Life on his own had always been easier. At least, that’s what Chris told himself. Sharing this space with Cay and Aiden had brought back the uncomfortable feeling of living with other people. People who made noise, and existed in the spaces you were in. People that did annoying things like talk too loudly on the phone (Cay), or leave the seat up in the bathroom (Aiden - not that Chris needed to use the toilet as a weird nightmare puppet, but it still annoyed him when he noticed the trend).

They also did annoying things like check up on you when you were trying to have a good sulk about being a horrific, gnashing, super gross nightmare puppet.

“You OK in there, Chris?” Cailyn asked, knocking on the cupboard door.

Chris didn’t answer. He’d taken to hiding in this empty cupboard in the kitchen when he realized it was empty and relatively free of dust and/or spiders. Sure, he had to share with a rice cooker that looked like it hadn’t seen use in years, but at least the rice cooker wasn’t judging him… at least, not that he knew of.

“Look, you don’t have to talk to us but at least stop hanging out in the cupboard? We’re worried about you,” Cay pressed. 

“Go away,” Chris snapped.

“Ugh… You know you still have to eat and drink, right? Otherwise you’ll never have the energy for the changes and you’ll be stuck that way longer.”

He did know that. But he also knew that he was very comfortable hiding in this cupboard where nobody made him feel unsightly. He’d spent enough time making himself feel that way before this had happened. It’s why he never put much effort into his appearance.

Why bother dressing nice if you were always going to be some gangly, gravel-voiced mess that was just going to make people uncomfortable anyway?

Even though his new body was creepy, at least it was smaller, and the voice was more like his had been before puberty had kicked his voice box down an old dirt road for half a mile.

“Fine, don’t say anything. I’ll just leave food and water outside of the cupboard like a cat or something. Jeez.” Cay stood up with a huff, storming away.

He had never really talked with her much outside of shop hours, so he just assumed she was going to ignore him while he was here. He kinda wished he’d been right. Ever since that first day she’d been nudging him to get out of hiding and hang out with her and Aiden around the apartment.

At least when Aiden was his “caretaker” he was free to stay in hiding all day if he wanted to, and Aiden wouldn’t so much as bother him.

It made actually leaving his hiding spot less uncomfortable when he wasn’t being pressured.

Fortunately, this new body seemed to be really good at one thing, other than scaring people: sleeping. He could drop off to sleep so easily, and it was how he chose to pass most of his hours.

When he was asleep, he could look how he wanted, be free of his lanky body, or this scary sack puppet body. Slim, soft, femin– no, not that, his mind wouldn’t let him apply that word. Guys could be slim and soft too, after all. He just hadn’t been in his old body.

Unfortunately, the more he slept, the more frequently he started having weird dreams. It started relatively simply - the usual nightmares. Something dark and scary chasing him, something he couldn’t identify, but he knew that if it caught him he’d be killed.

But he’d already been killed, so what was there to worry about?

Oh, right. If this thing killed him, it was going to devour his soul.

He had no idea why he knew that, but he did, and it made the threat so much worse.

The dreams progressed, worsening every day. By his fourth day as a Knot Thing, he could barely stand to sleep when the urges came. Rest was always fitful, but he couldn’t bring it up to Cay. She’d say it was because he wasn’t eating enough, or something.

It was bad enough that she had fulfilled her promise to start feeding him out of cat dishes like some kind of animal. Aiden at least respected him enough to still give him a plate.

He crawled out of the cupboard early Thursday morning - or was it Thursday afternoon? Time had all begun to blur together.

The pink cat dish outside his cupboard, filled with what he hoped was mashed-up meatloaf, but suspected was likely cat food, told him that it was a Cailyn day.

He stopped at the dish, his stomach fluff rumbling angrily telling him to eat whatever the mystery meat was. The taste was nearly unidentifiable, so he assumed that it was, in fact, cat food. He’d make sure to curse her out later for that.

For now, he was just glad to be awake, and free of the nightmares. He stumbled into the living room, lured by the sound of the television.

