MY SANCTUARY IS PURGATORY
Chapter 1: Dreamless Sleep Of Death
I
Keisuke Akimoto woke up and found himself underwater. Panic choked his thoughts as he flailed his arms and legs. Metallic-tasting water flooded his mouth and nose and lungs. Not knowing how he got here, Keisuke strained to reach the surface by propelling himself to the surface. He pushed his arms and legs in frantic motions, cycling them back and forth.
No matter how much he struggled, the surface didn’t seem to come closer. It glinted far away from his groping hands. As he kicked and swam, holding onto whatever precious seconds of breath he held in his lungs, the pressure mounted. His brain shrieked for sheer survival, unable to scream or plead for help.
Something bony with a death vice grip grabbed his ankle and plunged him down. His strength vanished, his limbs falling limp as he sank into the dark depths. Keisuke wrenched his head to glance back and saw grinning skeletal visages.
A red light gleamed within the sockets, with malice that promised something more morbid than death itself. It promised pain, suffering, humiliation, despair, agony, hatred, masochism, sadism, guilt, loathing, but most of all—death.
The dream beyond all dreams, the horizon from which one could never return from.
Despite this, he struggled with all his might to live by punching the skeletons in the skulls, snapping limbs and bones with an awful crunch Even if these undead were trying to kill him, they still vaguely resembled humans. Keisuke took no relish in harming anything resembling living beings. He needed to live, damn it!
No matter what it took!
Spectral skeletons caressed him gently, whispered secrets he found sanctuary in this underwater grave. In a feeble attempt to fight them off, Keisuke kicked one in the chest, though another replaced the ones he struggled from.
Bony digits clicked and grasped, while Keisuke kicked and punched whatever skeletons he could, bone marrow snapping underneath his heel and fist. Yet no matter how much he struggled, more would replace the ones that came before.
His heart thudded as he lunged upward. The ghostly visages of skulls leered at him and mocked him with the futility of life and the lonely embrace of death. Keisuke ceased his frantic thrashing. More of the skeletons gripped his body, fingers clutching the fabric, arms, and wrists, legs and ankles.
His sluggish mind fogged over in a haze of life and death, that kind of dreamless sleep when you knew your life would end. A lethargy that couldn’t be remedied through sheer willpower. Hope and joy sapped out of him in a lifeless rush the more the underwater specter’s grip wrenched him down.
What was the point? All the world’s loathing and hatred settled upon his shoulders as he sank further away from the surface, watching the glimmer of hope and light that gleamed above, his salvation, recede further and further away. Even if he could make it to the surface—even if he lived—what was the point, anyway, if he couldn’t remember a damn thing about how he got here or where he was?
Would someone even come to save him, a hopeless dreamer that hoped the comfort of death would wash over all his previous pain, a life cut too short?
What use was it? There were so many of them. Could he hope to make it to the surface? Maybe he deserved to die in this underwater tomb…
Shaking his head to ward off exhaustion, Keisuke frantically struggled against their bonds as he reached towards the surface with a grasping hand, a pure white light enveloping him—
—dispelling the skeletons that gripped him into disintegrated particles of speckled light. A slender hand gripped his wrist. Keisuke’s eyes widened as he hoped he could be saved. He just needed a few more seconds until…
Then he could breathe again.
Keisuke choked the remnants of water still filling his water, nose, and lungs. Thinking over the events that transpired before he turned to gaze at his savior.
The loveliest girl he ever saw in his life currently tended to him. Raven-black hair flowed past her shoulders and draped around her hips in delicate tousled locks that reminded him of a princess from a noble-born house. Her emerald green eyes scanned him, checking for injuries as her hands fluttered across his body, gently applying pressure to see if anything hurt.
They ghosted his sides and peeled his waterlogged shirt with a professional discernment that indicated she’s seen several injuries like this one before. Keisuke wondered when he had been stabbed, though there was a wound through his chest and blood caked his skin and chest. She worked on checking the injury first before a glowing blue light emitted from her hands.
Keisuke felt warmth suffuse him, and then the previous thoughts from before—all the agony and rage and loathing that came from the skeletons and hopelessness that soaked into him in despair of the situation—became warmth love, light, love, and laughter.
