I had to check the boundaries later, so I decided that I’ll take a wander off our land and get some more fresh meat, as we did a lot more hunting for ourselves now.
Normally I didn’t put too much effort into hunting myself, as others did it instead, and we did have a farm and vegetables growing, but I wanted to do this for once. The thrill of it already excited up my wolf and there was no way I could undo this idea now!
“Yeah.” I said. Gundulf was my lead enforcer, staying behind when I left to do patrol.
“Tonight?” He asked. Between routine, it’s easy to understand what he meant.
I nod, “I’ll be off for a few hours, slept?”
“Yeah, good to go, you can even go now.” Gundulf said. He was a keen fighter, my best, always wanting to shoo me off so that he could take on any kind of rogues that wanted to come here while I was away…There was only one thing that stopped him from doing this. Of course, I still didn’t quite understand the mating crap, but hey, it’s only common sense to keep ya mate happy if she’s in heat…Right?
I was a little jealous of my buddy Gundulf, he already had two pups, unable to keep it in his pants…It’s hard to believe his words when he stats that those couple of hours are the best ones in his life…Yeah, whatever, I’ll find out later, I suppose.
Honestly, it is a bit of a worry, I knew female Shifters seemed to have it harder to conceive when they are older, even if they do go on heat…And here I am at 25, nearly 26…Perhaps I waited too long…Nah, I’ll just hope for some sweet, young thing to give me my pups! Problem solved!
Really though, I wanted like five pups, or some extreme number hey! I wanted to watch five of them following me, making me feel like a huge thing, while they would be tiny and cute following me around…Yeah…
“…Where’s Radolph?” I asked, thinking of going now for a run wasn’t such a bad idea, but just now, remembered of my Beta, who follows me just about anywhere. Going now was probably perfect, as the pack will eat soon and by the time that I’d be hungry, it will be dinner time.
I always tried to keep myself busy, even if it was just watching the pack. And most of the time, I always missed a meal because of it. But, I knew, that it had been years now, and wasn’t busy all the time, but it was the excuse that I was sticking too.
I was a strapping teenager eating normally, three meals a day had hardly filled me…Yet, one day, it all changed. Two meals were fine but the third…Forget it!
My stomach felt sick thinking about it till this day!
Over time, people had to accept it, seeing my sickened face and the way I showed that I wanted to vomit.
I would get into trouble, but I seemed to never falter and continued to do this. I always wondered why and when I had finally asked one of the healers about it, they could only come up with that I just wasn’t hungry or that my destined mate, whom I had yet to meet, was suffering.
I couldn’t believe that the so-called mate that I’m so supposed to meet, would have such a thing on me, so I was certain it was because I wasn’t hungry. Besides, who’d wants such a weak mate? Why would my other half want to make me suffer? It was utter bullshit!
Honestly, I was really disgusted with that idea, again, making me more certain that I did not want to meet her...
“He’s playing with the pups, didn’t you see?” Gundulf said, sighing.
I looked up and saw the big, red rustic wolf, playing with the little ones and remembered. I didn’t care much for looking at the big lad these days and probably just disregarded him…
He was getting on my nerves! “Radolph! We’re leaving!”
Uh!? What about lunch! Even if you don’t eat, it doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t have too!
Hearing his voice in my head vexed me.
Sometimes, I did like the idea with humans…Rarely though. As shifters, we are able to go straight into each other’s minds while we are in our wolf forms. As humans…I understood why phones were good, as shifters…It can be somewhat annoying! I always kept my mind relatively free, so that any wolf in my pack could connect with me at any time. I suppose it was an Alpha thing, as others couldn’t hear the wolfs unless they shifted to their wolf as well, but I could even hear them as I was in my human form. But I had learnt how to block off people when they went on and on about mates too much…So, I dealt with it all, accepting this part of me, knowing that it was also an asset.
“Leaving!” I said, pulling off my clothes and shifted into wolf form, running off.
Radolph could only grumble and follow his leader, catching up to me shortly afterwards.
