Lukios wiped her down first, gently removing the traces of his ardour from her skin. Ba’an lay on her back, eyes closed as she enjoyed the feel of his hands on her and the cool wetness of the cloth. She felt the bed dip as he joined her. She reached over and stroked her hand over his belly, enjoying the little sound he made until he caught her hand.

“Stop.” His voice was low, strained. “We need to talk first. No distracting me, that’s cheating.”

She sighed. Well, it had been worth a try.

“Ba’an. Look at me, will you?” She opened her eyes and turned. He was looking at her, eyes warm but serious. She thought he was still a little angry. He put his fingers on her cheek before he spoke.

"Ba'an? You said you're not coming with me. I thought you were. I mean...I thought you’d decided."

She shook her head. "We did not discuss it after we...kissed, Lukios. I do not know what you mean."

He blinked, staring at her with his eyebrows knitting together. "But..." he reached out and touched her throat, and she suddenly realized why. She had taken off Thu’rin’s necklace and he had thought that…what, that she had decided she would go with him?

She sighed. No, that was not what she had meant at all.

"No, Lukios. I did not mean...I did not realize that is what you meant. No. I put Thu'rin's sumanuta in my chest because we are travelling. To keep it safe." Ba'an always did this when she left for a long time, just in case she had some unexpected and undesirable guests.

It was also true that it would have been difficult to seduce a man while wearing the keepsake of another, so she had taken it off earlier than she normally would—but it did not mean that she would go and stay with him. “And yes, because…I wished to show I desired you. But I did not think you would believe it meant more than that.”

Because surely he had been playing. Because he was an outlander, though looking at him now she felt a flash of guilt. Lukios was Lukios. Perhaps he had typical outlander tastes—but perhaps he did not.

Perhaps he had no other woman, waiting.

Lukios seemed to shrink, somehow, head sinking down as he stared at the sheets rather than at her. She blinked, surprised. What had he thought?

"Oh," he said, very quietly.

"Lukios?"

He raised his head again to look at her, but his smile had dimmed again.

"Yeah?"

"...Are you well?"

"Yeah. I'm good. Just...misunderstood. The necklace—” he made a little gesture, as if he were taking off his spearhead and her heart jumped into her throat, “—thing." He shrugged, then gave a little laugh. "Wow. Ha. Really misunderstood it." He cleared his throat. "Guess you didn't actually say you'd come, huh?"

"I am sorry, Lukios. I did not wish to mislead you. It is only—I always leave the sumanuta behind when I travel. I cannot transform items when I become a flock of crows. I may take a passenger, but I cannot take things other than the godskin."

Now she felt ashamed. She truly had not meant to trick him. It had not occurred to her that he would take it as agreement.

"Oh. Right. Of course. You did do that—before."

He did not look well. Ba'an reached out to cup his cheek, but he shifted away and she froze mid-movement, stung. He gave her a weak smile, reaching out and taking her hand in his. It was not as comforting as it normally was.

They sat together in the dark, the room silent except for the sound of their quiet breaths.

When he spoke again, he did so slowly. "Ba'an? When you said you weren't playing. What were you talking about?"

She frowned, not quite understanding the question. "I desired you sincerely. I was not playing. And now we are having relations, and such things are not games.” It was true some people pursued such pleasures the way others did games or food, but to do so was a vice, and very unwise. Consequences could be dire when passions were inflamed, then thwarted.

And surely something being temporary did not make it…less. Death was always lurking in the sand and shadows, regardless of one’s plans. All things were temporary, and the Wheel always turned.

“Having relations. Okay. We are…having relations. In the…” He scrubbed his face with his hands briskly and let out a slow breath.

Ba’an was beginning to think she had misunderstood something very badly, though she could not quite see what it was. She smoothed her fingers over the sheet, then did it again, though it did nothing to soothe her belly, which was clenching tightly to the point she wished to vomit.

Was he very angry with her? She peered into his face—or tried to. He would not look at her.

Her anxiety ratcheted up another notch.

"Lukios?"

"Yeah?"

"You do not look well."

"Nah, I'm good. Just...thinking. Ha."

