enough.

 

“Since we were on the topic of being right about long shots, it feels appropriate to break the news now.”

 

“This is a court summons…” she whispered, reading over the lines again. 

 

“Yes. In summary, there are people already making their move in the Adrestian Republic. Some seek to remove me from the council. They intend to bring up my actions during the war to appropriately label me as a war criminal, thus making it so I can no longer participate in our new government.”

 

Edelgard continued to read through the pages.

 

Hubert sensed her worry. “I can tell you now that I’m going to be getting off easy. I should at least have been put in prison or hanged, not just lose my job. I suppose that’s a perk for all my efforts that went towards winning the war. Having the Prime Minister as a best friend didn’t hurt either.”

“How are you? How do you feel?”

 

Hubert looked up, as if the answers were on his ceiling as he looked inside himself. “I don’t know how to feel.” He paused. “Perhaps scared? I’m turning to the last chapters of my book and I feel ill prepared for the epilogue. I want to be able to relax, but I know there is still work to be done. Maybe I’m just not ready to let Ferdinand carry all of Fódlan alone.”

 

“You know he’s not alone, right? We spent more time than I care to think about making sure he was going to be surrounded by qualified people.”

 

“Yes, I’m aware.”

 

“You’re that worried for him?”

Hubert slouched into his chair. “I’m worried for everyone. We’ve been setting this up for years, and it has been a slow and meticulous process. Now everything is moving faster than we can keep up with. We can’t even steer it anymore, let alone stop it. Yes, I think I am scared.”

 

Edelgard put the folder back on the desk and reached for Hubert’s hand once more, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “You’re not alone either, Hubert.”

 

Hubert was still at first, but nodded his head. Another lump in his throat made him realize that he needed to hear that. They sat in silence for a bit, letting the new changes sit.

 

“How long do you have?”

 

“If I was to make it easy for them, I would say it would go into effect by the end of fall. Unfortunately for them, I have a long-standing reputation for making matters complicated that I intend to uphold. I’m fairly certain I can stall this out for a year, maybe two.”

 

“What will you do when you're finally out?”

 

He rubbed his chin, pondering the question. Soon after, he began to chuckle. “I think I may lovingly spite my protege, Anton, by growing a beard.”

 

“A beard?” Edelgard laughed. “Your big plans involve growing a beard? I’m trying to imagine it but I can’t. Can you even grow one?”

 

“Of course I can. I choose not to because of Adrestian court etiquette. The styles that are appropriate don’t suit me. Still, that should give you an idea of where I am with that. I honestly haven't had time to think about it.”

 

“If nothing else, I’m sure the children will be happy.”

 

“That much is true. Jeralt has been trying to get me to teach him how I used to fight with the spear. Though he may be disappointed. The Arrow of Indra did a lot of compensating for the strength that I lacked. Without magic, it's a very dull way of fighting.”

 

“You would have the time to teach him magic.”

 

As Hubert froze, his breathing became shallow. The memory of his talk with his sons today resurfaced.

I just wanted to be like you, dad.

 

His right arm started up again and this time he physically seized it with the other. 

 

Not now. Behave, relax.

 

“No, I won’t teach him magic. I won’t teach any of them in fact. Dark magic is my specialty and it takes a toll on the body. Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I won't encourage my way. If they want to pursue it, we’ll find another teacher for the other branches of magic.”

 

He could tell that his words were not Edelgard’s focus. She glanced at his clutched arm and gave him a worried glance. He didn’t want to talk about it, so he tried to carry on. Easing his breathing, he began to relax, letting off the tight grip he had. His problematic arm fell to his side, where Edelgard could not see its continued occasional tremor.

“Besides, Jeralt has no interest in magic. He took one look at what it takes to pursue reason-based spellcasting and said he knew it wasn’t for him. Meanwhile, he takes up after me a bit in regards to religion as a whole. I can’t imagine him pursuing faith magic. Though maybe after he’s grown a little he may change his mind.” He gave a small forced smile as he tried to brush past his reaction.

 

Edelgard clearly saw what he did and grew concerned. “Are you okay?”

 

“Hmm? Yes, I’m fine. I think I would appreciate leaving this topic for the moment though.”