Cailyn lay sprawled across the sofa, a bowl of popcorn in front of her, binging some nonsensical show on Netflix.

“Look who’s out of hiding,” Cailyn said, raising a brow as he toddled through the living room.

“Yeah, well, I have to be awake occasionally,” he shot back.

“Did you eat anything?”

“You mean the fancy feast you left in the bowl outside my cupboard? Yeah. Thanks by the way. Totally not insulting to get cat food in a pet food dish.”

“Hey, it’s not like it really matters. Nutrients are nutrients to a knot thing. Besides… I kinda burned the stuff I was making for you, anyway.”

“Oh.” He really missed Aiden. Aiden didn’t burn his meals. Aiden was actually a good cook. Aiden didn’t feed him cat food, either…

“Do you hate me?” he blurted out.

“What?” Cay asked, finally diverting her attention from her TV drama. 

“All week you’ve been annoyed, and treating me like a pest, and now you’re actually just treating me like some kind of stray animal. I thought we were friendly at the shop, so what’s the big idea?”

Cailyn shrugged. “It’s not like you’ve been a great house guest either. You’re sullen, and you hide in the cabinet all day, waiting to pop out like some kind of knock-off Chucky doll. I’ll be glad when you unravel and everything gets back to normal.”

Normal.

What was normal, anyway? Going back to his usual self? Lanky, creepy, gravely, grungy old Christian Gray?

Something in his fluffy core wretched.

“No,” he mumbled.

“Huh?”

“I said… no. I don’t want to go back to that.”

Cay sat up, putting the popcorn on the coffee table. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know!” Chris shot back, curling his tiny claws into fists. “I just… I just don’t want to go back to how I was.”

“Uh…huh,” Cay raised a brow as high as it would go, staring at him.

“So what do you want to look like when you’re done?”

“I… don’t know,” Chris admitted. “Just not what I was before. Different.”

“Okay, so, you want to be different, but you don’t know how?” Cailyn asked.

“Right,” he nodded.

Cay fixed him with a critical eye, looking him over from head to toe. “Alright, then. Does that, uh, have anything to do with why you’ve been hiding in the cupboard all week?”

“No, er, maybe?” He shrugged his tiny sackcloth shoulders. 

“Is it because of our comments about you being uh… creepy, and stuff?”

“That’s a big part of it, yeah. I mean, who wants to feel creepy in the house they’re staying in? Like he– like they’re making you uncomfortable?”

“That’s fair. Sorry. I really didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Chris.” Cay sighed, leaning back into the sofa.

“Well just… don’t say it anymore, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and no more cat food!” Chris insisted.

“What about dog food?” Cay asked with a shit-eating grin.

Chris planted his hands on his hips and shot her a look that would kill if it could.

Actually, given his horror puppet status, his looks might be capable of murder. He had to remember to be careful of that. 

Cay laughed, picking up her popcorn. “So sassy. Alright, real food from now on. Sorry, Chrissi.”

The familiar nickname stirred another odd twinge in his fluffy core, and he shoved it aside - probably indigestion from the cat food.

“Wanna join me for the rest of my show?” Cay asked.

He considered going back to the cupboard to sleep… but no. The nightmares would be back in force, and he was honestly getting tired of sleeping all day.

“Sure,” he said, scrabbling up onto the couch with his tiny metal claws.

“Good thing this couch is already kinda ratty, those claws are sharp,” Cay said, watching him climb.

“Sorry,” Chris mumbled, suddenly regretting his choice to join her. He was just a destructive little monster, after all…

“Eh, no big deal. We got this thing for like fifty bucks on Craigslist.”

He tried to relax as she resumed the show, accepting the few kernels of popcorn that she offered him. Chewing on them was strange and spongy, compared to his usual diet… and he found it much less satisfying than eating meat. Even the cat food had a better texture.

After setting aside his prejudices about the genre of dramas, he was able to tolerate the show, and at least maintain passing interest in it, for a while.

At some point he’d nestled down into the pillows at the end of the sofa, waiting to see if Jenna and Peter would end up together…

Then yet another nightmare began.