Have you ever tried to knock out a street lamp by tossing a baseball bat from the back seat of a moving convertible? Neither have I, but that was the closest equivalent I could think of to what we were attempting.

To be fair, Jax’s broad ax was about as well-balanced a throwing weapon as a concrete cinder block and every bit as heavy. Even with the aid of my accuracy spell and her peak-human Strength levels, she had thus far remained unable to combine the two into that perfect throw. The timing necessary was just too precise.

There had been a couple of near misses, though. She had even given one a solid jostling, which was impressive given the cavernous height of the blasted ceilings and the main reason we were still at it. Nothing like an almost to keep your hopes alive.

Of course, Jax was not the only one at work.

The situation had afforded Arx the opportunity to get in some much needed practice with her arrow, though the odds of her knocking a lamp loose were practically nil. Half the time, she was doing good just to hit the correct wall. As sensitive as her skill was, any deviation from a clear, precise tone had the potential to send the arrow flying wildly off-course.

However, with enough time and experimentation, she was eventually able to pick up a few of the basics. Up and down were guided by pitch, left and right by volume, and both relative to her starting point. Meaning that if she wanted to exercise any level of control, it was important to initialize the variables at a nice, happy medium.

Which is all well and good, but even aiming down the hallway—and notably away from us—the arrow would usually ricochet off a random surface or perforate one of the many bits of furniture scattered about before she had enough time to course-correct. It simply moved too quickly.

And if there was a way to adjust for speed, it had thus far escaped us.

Meanwhile, Lynnria had been relegated to the sidelines, to her dismay. She had argued fiercely that her wand had every bit as much a chance at knocking one of the lamps loose as any of the other methods but, given its Life Energy requirement, using it was simply untenable. I was not so replete with the stuff as to waste it frivolously.

Something many thousands of wadded-up napkins would have found hilarious.

As for her latest skill—the aptly named Finger of Corruption, it turned out—we had agreed to leave it be for now. We did not know if it the fired bolt had any sort of force behind it or even how many shots her current storage was holding. If she accidentally emptied it out, she ran the risk of disrupting the established precedent—and her chance at reclaiming her stolen femininity.

And while she was not completely opposed to allowing the Dolilim to donate a bit of extra Life—as long as she did not have to actually touch said donation—the risk of swelling had been mentioned, and we had agreed it best not to explore that eventuality while her tank was still attached to her wrist.

So she had busied herself with some shadow fencing—against Jax’s literal shadows—with the intent of cobbling together some sort of melee technique involving her Luck Rune. The effects of which were ironically escaping her. Her fencing partners seemed much more interested in… shall we say, teasing than fighting.

As for myself, I was mainly providing buffs, heals for the occasional bump or scrape, and shouts of encouragement. But between all that, I was using the downtime for a bit of my own spell-casting practice.

About an hour into these proceedings, Jax had finally gotten tired of fruitless ax-chucking and just started attempting to scale the ‘hackit gaff.’ Her words.

She did not do too badly, considering. With her claws and the ability to shift her mass into shadow, she made for an excellent climber. And once she got a running start, she had even managed to fling herself upward a fair distance by catching a passing doorframe. If there had been anything at all for her to latch onto, she might have made it, but smooth, vertical surfaces are daunting enough when they are not actively trying to gallop away from you.

Still, even in failure, she certainly made it look cool. There was just something about watching a woman in a party dress launch herself through the air like some kind of superhero. It was alluring in a visceral kind of way. Just watching her move, the raw physicality of it, did more for my libido than any amount of flirting, cajoling, or posturing ever could.

Hmm… maybe that lunch break wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.

The thought had scarcely flitted through my mind than Mia’s voice lanced through my consciousness.

“Phew. What a slog. You wouldn’t believe how persistent a trowel can be when it wants something. Blasted thing had been rubbing at my ankles for—”

The sound of Jax’s descending form colliding with a high-backed chair—and the subsequent bout of cursing—interrupted her momentarily.

“Dare I ask why that just happened? And… I’m sorry, is that wall moving or is it just us?”

“Pretty sure it’s the wall,” I informed her, then pointed toward one of the passing green lamps. “Those are the last component of that crystal puzzle we’ve been working on.”

“Ah.”

What more needed to be said?

“Did you say something about a trowel?”

