*Unedited Version

Slowly opening my tired eyes, I blankly looked ahead. My hands felt the hard surface of the ground I was sitting on, and my back pressed on the bed.

“I can feel again.” I muttered and laughed out loud, ”Haha..so…so, it was a dream.”

But that sounded fake even to my ears.

“…”

Who was I trying to fool? The headache, the numbness of my body, and most of all, the conspicuous memory was proof that it was not a dream.

I lowered my head and clenched my knuckles white. Biting my lips tightly, I murmured in a stifled voice, “It’s real… it is real that dad is dead… that—”

At that moment, I heard a familiar voice, “Erik? Why are you crying?”

“Dear, what happened?” She continued in a worried tone.

My head snapped up, and my red eyes widened as I looked ahead. I saw the woman I thought I could never see again.

She wore simple-looking clothes that suited her, and as usual, she had tied her long black hair into a bun. As I gazed at her amber eyes filled with concern, my heart welled up in even more sorrow.

She kneeled some distance before me and opened her arms as she called out, “Come here, tell me what happened.”

“Mom!” I cried out and tried to get up—to go and hug her like I used to before she left me, to cry out my grief—but, as if pulling me back to reality, a hand yanked me back to the ground.

I froze as I saw a figure dash past me and embrace my mother. He was a kid with brown hair and golden eyes. It was my younger self.

Tears ran down his face as he hugged her tightly while she caressed his head and continued to console him.

After a few seconds, the young boy said in a feeble voice, “Koro doesn’t like me anymore.”

“What?” She blinked as she asked in confusion, but her expression relaxed.

“He ran away.”

My mother sighed and slowly got up. She patted his tiny head and smiled. “Let’s find him then.”

We both looked at her beautiful face. Hope rose in the youth as he wiped his tears and nodded. In contrast, I felt my chest tighten.

I knew that this was nothing but a hallucination.

A dream that couldn’t be true.

A past that couldn’t be experienced again.

I hated this. I hated the fact that this was just an illusion of mine, that I could be so logical while being so emotional.

As I was falling into the dangerous pits of depression, the youth had his concerns. Holding her hand, he looked down and asked softly, “Will daddy also help?”

“Yes,” she replied as they exited the room.

“But… what if we don’t find him?” he continued asking.

My mother stopped and turned towards him. Kneeling once again, she patted his head and said, “Erik, listen carefully.”

The young me looked into her eyes and nodded.

“My boy is so smart, right?”

“I am.” He bobbed his head up and down.

“So, I hope that you will understand and not feel too sad if we are not able to find Koro.”

His eyes widened; he opened his mouth to say something but froze when he heard her following words. The words that I still remember.

“I also feel sad when I see you like that.”

“I-I didn’t want to make mommy feel bad. I just-”

Looking at her flustered son, she chuckled and pinched his cheeks. “So cute.”

Before he could protest, she gave him a few pecks, making his face beet red. Her lips curled up in satisfaction.

She ruffled his hair and got up. The pair then started walking again.

I just looked at their backs as I heard my mother continue speaking, “What I am saying is that it is okay to let out your emotions.”

Soon, I couldn’t see them and could only hear her voice becoming fainter by the passing seconds.

“You need to keep in mind that things you cannot change will happen, even if you don’t want them to. So focus on what you can do. Think positive, and the positives will come.”

I stared ahead lifelessly before curling myself and hugging my knees.

At that time, I was not able to completely understand my mom’s words. I understood them now.

But, how should I even think positively?

The bottled-up tears, along with indescribable emotions, flowed down my cheeks.

“How should I even do that?!”

My whole body trembled as I sobbed loudly. “I don’t want to be alone. I am scared… mom…  dad.”

“I don’t want to be alone….”

And then, I cried until I became unconscious.

After an unknown amount of time, I woke up with an annoyingly clear mind, but my eyes and heart were as dead as they could be.

I looked at the ceiling and thought. ‘I have already experienced so much pain, so committing suicide will be easy, right?’

As I was contemplating a not-so-serious matter, the doorbell rang. While lying down, I turned my head in the door’s direction—the same door from which my parents left—and stared blankly.

As the doorbell rang again, I muttered, “Maybe I should see the day for the last time.”

At that thought, I laughed out contemptuously and spat out, “Damn, coward… but, not like I have anything to do, right?… no, wait, I do! I still don’t know what exactly happened!”

I slowly pulled my numb body up and made my way to the entrance.

I so wanted to meet them then, but my belief, teachings, and bizarre state of mind pushed me to get the answers. Maybe this was just an excuse to have hope—a promise to stay positive, as my parents taught me.

But, deep inside, I knew that this was temporary. It was like a feeble fire that would soon be extinguished unless it got that spark that would give it life and maybe even increase its intensity.

