I woke up.

I was in a rundown and abandoned back alley, and I didn’t remember shit about anything.

What are you saying about a previous chapter? Nah fam, we don’t do drugs here. This is the beginning of the story because if I can’t remember anything before this, it doesn’t exist.

Anyway, so I was too fucking tired for some reason to even get up, but I did have enough energy to notice a cardboard box on my right hand.

Inside it, there were a bunch of normal-looking pills. Maybe they were medication that I needed to take, and I was so fucking tired because I hadn’t been taking it.

So I took the definitely sane and normal decision and took a pill 💊.

And yes I definitely spoke that emote aloud.

Just after taking it, its enormously beneficial effects immediately showed without delay.

I’m definitely not high.

Damn, I just saw a man and a bird with their faces swapped.

Oh, that chicken just got run over by a car!

Yo, that centipede smoking a cigarette looks sick. Literally.

…

After the sparkles ✨ created by the magic ✨ pill 💊 had stopped, I found myself in a place I didn’t recognize.

That place was a stadium.

An enormous stadium, filled to the brim with people. The only weird thing about it was that it was completely covered by metal bars on the sides and top of the playing field

As if to protect the players from the public… or vice versa.

I was in the playing field.

There was only one other person there.

A woman.

She was looking at me as if she wanted to eat me alive.

There was no public in the stadium, but some random ass hard rock music from an edgy videogame from 2005 starring Ow the Edge (don’t ask me how I got that info) was blasting through a hidden speaker.

Then, another sound somehow even more painful than the last perforated my already damaged ears.

“LET THE MATCH… BEGIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!!”

That woman immediately shot up towards me, with a jump so fucking powerful I didn’t know how the ceiling could resist the impact of her body smashing against it.

But it somehow did, and she managed to push her body with an insane strength in the exact direction that would lead her to impact against me.

And as she came closer, and I couldn’t move.

Her face distorted into an unrecognizable abomination, her mouth expanding into an impossible size; so big it could definitely devour me whole.

And it didn’t take too long for me to realize. That was exactly her intention.

I managed to escape her attack, by a margin so narrow that my clothes were torn apart as her aberration-like mouth closed with an amazing level of strength.

At that moment, something clicked inside me.

I screamed “MY BODY IS READY!!!!!!”, which instantly granted me fighting game-worthy physical abilities and combo moves, and moved at the speed of sound in the form of a blue spinning ball. Wait, why was I a fucking anthropomorphic hedgehog now?

Who the fuck cared, as long as I could win that battle.

The monster vorer came at me once again, moths with giant mouths coming out of every part of her body.

They were grotesque creatures, children of the devil, but I couldn’t hate them because they came into existence surrounded by pretty color lights, and even while being fucking puke-worthy, they still looked cute to me.

So I carefully tried to avoid damaging them as I tried my hardest to kill off the vorer.

And before I noticed, I had begun dancing ballet with the moths, that had given up on eating me since they knew I wasn’t a threat.

LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

LALA LA LALALA LALA LALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

That dancing experience, was like something I had never seen before.

I think, therefore I dance. Now I understood that quote. Whoever it was who had said it, was a motherfucking genius.

When I bothered to look again, all the moths had vanished, and the woman had passed out a few meters away from me.

What a waste of stadium man, could have at least used half of it for this battle.

I was Sonic the Hedgehog again, and I was determined to finish off this vorer woman who had tried to kill me.

I activated my Spin Dash again, and with all my hedgehog spines, I ripped through her body – which just turned into purple smoke, one which smelled like absolute puke. Damn, Link, is this what you had to go through every time?

…

I woke up again. I was in the same rundown and abandoned back alley I had been in before.

All was the same, not a soul in sight, nothing new I could remember.

The only difference was, there was one less pill in the box.