“Oh~ Lord Master! You’ll make me blush…”

I inhaled to speak, dozens of questions on my tongue, but quickly decided that way led only to sadness. Instead, I went with, “I thought you were taking a nap.”

There was a bit of crackling, then her translucent form appeared. She was still wearing her Elvira gown, though it had picked up a few rents and tears and was liberally smudged with some sort of mud… or possibly grout.

She couldn’t have been serious about that trowel thing?

“Figuratively speaking, yes. I am capable of entering periods of inactivity, but they are not required,” she explained. “I was simply taking some time to catch up on a little housekeeping.”

“Taking some time… meaning away from all our questions,” I filled in.

She only smiled.

Of course, what she had meant by ‘housekeeping’ was anybody’s guess. She may have looked like she had just gotten home from a construction site, but it was not as if my head felt any clearer. So I decided to change the subject.

“I think I’ll be needing another spell,” I began.

Appropriately enough, the entry hall zipped past at precisely that moment.

“Some kind of speed buff, probably,” I elaborated, tracing its path with my eyes. “Even after we figure out how to get those lamps down, I’ll need a way to get back in there without killing myself.”

“A wise choice,” Mia agreed. “Speed is very useful for combat. However, in the short term, I might point out that your levitation spell could easily solve both problems.”

My eyebrows bunched together. “I’m not so sure about that. Its okay once I get going with it, but its not what I’d call fast. Not enough to catch up to the wall, anyway.”

Mia stared at me. “My lord, forgive me. But I should remind you, that spell only applies acceleration as a secondary effect. Its primary function is weightlessness.”

I nodded slowly. Always hints with this one.

“Right. I suppose that would be implied by levitation, but if you’re trying to push me toward something, I can’t see—”

Then it clicked. Push.

“Oh, of course.” I sighed. “I am such a dunce.”

“As you say, Lord Master.”

*****

“T’ain’t fair!” Jax exclaimed sourly. “Ye’ve let Tits and Titless have a turn.”

I winced. That’s a low blow.

“Hey!” Both Arx and Lynnria glanced at one another, but it was Lynnria who spoke. “I thought we had an understanding.”

Jax rounded on her with a sharp jab to the chest. “Oh, aye. We’ve an understanding, a’right. Ye can talk to me when ye’ve had to go a day or two solid without even a lowpin’ knob in yer gob. Until then, shut yer geggy!”

Mia gasped, scandalized. “Our master does not have crabs! I would know.”

I badly wanted to ask precisely where in Jax’s diatribe she had conveyed that information. And how Mia could possibly know that. Are lice a Status Effect?

Jax threw her hands in the air. “Whatever! Figger o’ speachin.’ The point being, it be my turn. I’s supposed to be First! Not last.”

I sucked in an irritated breath. “Now, look. You guys always get to do the cool stuff. This is something I’m actually capable of, for once, so I’m gonna do it!”

Yes, it was petty, but I had been pushed around long enough.

Jax folded her arms and glowered at me.

And I glared right back. “Jax, you will take Arx and Lynnria, and you will wait for me in the entry hall. Or so help me…”

“So help ye what?” she growled.

Good question. I had not expected her to actually call me on it. However, inspiration was soon in coming, and I had to suppress my grin.

“I think someone might just need a spanking!”

Her eyebrow twitched, but she did not otherwise react.

“Donum.” Lynnria scoffed. “This is a silly argument to begin with. Must we also lower ourselves to childish threats?”

Jax ignored her. “Ye won’t.”

“I will.”

“Ye will not,” she pronounced, spitting to one side to punctuate her doubt. “Yer chicken.”

Arx sucked in a breath and oohed like we were a bunch of grade schoolers… which drew a withering glare from Lynnria.

Well. Time to put up or shut up.

“Jax, if you are in that entry hall waiting for me by the time I get back, I will bend you over a knee and paddle you.”

Lynnria held up a finger. “I think you mean ‘not in the entry hall.’”

Neither of us so much as glanced at her.

“Right.” I began to advance on Jax slowly. “In front. Of everyone.”

“Ye promise?” she said breathlessly. It was all she could do not to squirm, and her eyes had taken on a fiendish gleam of anticipation. “Ye’ll not just swat me the once? Ye’ll tan me red?”

Lynnria’s upraised finger wilted slightly. “I’m sorry. What?”

