Just outside of the gate are a steady flow of people trying to enter the city, in two lanes - an expedited lane for incoming merchants with their carts of grain and cloth, and meat still mooing on the hoof; and a lane of frustrated players being interviewed and sent in, one by one, flanked by two knights and a methodical pixie in gold and indigo, peering over her pince-nez glasses at a paper scroll and a blueblack raven quill the size of her head, dipping in ink and filling out forms as people pass.

There was a bit of a line in both directions, so I watch the proceedings as I walk and eat.

"Name?" she asks.

A huge gold and green koboldt with fancy robes and a staff chuckles nervously. "You aren't going to believe it..."

"I am aware of the Adventurer tendency for horrible pun aliases," the pixie says in her best seen-it-all librarian voice. "Try me."

He sighs, first two fingers on his forehead. "...Bolt Vanderhuge."

"Mmhm. And that would be name and family name?" Bolt nods to the pixie, who writes it down. "Profession: mercenary...?"

"Huh? I - I suppose I am a mercenary now," Bolt babbles.

The pixie censor in indigo sighed. "Class, then?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Bolt indicates his staff and robes.

The pixie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Ser, there are any number of classes that use staves and talisman armor. That doesn't narrow it down enough."

Bolt grimaced. "Oh. Uh, Wizard, then."

"Mmhm. Mercenary Wizard. Should I assume your length of stay is also to be indefinite?" the censor asks.

"...God, I hope not. My boyfriend would be -"

"For what it's worth, ser Vanderhuge, it is also our hope that you are swiftly reunited with your lover back at your home," the censor says, softly, "but I will put 'indefinitely' in case of the worst."

Vanderhuge closes his eyes and hangs his head. "I appreciate your sympathies," he says. "Let me know what else I need to do, miss..."

The censor pushes her pince-nez up her nose. "The Honorable Lady Cela Zlatez del'Norte."

Bolt nods. "Thank you, your Honor."

Cela del'Norte flips a page. "Let's continue. Are you a member of a registered Free Company?"

"Yes, Free Company... uh... Always Be Crisis/Desperation Enabled, that's ABCDE."

Cela shakes her head. "ABCDE, and check. Do you have any custom to declare?"

"Some rum and furs from the island?"

Cela snaps her fingers and points at one of the knights. "Follow him to the Hall of Scales with your custom, and good day."

I realized I could make our next steps far easier with a little help, and took this moment to clear my throat.

"Excuse me," I call out - god, that's my Customer Service Voice. "Your Honor, del'Norte? May I have a moment of your time?"

She turns her head to me, scowling. "That is a very valuable commodity right now, dame adventurer."

I take a deep breath. "Just let me know - have you processed anyone else from Free Company DC-slash-AC? Dungeon Crawling and Chill?"

"Anyone else." She thinks. "How did you get in yesterday?"

"A commendation from the Captain of the Guard," Alesha says, saluting. "At Costa Dulce."

"I'll make a note of it." And Lady del'Norte does. "No, heroes, I have not processed any other members of DC/AC."

I bow, and return to the line out.

"Just making sure they aren't at the guildhouse, huh?" Sekhmet asks, arms folded, smirking.

"It was worth a shot," I say, shrugging. "How far out of town do you think we'll need to go?"

Fifteen minutes walk down Thorne's Arrow Road, we find them near a farmhouse and an orange grove.

Helping the farmers cook their marmalade.

A massive, busty koboldt, covered with white down and in purple robes, stirs a massive cauldron of the stuff, tipping in a large bag of demerara sugar; next to her, a calico Ubastim in leather gloves and apron, wearing goggles as he slices oranges and the odd lemon into a large glazed ceramic bowl; and flitting among the trees, a dark-skinned pixie in flowing blue, indigo and purple robes lined with silver picking the oranges at the tops of the trees and passing them down to the human farmer couple, as the kids - some adopted vulpes and cattes - run full baskets to the catte in the apron.

I immediately wave to my friends. 

"Meg!" I say to the white Koboldt. "I'm glad you're safe - well, as safe as you can be -"

Meghaniel Genetor rose, arms spread wide, and that's a clear invitation. It's weird to hug someone this freely, but it's virtual - and it's a friend far from home and deep in danger - gods, don't rest your head on her tit -

She lets me go, barking one note of brassy laughter, and says: "I get the idea. Where the hell has your crowd been? Seen Ralph?"

"Dude owes me gold," the catte says, grinning ear to ear. "How about Talon and the kid?"

