Tiffany skipped down the stairs with an uncanny smile on her face. She wore glasses that, under the right condition, would mask her eyes. However, they were crystal clear now. I looked into her crazed eyes. Her pupils dilated so frequently that it was hard to even tell if her eyes were normally black or if there’s something under there. 

She stood in the center of our little triangle and looked between each of us. Her hand swayed about, the barrel end of the gun pointing at each of us as it swayed with her wrist. She chuckled before looking at Karina, and her smile weakened, but still very much present.

“I know we didn’t meet again under the right circumstances, but how are you doing, Karina?” 

Karina squeezed her lips shut. Unsure of herself, she looked at Jessica and me, wondering what it is she should do. All we could do was shrug and hope that she comes up with something herself. 

“I’m pretty dandy.” Karina answered, her voice much squeakier than it normally was. “How about you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. As you can see, I finally have the love of my life with me.” Her smile didn’t disappear, but the aura I felt from her suddenly became much more sinister. “Then you showed up. So, what is it that I can be of service, old friend?”

Tiffany walked away for a moment, then grabbed a random chair that I hadn’t seen before. She dragged it in front of Karina and sat on it the same way she did when she was talking to me. Her stomach rubbed against the back of the chair while she rested her head on the backrest.

Karina’s breathing staggered and sputtered as her old friend was only inches away from her. She couldn’t keep her eyes off the gun in Tiffany’s hand. Every time she tried meeting her eyes, it only lasted for a few seconds before falling back on the gun. 

“I’m here for-” Karina flinched when she saw Tiffany’s hand twitch. She took a deep breath, regaining her composure. “I’m here to apologize to you.”

Karina gazed at the gun, inspecting every minor twitch. Every time it moved, even slightly, she would gasp, terrified of what was coming if she made a single mistake. If I was in her position, I’d have shit my pants a long time ago. Hell, I already did. I’m also certain Tiffany changed me when I was asleep, since I didn’t feel anything down there anymore. 

Tiffany continued to smile while staring at Karina. Her fingers rapped against the chair in a hypnotic fashion. She yawned, and she raised her gun hand to stifle it, scaring all of us. 

“Alright then. Where’s the apology?” Her voice transitioned once again. It went from her normal high-pitched voice to one of the dead. 

Karina tore her eyes away from the gun for a brief moment and looked at her kidnapper. She stared back at her with a look of extreme apathy, her smile a distant memory. 

“I’m-” Karina stuttered. She breathed in deep, selfishly hogging all the oxygen in the room just to speak. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I’ve caused you so much suffering and pain. There’s no way I can make it up to you, except to say I’m sorry.” 

The room hung silent. There was no more talking. There was no more rapping against wood. There was no more breathing. An uncomfortable voice stifling silence hung above us all. I don’t think Karina even noticed that she was looking back at the gun.

“Let me ask you again.” Tiffany broke through the silence. “What are you here for?” 

Karina looked at Tiffany in disbelief. “I told you. To apologize.” 

“You expect me to believe that with that sorry excuse for an apology? Don’t make me laugh.” Tiffany pointed at me with her free hand. “He’s what you’re here for. Apologizing to me is just an excuse you came up with to get to me.”

“You don’t understand.” Karina shook her head, desperate tears falling down her face. “I really came here to apologize.”

“Then why now when I have one of your boy toys? Your daddy’s a rich CEO of a toilet paper company. You payed off not only yourself but also the people who raped me. You expect me to believe you couldn’t have gone out of your way to find me?”

Karina opened her mouth as if to rebuke her, but before she could, Tiffany began talking again.

“Even though you pretended like I didn’t exist, I tried reconnecting with you. I wanted answers. But when I saw the picture of you and your new roommate,” Tiffany repeatedly pointed at Karina, laughing all the while. “You have no idea how badly I felt. We’ve known each other for what? Ten or so years? Then you destroy me, move on, then come back when I inconvenience you.

“Do you want to know what you did to me? Every time I walk, it feels like something is stretching uncomfortably between my legs. It cramps up and burns every now and again too because of those men forcing their way into me. If I have sex again, it would literally destroy me from the inside out.” 

She pointed at Karina, this time more focused, and her wild look turned to that much more befitting of an animal. 

“You did this to me. For an hour straight, I was in extreme pain, but no one came to my aid. Instead, they all watched, lost in their pleasure to know what was happening. And you were the same.” 

