Note: We will return to the main story next chapter, this is a much lighter chapter going slightly off-topic from the main plot, focusing on the shenanigans that prelude what happens in the next [proper] update. It was born from a "haha what if" session from my roommate, and does not seriously contribute to the main plot.

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Kayla arrived in the red-light district, Hu Qing in tow. Hu Qing had no interest in women, but he did seem to like the general atmosphere and had a certain degree of familiarity with each of the establishments. The district, true to its name, really did have plenty of red lanterns, which Kayla probably should have expected in hindsight, but it was her first time actually seeing the city’s nightlife. She had to admit, that even in comparison to the modern world, it was impressive.

Red lanterns hung from strings that crossed from building to building, creating a veritable canopy of light. The sound of music and laughter emanated from the open doors of each building, accompanied by the sweet scent of incense and perfume. Each building was intricately and uniquely decorated. On the upper floors, young women waved from the balconies, wearing far less than any woman Kayla had seen since arriving in this world.

It’s nice to see that the girls have some meat on their bones, in the period dramas it’s usually a bunch of anorexic girls in the red-light district, Kayla thought to herself.

Of course, plumpness is considered a highly attractive feature, Wenyuan said, sounding perhaps more excited than he wanted to. Similar to, what do you call it in your world? “Thick”?

Kayla held back a chortle at Wenyuan’s attempt to pronounce the English word.

Pretty much, Kayla thought in amusement, politely averting her eyes slightly as they landed on a girl’s extremely low-cut top.

They were in the relatively high-end and exclusive part of the district. Services here were much more expensive and high-quality, and those who frequented the establishments here tended to be of higher status as well. It didn’t escape Kayla’s notice that people were taking note of the well-dressed newcomer.

The mannerisms engrained in Wenyuan’s muscle memory were those of a noble who had been in and out of the palace since childhood, and it was obvious from a single glance that he was no merchant or scholar. It was clear that this was someone with plenty of money to throw around, but the women didn’t crowd forward to pull Kayla over as they would with lower-ranking officials, maintaining some modicum of respectfulness.

Kayla was careful not to glance to and fro too much, focusing on following Hu Qing. Hu Qing led Kayla to a building from which Turkish music was playing.

“This place’s nice, Minister. And the proprietor’s Turkish to boot, it wouldn’t hurt for the rumors to think you prefer Turkish girls, not with the marriage alliance coming up,” Hu Qing suggested. Kayla followed his suggestion without a second thought, not having any better ideas of her own.

They were greeted at the door by two young women who looked to be of mixed ethnicity, dressed in modified outfits of the Khaganate that showcased their figures and a good amount of skin. Kayla kept quiet, letting Hu Qing handle the interaction. He exchanged a few words with the young women, who quickly led them further into the building.

The lobby opened up into a lavishly decorated performance area, a round stage surrounded by sectioned-off tables and floor seating. A mezzanine overlooked the stage, going three floors up, but it was evident that the best seats were the tables right before the stage, covered with richly embroidered cushions and carpets.

Several of the tables were already occupied, many of them by people Kayla had seen at least once or twice in passing at the various Ministries or at the convening of the court. They quickly began to whisper amongst themselves upon noticing Kayla’s entry with Hu Qing, quieting down when the two of them were led to a table by the stage.

“This place is too nice for a strip club,” Kayla muttered quietly.

“A what?” Hu Qing asked.

“Nothing, don’t mind me. Is there going to be a performance?” Kayla asked.

“Yes, this should be the second-to-last performance of the night,” Hu Qing explained. “I recommend you stay for both, that would be enough to counter the rumors even if you don’t stay the night. Not that you can’t, but it doesn’t look good to go straight to the palace from the brothels, but of course you’d know that.”

“That’s right,” Kayla said quickly, glad for the provided excuse.

The musicians who had been quietly playing in the background increased their volume, and the performance began. A dozen beautiful young women in revealing outfits filed onto the stage and began dancing skillfully. Just like what Hu Qing had said, the dancers really were impressive. Kayla clapped politely, watching the performance with fascination.

“Minister,” Hu Qing muttered into Kayla’s ear. She glanced at him, following his gaze to a table diagonally across the stage from theirs. A young teenager, who looked to be of Turkish descent, was glaring at Kayla with unadulterated fury.

“Who’s that?” Kayla asked.

“No idea,” Hu Qing replied. “That kid doesn’t look pleased though.”

