It didn't hurt, really...

Laying down in the grass soaked in warm blood, my eyes closed as I swallowed the dry thirst in my mouth, maybe they will come back for me. I know they said they were leaving me, but you never know.

I let out a dry cough, I guess it  might be pretty bad this time. Still, I have endured five years, being a food tester, or going head first into something dangerous, before everyone else. Yet I did survive, and they always came back.

I mean sometimes they only leave me for a night, but there was one time it was a week, that one night it was really my fault. After eaten, what they so nicely gave me, I rolled all around the ground screaming my off. Not only that, I had a hoard smell coming from me, it was something like you would smell on someone dying. I am sure of it now as I can smell it on myself again right now.

Really that pain was nice compared to right as now I can hardly move a muscle. Really though that's the nice part as blood seems coming out slowly of all my pores. I am hopeful, but I think I will have to doubt my survival this time.

Last time, I was rolling on the ground and my skin changed to a new shade of green that really never went away, but they came back and said "I'm surprised you are still alive after that". I smiled at them and told them the symptoms only lasted a few days.

As usual, they would hit me after they saw me smiling like that, but would do that when I wasn't smiling too, but at least I knew they were still there now, I wasn't alone in this strange world. I was safer with them because they are stronger, and faster than me. Sometimes, I would even get left behind, but I would catch up at night. In fact I could even do night watch. While I knew that I was weak, I had firm resolve that I couldn't be a burden in this New World.

Maybe I should have rolled around more, before they left, they usually liked to see suffering a bit more. Not their fault though, there's not a lot of entertainment in this world, It was just another thing I had done for the team. If they were happy, then we might fight better, though there were times I wish they hadn't tried to use me as a test dummy.

Think about it, I was just an archer, which wouldn't be so bad, but I didn't really do any damage, not to mention my arrows had no special effects like all other archers. Just imagine, if my arrows could stun or slow down approaching monsters. Oftentimes, we had to run, instead, as I couldn't do my part in supporting the group. Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me. Was there some sort of mistake? I admit sometimes I got tired of smiling even when some people called me the worst of humanity.

It wasn't just my comrades, but they would make sure to let everyone know I was the weakest. I would go through town, while trying to hide from everyone's strong gazes and whispers.

" Isn't that her"

" Why doesn't she just die and save the town some resources"

" One day her team will leave her, just you wait"

Unfortunately I had good hearing or they weren't really trying to hide it, I would just repeat to myself, I wasn't a burden often, so it became my mantra, while collecting stuff for the team in town. Still in the back of my heart there was always that worry, I had seen, and heard the stories in town time after time again. The dangers of being a burden weren't' small' in this world.

I would always spit at the thought, because Burdens get death, but no tombstone or anyone to bring them flowers while they grieve for them. I would always have to remind myself that not everyone can survive in this world and I am surviving at least.  It can't be forgotten, Humans  aren't the only ones living here, nor the first to escape their dying world to come here. As such, I was really glad they always come back, this world isn't the same world we used to live in. It was also an honor to be a food tester, and not just get left alone.

Weird a tear seems to be coming out of my eye, but I should be smiling, I did my part right? I am useful though sometimes I would have to rest a few days to recover. I am not a burden towards humanity's cause in this world. I am needed. I wanted to yell with my suddenly questioning feelings, as I clenched my remaining fist that I hadn't lost being a scout. I suppose it's about time I stop thinking they are coming back after that? How many days, they told me quite clearly all these things. 

"So you're going to finally die this time" Mason laughed, while Noah grabbed the bag on my side "You really don't need these supplies anymore right?. It's for the good of humanity we keep on going and we will need the food. Also it's good that it won't spoil." I smiled as I usually do when they take a portion of government issues supplies. So, it's funny now, why am I crying as I remember this.

They were stronger, faster, and had a better class than me, so it only makes sense that they should eat more. I was just doing it for the good of humanity. I don't know why, but at that moment, I laughed. As the memory continued what they told me in such a way as if they were noble heroes.

"Sera, it's a good thing you tried a lot of things for us. Now, we won't go hungry without you. We even learned lot about this world, because of you, so you can die now" I had keep trying to smile, back at that moment too, even while Nina, the sorcerer laughed after Mason spoke in such a noble way "Didn't t she almost get us killed few times with her bad archery, we did a her a favor keeping her this long".

Dax tank sighed "We were going to eventually leave this Burned, but who knew it would take this long '' It had almost been 5 years on this team, but for him to say that made me feel something. At that time, I didn't smile like usual, and my heart hurt in this unfamiliar pain.

I wasn't crying, but I thought, was I not  useful. I ate everything first so nobody died of poison or had stomach pains. When they actually let me tag along for adventures, I was always the head of the group so they didn't walk into traps. Sometimes I even was bait to lure monsters away. Oftentimes I still got hurt, but still got up. I definitely did my part!

"It's a good thing you were able to help us in the end. We knew that food was dangerous, but we weren't sure how much. See look you are even starting to turn you red and swell, even now as we watch. Surely this won't be a good end for any monster we use it on" He laughed as he continued "We will be heroes in the new world, so be glad you had the honor to serve us!" I was dumbfounded, was I the one who rushed into that cave, and stepped on to traps so they could get that fruit and it's seedlings. I know I am lacking, but didn't I do most of the work that time, while they just watched and ate dinner I too had cooked?

I used the reminder of my strength to push myself towards the tree to lean on, things weren't like before, I might be really dying this time. I tried to remember the good times. Unfortunately, I came to realize they weren't as good as I had hoped when I thought about them.

"Glad, you didn't die this time either", before they handed me some other things to test. It's silly, why am I suddenly crying now? It's just going to make me more thirsty after all.

This time the memories, it didn't seem to be easing the pain in my heart at all today. I glared at the sun who was stopping the rain. Why was the world shining while I was about to die of thirst from my own tears? I didn't want glory, but I didn't want whatever was happening to me now either.

I started to laugh at the thought of another old memory.

"Every human should do their best to help one another in this world." That's what they told me, before I started food testing. It was just a one time thing at first, but they had reminded me I hadn't been doing my part in the team, so five years passed by while I ate strange food. It wasn't just the food, I gave them my soul and heart as I tried to do my best for the team.

I suddenly felt the urge to laugh again, it's so weird I am not a person to laugh, but I was sure I was lucky as a lot of things had been safe in this world or I survived to least understand not to eat them again. Though, most of them didn't give me this strange burning feeling in my body either. I really thought this shade would help. I chuckled, "look at me" talking to myself like a crazy person, I pleaded to the sky, "you think it could rain?"

Water continued to pour down my eyes. I don't want to hide my tears, but why does this food make me suffer so miserably? The thirst  might be really what kills me in the end. Yes I was starting to have trouble breathing as I thought,  "my soul might be burning at this point." Seriously, I don't even miss them now, I am willing to try it alone now.

What was I afraid of all this time? So what if I was a burden. So what my class was average, and my skills were the worst of the worst, at least I could explore this world of green. Now I could barely move my head, but I looked one last time to the side,  at least they kept one promise right. This world sure was better than the last one.

I didn't believe myself to be a hero, but I wish I would have lasted a bit longer.