"I am sorry, Lukios. I did not plan to deceive you. About Thu'rin's sumanuta." Though Ba'an thought there was something more to this than she knew. "What did you mean when you asked me if I was playing?"

He shook his head. "Never mind. It's not important."

"But you are upset."

He laughed again, this time sounding more himself, though she was certain he was still feeling very poorly. "At myself, sweetheart. At me. Not you. I was—I was hearing what I wanted, that's all."

Lukios sat back up, seemingly shedding his melancholy. The switch was rapid, and Ba’an was left disoriented. He reached over and ran his finger over her nose, which she had begun to wrinkle without thinking. "Don't fret, sweetheart. I'm fine. Everything's...fine." He paused thoughtfully, before adding, "You still thinking about it? Coming with me to Synoros."

Ah. "I do not think it is a good idea, Lukios."

"Yeah, but that's not what I asked. I asked if you want to come with me, not if you think it's a good idea."

"Lukios, it is not that simple."

"It sort of is, Ba'an. I mean...why not? And not that abomination stuff. I don't care. Just...think about if you'd rather live with me or if you'd rather live alone. Obviously, I'd rather you live with me." His smile broadened and he ran his hand over her skin, caressing her from shoulder to hip. "I'd treat you real good, Ba'an,” he cooed, “promise."

"I do not doubt you will treat me well, Lukios. It is in your nature." It was. He was happy and friendly, kinder than he looked, and well-liked for it. "But surely you realize this is not wise? It will not last, Lukios."

He cocked his head to the side, looking at her with the same sharp intensity as he had in the alleyway. He was silent for a long moment, and she could not guess at the thoughts that passed behind his eyes as he gazed at her. She squelched the urge to fidget beneath his stare.

“Ba’an? What did you mean, back by the stoa? When you said that I ‘mean what I say’?”

“It is exactly as I said, Lukios. You mean well, always. But…you…” she paused, not knowing how to best explain herself. She started again. “Lukios, how old are you?”

“What? I…is that important?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’m twenty-eight now. I’ll be twenty-nine by the end of the year.” Twenty-eight. Not as young as she had thought, but still, younger than her by five years.

“I am thirty-three.”

“Okay. Why is this important?” He sounded like he was trying his best to be patient.

“Are you married?”

“What? No.” He lifted his left hand, where he only wore a single signet ring. “I’m not married, Ba’an. Why would I be?” The look he gave her was somehow both incredulous and reproachful.

She thought about how she ought to answer. “Do you want to be?”

“I…that’s…Maybe. It’s complicated. I’m not against it, but I’m not particularly anxious about it, either.” He paused, looking into her face with a more serious expression that she had expected.

“I’m not interested in marrying for political reasons. I’d rather marry a woman who’s a good match in other ways. Affection’s important, obviously—I have to like her. It’s common for a man to have a concubine, but…that doesn’t make for a happy marriage now, does it? Not from what I’ve seen. It makes the women miserable and life gets…noisy. Happy wife, happy life, right?”

Ah. So it was both better and worse than she had thought.

“I see.” Ba’an lapsed into silence. “I think you have answered your own question, Lukios.”

“I’m really not seeing it, Ba’an. Explain it to me. Use small words.”

“You are young, capable, and wealthy. You have your whole life ahead of you. You wish to be married to a woman who is a suitable life partner that you also love. I am an abomination with no tribe or family. I live alone in a cave in the desert. We are totally unsuited for each other, Lukios. This will not last. It is better to accept such things now, rather than hurt each other later.” Or more accurately, hurt her later. She did not think she would turn away from him first, but he would—once he realized what she was.

He stared at her in silence.

“Ba’an,” he said finally. “Are you sick of me?”

“No.” She sat up, reaching for him. This time he let her touch his cheek, and he put his hand over hers. The relief that rushed through her made her dizzy. “No. I am not sick of you. But I am old enough to see how this will end. Badly. We should spare each other some pain and part ways amicably.”

He went quiet again before speaking. “Which part are you worried about?”

“What?”

