“I told you it is not going to work!”

“No! No! It’s not because it’s not going to work, it’s because you want to go with that whore and leave us!”

As I wake up in a daze without opening my eyes I hear screaming voices in the distance. Sigh, it’s mom and dad fighting again, how typical of them. I should have not left the door open last night, sure, it was feeling hot but I should have turned on the fans instead, but they are always so noise and-

“AH!”
“...”

I hear my mother getting slapped and then a few moments of silence. Alright, my father sometimes gets difficult at times and it’s my mother who has to pay for the broken plates. While I try to go back to sleep I hear my mom crying.

“You never appreciate what I do for you… you just…. expect me to work for you for the rest of your life here at the house and…”

“SHUT UP, I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT, I WORK ALL DAY TO BRING SOMETHING FOR YOU AND THAT STUPID KID…”

Alright, fair enough, these fights are usually my dad’s fault. Things have gotten usually worse since I have been on more meds, my dad thinks I’m psychotic or something and he wants to get away from us. I usually let them pass but maybe it would be a good idea if I just get up and make sure everything is alright. Anyway, what time is it? I should check it out…

…

Hmm, it seems I can’t really move. I can’t even open my eyes, I can’t move.

Well fuck not this again. It’s sleep paralysis. Yes, I suffer from sleep paralysis from time to time, usually when I change my sleeping schedule, and yes, it’s incredibly frustrating to deal with, but normally I just wait and let it pass, because if I try to wake up and stand up I just end up dreaming I woke up.

As I try to get up from bed I feel my body blend in with the space around me. If I look around, anything I expect to see ends up appearing. Sigh, I am still asleep, I have not been able to properly wake up, but I can still hear the voices coming from outside. And you know, if it wasn’t because of the noise from outside and because I can partially put my body on the bed this would be a great opportunity to explore lucid dreaming.

“It’s not his fault, please!”
“I’M TIRED OF YOU, I’M SO TIRED OF YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.”
“AH!”

Alright, how long does this take? I should wake up any minute now, really.

“THAT KID IS WICKED, WRETCHED, HE HAS BEEN A DISGRACE TO ME AND I DON’T WANT TO HAD TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU!”
“Please.. Don’t leave me!.”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

You know what I think it will be better if I try to get up on my own. Let me see, if I try to move one hand…

“THIS IS WHAT YOU GET BECAUSE OF PUSHING ME, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.”

While I hear the mess outside my room, I try to move as hard as I can with one of my hands, I can feel my arms upwards as I try to push. It feels as if I became incredibly weak and small and now I require an incredible amount of effort to move a single finger. I feel as if there is a huge mesh between me and whatever it is inside my brain that it is not letting connect with my own hands.

I try to push further and further through the mesh trying to pass through it, but I feel deeply afraid about breaking it completely, but why? Why do I feel afraid of breaking it? What is this and what does it hold inside my head? Or is there something about this headspace I am not understanding yet?

“No, please! Stop! Don’t hurt me!”

Mom! No! Please, let me go! Let me get out of here! I need to help her! I need to confront my dad! Please, I beg of you!

Fuck this, I have to break out from here, I feel I am completely tied and I need to push for my life, for my mother’s life, I need to do something, I need to get out and soon!

Phew, take some air, let's go, and now push! Push as much as you can! Because I am sure that if I break this out, I will finally become free!

I try to move one hand but it still doesn’t work, I feel myself sweating, I feel as if a huge weight was pushed onto me and now I can’t move it no matter how hard I try. I push, I push, I try to move myself and break whatever it is that has me tied as soon as I can, I try to break the mesh that holds my mind together to finally allow me to wake up.

Wait, the mesh that holds my mind together?

I finally get up in a sudden movement, scared and panting. All my senses are finally completely awake, the sensations are not anymore dull and feel as vivid and real as when you are awake, I can see concrete things instead of imagining what I expect to see, I can smell, I have a proper sense of balance and I can feel things much more than before. This is undoubtedly real life.

It seems the noise from outside my room has finally ended, or did I dream all of it?

