(Leo)
I was embarrassed, and I couldn't even look Sinclair in the eyes as I took one, two steps and flew to the edge of the Galaxy Meadow so that I was visible to them as I wiped my face.
I stood at the edge and turned around, giving them a grim smile as they desperately called my name. All the noise rattled through my brain, never processing, and at last, I laughed.
Laughed? I didn't know how that was possible.
Lifting my hand to wave, I backed up so that my heels were barely off the side of the floating rock. There was a degree of uncertainty with how close to the perimeter I was.
As they gazed at me, Sinclair's eyes widened, bulging out of pure concern and terror.
"Sinclair, meet me on the mountains when you're ready. I'll let you leave this place when you want. Let's say goodbye to what we could have been for now."
Because if it was meant to be, we'll come back to each other one day…
They shouted something that I did not hear as I leaned back and fell off the edge, letting the agitated winds run through my soft wings. The loss of control was a relief as I would not let myself go in any other way.
I closed my eyes as I plunged to the ground, letting my senses dominate my body. The rapid gales from high in the atmosphere chilled my heated, angry skin, and the turbulence in my head felt analogous to their fervent motion. It was funny how I could find comfort in something inanimate like that.
Falling down…
Grazing the trees' hands...
Kissing the rotten twigs and dirt...
Telling myself we'll find a happy ending... somehow...
When I neared the earth, I spun in the air and flapped my wings to take flight, letting myself take refuge someplace where only my senses had dominance, and I could experience the world in textures and impressions rather than words and complicated problems with no clear solutions.
I imagined Sinclair looked over the rim at me, wondering where I was going and if I was okay. I pondered such a possibility as I picked blackberries from a vine in the courtyard and plopped them into my mouth.
It was likely, I supposed.
I then centered my focus on the fruit in my hand.
Why were bitter things so tasty? Bitter love, however, was acidic and painful. If only things were as simple as some processes in nature, then maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.
Furious at myself, I plucked one berry from the plant and threw it across the yard before tightening my fists.
Why was I so stupid to have thrown good love away over the problems I should have resolved long ago? I came to realize I was not bitter at Sinclair for how they acted towards Algor, but I was bitter at my own incompetence and lack of command over my feelings.
That infuriated me, and I stomped on the ground with a loud grunt. I was fortunate there was no one around me to bear witness to such animalistic behavior, but I had no more words with which to express my disappointment.
I peered over at the blackberry I threw.
If anything started with bitterness, couldn't it bloom into something fruitful and nutritious like a blackberry vine?
That thought calmed the tornado of rage within me, and I instead sat on the ground with my head in my knees, lamenting all that could have been but would be delayed as it came to be.
I was so mad that I didn't even consider the possibility Sinclair might have immediately thrown off that shitty gold bracelet and annihilated it into oblivion while cursing the sky for the exact same reasons I did.
I wouldn't have known, though, as it would be a few weeks before we saw each other again, detached like broken doll parts. For all I cared, they could have simply lost the thing.
Yet when I thought of them, I could not be angry at them, and only fond thoughts filtered through my mind as I recalled our romantic memories. It wasn't like we wouldn't see each other anymore, but the gaps wouldn't close so easily.
I touched my fingers to my tongue and tried to recall when there was no space between us—when I could taste the closeness through the palpable tension that was thick enough to strangle and trap us in our thoughts.
Something swooshed through the air, and when I looked up, I saw their golden chariot soaring through the sky as it always did. The shiny rails slashed through me as I thought about its heroic driver out of reach in the sky.
Whenever they flew over like that, my kind thoughts articulated a message for them that I would never say—that they would never read. And it always went something like this:
You, who mean everything to me, please come back when we're both ready. I'll stay waiting for the day we'll kiss without any thoughts or reservations to dilute our focus. It was rash and selfish of me to leave you for the reasons I did, and I look forward to when we can smile without our previous relationships holding us back. I want to feel you between my arms again when we can say we belong to each other, and I want to hold your hands in the sunnier times. I know we haven't completely separated from each other's lives and that we will still see each other constantly—laughing together jovially like before—but I long to be rescued from the coldness that has pried its way between us. Let's help each other heal, and until then…
Know I never lie when I say: I love you. Please remember that even if I have yet to say it—even if "love" as we know it is not the same, my angel, Sini.