“I told you, I don’t care about all the abomination horseshit. Yes, you have your spooky witchy magic thing, but you still laugh and cry like the rest of us. You even bleed the same. So you’re really just a woman—well not just a woman, but you know what I mean—and you don’t have to be stuck inside a cave. Ba’an, you can go anywhere you want. You have magic. You’re a healer. A good one. You could work anywhere. I don’t know why you think I care about any of that.”

“I…” Ba’an was flustered. “You say so now, but I cannot offer you anything but myself, Lukios. I cannot give you allies, or wealth, or…status. I cannot give you the things a good marriage with a Dolkoi’ri woman can.” And she ate souls. That was not a small matter, either. He would be better off with a woman who…

…did not eat souls.

“I’m not sure why you think I want any of those things from you. I’m already comfortable anyway, so why would I want any of that in the first place? I’m not exactly planning to get into politics, Ba’an. I already have nearly everything I want.”

“I…very well. Let us say you do not want those things. What do you wish from me?”

“I’d like it if you trusted me.” He did not sound pleased. “But you know what? That’s fine. Trust isn’t something you demand; it’s earned. So instead, I’d like you to tell me why you seem to think everything's gonna go real bad, real soon. I mean—I meant every word, you know. Still do.”

“It is a natural thing. Distance. Distance makes the heart forget, Lukios. It is common. And…consider why we are together now. There is no reason except distance. We were both alone in the desert. Of course we came together in such circumstances. But that is not the situation now.”

“’No reason’? Are you serious?”

“Yes. Think of this, Lukios. If you had met me here, in Kyros—well, do you think we would have met? We would have walked past each other. Even if we had met and exchanged words, it would have meant very little.”

Ba’an was certain she would have noticed him, though she would not say so out loud. He was simply too striking to dismiss easily, and not only in the physical sense. His soul was always bright and warm, drawing her to him the way fire did moths in the night.

“Well, for one thing, you would have been wrong. I would have noticed you. I told you, I recognized you right away. I mean, no offense, but I found you terrifying back when you were killing us left and right, so yes, I would have noticed—at least enough to run in the other direction. Two, that isn’t what happened, so who the fuck cares? Why are you even thinking about this? You know Ba’an, if I had been standing even three feet closer to the front during that first battle, you would have fried me and not the other guy? But you didn’t. I bet you don’t even remember the other guy. Well, I could have been him. But I don’t think about it because it didn’t happen.”

“…You found me terrifying? But you were always so calm.” Cheerful, even.

“Well, I eventually figured out you weren’t gonna kill me horribly. I mean why bother keeping me alive if you were just gonna kill me later anyway? But yeah, I nearly pissed myself that first time I woke up. I was sweating. Thought you were planning to…I dunno, feed me to your plants or something. Or hang me up by my thumbs and start asking hard questions. That sort of thing. Drove me crazy, not knowing what you wanted.” He shrugged, a little sheepishly.

“…You did?” In hindsight, it did explain quite a lot. “But my point still stands. Our relationship was built on proximity and being available, was it not?”

“No. It was not. Ba’an, there were lots of women who were available and willing pretty much everywhere. Quite frankly, I did not sleep with them all, or even most of them. I know, big shock. And I sure as fuck didn’t ask them to go home with me. That is not how I see this at all. I don’t even understand how you can think that.”

He reached out and touched her face in the dark. “What in all of Hades do you even think of me, Ba’an?” He sounded frustrated and hurt. “Are you really saying if you’d picked up some other man that day, you’d have had him too? Because of proximity?”

“What? No. I would have let him die.”

“…Right. You did say that, before. So obviously, you’re wrong. And you know what I don’t understand? Why being me is a problem.”

She frowned. “That is not what I said. You are…Lukios, you are not a problem.” It was Ba’an that was the problem.

“You did. You listed it off before you started badmouthing yourself.” He sat up and held up his hand, using his fingers to count.

“Young? Do you not like younger men? Or is there some other problem here? Capable? I don’t understand why this part is a problem. Wealthy. That’s…Ba’an, that’s usually not an issue. I thought women liked wealthy men. And if I were to be honest with you, I am not that wealthy. We can be comfortable, but we’re hardly going to buy our own port.” He held up the fourth and final finger. “Marriage. Is that a problem? Or are you worried I’m not married ‘cause you think I love changing ladies like clothes?”