Kayla glanced uncertainly at the teenager glaring at her from across the room. The teenager looked to be Turkish, or at least from the steppe tribes from the Northwest, and was dressed in rather expensive-looking clothes.

“That kid’s got quite a few guards,” Hu Qing muttered into Kayla’s ear. “Probably the kid of some rich man or a noble from the Khaganate. But why would a girl come to the entertainment districts dressed as a guy?”

Kayla pursed her lips. The teenager had an androgynous look to them and had rather handsome features, but despite the multiple layers of loose clothing, it wasn’t too hard to tell the teenager was a girl.

“Maybe she likes girls,” Kayla whispered. “Or maybe she identifies as a guy or something.”

“Identify as a guy? What do you mean?” Hu Qing whispered back. Kayla drew a blank for how to explain the concept to someone from Ancient China.

“Y-you know, like maybe she has memories of a previous life living as a man so she doesn’t think of herself as a woman or something,” Kayla replied, scrambling for an explanation that someone from Ancient China could understand.

“Oh, true, that could also be the case,” Hu Qing replied. “But I wonder why she seems to hate you so much? That’s some serious glaring from her end.”

Kayla glanced at the girl again, who was still glowering in Kayla’s direction.

“No idea, maybe she’s heard the rumors? Or maybe she’s a nationalist who doesn’t approve of the political marriage,” Kayla said drily. She hadn’t done anything else that could personally anger a teenage Turkish girl, at least not that she could think of.

“She’s coming over,” Hu Qing warned. Kayla whirled to glance back at where the teenager had been, panicking a little to see the spot empty.

“Damn it, I shouldn’t have listened to Chen Caichun,” Kayla hissed under her breath. “There's always a bar fight, even when there isn't a bar!”

“If there’s a fight, I’ll handle it. No matter what, she’s in the capital of a foreign country, as long as her people take the first swing, we’re fine,” Hu Qing assured Kayla despite not understanding her reference. “Just be sure to duck.”

Kayla shot him an incredulous look, but her attention was quickly pulled away as the teenager reappeared into sight, flanked by a muscular man as she made a beeline straight over.

“You,” the girl snarled before Kayla could even offer a greeting. “You’re that slut from the rumors!”

Excuse me, what? That had not been on the list of things Kayla had expected to hear at a brothel. It had, in fact, been one of the last things she'd expected to hear altogether.

“Excuse me, what?” She said blankly, failing to think of a better response.

The girl plopped down across from Kayla with a glare, not caring as she knocked over the wine bottle on the low table. Thankfully, it was empty, only a few drops spilling out onto Kayla’s robes. Hu Qing and the girl’s escort glanced each other over, assessing the other’s abilities.

“You’re that Zhao Wenyuan, aren’t you?” The girl demanded.

“Yes, may I ask to whom I owe this pleasure?” Kayla replied.

The girl scowled at her. “I guess the rumors are true, you really are an insatiable lecher, are the officials of the court not enough for you that you would frequent such a place?”

Kayla glanced at Hu Qing, who gave her a confused shrug.

“First of all, those rumors are completely untrue,” Kayla said patiently. She had been both a TA and an RA at college before, she was used to incoming freshmen with esteem issues, no critical thinking skills, and unbalanced hormones.

I don’t know if she’s a kid who got radicalized by ultra-nationalists or a repressed lesbian with internalized homophobia, but I’ve dealt with both types before.

“I’ve gained quite a few enemies through my work, and since there’s nothing wrong with what I did, it obviously stands there would be rumors about how I did it,” Kayla explained. "Since I can't divulge confidential details about the investigation process, it gives them an opportunity to attack me."

“If it’s not true, then why is everyone saying it?” The girl shot back. “I pity our poor princess who will have to marry scum like you!”

Why do you sound like a rebellious teenager who doesn’t want a stepdad?!

What the hell is wrong with this girl? Wenyuan was radiating with anger at the girl’s words.

Take it easy, she might be the daughter of some notable person from the Khaganate, Kayla appeased him. A normal person wouldn’t have the guts to approach me like this, much less shout accusations to my face. The most they would do is make sly remarks and talk behind my back. I wouldn’t even be surprised if someone from the Khaganate is trying to gather information about me.

You mean she’s a spy?

Not necessarily, but in any case, she’s a teenager, what are we gonna do? Hit a kid? Whether she’s just a hormonal brat, someone sent to deliberately provoke me, or a spy, it really doesn’t matter. She’s from the Khaganate, it wouldn’t do to start a fight. Honestly, compared to the guys from the court, this doesn’t even piss me off.