Boss, Radolph called, it’s getting close!
What’s getting close!? I asked, quite distracted at checking my surroundings.
Your 26th birthday! Finally, we won’t be bachelors anymore!
I let out a huff, while I ran a bit faster, knowing Radolph had been waiting for his mate just as long as I have. Now that I remembered, he was going to have the female that would come second in the spars. I already knew…I just forgot!
Yeah, yeah, keep an eye out, will ya! I state while I continued to run towards the northern boundary from the south. Our land had grown in the last year, so that was another reason we had unwelcomed, or unhappy rogue Shifters and pack hunters come close by…But, I needed it! That’s all I got, so they just gotta deal with it!
Radolph had been with me for ages, but over the time from when I had been 22, I had slowly detached myself from him. He was so big on finding his mate at first and was always bringing it up!
It had gotten so annoying, that I would oversee him and ignore him more than anyone else!
I mean, I still loved him like my pal, but I couldn’t wait until he was finally mated!
I knew I was waiting to bed my future partner, but this guy…He was a lot hornier…
Radolph had wanted pups ages ago, sometimes even blaming me that he hadn’t a family yet! So annoying!
I could only sigh to the nature that was him, but my wolf knew exactly how he felt…
As a grey wolf and a red wolf ran along the boundary, I told him that I was hunting today.
It wasn’t a surprise to Radolph and he followed along, getting excited himself.
An hour quickly passed, as we had rushed through the forest beyond our boundary. Both the grey and red wolves wanted to get a nice big catch, that could only reside further away from their pack.
Search to ya right! I state, while I turn a bit to the left.
Yes, boss! I heard him say through the link and we went our separate ways.
I had been here a few times now, knowing it was relatively safe, twice I had seen a lone wolf, but mostly it was just too cold for a Shifter to stay here permanently.
I wasn’t worried about the safety of Radolph at all and continued...
Seeing a deer, not too far away, I sigh.
It was hardly worth a growl, yet alone a look. My ego just wouldn’t allow me to get something so bloody small!
As I went further up the mountain, in amongst the trees, I smelt the scent of a fresh kill, and I went closer towards it.
Sharply looking around from the dead elk, I immediately thought straight away, that there was a lone wolf around.
Looking down at the carcass, I see it was at least half eaten and was pretty big. A male, lone wolf!
Snapping my head around, I went to investigate the area nearby discretely.
Radolph, keep an eye out for a lone wolf!
When I saw the clearing in front of me, I thought that I shouldn’t go further…But, I smelt it then. A dazzling, sweet smell that drove me and my wolf to a complete halt.
I felt like I was running at a huge speed, just by smelling this fresh, cool breeze. It was like a sense of freedom had washed over me, practically knocking us out!
Then, beyond my already crazed feelings, I smelt yet another scent…I absolutely wanted to fuckin drool my heart out.
I wasn’t sure what exactly I felt like, I just knew, that I smelt something so brilliantly pure, that I stopped breathing for a moment.
Just my nose, was taking me to heaven…
Then…I heard a strange noise, from higher up upon a rock face, that came out of the tree line.
Oh my god!
I stared in utter astonishment at the wolf in front of me. She…Was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! The word beautiful wasn’t even giving her the slight amount of justice!
In all animals, humans or objects, she was so fantastically beautiful, that I stopped breathing yet again.
Gasping, after a moment, I couldn’t tear my eyes away…An intense feeling went through me as to tackle her then and there, wanting to make her mine!
Unknowingly, because I had taken a step closer to her, I found her look down at me.
I strangely wanted to scold myself from my paw moving without my consent. But I couldn’t think beyond that, as I felt yet another surge going through me…
My wolf enthusiastically jumped like crazy and howled!
I couldn’t believe that this wolf not only had the most beautiful scent and was the most beautiful creature, but she had such pretty, blue eyes, that seemed to touch my soul. That she was the one…
The force was stronger than I had anticipated, it was beyond the world…A weak connection seemed to flow through me and entice any kind of feeling I had, making my wants and needs beforehand seemed to have become less important…
The figure before me seemed to become the most important part of my life, whether I had wanted it to happen or not…
The want to mark this creature was natural instinct and I felt it so badly that I was breathing slightly heavier.