She frowned. “No, you do not understand what I am saying. Why dally with me, when you can find yourself a wife? One day you will want one, and children. I am only saying that it is better if we part ways sooner rather than later, before…” She trailed off, not wanting to say the last part.

She was much less worried about him than she was about her. He would find a Dolkoi’ri woman from a good family and marry. Then she would have nothing but her empty not-vuti and memories that were both sweet and cutting. It was better to simply not have something in the first place than to live longing for it.

“…Are you saying you’re worried I’ll...leave you for another woman? Wait, is that what this is about?”

She looked away but he caught her cheek in his palm, gently turning her to face him again. When had he moved so close?

“Ba’an. Wait. Wait. Don’t hide again. Look at me.” She obeyed, though it was…embarrassing. She sounded weak—not like a witch at all. Ba’an hated it. Ba’an had never worried about being left before—not for another woman. Ba’an had never worried Thu’rin would leave her for another, and even if he had—well, she would have still been a witch. It had not mattered so much then.

But it mattered now. It mattered so much that…well, it mattered.

“Is that what you’re worried about? You’ll come live with me and I’ll fall in love with someone else and kick you out again?”

“You said you wished to marry. Once you find a woman she will want me gone. And Lukios—I will not stay as your concubine, even if she did not.” She would commit murder before allowing such humiliation.

“Ba’an. Why are you assuming…why do you keep saying I’ll marry some other woman? What makes you think I will even look at another woman when I’m with you? That’s…that’s…” He raked his hand over his hair with a noise of frustration. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Or anyone, really. It’s cruel.” He peered into her face. “Are you saying you would? Look at another man, I mean.”

“What? No. But…Lukios, it is common for Dolkoi’ri men to have concubines. And even when they have many at home, they still visit brothels.”

He pressed his hand over his eyes. “Okay. So that is the problem. You think…I’ll be chasing skirts while I’m with you. That’s the gist of it, isn’t it?” His voice had gone flat. “Ba’an. What kind of man do you think I am, exactly?”

This was a disaster. She had only managed to insult him. She should have lied. Ba’an could tell he was angry now, though he was holding it in.

“I…I do not think you are that sort of man. I think you believe everything you say. You are always very sincere.” He was. “But Lukios, it is as I have said. You mean well now, but with time and distance, you will gain perspective. You will understand what I am saying. You will wish to wed well, and that is simply good sense.”

“Okay. So you think I’m honest, but too stupid or immature to know how I feel. That’s great. Thank you.”

“You are not stupid or immature. It is only the way of things.” Now she was worrying the sheets, twisting them between her fingers again and again. She forced herself to stop once she noticed.

This was not going well.

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, reining in his temper. He covered her hands with his. “Okay. I…okay. Ba’an. Tell me something. What do you want from me? I thought we wanted the same thing, but now I think maybe we didn’t. So tell me right now. Do you just want me to show you a good time, or do you actually want me? I can’t tell. You keep talking like you’re worried I’ll leave you but then you tell me to go do it. It’s just so—I don’t know, Ba’an. I can’t tell what you want from me, so just tell me. What do you want?” He opened his eyes and looked at her. His gaze was clear and unwavering, which was just like him.

She shifted uncomfortably. Ba’an had wanted her time with him to continue until she died, which she thought would be sooner rather than later. It was an obvious impossibility, so she had tried to push him out quickly, before her heart caught against his and tore. She could not tell him the truth. They had only known each other for five months at most. Only a madwoman, or a very stupid one, would think herself in love already.

And she was a liar. He did not understand what an abomination was, and she had not bothered telling him when she had the chance, and now…she…

She bit her lip.

No, no. It was better this way. She would not be able to take it—watching his expression close, eyes going cold as he drew away. No. Better to be a sweet memory than a bitter one. She ought to tell him no and end things now, so…

“Ba’an. I can see you’re thinking of lying to me right now. I would rather you didn’t.”

Ugh. If only he were as stupid as he seemed, things would be much, much easier.