Arx just started elbowing her excitedly.

“Until you beg me to stop.”

My muscle-headed goddess stepped close in challenge but with a fierce grin on her face. “Ye’ll ne’er make me beg.”

I reached up to cup her jaw, and casually slipped my thumb between her lips. She could not help but to instantly pull it in and begin suckling at it, the heat from her breath brushing sensually against the back of my hand.

“We’ll just see about that,” I said in a low voice.

It was faint, but I could just hear a girlish squeal escaping from her throat.

“Come on, ye bonnies,” she announced brusquely, swiveling on the ball of her foot. “The Master’s gave us a task. Let’s be about it.”

As she sauntered past me—with a noticeable sway to her hips—I heard the others whispering.

“I’m lost. Did he just—?“

“Hush.”

“No, seriously—”

“‘Snails, would you leave it?”

I just grinned, watching them go.

That had been refreshing. Even if we had only been fooling around, I felt a sort of relief having put my foot down. I felt seen.

Mercy’s breath, but I did love that woman.

Female? Creature? Ah, whatever. Words were hard.

“My lord, before you begin, I would like to discuss the skill I’ve prepared for you.”

My grin faded. If it was not one thing, it was another.

“I don’t think I’m quite ready to cede control of my libido just yet.”

“But my lord, this is important!”

“Will whatever this skill is help with our immediate situation?” I asked, letting some of my frustration bleed into my voice. “Will it benefit me at all when I have to deal with Xhinn? Help persuade Her to leave us alone? Or at the very least, help us endure Her presence?”

For a moment, my questions overwhelmed her, and I had to wait for the sensuous moaning and shivering to die away. But then, I had known she would react that way. I had asked them deliberately.

The upcoming meeting with the Lady of the Dungeon had been looming large in my mind. Once I retrieved those crystals, there would be nothing standing between myself and yet another encounter with divinity.

And having done so twice already, I could confidently say there were few things in life one might look forward to less.

Perhaps that had been why I had taken so long in getting to this point. Meandering and puttering about. Getting lost in conversation, sexual jousting, and whatever petty—and some not-so-petty—bullshit my girls came up with to divert my attention. I had been delaying the inevitable.

So, I was in no mood for niceties.

“Likely… not,” she admitted finally, panting.

“Then it isn’t important. And I’ll thank you to remember that.”

“Yes, Master.”

She was not on-screen at that moment, however it had sounded like she had said that behind a grin every bit as fiendish as the one Jax had sported not a minute prior.

I decided against comment.

“Incidentally, I assume you would tell me if there was some skill you could craft which might help with enduring divine presence. It can be a bit… overwhelming.”

“I can, yes. Technically. However, there is quite a bit of difference between ‘might help’ and ‘be effective against,’” she replied, all business once again. It was kind of amazing how quickly she could compose herself. “The effects of such an ability would be negligible against a presence as strong as one of the Five until you raised it to extreme skill-levels and, compared to the rest of your choices thus far, it would be quite niche. Normally, I would assume you would prefer something with a wider range of use.”

I grunted. That was a fair point.

“And besides,” she continued. “You already have a method for countering Status Effects.”

My face went flat. “Mia… are you trying to tell me it’s possible to—?”

“Certainly not!” she interrupted quickly. “Nor should you try it under any circumstances. If Xhinn imposes Her presence upon you with any seriousness, and you attempt to counter it with that skill…”

I waved her concerns away quickly. “No, you’re right, of course.”

One madness was very much like another, after all.

“But you did say ‘a presence as strong as.’ Implying there might be others who could exert pressure. Even if it isn’t as strong.”

“Why, yes,” she replied, relaxing. “I did say that, didn’t I.”

And it seemed that was all the explanation I would be getting. Not that much was needed. Presence was a Status Effect. What more did I need to know?

Still, it was strange I was just finding out about this now. Normally, I would have gotten a prompt the moment I had been affected by it. I had seen Lust, Asphyxiation… even Hypothermia. But never this one. I did not even know its name.

But then, we were talking about divine presence here. It was possible Bline—being divine Herself—would not have wanted me to have that information. It was also possible that since such a presence was so strong, there was no need to inform me. What would I have even done about it? Besides, this world seemed to operate on an RPG-like set of rules, and they often concealed status information from players when the difference in level was too great.