 

She seemed uncertain if she should prod more or leave it be. To Hubert’s relief, she gave him some mercy and pushed the conversation along a different path, but she kept a more conscious eye on him and his behavior. 

 

“So the meeting yesterday. That was over your court summons?”

 

Out of one frying pan and into another, he thought. “No, that was a different matter entirely.” Hubert dug deep to find the will to carry this conversation along, as he was starting to feel drained. What they were getting into wasn’t going to help with that. Words were becoming harder to exchange.

 

“You remember the early years when Ferdinand was working on his image to appease the Faerghus people? How he had made trips out into the territory to lend aid? One of the best decisions he made was returning the Spear of Assal, the holy weapon of Saint Cichol, to the Church. It did well for his reputation, giving away a powerful artifact like that in good faith.”

 

“I remember. Things began to ease substantially in certain parts of Faerghus. That was a while ago, did something happen?”

 

“It was stolen,” he said bluntly.

“What? It was supposed to be held in a vault in Garreg Mach, how is that possible?”

 

“We don’t know and that’s the problem. There were reports of one person wielding the spear as they made their escape. We only have one witness that we suspect had a good look at them, but they ended up in a coma from their brief encounter. Until they wake up, we don’t know much else. We can’t even find how they entered or how they covered their escape. While Yuri’s crew is combing the Abyss for answers, we have none to provide. The news of it is spreading like fire, and there are already accounts of people who are beginning to believe that it traces back to Ferdinand.”

“Because his family shares the crest of the weapon, right? They think he stole it back because his house is the only one that the people know has the matching Crest?”

 

“That is the sum of it, yes. We don’t know if the person who stole it can even draw out its power. Holy weapons don't glow or physically react to the touch of an associated Crest bearer, not like relic weapons do. Anyone can use it, which makes it all the more possible that it could be a ploy to weaken our hold on our in the Faerghus territory.”

 

“You’re afraid that Almyra is involved. It's the only country right now that could possibly compete with Fódlan. Their superior navy would make it easy to access the Faerghus region. ”

 

“Unfortunately, that is a concern. We had to at least acknowledge the worst case scenario. Claude spent his entire time in Garreg Mach prying into secrets. It’s not impossible that he may know of some secret passages to get the job done or know of anyone else who may.”

 

Edelgard shook her head. “I highly doubt it’s Claude. If it weren’t for him, the Agarthans would still have a hold on Fódlan. At the very least he would have left us weak and wounded fighting Nemesis, not join in.”

 

“He wasn’t king then. A king can change with the needs of his people. It's best not to assume what he will or will not do, though yes we are in agreement. As far as moves against Fódlan are concerned, there have been many other options presented to him to achieve civil unrest. Considering our more recent history with Almyra, I personally find it very unlikely, but it has to be considered since it is the biggest threat. We are at least taking the steps to go through the proper channels and make contact with the Almyran king.”

 

Almyra’s involvement was a story that fit nicely, but it was a bit too on the nose and felt disingenuous with what they personally knew of Claude. “We can’t rule out the Agarthans, can we?”

Hubert hesitated to answer. He didn’t want to bring this up just for this possibility alone. “No… we cannot rule them completely out. They may have lost Shambhala, but we can’t be certain they were all centered there.”

 

“I see…” Edelgard whispered. Though she appeared composed, Hubert watched her knuckles go white from squeezing the arm of her chair.

He leaned and touched her shoulder, pulling her attention back to him. “Even if it were them, they are broken. They have no Javelins of Light or armies at their call. Every tool they have used has been dulled, and it would take lifetimes for them to scrounge up a proper resistance again. I imagine it will be a far cry from their former presence as well. Believe me, I’m more concerned about Claude’s involvement than theirs.”

 

“Thank you, that helps a lot,” Edelgard spoke softly. Hubert could tell that it did help too. She eased up a bit but she was still tense. He couldn’t blame her. They could only speculate what the Agarthans were capable of at the moment, if there was even any left at all. 

 

Hubert had more to add. “There is another person to consider that does have the Crest of Cichol and has been completely unaccounted for. We have no idea what became of Seteth after the war.”