Kayla collected herself and gave the girl a calm smile.

“Just because people are saying it doesn’t mean it’s true. For one, the fact that there aren’t any rumors to combat it means that I’ve focused on doing my job properly, not scheming behind people’s backs and gossiping. Doesn’t it strike you as strange that people would start saying things like this only now that the Court of Judicial Review is in a good position to launch new investigations? It’s a common defamation tactic, not only can they discredit anything I find, but they can also shift attention away from their own crimes,” Kayla explained in the same tone she used with older folks who fell for fake news on Facebook or Wechat. “You shouldn’t just believe everything you hear, but contextualize it first and think about who benefits. If it were true, do you think the Emperor wouldn't know about something like this happening right under his nose?”

The girl’s frown deepened, but there was less animosity in it.

“Not to mention, I’m the one who’s into men, not the Minister,” Hu Qing piped in unhelpfully.

Kayla steadily ignored him as the girl turned to stare at Hu Qing with wide eyes.

“These rumors are also only targeting me because I’m being considered for a political marriage that would improve my position in court,” Kayla continued. “Not that there’s anything wrong with liking men. But you really shouldn't blindly trust in rumors without doing some research yourself and critically assessing your findings.”

The girl’s scowl didn’t falter in the slightest, either ignoring Kayla's jab at her critical thinking skills or missing it altogether. “That doesn’t explain what you’re doing in a place like this, you indecent bastard!”

Kayla refrained from pointing out that the teenager was also in a “place like this”. “I’m trying to do my part to quell the rumors so that the political alliance and my own work can progress smoothly,” Kayla replied honestly. She wasn't exactly being subtle, there was simply no point in hiding her true motives. “I usually work overtime, so I rarely come to these places, unlike my peers at court. That also serves as ammunition for the rumors, so I might as well show my face a bit more often.”

“Trying to fool the Khagan? Do you think he’s that gullible?” The girl gave a disdainful sniff.

“Well, it's not just the Khagan whose opinion I need to worry about. In any case, those who can read the situation will sense my sincerity in trying to dispel false slander, and that will be enough for them,” Kayla replied diplomatically. “I don’t have any intention of going around shouting my innocence, but I’d also be a fool to do nothing at all.”

The girl looked a little mollified at that. “At least you’re not a complete idiot,” she grumbled.

“I would hope not,” Kayla said, trying to steer the conversation to either an end or a less interrogative direction. “You must be from the Khaganate then? I didn’t catch your name.”

The girl glanced furtively at her guard before clearing her throat. “My name is Xichun,” she said loftily. “Not that you should ever presume to call it.”

“I won’t,” Kayla assured her. “My name is Zhao Wenyuan, I currently serve as the Minister of the Court of Judicial Review. It’s nice to meet you, how long have you been in the capital?”

Xichun scrunched up her face and kept her mouth a thin line, expressing her disdain for the small talk.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kayla saw the dancing girls finish their main performance and circle around the tables, spinning gracefully as they welcomed tips from the customers. She frowned a little as a table of men she vaguely recognized from the Secretariat Department forcefully showered one of the dancers with bronze coins. To the dancer’s credit, she kept a smile on even after getting pelted in the face with a hard metal coin.

Kayla shook her head, mildly disgusted at their behavior.

Stingy bastards…Bronze coins? They must be at least fourth-rank officials. Seriously, at least give it to the dancers properly instead of chucking it like that, what if you bruise them? That's the good thing about paper money, it doesn't hurt to get it thrown at your face.

Kayla retrieved some silver coins from her robes, handing some to Hu Qing. Upon seeing that Xichun didn’t seem to have any spare change, or at least wasn't about to retrieve any, Kayla placed the remaining ones into a handkerchief and pushed it over to Xichun, nodding in the direction of the dancers as they circled over. Xichun gave her a look of utter incomprehension.

The dancers arrived at their table, light glinting off the bright ornaments in their hair and skirts. Kayla handed her tip over with a polite smile, Hu Qing following suit. The performers lit up with delight at the reward, which must have been more than the total tips they’d received all night. At Kayla’s meaningful and insistent glance, Xichun flushed and wordlessly handed over the coins as well, not even looking in the direction of the dancers. The teenager’s ears were bright red, as was the back of her neck.

Aw, she’s shy! That’s kind of cute.

I'm starting to buy it that she's into women, Wenyuan admitted, surprisingly seeming to be appeased by his observation.