For a moment, I wanted to laugh at himself. I was such a huge fuckin idiot for ever thinking that I should never had wanted to experience this!
As I watched this beautiful wolf yawn and then shake her head, I felt like I was swimming in honey. My wolf was also longingly looking at her too. Both of us were completely taken!
Her stomp on the ground looked absolutely adorable!
Again, I unknowingly took another step towards her, and that’s when the earth shattered beneath me…
Her growl disgruntled both my wolf and I and I immediately found myself sobering up. I might have acted differently if she hadn’t done this, but having her growl at me, in the way of decline and unacceptance as she did…
I growled back at her, remembering of my thoughts over all these years.
Before I started to regret growling at her…She had run away…
Again, my earth trembled, and I heard my wolf whimper and want to eagerly chase after her.
Go after her!
I couldn’t possibly believe it…I know that I hadn’t really wanted to find my mate to happen, but to have her run off like this!
My ego was completely shattered!
If someone was to run away, it should have been me!
Go after her!
No! I yelled back.
Whining, my wolf then glared at me.
I was dead set, yet, I was still there pathetically looking in the direction she had disappeared to…What am I doing?
My earth seemed to cry out to her, yearn for her, like I never yearned for anything before.
Still staring, I was stock still, unable to walk away, yet unable to chase after her. My own convictions were in complete chaos!
I still couldn’t fuckin believe it! She growled at me! Me!
I’m a bloody Alpha! I’m strong and…
My mood deflated completely…
I didn’t understand how she was so eager to decline our mate bond…Now that I thought about it, our mate bond was very weak. I couldn’t believe I had felt what I had felt, with something so weak! I didn’t understand why I knew this, but I just knew it!
Her wolf is weak, they aren’t fully connected, let’s go after them!
My wolf’s words did give me want to chase…The desire was so great, I nearly did it!
God dammit, I turned and felt my heart break, but I decided to walk back the way I had come.
My breathing got harder and I felt a huge weight fall upon me, but I kept going. All my life…All my life, I had been waiting…For this?
I determine my life, it’s done!
I stopped for a short moment, even closing my eyes…Even…
I took a deep breath.
Even if we don’t meet again…I will never forget this day…
Shaking my head, I continued to go further away from what my everything desired. And with my wolf completely angry with me!
I stopped, shaking my head and finally spoke to the person that reminded me of his existence, let’s go!
I know what happened, Boss
I breathed out sharply, I don’t want to talk about it!
Feeling him close by, having caught up enough, I started to run again. I didn’t want to stay…Or I might go running back to her!
My life was all set…I didn’t need it…
Silence filled the rest of the trip back, but my thoughts were all of one beautiful wolf. The further and further away I went, I struggled more and more.
I could just break it…
The weak, tiny link between us would not even be enough to find her exact location!
I know it would probably be painful, but…
Just a couple of words…But I could not say them…For the life of me I couldn’t even remember what they were! I…
Feeling helpless, I just couldn’t bring myself to close it off and totally distinguish it. Which brought me to thinking that she hadn’t either!
The only thing that somehow gave me and my wolf some rise in spirits was indeed that fact.
She hadn’t completely broken it!
My head was going around in circles! How fuckin troublesome!
Two days and I couldn’t last longer than that…I’d gone from a manly Alpha to a cheesy, little girl with a crush!
For the life of me, I tried to make the best of the situation. I had worked and worked…
It really was…Completely out of my hands…
I was lovin and hatin my so-called destined mate!
After a day, I started to question things more, knowing she just wouldn’t leave my head. Why was our link weak? Why did she growl and want to decline our bond?
My wolf seemed happy that I was distracted and still wanting our mate, so he let me be.