“I care about you very much, Lukios. But…it is as I have said. I am an abomin—”

“Ba’an. That’s not what I asked.”

Why did she feel so cornered?

“I…would like to stay with you for a long time.” There. That was close enough, wasn’t it?

“Okay. Good. Good. That’s…that’s good.” He swallowed. “Well, I thought it was something like that too. I thought you liked me, and I was hoping you'd come with me and stay. For a long time.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he closed his mouth with a click.

“There is something else you want to say.”

He nodded. “Yes. There is something else too, but…” The look he gave her was pained. “Ba’an. I’m gonna say something you’re gonna find stupid. Try not to say that to my face 'til I’m finished, okay?” Slowly, hesitantly, she nodded.

“Okay. Good. Um. Well, I want you to stay with me for a long time. And you want to stay with me for a long time. And…you’re worried I’m going to go off and get married to some other woman. That’s the gist of it, right?”

“I…yes. In a way.” He wasn’t wrong. It was the only sensible thing for him to do, once he realized what being an abomination actually meant. He did not care because he did not know. Ba’an bit her bottom lip until he reached out and smoothed his thumb over it.

“Careful. You’re going to start bleeding.” He very gently cupped her cheek in his palm. “Ba’an. Why don’t we just get married?”

Her mouth dropped open. He held up his hand. “Wait! You said you’d wait until I was done. I’m not done yet.” She shut her mouth, though she could not stop the frown. Lukios shifted, swallowing hard so the hard knot in his throat bobbed with the movement.

“It solves both our problems, doesn’t it? I mean, why not? If you hate it, we can get divorced, it’s not…it’s not that hard to get here. But Ba’an, I think we should just get married. You’ll have some legal protection and authority while you’re at the estate—uh, if you come, I mean. On top of that, no asshole is gonna think he can buy you off me, either, and you can leave the K’Avaari horseshit behind for good. As for me, I’ll be safely married off so no matron’s gonna eye me like I’m an open banquet for her kids again, you know? Okay, there, I’m done now. You can tell me how stupid that sounds.”

She stared at him blankly. The silence continued and he fidgeted. “Can you say something? It’s getting a bit uncomfortable now.”

“Lukios. You must think this over more carefully.”

“I am. I did. I mean, okay, we haven’t known each other that long but I know you’re…well, I know you. And in case it wasn’t all that clear I…uh…have a lot of affection for you so why not? Like I said, if you really hate it, we can get divorced. It’s pretty easy to get as long as there aren’t any kids involved. All in all, it’s not a bad deal for you, right?”

“Lukios. I…you must think. Gaios is an ally of yours, is he not? He wishes you to marry his daughter. That will strengthen your position. You will gain much more if you marry her, or another Dolkoi’ri woman of rank.”

Lukios pressed his hands over his face as he gave a little laugh. “Oh, Ba’an. That’s--that’s not what you think.” He pulled her closer so he could whisper into her ear. “He seems real successful now, right? And he is, that’s true. And you’re right too, a good marriage can make a big difference. He almost became a real Astros, did you know that? But Nidemus married him off to one of his distant nieces—very distant. So he can’t even say he’s a proper Astros, and he isn’t climbing any higher.

“House Astros told him that’s as far as he’s getting. How nice would it be if his little girl ended up a Helios? That’s why he wants the marriage, Ba’an. He didn’t care before my adoption. His assets outstrip mine. But if he can get a toehold into House Helios? I can’t imagine how powerful he’d be with better connections. I’d just be a steppingstone and he’d get rid of me if I got in the way.”

He leaned away and shook his head. He continued, keeping his voice low. “I don’t want to play power games. If you stick your head out, someone’s going to cut it off. I don’t want to be a play piece anymore. I’d rather just live quietly in comfort and die in anonymity. Does that make sense?”

It did. Ba’an also wished for a quiet life.

He looked concerned about eavesdroppers. Lukios glanced toward the door, then shuffled closer to her on the bed.

“Do not worry, Lukios.” Ba’an tilted her head and listened. The closest souls felt like ants. The nearest human soul was down the hall, too far to eavesdrop. “There is no one listening from the hall or the servant’s passage.”