Because of this simple gesture of kindness, Keisuke found that he wanted to live again. That living might not be so terrible after all, that he can face any struggle and come through it stronger in the end. Keisuke wanted to thank her, but he only coughed up some water on her.
Not a good first impression, he was sure.
The girl didn’t flinch, however.
“You survived,” the girl said softly. “Come now. I will take you back.”
He observed the girl for a moment, thinking about why she would be in such a godforsaken place.
The scent of honeysuckle, cedar-laced pine smoke, and a slight waft of cinnamon drifted through the air and eased through his nostrils. A forest with deadened trees and spectral lights loomed before him, resplendent with the scent of greenery and hummed with the droning of small woodland insects. The sentinel trees’ contorted shapes and skeletal-like whiteness bore gnarled roots that ruptured from the ground through the underbrush.
Paltry grass the color of gray-green sprouted in straggly patches and shifted in a chill wind that caused goosebumps to crawl across Keisuke’s body. Mysterious will-o-wisp lights floated with a fey-like beauty and phantasmal eeriness. Keisuke could only wonder where he was.
He didn’t know how he ventured into this forest, though he felt like Dante from the Divine Comedy traversing the dark, mysterious woods in the afterlife. Was this a dream?
Keisuke pinched himself and winced. This must not be his imagination, as he could still feel pain. Something hummed like in a fever dream in the deadened forest (perhaps the sound of insects?) He checked his vital signs and sure enough, the steady pulse of his heartbeat thrummed against his chest. Not a hallucination by his perceived senses, at least, but could he trust what he was seeing?
Whenever he tried to recall what happened and how he ended up here, a resounding headache pulsed in his temples. No good.
“What was that? “Keisuke said when he reoriented himself to his surroundings. “What were those things?”
Natsumi paused to regard him with lovely green eyes before she gripped his hand in her own. A bird startled from a roosting place in the trees, hovering low over them and ascending towards the ironbound skies through the skeletal forest. “You must be in shock. That was the Lake of Despair. You almost drowned in your tears.”
“I almost drowned in my tears?” Keisuke put a hand on his cheek.
He realized his cheeks weren’t only dampened by water, but tears. “Is that even possible?”
“It does happen sometimes. You’re in a Purgatorial-like realm. The wound you suffered was from your previous life. The lingering consciousness of your death still remains in this psychic-like state.”
Keisuke cocked his head to the side.
What did she mean? He was dead? He wasn’t sure if he could accept that statement at face value, though after seeing what looked to be copious amounts of blood and a stab wound through his chest, Keisuke imagined that he was dead.
Though was she the one who killed him? He didn’t know. He didn’t think that she would go to the efforts of saving him if she were the one to kill him, but the fact of the matter was, should he accept it—he was dead. Though somehow his consciousness still remained.
Was there really an afterlife?
“I’m not hallucinating, am I?” Keisuke murmured. “This isn’t a dream. And I’m dead, apparently.”
“This is very real,” Natsumi said. “And yes, you are dead. I wish we could’ve met under better circumstances, though the truth of the matter is, you only see me and others like me when you die.”
Something in her expression seemed to urge Keisuke to hurry up. Her brow furrowed and her eyes darted in every direction, taking in her surroundings and looking for something. Keisuke heard a keening howl of a wolf in the forest somewhere, off in the distance, while a slice of the moon hovered in the sky, the clouds pregnant with what he thought would be rain.
But what? Keisuke couldn’t see anything.
The will-o-wisps from before seemed to have scattered. Where did they go?
“You need some rest,” the girl said soothingly, though Keisuke wondered if it was more for herself than for his benefit. “The village I live in is a rehabilitation center for souls like you.”
“What is this place? And who are you? Why are you here? What do you even mean by ‘soul like me?” Keisuke asked in wonder.
Her deep gaze into his soul left him disconcerted. Was it pity he saw in them?
“You will be told in due time. Please be patient and please understand why I can’t explain everything right away. But the least you should know is that you’re in the afterlife.”
“The afterlife?” Keisuke said while he pondered over her words. He somehow was still alive after death, though for some reason he couldn’t remember anything about his previous life. “So you want to tell me I’m dead and you are some angel?”
“Not quite,” Natsumi said before she ran a hand through her long silken black hair. “My name is Natsumi, by the way. I’m a Shinigami.”
