Sigh… I looked at the classroom in front of me - history class.

I was exhausted; not because of school, sleep, or schoolwork, but because of all the school errands I had to run to today. Explaining my situation to my Physical Education instructor took a while for everything to get done. He was pretty understanding, especially with the doctor’s statement Halcation wrote for me. Though… having to speak to my Student Advisor about my physical therapy which was due every fourth day (Which happened to be the day I had my physical classes) took a while, and eventually I had to get Doctor Halcation on the phone to speak and explain the severity of my condition.

I took another breath before walking into class with my late pass the student advisor gave me. Because—,

“Oh, look who we—,” The instructor said in distain as he looked at me… Instructor Lokus. “Let me see this pass. I’ll determine if I’ll let you by or not.” 

His stern and strict, and at times difficult arrogance was his hallmark. Being late to his class was a death sentence quickly known to all students of his class… Though I think he wasn’t all negative; when discussing history, Lokus was incredibly well versed, and discussions with him were always interesting and enjoyable… as least to me. Though his lectures were quite boring, even for me.

“… Student advisor; I see…” Instructor Lokus uttered… “You are good. Take your seat, ask those nearby for what we are on Teseia.” 

“Yes Instructor.” I said before sitting down.

The Student Advisor, no one messed with the two…

 

---

 

As Instructor Lokus dismissed us from class, the bell signaling the end of classes rung. I packed the few small notebooks I took out for notes back into my school bag before leaving.

I left for lunch and headed to the most likely expected place to see him was. I had some things to tell him… “It…” I had to thank him for last week too.

I… “Should I really…?” I uttered, thinking about—was it really a good idea? One way or another, I'll end up in a situation or a conversation that guilt trips me.

… whatever—I’ll keep a positive nature and just cheer him. I finished eating my lunch and waited…

… … …

… yawn—geezes… I can’t fall asleep here! I forced myself to open my eyes…

… … …

… … …

… … …

“Class starts for you in 8 minutes.” Nnng—eh? I looked—huh? “I would start getting ready to leave.” I clumsy checked my phone for the time… Eh?

I—did I… I rubbed my slightly heavy eyes… wait—? “Kae—Ignation?” Why is he here? 

“… haha—yes, it is me.” A rare dry laugh came from the gloomy him. “I would hurry to class.” 

I looked at my phone again… in disbelief… Class starts at 13:00 for us, and—, “I—sorry!” I rushed to put my lunch box away in it’s compartment in my school bag before speeding as fast as I could out the Legal and Law Club.

That was… mildly embarrassing… I was feeling more and more insecure about myself. Everyday I felt myself losing a sense of myself; from being too careless, to me self acting like a seemingly different person… ahem—a carefree girl.

I turned back to look at the door I separated myself from, “I don’t want to leave any of you…” That was why I wouldn’t forget myself.

 

---

 

 

I sped back to the Legal and Law room after all my classes were done and set out my study material. Ahem—arts and music.

Just being here gave me a sense of relief… a sense of familiarity and belonging that my room simply didn’t provide.

And soon enough, a familiar face filled the room. First was Ignation… “… Teseia…” He uttered with his despondent tone.

I—I cleared my throat, “Ano—thank you for that day my just now…” Realizing and thinking back to that day made me realize how careless I’ve been… I felt no need to remember earlier today after thanking him for my blunder.

“No need to thank me; I just wanted some peace at that moment, and you’re relatively nice to be around, so you’re more than welcome to nap here.” Huh—? What!?

… I mean—actually it makes sense. Thinking through, I suddenly realized the horrible coincidence I was in. Thinking back, when Ignation and I discussed about an ideal in our first year, didn’t—, wait? 

“Thanks…” Did I just put myself into this situation by mistake? I had a solution for one potential problem right in front of me this whole time. 

“Everyone seems to have brightened up with your arrival, so thank you for staying with us Teseia.” I seemed to have built a favorable impression into Ignation as well.

I kept myself quiet to avoid any guilt I would continue building whilst I planned something… though my thoughts came to a standstill, so I ended up listening to the videos Noela recommended to me. 

Soon enough Qualtia came within a few minutes. I focused back on my video after she came and set down her stuff—, “What are you watching Teseia?” Eh—!? 

“Don’t watch my stuff!” Her nosy self never went away… a seemingly calm person only to show this.

“Are you trying to learn an instrument?” Qualtia bolted off back to her seat with her school bag.

“Unn…” I quietly nodded. 

“Would you play for us one day? None of us could play an instrument.” Ah—,

“S—sure…” I could play an instrument… maybe with my knowledge, I could make some decent sounds, but nothing musical.

“Don’t worry, none of us will make fun of you.” Why do I feel like I’m being treated like a child? From being welcomed to nap here by Ignation to Being made fun of by Qualtia.

… oh—err… well, realizing it now, I was the youngest one here… Even if I was me before, I was still the youngest; yet here I’m being treated like a child. Sigh—the days of leading this group despite being the youngest are long gone.

“Are you upset Teseia?” Qualtia quickly changed her carefree happy style to one of concern…

“Don’t treat me like I’m a music box!” I lashed out to her in a joking manner; moments like these were fun… things that I could never imagine doing as a guy. 

Time went by with back-and-fourth chatter; mostly between me and Qualtia, though Ignation joined and added comments every so often…

“16:30—,” I put off my phone alarm I set for this time. “Ano—Qualtia, Ignation, thank you.” It was getting late, and Cecelia would be coming home from school by then. “I have to go home, so thank you for letting me stay.” 

“You are more then welcomed to come Teseia.” Qualtia said as she got up and shook both my hands.

“Feel free to come back.” Ignation said monotonously. 

Qualtia released me from her grasp letting me go. I waved to them as I left the room with my bags.

I walked out of the school slowly… 

“It… feels nice.” Being treated like this wasn’t bad, I thought to myself. “Maybe… this was what I yearned for.” 

 

---

 

 

I looked at my desk that faced the moonlit night—, “…” A third page of nothingness lied on the desk in front of me.

I never thought I would keep or enjoy doing something like this. Writing a log of my day’s experiences gave me a new sense of self.

“… I might really lose myself…” I jokingly uttered.

Lunar Year 933, First Half, Day 136-2,

Today was enjoyable. Through the boring errands came me realizing how fun it was to be a girl. 

I also came up with the start plan. I could never help others will, but without a doubt he can. He was always the number one person people came to for personal emotional consoling; so hopefully here can help her.