I look at my extended hands as I finally feel how I get control of them once again and then I look around my room. I should probably go outside and check on my mother…

But, I can’t, I can’t check on my mother. Maybe it was the shock, but despite the fact all my senses are now awake and I have complete lucidity, my body is not answering me completely. I look again at my hands, still extended in front of me. No, there is something wrong, I feel all my body hot, I can see, hear and smell properly, I have a sense of balance, but… the rest of my body hasn’t woken up alongside me.

How am I even extending up my hands? How am I doing this?

I try to move my hands again as when I was paralyzed. But no, even when they do not feel as asleep as before, the sensations from them are rather dull once again. I try to scream in panic, but again nothing really happens.

Then, to my horror, I see my body moving by itself. It is slowly standing up by itself! I am not doing this, I am not moving or standing up, it is doing something but I am not ordering it, what is happening? Am I still asleep? It must be another dream, it must be another layer of my nightmare.

As my body moves by itself I try to focus on the sensations around me, I feel as if my head was boiling and I feel as if I am about to pass out due to anxiety. It seems I really am awake.

My body walks around the house and stops in the kitchen where my mother is curled up on the floor, crying, hurt and bleeding. There doesn’t seem to be any trace of my father anywhere.

I try to ask her if she is alright, I want to check if she has any severe wounds, I want to help her, but nothing really happens, my body doesn’t obey me anymore, it doesn’t let me do anything, it doesn’t answer it is nothing obeying me, my body has lost me, has give up on me!

“Michael? Are you up already?” My mother asks, but my body doesn’t answer, it simply moves straight into the fridge and goes for a bottle of water, picks it up and then goes back to my room.

“Michael?” My mother asks again, and I can’t do anything about it! It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I can’t even move to answer her, to help her, to give her an answer, my body just moves in it’s own now and it’s driving me insane!

“Michael, please.” She asks again before my body completely closes the door and then slowly sits up on the bed, opens up the bottle and drinks water slowly.

This is impossible, this can’t be happening this can’t be happening please please help me, I need something, somebody to helps me react, to helps me wake up, I need something to do here I need something that breaks me, a shock, a hit, anything, I will take anything, but please help me, please stand up mom and please help me move, I don’t care anymore, I want to help you, I want to help you but I need to move, please help me please please, I am BEGGING you.

My mother keeps crying and then I start to cry, or well, I try to cry before realizing I can’t even do that, I can’t move, I can’t do anything, I am lost, I am truly lost please for the love of God I don’t care what it takes please just let me move! God!

***

“When did this all start?”

“I’m not sure about the doctor, he woke up like this two weeks ago and hasn’t said a word since. He barely reacts, he just walks in, eats, he doesn’t go to college, he doesn’t do anything, he just eats, goes to the bathroom, takes his meds, and then goes back to sleep, or stays up in his room for hours without doing anything.”

PLEASE MOTHER PLEASE SEE ME, PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME, I CAN SEE YOU, I CAN HEAR YOU, PLEASE MOVE, PLEASE DO SOMETHING, PLEASE OBEY TO ME.

“Did anything happen on the day this all started?”

“Well…” I see a tear drop out of my mother’s eye as she looks down and recalls the events. “My husband and I had a fight.”

“I see..”

Please, for the 1000th time, please move, please, I am sorry, if I did anything wrong in the past, I am sorry, please, for every wrongdoing I have done in my life, I am sorry, I am sorry, I have learned my lesson, but please, please, don’t punish me like this, I don’t know if I deserve to be punished like this, but all what I ask, it’s for your mercy, it’s for a second chance.

“We might need to intern him in the clinic to see what happened, it could have been a trauma or something worse like a stroke we couldn’t catch in time.”

“Oh, no…” My mother starts to cry again, meanwhile I keep begging my body, to the unknown entity that has caused this to happen to me, to give me back control, without any results. If there is a God or not, it doesn’t matter, I just hope they can give me back my body. “Now without my husband at home I will be all alone at home.

“It’s really for the best, Miss.”

I am sorry mother.