Keisuke’s head whirled with all this information. She saved him, he supposed, after the initial paranoia of almost dying again and wondering if she had anything to do with it wore off. She stared off into the distance, her brow furrowed before she turned to face him again.
Natsumi as the next thing she said quelled any more questions he might have. “I know that you’re still adjusting to the afterlife and have a lot of questions, though I’m afraid I can’t answer them all. You are in danger, and you must go through the dark forest on your own to find the village where you will be rehabilitated. There are demons present here.”
Keisuke’s throat clenched. “You mean…like those things from the lake?”
“Yes,” Natsumi said. “Now go. I will fend them off.”
Keisuke edged towards the forest, though instinct told him that he needed to defend a pretty girl from danger. Natsumi ushered him to go. The howling started to become stronger, vibrating the air with their eerie chorus. Was it more demons? “I’ll be fine! You need to find the village beyond the edge of the forest. This is the only choice we have. Go!”
“This is ridiculous,” he murmured, but still started to walk in the direction Natsumi gestured. What other choice did he have? She could be leading him to another death trap. But he figured where she pointed was as good as any for a direction. He would find out soon enough.
He rushed through the deep forest, where uplifted gnarled roots attempted to trip him up. The forest itself seemed to have eyes that watched him through the knots in the trees or underneath the roots. Through the canopy of leaves, dusk started to fall and night descended with no moonlight to guide him while he maneuvered through the forest underneath the shadowy veils of foliage. Keisuke’s heart thumped frantically in his throat when the darkness started to rob him of his sight.
How was he ever going to get out of here? Where will he find the village? Leaves and twigs crunched underfoot, with the occasional furtive movements of an animal rustling dirt clods underneath the tree roots and skittering papery leaves with their footsteps.
A low snarl rumbled from his right. Keisuke turned. A massive lupine creature stalked towards him through the shadows, from what little he could see. It stalked closer, still growling, and Keisuke’s stumbling gait turned into a loping sprint.
The wolf pursued. Keisuke tripped over an uplifted root, cursing aloud in pain and frustration as the wolf hovered over him. He could smell its rancid carrion breath on his cheek and its jaws snapped too close for comfort as Keisuke lifted an arm to defend himself. Pain blossomed in his arm as he could feel the stinging vice of the wolf’s jaws clamp on his arm.
Would he die here? Or die again, as Natsumi had reminded him in the beginning that he was already dead?
Keisuke used his free arm to punch the wolf squarely in the eyes. The wolf unclamped its jaws, yelping in pain, before readying to pounce again. Before the wolf would tear out his throat, the wolf cried in pain as a scythe slashed the creature in half. The slice was so clean that the thing didn’t even bleed as its halves toppled to the ground. Keisuke, however, couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. More yellow eyes peered through the darkness.
He winced, expecting to have ferocious jaws rip into his innards (did spirits have innards at all, or would he ooze out ectoplasm in his death), and waited for the end to come. He only proved to be a burden to Natsumi, after all. His life wasn’t worth saving. The end was near, and he couldn’t do anything but helplessly watch.
That is until Natsumi danced and twirled with her Soul Shard and killed all the surrounding wolves in one blinding flash. Keisuke couldn’t even follow her movements, but when he was on the verge of death and saw his life flash before his eyes, Keisuke decided right then and there—he loved her.
He loved her, because not only did she deem his useless life worth saving, but she saved him not once, but twice now. Keisuke trembled before her, eyes tearing up in gratitude before he realized something…
The saliva in the place where the wolf bit him started to burn and sizzle at his skin.
Natsumi looked stern.
“Did one bite you?”
Keisuke nodded. “Yes. One tried to bite me in the throat, but I just barely managed to keep it from ripping out my jugular. But what’s going on? That’s not a normal wolf…is it?”
“It is a lupine demon that the Witches have crafted into the form of a giant wolf, with some modifications,” Natsumi said before she quickly used a gentle healing spell on Keisuke’s arm and wrapped a makeshift tourniquet around the wound. “This will have to do for now until I can get you back to the rehabilitation center. There, it should be sanctified against demons and I have more time to do a proper healing diagnosis on you, Keisuke-san.”
She knelt beside him, before saying, “I’ll carry you. It will be far swifter for me to carry you than to have you run alongside me.”
With that, Natsumi swept him up in her arms and ran.