 

“You’re right, but that does feel like a strange one. Even if he’s acting alone, he’s risking exposing himself and potentially Flayn as well. That doesn’t sound like the kind of risk he would take.”

 

“Byleth is of the same mind. Personally, there is a lot we don’t know about when it comes to those two. The records they had in Garreg Mach were forged, and they were close allies with Rhea. The only information we could glean through our investigation was the obvious, that Seteth is Flayn’s father. If there is anyone who would know Garreg Mach like the back of their hand, I would put Seteth on the top of the list.``

 

“I would prefer it if it was Seteth. I would rather him steal the Spear and wander back into obscurity than for it to be a tool in a grander plan.”

 

“If that is where his plan ends. If something happened to Flayn--” Hubert stopped abruptly. He had more to say but the words wouldn’t leave his lips. What would you do if something happened to your child? Wouldn’t my violent side come out too? And so easily, even after years of trying to mask the monster that I am?

 

His hand trembled more fiercely now, but he kept it to the side out of view. He could feel it coming on, the pressure he’d been holding back trying to let itself out. He felt it in his breath, in his heart, and in his mind as it began to cloud over. He needed to get Edelgard out of the room, but it was getting harder to will himself to talk. 

 

Relax, breathe, keep it under control. Pause for a moment until you can talk properly again. 

 

Acknowledging his shortened time had already put a strain on him, and the situation with the Spear was only winding him up more, but this guilt that he felt was on a league of its own. I’m a terrible person trying to be a good father.

 

The haunting memory of earlier played again in his head. I just want to be like you, Dad.

 

He shot up, and began to pace. He clenched his teeth hard and held his trembling arm close to his chest. 

 

“Hubert?”

He moved to the window, careful to keep his back to her. She was going to need a response but he was only working himself up more. He thought he could perhaps play this off, but it was a poor attempt as more of his body began to shake.

Not now. Please, not now.

 

“Hubert, what’s wrong?” Her tone was much more worried. He could hear her reaching for her cane to get up.

 

I just have to leave , he thought. It was a poor plan, since he wouldn’t have a way to explain what happened later, but at that moment he saw it was the logical thing to do. He turned around and quickly began walking past Edelgard, giving a show of effort by forcing what was his worst smile yet, not knowing just how flushed his face was from the strain of the stress that had quickly caught up with him. In his mind there was only the trembling to hide, for which the only solution he could come up with was to simply move faster.

“Hubert, your-- What’s happening to you? Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

 

He opened his mouth as he got to the door, but the excuses died in his throat. Nothing escaped his lips except for his raspy breath.

Everything is fine, I have to go. It never formed into words.

 

I have a matter to attend to, I’m very late to it. This too refused to come out.

 

Instead he clenched his teeth hard, reached for the handle, and stopped short. He felt out of breath, like he had just run a mile. Instead of opening the door, he slumped against it. 

 

Damn it, he repeated in his head. He felt an inkling of this feeling when he spoke to his sons earlier, but it was small and he was certain he could manage it. It started as a nervous tension like something looming overhead, but now for some reason it was quickly building momentum. 

 

It always does.

 

Now that there was no going back, he did all that he could to move past this feeling, which meant holding on for dear life. He felt his knees buckle, choosing not to resist as he slid down to the floor. He did the only thing he could do in this situation: try his best to control his breathing. His eyes were unfocused and he only barely registered the sound of Edelgard hitting the floor hard when she came down to his side. 

 

She was asking him questions, he could make out that much, but she didn’t know that he couldn’t speak and that it was hard to pay her any mind. No matter how badly he wanted to, the words couldn’t come out. At best he could give a shake of his head when he understood she was trying to call for help. There was nothing more Edelgard could do but sit on the floor with him, holding his hand while his body kept the door pinned closed. 

 

His body twitched and his teeth clattered as he curled up. He surrounded himself in a world of darkness as he kept his eyes squeezed shut and stayed alone in his mind, trapped with his own thoughts. If there was one thing he was thankful for, it was Edelgard’s hand that gave him an inviting warmth. It was something he could anchor himself to while he rode out this storm.