I could think of a host of other possibilities, as well. Other goddesses might have been able to block my status windows. I had actually been in Bline’s presence the once, and it seemed unlikely she would bother with it in that case. The point being, who really knew?

All I could do was sigh and move on. Business as usual.

Besides. I was delaying again.

“Best buckle up, Mia.” I pulled my hat into a rakish tilt and rolled up my sleeves. Or tried to. They were fairly stiff.

“It’s time to fly.”

“My dress does not have buckles,” Mia informed me dryly. And completely missing the musical cue. “Nor do I see the relevance. Do you imagine them somehow effective as a means of buttressing your Will?”

I rolled my eyes. Read the room, woman!

“Never mind. Just go radio si—er… I mean, switch off for a bit.”

“Aww… You don’t want to listen while I—?”

“No!” I interjected quickly. “No, I’m good. Thank you.”

She tisked, clearly disappointed.

“Don’t give me that,” I groaned. “You know how distracting it is.”

“Oh, yes?” she purred, her discontent vanishing in a puff. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be… distracted.”

Her throaty chuckle was interrupted by a sharp click, signifying her departure. Finally.

I rubbed at my temples. With the way I was constantly fending off these girls, you would think I was a Benedictine monk living above a whorehouse. I was not even celibate!

Maybe I need to lay some ground rules. No flirting on the job!

Boundaries were a thing. Besides, who was the master around here, anyway? I nodded firmly and pounded a fist into my palm.

Maybe that was why it had felt so good to ‘fight’ with Jax earlier. I had needed a pressure valve. Some sort of release. I needed to exert my influence. Stand up for myself!

And while I recognized how weird it was to be coming to this realization in response to a constant barrage of women flinging themselves at me, my whole situation was anything but normal. A rueful bark of laughter forced its way past my lips. Who knew a guy could get tired of sex?

Eh… maybe that’s a step too far. It was just the constant propositions that were wearing at me. I had been doing just fine watching the girls be themselves. Jax’s physicality. Arx teasing Lynnria. Lynnria fending off a bunch of shadow puppets. That had all been hot as hell and got me in the mood far more readily than any amount of puppy-like begging ever could.

I needed space. I needed a little bit of time to let all the romance chemicals build up in my brain. I needed foreplay, dammit!

Cool air sank into my lungs, and I held it there a moment. The girls and I were going to have to have a nice, long conversation, that was plain. But not right now.

I had shit to do.

Mia’s Levitation came to my lips easily enough, telling me by feel if nothing else that it had crossed into High Novice territory. My Faen had neglected to mention that. However, other than this one detail, nothing else had changed, so she must have judged it too trivial to mention.

Which was fair. I had been insisting she keep her information dumps to the most relevant data, after all. So I chose to dismiss the matter in favor of focusing on my enunciation.

Geez, this spell is clunky.

I could not say what basis I had to claim something like that. It was not like I had any idea what I was saying, and it certainly did not feel as if it was much better or worse than any other spell I had. It was just longer.

So why does it feel like I’m reciting something from an instruction manual?

Whatever it was, there was this one sequence of syllables that featured some kind of gargling noise sandwiched between a pair of glottal stops and a cheek click that was throwing me. Which might have been okay, except it happened twice in the same damned spell.

I had a growing suspicion the whole language had been assembled as a deliberate joke, and there was some asshole out there giggling like a maniac anytime I tried to use it.

Either way, I eventually managed to clown my way through it and gently floated into the air—though ‘gently’ might not have been the best description. If there was a means of describing weightlessness but heavy, I did not know it. It was contradiction in terms for all its accuracy.

It was that old, eight-hundred-pound gorilla again. The dragging remains of the spell my Will was simply incapable of shoring up, leaving my back—and Mia—with the task of shouldering its burden.

Still, there was a noticeable difference. I had gotten stronger since the last time I had used this spell, if only fractionally, so it felt as if the gorilla might have shaved off a few pounds.

Okay, then. First, let’s pick up a bit of speed.

Kicking upward, I drifted to a stop about halfway to the ceiling, then turned to align myself with the spinning wall. My flight naturally began to accelerate simply by staring ahead, however I was not content with that.

I was weightless. Unbound by gravity. All I needed was some form of kinetic energy to propel me along. Whether that came from an opposing force, the spell itself… or the wall beside me, it did not matter.

