Never in my whole life would I have guessed that I would of my own volition end my life and it did happen. There may be many a reason for it but I feel that my prior life was not stimulating, or 'motivating' would be the right word. I lived my life like a weed getting carried by the never-ending waves of the ocean, floating till I drown in the endless waves to come. 

                I refused to live like that when i was of the age of an impressionable teenager. I used to believe in all sorts of conspiracy theories, urban myths, mystical phenomena and a lot of occult stuff when my peers of similar age and generation were hooked on Instagram and the like. That caused a sort of fissure an invisible one from my perspective with these friends of mine. 

         It was like a personal mission of mine to uncover all of the truths the universe has to present. Even though I knew it would remain a dream I still tried, but to be honest we humanity are still on earth, we're not even outside of our star system much less the galaxy. 

          I was quick to note the discrepancy in the following science as a medium in search of truths and to be honest, I was disappointed big time. As they say, when there is a will there is a way and indeed the way did show itself to me in the form of mysticism. Like anyone who would take the shortest possible way to reach the destination I too was convinced that walking the path of mysticism was probably the better of both when taking science into the fold. 

            My research on the internet met a fortunate dead end in form of meditation as the pathfinder, fortunate because having too many options to choose from itself is a scenario where having no options at all. 

          I started meditation like a sprint only to slow down to a crawl, the main reason was probably that it had no tangible results in my path to truth. The stress of having expectations pile up from all of the people from your immediate surroundings to people who know you as a relative, a friend, an acquaintance and all sorts of people made me seek out a way to release my stress. 

       What better way to release stress, other than through masturbation. Oh boy, and how wrong I was, looking back maybe that was the part where my life started to slip off from my hands. whatever gains from meditation I had were decremented by my masturbation habits. Something I regretted dearly till my time of death.

           My life tumbled down to an unsatisfactory mess, where I lived like a roaming ghost to find a purpose in life. It made me try out things that I would have never considered doing like drugs and alcohol. At last, like someone resets the level of a game when they lost at it pathetically, I to reset my game of life and here we are.

           The ordeal of living a restless life made me think of my priorities and I was in constant self-doubt on things like how much of my potential was wasted on my lamenting of fate. The next time I took a stroll of thought I knew that I had to make a difference and time was never on anyone's side and reset I did. As the semi-truck tore through my body like a canon the last thought in my head was that I if presented with a new life I have to make a difference no matter what and keep on the path of finding truth no matter the circumstance. 

          The uneventful events till now were things I could see through what people dub as the 'life review' when people have near-death experiences. More like the things that had some content in them to consider them as eventful in my otherwise plain and dull life. The high points and the low points in my life to be exact, in a way my prior life serve as a reference to how my approach to unravelling the unknown and the mysterious was truly a failure in the making. The tardiness and being unmotivated is like how being crippled mentally is a truth I learned the hard way. 

             I choose to end the suffering of being mentally crippled and chose to walk forward in hopes of having redemption from guilt of taking life as a joke. 

   [Haaa, who am I kidding I just want to live a life without regrets. It just hurts every time I think about it]

[Wait can I even think at all?!] 

Well, that was stupid considering how things up to this point did not phase me but whether I can think or not made me a bit anxious. 

[If only I had a chance to live a satisfying life and pursue my interests ]

 Like the devil heard of my thoughts a sharp voice came into being and like the devil would , came the offer of solace. 

[ I can do that only if you allow me, then you would be in for a roller coaster ride like what you people say in your world, hah hah...]

[........]

I was stumped or more like was never expecting any sort of response to my ranting and when a response came in, my thoughts got stuck in my imaginary mouth.

[Well can I take some time to consider it? and you never gave me any information regarding what you'll do with me]

[Now now, let's say that taking me for the offer would be your best choice and we regarding the time to make up your mind I would suggest to make it fast because we have company if we take too long and it'd be deal breaker]

I don't know whether to point out some things that sound suspiciously like how someone would barge in a self-assumed deal, and also considering how someone jumped in  to make a deal without even introductions, the guy is probably desperate as hell. Hope I can squeeze a bargain out of it.