He gave a low whistle. “Gods. That is so damn useful. Is this a witch thing or is this a Ba’an thing?”

“It is a ‘Ba’an thing’, though some powerful witches can do the same. Not all, but some of them.”

“Ha. That’s what it was.” He shook his head. “I wondered how you never seemed surprised, no matter where I popped up from.”

“My apologies. I will try to look…surprised.”

He snickered, shaking his head. “Nah. Don’t worry about it. But how about it? Let’s just get married and everyone else can just fuck off. We’ll grow olive trees until we’re sick of seeing green.”

She swallowed. “But Lukios…”

“If you’re going to say, ‘I’m an abomination,’ you can stop right there. Seriously. Don’t care. I’m a stupid outlander, remember? I don’t give two shits about that stuff.”

“But…Lukios…”

“Yeah?”

“I…” Eat souls. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“I…”

He waited, very patiently.

“I…” It was very simple. She only had to say, ‘I eat souls,’ but the words would not squeeze past her throat. She shut her mouth again.

“You can tell me whatever you want, Ba’an. Really. Anything at all—or nothing at all. Doesn’t matter.” He shrugged. “You can keep all your witchy secrets, too. Don’t care.”

“But…”

“You actually planning to feed me to your plants?”

“What? No. Lukios, that is very silly.” Blood made very poor fertilizer.

“See? No problem whatsoever. Let’s get married.”

“But…Lukios. You are a Helios now. Will they not object?” Surely they had not adopted him for fun?

He started to laugh. “Oh, Ba’an. They can fuck right off. I’m not a proper Helios and they didn’t even want me. Rekos—” He sobered. “Rekos did that on his own. And now he's dead. So no, there’s no one to impress.”

“I am sorry, Lukios.”

“Why? It’s not your fault he died. And it’s true—there’s no one to impress anymore, so why the fuck not? Let’s get married. It’ll piss ‘em right off. It’ll be fun. It’ll be great.”

She worried her lip between her teeth.

Perhaps he did not have to know. Synoros was a rural estate. If Ba’an flew out once a week to hunt, then…

No, no. Lies made poor fertilizer as well.

But—

No. She was being selfish. She ought to just…tell him now…and then…

“Ba’an?”

She fidgeted, torn and tormented.

If she went with him—

She would not have to die alone, withering in the sun and sand. She could be happy, for however long she lived. She blinked rapidly, throat suddenly closing. Lukios’ eyebrows drew together, and she knew he had missed nothing.

“Sweetheart?”

“I…must think on this, Lukios.”

He nodded. “Right. Right. There’s no rush or anything. Take your time. I mean, things are still kind of a mess so nothing’s going to happen until this whole thing with suddenly not being dead is resolved, but I’m just saying…it’s an option. I mean you can still stay with me if you don’t want to get married but I was just thinking if you were going to stay with me anyway and I don’t really want to play politics with my marriage either so why not just kill two birds with one stone? And you know, Ba’an, I really, really meant what I said, and I promise I won’t um, abuse you or beat you or whatever else in case you were worried about outlander tempers and—"

She held up her hand. “Lukios. Calm yourself.” She fixed him with a look. “I am not worried you will abuse me. You cannot, in any case. Do not forget what I am.”

“I didn’t. I mean, I won’t.”

“I will not abuse you also. And I will not use my magic on you unless…it is to save your life.”

His mouth twitched into a smile. “Ah ha. I thought you did something. I mean it’s not normal to wake up feeling so damn fantastic after nearly dying. I’m not complaining, I’d rather be alive than dead, but yeah, it would be nice if you didn’t toss your magic around willy-nilly. Um, I’d rather you didn’t enchant me, either.” He looked at her. “You didn’t, right? I mean…I don’t think you did but…”

She scowled. Now she was insulted.

“Oh, there we go. I guess you didn’t. Um, never mind. Don’t scowl so much, Ba’an, your face’ll get stuck that way. Well, it’s cute and all, but if your face has to be stuck someway, I’d prefer the smile or the nose wrinkle.”

Her scowl deepened.