With a glance to my left, I shifted the spell’s reference-frame toward the wall just enough to allow me to touch it, then began to lightly drag my fingers along its surface. It felt like running my hand over a dangerously-out-of-control conveyor belt. Every bump, ripple, and minor imperfection along it scraped against my fingers like sandpaper, forcing me to jerk my hand away almost immediately.

Even so, I had managed to gather a decent amount of speed and was floating along fast enough already to feel the air wafting through my beard.

Okay… lets not use our skin, shall we?

With a flick of my wrist, I gathered my sleeve into my fist and began to gingerly allow the rough fabric to catch at the wall. It would have been an excellent way to wear a hole in the brand-new garment, but I did not much care. For an adventurer, any and all carried items were fair game when it came to solving the problem at hand, so I would have done the same even if we had not paid for the self-repair feature.

Like I was testing for heat building on a griddle, I gingerly brushed my sleeve over and over against the rampaging surface, keeping my eyes fixed on a spot well ahead but still along the wall so as to maintain the friction pressure. Before long, I had built up sufficient speed to allow for longer holds, and my momentum began to multiply by leaps and bounds.

The furniture below me passed by faster and faster, refuse left on the side of the road. The windows to my right became as interior lights on a train speeding by, each cabin revealing strange and unfamiliar worlds far-too-large to ever exist within. All of these blurred through my periphery, all but unnoticed. I had to maintain my focus.

However, when I caught sight of the girls, I could not help but have a bit of fun.

Just as I sailed by overhead, I raised a fist and yelled.

“Falcoooor!!!”

“…wha…?” Their voices drifted after me, fading almost before the sound reached my ears.

Psh… bunch of heathens. Not that I was riding a dragon or anything. Still, you could not ask for better flying music.

Then the brim of my hat caught in the wind, and I had to scramble to keep it secured to my head.

Focus, Donum. Focus…

By that point, I had enough speed going to catch against the wall fully, and the racing surface seemed to grind to an unwilling halt. It was kind of weird, actually. With the wind blasting against my face, I almost felt like Atreyu gripping the tree while the Nothing tried to carry him away.

Appropriately enough.

But then, it made a kind of sense, too. One does not feel speed. One feels acceleration. And now that I was not, the only evidence I had that I was moving at all was the wind and the outside world passing me by.

It was the wall that was still.

Reference frames. Gotta love ‘em.

I took a moment to orient myself and soon caught sight of the nearest lamp. Conveniently, it was only some several dozen paces to my ‘left’ and ahead of me, and I slowly began to crawl my way toward it, keeping my gaze primarily fixed on the wall ‘below’ me so as to attach myself to it as firmly as I was able. The wind was an issue, but with my heavy, felt sleeves, I managed it without losing much ground.

And before too long, I had a hand gripped firmly to the post affixing the sconce to the wall, allowing me both to relax and catch my breath. Maintaining the spell was its own special kind of hell, and I could feel my heart beginning to pound within my chest.

But I was not the beginner I once was. My saliva did not thicken upon my tongue. No acid built in my throat. My heart might have been beating away, but it was the powerful, slow beat of an organ just warming up.

Just as long as I did not take too long.

Let’s see here…

A cursory investigation revealed that the crystal had been screwed in rather like a light bulb via a coppery belt affixed to one end, and it was the work of a moment to detach it. I deliberated whether I should simply let it fall to the ground but decided against it. It was not the lightest thing to tuck under my arm, but it was better than trying to find it again in the miles of open hallway.

Okay… two more to go.

My next hurdle involved figuring out how to get to the second lamp fixture. Forward was a non-option. At best, I could only manage the slow crawl from before and, even with unlimited endurance, that would have taken me hours. But how to fall back?

I knew from experience that wind-breaking was an easy trick, but if I allowed myself to decelerate too much, I ran the risk of overshooting. So I decided to take it slow until I got the feel of it.

My first attempt, I tried pushing gently away, keeping my body in line with the wind and my eyes fixed on the wall. However, even that brief separation from my anchoring caused me to fly away like a detached wind-sock, and I ended up dragging to a halt some dozens of paces back.

After that, I tried simply letting go of the wall in brief spurts. That ended up much more manageable, and before long, I had assembled a bit of a technique where I was sort of bouncing along in a hand-over-hand back-crawl. It felt like I was making speedy progress, but I could also feel every second that passed.

