Her face was inches away from mine.

Her body trembled slightly with every breath that escaped her.

Her lips looked flushed because she’d been biting on them in expectance of something more.

But that something more… I didn’t know if I was ready to give.

Everything about the situation, from the heat, the electricity, to the feeling of floatiness—it was something that’d usually send my heart into overdrive. It was a dream come true: your crush suddenly telling you that she wants you as bad as you’d been wanting her. Is there any world you’d say no to that?

Well… maybe in the one where your crush’s eyes look so sad, they begin to sober you up with guilt.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Mhm…”

Ayane reached out for my right hand, letting her fingers collapse over mine, then gently led me to the back of her neck. She did the same for my left hand… but even more sensually, drawing out the motion as she locked gazes with mine.

Then she whispered: Don’t think. Just listen to what your heart says.

There was no way I’d be able to do that while looking at her face, so I closed my eyes. I focused on the feeling of her legs against mine as she straddled me. I focused on her scent, on how sensual it felt to have her pressed against me, on how our ragged breaths were making us rub against each other ever so slightly… on how it felt good, even through the fabric of our school uniforms. I focused on how much I wanted to touch her. I focused on how much I wanted her over the past few weeks, on all the times I’d re-lived through the memories of the 24th, on all the fake memories and fake dates and fake kisses and fake sex we’d been having in my dreams. Now, I had the chance to make at least some of that real.

Every cell in my body was firing and screaming and kicking at me: Just kiss her.

Maybe it wasn’t love, but whatever it was… well.

Who cares?

With my eyes still closed, I leaned forward, away from the concrete wall behind me—and through the noise of both our disjointed breaths… I suddenly heard a voice scream.

I’m sorry, Makoto. We would never be able to love each other as we are now.

“Oh fuck,” I snapped.

“What’s wrong?”

I quickly pushed her away. “I… I don’t think I can kiss someone who I’ve just met. I’m sorry.”

Ayane gave me a half-smile. “Is that really it?”

“…”

I should’ve known better than to lie to someone who worked as the equivalent of an underage bar girl, or at the very least picked something that wasn’t so blatantly false, but still…

“Yeah,” I said.

“Why don’t you close your eyes and imagine her?”

“What?”

Still straddling me, Ayane pushed my hands aside and rested her face on my shoulder. “Just close your eyes and pretend I’m Tsujimoto.”

“…”

“That’s what you were doing on the 24th, wasn’t it?”

“I—”

Ayane silenced me with her lips.

They were warm, comforting, sexy… and guilt inducing.

She broke it off, her sweet taste still lingering slightly in my mouth, then looked at me with those sad eyes of hers again.

“Don’t talk, don’t think. Just close your eyes and imagine someone else.”

“…You’re really okay with that?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I’m not doing the same thing.”

“…”

That should’ve been a disconcerting statement, but somehow, knowing I was just being used made me feel less guilty.

“Alright then…”

I leaned in and gave myself away to Ayane.

My pulse was erratic, but it steadied once I forced myself to hold in a breath to have a proper kiss.

“Was that fine?” I asked.

“Not bad. You’ve kissed a lot of girls before, haven’t you?”

“…No, that was my second ever.”

Ayane smirked. “Sorry about that. By the way. You can touch me, you know.”

“You sure?”

“You keep asking that, but it’s not like I would tell you to do it if I wasn’t, right?”

True. It was mainly a reflex at this point. “…Yeah, but um, maybe not today.”

She cocked her head curiously. “Can’t say I’ve ever had a guy say that to me. But you don’t mind if I touch you though... right?”

“…Not at all.”

Her eyes were still sad, but she was smiling. “Well then.”

Leaning away from me, she undid the top two buttons of her blouse, then pulled off her top in one smooth motion just as I fantasised Tsujimoto Mari would—just like in those dreams I used to have before the 24th.

There are a lot of ideas I want to tackle using this story, but not all of them might be in-line with what readers are expecting. I'd appreciate it if you could vote on the poll I've set up so that I have a better idea of what readers want from my story. Thanks!

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