“Aw, Ba’an. Don’t be like that.” He swooped in and kissed her on the mouth. “You wouldn’t be caught dead seducing a filthy outlander, I know, I know. It was just a thought. I don’t usually blurt them out but it’s just so easy to talk and talk with you.”

Ba’an tilted her head so she could glare at him. “Lies. You talk and talk to anyone and anything, including the wall. You love the sound of your own voice.”

He started to laugh. “No, no, Ba’an, I don’t,” he said, wheezing, “I really don’t. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. But I’ve gotten careless in my five months with you.” He kissed her again, and she softened, just a little.

He tucked his head in the space between her neck and shoulder and sighed. “Ba’an I really, really want you to stay. I’m going to be so miserable without you, even if it is just two months or so. I mean, I’ll see you in two months and then what? See you again in another two or three months? I’ll go crazy. I can’t.” He ran his hands down her back, stroking her in a way that made her sigh and tip her head back. “See? You’ll miss me too.” He began peppering her throat with little kisses. When she relaxed, he lay her onto her back, leaning over her on the bed. “You will, won’t you? Miss me?”

“Mmm…” She shut her eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands and mouth on her skin.

“Ba’aaaaan.” He kissed her clavicle, tracing the contour of her bones lightly with his tongue. “You should say so. You’ll miss me.”

“Mmm…perhaps.”

“Oh, that is so mean.” He began to tease her in earnest, kissing and nibbling at her throat and touching her sweetly until she was panting. He drew away. “Ba’aaaan. You should be more honest with yourself. I know you’ll miss me, so you should just say so.”

He ran his hand up her inner thigh, stopping just before he reached the dark thatch of curls between her legs. “Come on, Ba’an. Say you’ll miss me too much. You’ll stay with me, right?”

She looked up at him before slowly reaching up and cupping his cheek in her palm. “I will miss you, Lukios. But,” she fixed him with a hard look, “do not rush me into promising you this. You agreed you would wait.”

He closed his eyes and gave a self-deprecating little huff. “Okay, you caught me.” He kissed her palm. “But Ba’an, I really mean it. Even if we don’t get married you don’t have to worry about other women or whatever. I mean, I’m twenty-eight and unmarried. That’s not a coincidence. I just…I’ve been putting it off on purpose, but Ba’an, I think we could grow old and happy together. Wouldn’t that be nice? You can tell me to stop asking stupid questions until we’re both gray and doddering. Fun, right?”

She stilled. Old and happy together.

Old. Ba’an would not live to get old. She could hear Tik-Tak Mal’uk laughing, somewhere deep inside her. She bound it tighter, but it did nothing to stop its mockery, its sublime amusement.

“Ba’an? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong.” No. This was wrong. She looked at Lukios again, remembering what Merida had said. Was he really that wild for her? This was cruel, then. Inhuman, even. Selfish.

Why could she not simply let him go? What was wrong with her?

“Ba’an. I really, really wish you wouldn’t do that. I said something. What did I say? Just…can’t you just tell me how I’ve upset you?”

“You have not upset me.”

“Ba’an. Come on. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“You have not. It is not you. It is…a personal difficulty.”

“A ‘personal difficulty’? That’s not really helpful, Ba’an.”

She forced herself to face him. He was frowning slightly, peering into her face as though he would find his answers if he gazed into her deeply enough.

“It is not something you should worry about.” After all, there was nothing he could do about decisions she had made years before meeting him. There were only consequences now, and Ba’an would have to pay them.

He flopped down beside her and pulled her closer, burying his face into her hair. “You really like your secrets, Ba’an.” He tipped her head back so he could look her in the eyes. “Okay. I get it. I mean, I can’t make you trust me, Ba’an. I don’t like it but that’s just how it is, and I know I’m just some outlander you picked up off the road five months ago. I…get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.” He sighed softly, stirring errant strands of her hair as he did so. “I know you don’t believe me when I say stuff like this, but Ba’an, I promise: I will always come back for you, and I won’t betray you. Not with another woman, or over anything else. I swear. And I’ll wait for you.”

“Wait?”

“Yeah.” He kissed her gently on the nose and pulled away. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.” He pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay. Go ahead and turtle all you want. I’ll be here. I’ll wait.”