She raised her gun toting hand and held the barrel to Karina’s shoulder. Karina shouted and Jessica turned away, squeezing them shut as to not see the brutality. 

“Let’s start off this session with a bang, shall we?” 

“Stop!” 

Tiffany freezes her trigger finger. She turned toward me; her face transforming into that of love and affection. However, it quickly disappeared as soon as she saw me. 

My face was so heated that the sun wouldn’t dare ask who’s hotter. My teeth clenched so fiercely that if I placed any more pressure, I’d need to go to visit the dentist. My blood boiled. My rage set alight with a fury I haven’t felt in such a long time. It’s my breaking point.

“Will you fucking stop already, you fucking bitch!” I shouted so loud that my throat burned at the intensity. “You are completely insane! For the love of God, find some Jesus or sit on a dildo and shoot yourself for all I care, but you better not pull that trigger!”

“Sweety, what are you saying?” Tiffany squeaked out from her terrified look. 

“If you pull that trigger, I’ll fucking kill you! Do I make myself clear?” 

“But sweety, I need to do this. If I don’t, then I don’t know what might happen.” 

Her finger twitched over the trigger, itching to fire it off. It was at that point I realized something. I nicknamed her crazy chick, but I never fully realized how out of it she really was. In those eyes of hers were that of a killer. Whatever happened with Karina and her, it destroyed her mental stability. How long did she go without hurting anyone? Better question incoming. How many people did she hurt before this moment?

When someone snaps because of violence befalling them during a sensitive time in their lives, it rewires their brain. They can only think of the violence, the anger, the sadness, the desperation they felt the moment their life changed for good. Because that’s all they can think about, they retaliate with those things in mind. They put others in the same condition they were in so they can feel some sort of control within their own mind. 

However, it only goes that far when their mind breaks beyond repair. When that happens, God have mercy on the people they come in contact with. Because when they even so much as see someone they have an interest in, someone ends up six feet under.

“Tiffany, listen to me.” I say, using the miniscule amount of my willpower left to hold control over my emotions. “You love me, right?”

She stammered over herself, tears filling her eyes as she wondered what I was about to say. 

“You love me, right!” 

“Yes, I love you more than anything!” She lowers her gun and shouts to me, clutching her chest.

“Then you have two options here. Choose love and let them go. I promise they won’t get the police involved or anything. I’ll stay here and shower you with all the affection you’ve been missing from your life.

“Or, you can choose Option B. If you shoot that gun anywhere close to her, you’ll lose all my love. The only way to ever get me to say ‘I love you’ is if you shoot me and make a doll out of my corpse. These are your options. Decide for yourself how you want your life to go.”

For the longest time, ever since my birth, free will was something that I lacked. How can I truly be free when everything that’s happened to me was because a certain man fucked my mom and now I share some of his genes? His corruption seeped itself into me, corroding my every thought. My every being.

However, there is some part of me that has this curious little thought bubbling inside my mind. It’s a simple thought, one that would come naturally to someone wondering the meaning of free will itself and its implications on the self and universe. What if I think that I’m not truly free, and everything was decided by nature, but in reality it was all due to the decisions that I made, and one of those decisions so happens to be that I disregard everything and blame the universe and meaningless excuses?

As I asked her to decide how she wants life to go, some part of me resonated with it. It was gentle to the point of invisibility, but it was there. The twinge of fire burning inside, fueling all my emotions. It was reacting to my words, and at this precipice of decision, where whatever she chooses could lead to me dying, surviving, or living beyond the other three lost souls trapped in this bleak cage, it rages on. 

I don’t know what the answer is anymore, and neither does she. Tiffany lowered her gun by her side, her gaze downcast. She gripped the gun with all her might, still refusing to let it fall, just in case. Will I finally receive my answer depending on how she acts? Am I truly a failure due to my circumstances, or have I just blamed it on others in order to avoid responsibility? Or is it the worst possible scenario of it being both at once? 

If it’s both, how can I judge myself? How can I look through my eyes and see any sort of beauty? These eyes are unseeing, but for her, she can still see something. It hides in that destroyed mind of hers, but it’s there.

What can she see? What has she seen? This is the precipice of everyone’s decisions and inaction. What happens beyond this point is nothing less except the answer that’ll satisfy our burning pyres? Are we truly to blame? Better yet, what do those eyes see? No one can know but her.