The weight of the spell would not let me forget. So by the time I had arrived at the second lamp, I was definitely sucking wind.

“Come on, Donum,” I muttered as I tucked the crystal into a sleeve and rerolled the end into my fist. “You can do this.”

Stopping to rest was a last resort. If I had to start over again, timing my next flight and getting back up to speed to coincide with the passing of the final lamppost would be close to impossible without a huge amount of trial and error. Not the end of the world but still a massive time-sink.

I let loose of the second lamp and allowed my momentum to slow considerably this time. I was not finished yet, but I could feel the end of me encroaching. Caution was no longer an option.

However, I now had a much better idea of how far apart each lamp was, and I knew that as long as I could still see the previous one, the next was nowhere near. I just needed to make certain to drag myself to a halt before then.

A little further… a littler further… Now!

Catching the wall with both sleeves, my arms shot past my head the second I made contact, and my robe almost jerked loose from my body… which would have been hilarious in hindsight. But entirely counterproductive. I could just see myself, naked to my boots and watching my only garment flutter to the ground.

Naturally, that was the point the third lamp chose to make an appearance.

Oh, shit! Already?!

The black iron bar was headed for me at an alarming rate, leaving me with the awkward quandary of whether to catch it or dodge.

Nothing for it…!

Slapping both sleeves down once more, I dragged as hard as I could against the wall, enduring the agonizing sound of felt scraping away. My chest was heaving. Bile rose in my throat. My heart was on the verge of exploding.

Still, I held on. The texture of the wall passed before my eyes slower. And slower…

… and with a tap, my feet settled gently onto the bar.

Yet celebration was not in the cards. Almost in that exact same instant, the spell slipped from my exhausted mental fingers. Gravity reasserted itself, and I had to clutch at the fixture with arms and legs before I fell to the ground.

Unfortunately, the felt of my robe—which had worked so beautifully to catch at the wall—was doing jack-all against the smooth metal. I might as well have been trying to grip a greased flagpole with silk gloves, and if it were not for my bare legs, I probably would have slipped off.

Okay… that’s a new kind of pain.

Sure, going commando underneath the robe felt kind of nice. It was ‘freeing’ in a unique sort of way. However, when you are in situations like these, there is really nothing like a pair of pants.

Right… just… just gotta ignore it. Ease out there. Careful, Donum.

The world spun along beneath me as I extended my legs, inching along atop my perch and reminding me of a certain adventure ascending a handrail all those eons ago. To be sure, this was not on a slope, but my balance beam was considerably narrower. And there were the highway winds to contend with.

Another inch. The lamp was just within reach.

Without warning, my weight slipped just a hair to one side, and I had to clamp down with all my might before I fell… much to the dismay of certain of my body parts, and I was forced to arch my lower back away from the offending surface.

Careful, I said! My bruised anatomy would doubtless have choice words prepared for me at the next staff meeting.

I took several deep breaths to steady myself, then stretched that final bit toward the end of the pole and carefully eased myself along until I could reach the lamp.

After that, the rest was easy enough, and I soon had the final crystal in hand.

“Nice!”

I gloried for a moment in my victory, holding the hexagonal stone aloft like some kind of trophy. It had been hard-won, after all. It was just too bad no one had been there to see my victory.

There was just me, spinning away on an out-of-control lamp post with nothing but a bunch of useless furniture as witness.

“Ah, well. Now… how am I supposed to get down from—?”

My balance slipped again, and I quickly clamped down. However, I had been grasping the heavy crystal by one end, and the sudden motion, combined with knocking the thing against the metal, did not seem to agree with my grip. A breathless few moments passed while I scrambled to catch the smooth-sided bauble once more, juggling it from hand to hand.

But then, my own balance failed me, and before I knew what had happened, I was in free fall.

Whatever chips I had left to my name were cashed in as I hit a passing divan like a cruise missile, and I rag-dolled across the floor, taking out the legs of a coffee table and several other unnamed furnishings along the way. Whatever they might have been, my aching flesh took notes.

I eventually came to a stop just in front of a quiet monstrous wardrobe with a vase on top—which gave a couple of precarious wobbles before settling once more.

“Well, that could have gone better,” Mia opined cheerfully.

I just groaned.