I honestly couldn’t even believe that I started dreaming about her, even though I had only seen her as a wolf. I would nudge her or play with her, wanting her complete attention! I’d lick her beautiful fur and chase her around…
Upon waking and seeing myself so excited, I was completely defeated!
I tried to make excuses for nearly everything, remembering my previous thoughts before meeting her, but my god!
The challenge ahead of me was the hardest one I’d ever crossed! My dad, the corruption in the pack, my mother’s unjust death…
My past experiences were all very important to me, I knew this, but this so-called destined mate was a whole new level!
Over the two days, my wolf had already called her our mate several times, but I had not accepted it. Not completely. Not harmonically at all!
I was at loggerheads with myself so much that it was becoming disturbing to others and Radolph told me that if I didn’t want anyone else to know, then I needed to pull my head in!
I could only sigh and nod, then try to pay more attention…Or look like I paid attention…
Actually, Radolph and I had finally come back to our previous best friend relationship, just because of this…He was the only one I could confide in! The first day of returning, that night, I made him drink with me alone, no one else invited, and he listened to me whine about my problems…
How fuckin retarded! The Alpha drinking his sorrows away like this!
As much as I hated it, I couldn’t help it! My whole world had done a complete one eighty! What the hell was I thinking when I thought I wouldn’t succumb to this!? Thinking that it would be nothing! I was nuts! What a fuckin moron!
…The land seemed to be fine, at the moment, and I was not really in my right mind. So, having gone a little strange wasn’t like it was bad timing.
After a day and a half, a strange sense of pull seemed to have gotten larger and larger…The weak bond we shared, was it calling us?
My wolf was pacing backwards and forwards, already had wanting to leave to find his mate, yet…
Upon spending 48 hours away from her, there was just no way out for me, I had to go. I had to find her!
Not taking anyone with me this time, as Radolph only travelled just beyond the border, to only pretend that he was with the Alpha, I raced straight towards the clearing.
My paws felt like they were flying, practically taking me there themselves. I raced through the forest and was panting when I finally made it, feeling a little better, compared to the last two days.
She isn’t here!
I looked around, panting, and sighed with my wolf.
Both of us seemed to have no want to do anything else right now, this was where we saw her last, this was where we wanted to see her again.
I closed my eyes and hoped to find her through the weak, bond link that we had but could not track her down. It was just there, letting me know that she was still somewhere and alive.
Even though I was not happy with her not being here, I was still glad that she was safe. A strange sense of relief flew over me and I felt a little better.
Had I…Been worried about her?
I really wanted to growl out my frustrations, but the relief was strong. I was pretty sure that she was a lone wolf, and I knew that they could get into big troubles. She was alone, all by herself…
A huge amount of want and need flowed through me to bring her back…Bring her where she belongs!
I shook my big grey, wolf head and couldn’t believe myself…Sigh.
Unable to leave, I sat here for three hours, waiting.
I even pictured her coming up to me, wanting it to secretly happen.
But, as time went by, and six hours had come up, I suddenly started to get frustrated. Where was she!?
Still unable to pick up where she was, I got up on all four of my legs and just ran into the opposite forest.
I kept my ears and eyes focused on any possible thing that could be related to her but couldn’t find anything. The forest went south and a bit to the north, and I thought that she would go south, as it would be even colder near the mountain full of snow. But I never found anything except animals and even a lone wolf that fled when I growled angrily at him.
I was getting more and more frustrated and felt like giving up once again.
No! Don’t go until you find her! My wolf yelled at me.
I shook my head, I’ll go…And give her one more chance…Then this will be complete!
My voice slightly shook but I did not take back my words. As much as I yearned for her, it wasn’t like it would solve everything, even if we did find her.
Thinking about her joining my pack, my family, and having to learn about everything and even learn about me…Become accepted, even though she seemed to be a lone wolf…
I was sick of this!
This is bullshit!
I ran off, not stopping until I reached the boundary of my pack and felt a bit more relaxed.
It had been easier this time…
Not responding to the sadness overwhelming me, I got into my work. Strangely able to focus this time…