“What the fuck” Alyssa whispered as she stared at the spectre that hung before her.

He contorted his mouth into an awkward smile and vaguely waved his hand at her. “It is very nice to meet you.”

“This doesn’t even make sense,” Alyssa muttered. “I’m–you’re–not dead. Even if I get past ghosts existing this doesn’t make sense.”

“Am I not?” the ghost asked with that tight-lipped smile on his incredibly pale face. “The existence of Andrew as an entity has ceased, clearly.” He gestured at her. “I suspect few would casually confuse us.”

Alyssa sighed. “I’m just gonna assume this is a weird nightmare. Or maybe I accidentally got ergotism or something. Either way I might as well play along.”

“I am here because I require your assistance,” the ghost–Andrew–said. “I cannot move on to the afterlife until my unresolved issues are addressed.”

“I guess that’s pretty standard ghost rules. But, like, why? You secretly wanted to become a girl and then you did. The end. Right?”

“Perhaps you forget, after years have passed. I had other dreams. Here is the list: Firstly, I wished to have a girlfriend. Secondly, I wished to have a legacy that persisted past my death. Thirdly, I wished for my parents to be proud of me.”

“Oof, buddy, that third one. I really think it would be healthier to work on caring so much about their opinion. It shouldn’t define your self-worth.”

“What of the other two?” Andrew inquired.

“Well, I do have a girlfriend. So, that’s solved, right?”

“Perhaps I should clarify. My wish was for Andrew to have a girlfriend.”

“Well, not sure what you want me to do. I’d make you a Tinder but I’m afraid you’d get… ghosted.”

Andrew briefly snorted. “I am glad to see our sense of humor has not entirely changed. Unfortunately, I’m as unsure as you which is the ideal course of action.”

“What about the second one? Would it work if I posted something you made on the internet, under your name?”

The ghost shook his head. “People need to care about it.”

“Well, no offense, dude, but I can’t make people care. I mean, we can put our best effort out there and maybe a few people will see and like it, but posting stuff on the internet is usually like shouting into the void.”

Andrew sighed, face relapsing into its default expression of a slight frown and downcast eyes. “Well, I suppose I cannot ask for better than your best.”

“Dude, work with me here. All of your wishes are really vague. Like, what counts as you having a girlfriend? If it requires a girl to actually meet you, I don’t think I can make that happen.”

The lanky teenager thought for a moment. “I do not think I would be satisfied having only communicated with a girl via the internet. After all, I could not rule out the possibility that I was being ‘catfished’.”

Alyssa sighed. “Well, uh… Let me think. So, assuming ghosts are real–which, if true, has some fucking wild implications for both theology and science–would it work to find you another ghost to be your girlfriend.”

“I think that would be satisfactory. I know by attempting to pet the ghost of our childhood rat that I can have tactile contact with other spirits.”

“Aw, you got to pet Mr. Cuddles! He was so cute. Man, I still kinda miss him. Very good little ratto.”

For the first time since their conversation started, a sincere smile ran across Andrew’s face. “He is indeed.”