"Ralph buggered off early to cram for midterms and probably missed this party." Sekhmet says, walking up to her fellow catte to exchange fistbumps. "No sign of Talondar. As for Peachi, well..."

"She's safe," Alesha says. "Not in Viacruz, but safe. We have a fair bit of business to catch up on, and things are even more complicated than they seem."

Sekhmet pauses at that, ears flickering between the three other guild members, before speaking to them with her palms up. "Let's help you help the locals first, maybe hand you some spare bocas I got in town, and help you get in town. We five got real lucky and ought to help get you a real roof and a real bed, right?"

"We'll take any help we can get," Thomas Calico Katzenberg says, holding his hand out. "Gimme a sandwich and take over for me for a sec?"

There's an almost subliminal sigh that crosses through the three of them, and I frown; I can't shake feeling like I missed something. But Sekh nods, hands Tom a sando, and takes over slicing; and you sit down and start to stir for Meg.

"That thing has ham in it," Sekh warns Tom.

"It's an emergency," he responds, frowning. "God might not be happy but he'll get it."

"We do appreciate your coming to find us," says the pixie woman. "And the food."

Aurora shrugs. "As she said, Luna; we were blessed, and want to share the blessings."

I'm beginning to think this is true, but not in - or just in - the sense that Aurora and Luna mean it.

"We managed to acquit ourselves well at Costa Dulce," Hikaru explains, "and therefore earn an audience with the Contessa - and paying work."

And as the three of them eat and stretch, and we take over for them, Hikaru catches the rest of the guild up to our activities - and the three of them catch us up to theirs, and their luck in finding work and a roof helping the Heurta clan with the orange harvest.

"It is thanks to their compassion that we have been warm at night," Luna concludes.

"Yeah, I've been, uh, struck by how much the locals have going on," Ace says. "The Heurtas seem nice, I'm glad you could help each other out."

"DC/AC help each other," Meghan says. "As you've found out, I hope, Ace?"

Ace sighs. "Yeah, I'd be dead meat if not for Deedee and Leesh beating off the Crab Rave."

Tom Katt stretches and yawns from his seat under a broad tree. "What I don't get is why this fetchquest the Contessa wants The Great Slave-Punchers of Oz on top of deserves that, or the pay. I mean, from the sound of things you're dealing with trash mobs; that's worth maybe 100 gil and some equipment, tops."

"That's -"

My because and Hikaru's elementary overlap, and both of us look at each other, Hikaru blinking in shock.

Then Hikaru bows and flourishes. "By all means, tell me what you've determined."

I take a deep breath in, hold it, take a deep breath out.

"That's because I'm pretty sure she thinks PC griefers are behind it," I say.

Hikaru grins, a hand to his chin. The others exchange glances, and I turn it over in my head, and explain:

"The monsters attacking are Seedlings, right? The flower-fox hybrids, with faces that sold a million plushies," I remind them. "Except those are forest creatures that show up in the Neverglades and in woods with faerie rings. So what the hell are they doing on top of a hill, one week by cart away from the nearest forest, surrounded by plains that've been cleared for vineyards and olive gardens?"

"They can sometimes roam in areas next to woods," Hikaru adds, nodding, "but on roads or within towns? Never randomly. You may not be aware of this, but monsters avoid 'hallowed ground' - for the sake of argument, let's say the coding makes this 'instinctive' behavior."

I hadn't realized that - and flip that over. "That's one of the things milestones and shrines do, isn't it? They line the roads to keep towns and merchants safe from monster attacks."

"That and the patrols of well armed groups of murderhobos travelling down them, yes," Meg says - frowning, as she plays with the fringe of her sleeves.

"We know there are 'pirate' groups of players," Hikaru says.

Tom scoffs. "Well, yeah, you fought 'em."

Hikaru shrugs. "I would guess that an Erandite is the one that actually smuggled in the creatures, or cast a familiar spell and set them free, or grew them; they'd have both the horticultural knowledge to do so and be able to bypass a set of wards nigh-assured to protect an agricultural community."

I clench my fist. "And it's not like we know any asshole PC Erandites, right?" I deadpan.

"What? - Oh, that bitch," Sekh says. "It's probably not gonna be her."

"If it is Strawberry Shortfuse, though?" Ace asks, too sweetly.

"Then I'll want your help with her," I say, smiling, all fangs.

Taliab

Cela is a creation of Qoheleth aka CetaceanHandiwork on Tumblr, a reader that's been so obnoxiously on the ball about future twists I've been foreshadowing that I had to honor them by making their Adventurersona canon.