Soon reaching the entrance, I used the peephole to look outside and thought, ‘Didn’t he come yesterday? Why is he here again…? ‘ And then my breath halted.

‘No way.’

Just in case, I scrutinized the man in front of the door once again. He was a man with a chubby face. He was wearing the same shirt and pants as yesterday, but I focused on the plastic bag he was holding.

Shaking my head, I thought, ‘I shouldn’t conclude just like that.’

I took a few deep breaths, and surprisingly or not, I quickly calmed myself down.

As I was about to open the gate with my sweaty hand, I halted.

“Damn,” I cursed and ran back while shouting, “I am sorry, but please wait for some more time.”

Entering the washroom, I glanced into the mirror, and as expected, I looked miserable. Washing my face, I gazed at my reflection once again.

I had brown hair and amber eyes that were swollen, but there was a hint of bright light in them.

I rubbed my index finger with my thumb and soon came up with an excuse.

I exercised my facial muscles to loosen them and then lifted the sides of my cheeks and eyebrow. I found out that now I had better control over my muscles, and soon, an almost genuine-looking smile appeared on my face.

Fully prepared, I went back to the door and opened it before apologizing, “Sorry uncle, I was in the bathroom.”

Drew Towerfall, Beth’s father, smiled and said, “It’s alright,” followed by a frown, “Erik, why is your eyes swollen?”

I chuckled in an embarrassed manner, “It’s just an allergy I didn’t know about.”

He raised his brows, clearly not believing me, and I smiled, showing my stance. I stepped back and welcomed him inside, “Uncle, please enter.”

He looked at me for a few seconds and then sighed in defeat. He asked, “Is your father here?”

I shook my head, making him sigh once again. “We had decided to meet at this time!”

I chuckled, “That’s so like my father.”

“Hah! I should have expected this. Alright then, I’ll take my leave.”

“Don’t be like this, uncle. You need to drink some water at least.”

“Are you sure?” He asked seriously.

Confused, I nodded. “Of course I am. I can’t send you back just like that. After all, It is so hot outside. And I also don’t want my father to have an excuse to lecture me again.”

Hearing me, uncle Drew’s expression relaxed. I finally proved to him that I was okay and teared up only because of some allergy.

Then we made our way to the living room. He sat on the sofa and placed the plastic bag on the table. I went inside the kitchen and quickly poured an orange juice into a glass.

Walking back, I gave him the glass. I asked if he needed something else. He shook his head.

Now with the formalities done, I sat on the nearby sofa and offered, “If you want, I can pass your message to father.”

He smiled and said, “No, it’s alright. We will talk later.”

I nodded and didn’t speak further. I had many questions and speculations in my mind, but I chose to stay silent. Furthermore, I had to see what he would say and do. If he did what I thought of, then….

“Should I take you to Dr. Tessa?”

I blinked and shook my head. “You don’t have to trouble yourself.”

He finished the juice and said, “Okay then. But do visit her for a checkup.”

“Don’t worry. I will.”

‘Okay, damn! With the way this conversation is going, he will soon leave.’

As such, I decided to ask him about the contents in the bag—if it was Takoyaki or not, but his mobile started to ring before I could. 

‘He shouldn’t be receiving a call at this time!’

I clenched my fists, but soon relaxed. I had already given up.

He picked it up after glancing at the screen and said. “Hello.”

He frowned and asked, “Can’t you deliver it yourself?”

“…”

“Alright, I am coming.”

 Then after bidding him goodbye, I lied down on the bed, filled with disappointment, gloom, and a sense of loss.

It was just my false imagination or more like false hope. But, it was not my fault. After experiencing a supernatural thing myself, I couldn’t help but believe in other things too.

Everything till now was confusing, and I complicated it even further with unnecessary thoughts.

I smiled bitterly.

‘Mom, dad, at least I tried to find a way to live. But it was just my imagination.’

I clenched my knuckles white.

‘I am so confused. The feeling of loss, depression, rationality, hope, promises, sadness, fear—everything has mixed into something I can’t understand. I think I really should end this.

So, should I add Amelia’s name to my suicide letter? Or should I take revenge?

No, I don’t know anything to make this conclusion.’

I took a deep breath and got up.

‘I have nothing left. This means I am free to do anything.’

I still had questions, and most of all, that thought still hadn’t left my mind.

Picking up my phone, I said, “It is fairly easy to break this hope. All I have to do is turn on the phone.”

I switched the mobile on, and even when I had my speculations, I couldn’t help but exclaim. 

'It's real!'

I held it tightly as my heart raced faster and faster.

My assumptions had actually turned into reality.

It was a reality a sane person wouldn't believe in, but I did.

I only believed in what I saw, and at that moment, I saw a twist that brought many possibilities.

I saw the date—April 2nd—and everything changed once again.

***

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