The dancers showered them with thanks and then showered them with actual flower petals they’d retrieved from somewhere in their intricate costumes, immediately adding an impromptu song and dance routine right before the table before continuing on. Having been shown up by Kayla’s generous tip, the following tables could only scramble to produce larger sums than the paltry amounts they had planned, in order to avoid losing face. Xichun’s face was beet-red at the close-up performance.

“Wha-we don’t have dances like that in the Khaganate!” Xichun protested.

“I think they combined it with moves from other cultures as well to increase the commercial appeal,” Kayla said. “They have to eat, after all. Authenticity matters less than popular appeal in places like this.”

Xichun glared at Kayla. “Why did you make me give them money?”

Kayla smiled back patiently. “Because it’s only good manners to tip after watching a performance, it shows your appreciation. The dancers don’t exactly have it easy, dancing for hours on end like this only for stingy men to throw a few bronze coins into their faces.”

“That’s their job,” Xichun shot back, her face still bright red.

“And they should be paid for it properly,” Kayla said agreeably. “That’s only fair, isn’t it? Plus, most of the girls here don’t get much of a wage at all, without tips, they’ll never save up enough to pay back their bonds or transition into another line of work. And then what happens when they age out of the industry?”

The explanation didn’t seem to calm Xichun down at all. “And this is how you plan to waste your money, spending it on dancers?”

“Only for the time being, I do have rumors to quell. But I have no intention of continuing afterward, this type of entertainment isn’t really my style,” Kayla replied.

The girl wrinkled her nose, glancing Kayla over again and looking like she fully intended to keep flinging insults. Xichun did not disappoint Kayla’s expectations in the slightest. “Everything about you screams weak and pathetic. Why on earth are you in such a high position when you look so unreliable? They’re even willing to marry the princess to you, is the Wu Dynasty really so short of people?”

Xichun’s bodyguard watched for Hu Qing’s reaction, completely ignoring the possibility of Kayla doing anything worth his interference, which was accurate enough but still a little insulting.

“You can’t judge people by their looks,” Kayla said, drawing from the huge reservoir of patience she had reserved for customer service and college freshmen. “And though I’m far from perfect, I would make every effort to do right by the princess. You know more about the Khaganate’s culture than me, do you reckon that would count in my favor?”

Xichun glanced away, looking a little uncomfortable. “What could a man like you possibly do for a princess? I feel bad for her, having a husband like you!” The girl was pouting a little, which significantly softened Kayla’s mood.

Perhaps her father’s also marrying her into the Wu Dynasty? That would explain why she’s acting like this.

That's common enough, Wenyuan agreed. But usually, unless her father's a Khaganate noble, she'd only be a concubine, not a formal wife.

Damn, that sucks, no wonder she's so on edge.

“I’m not sure either, I haven’t met the princess yet. Whatever the princess thinks a good husband should do for her, I’ll try to aim for,” Kayla replied.

Xichun stared wide-eyed at Kayla for a moment before shaking her head, looking a little embarrassed for some reason. “You’re all talk, what can you do when you’re only a Minister?”

“I wouldn’t take any concubines,” Kayla replied without hesitation. “And I do have enough money to make sure my wife can have whatever she needs or wants. As for the rest, it depends on what the princess wants me to do for her. So long as it’s not illegal, I’m fine with doing what she tells me to.”

“Wha–aren’t you embarrassed to say that out loud?!” Xichun flushed bright red, looking even more embarrassed. Kayla felt a twinge of sympathy for the girl. The teenager was far too young to be getting married from Kayla's modern point of view, but she probably didn't have long before getting married off, likely without any of her own input on who her husband was.

“A man who can’t treat his family well is not worthy of respect,” Kayla replied, her mind flashing to the Grand Duke. Subconsciously, her tone darkened as she spoke. “If I’m to marry the princess, it only follows that I should do what I can for her sake. That’s what a husband is for, after all.”

“Whatever, I’m done talking to you,” the girl muttered. She abruptly got up and retreated. Kayla looked on in confusion as the girl left as suddenly as she’d shown up.

“What the hell was that?” Kayla muttered to Hu Qing. The man gave her a look of amusement.

“Who knows? Anyways, who would’ve thought you would get propositioned by a rich girl so quickly?” Hu Qing said gleefully, thoroughly enjoying Kayla’s flabbergasted reaction. "If not for her interaction with you, I really would've thought she was into women."

“She didn’t proposition me,” Kayla said drily.

Hu Qing ignored her. “Oh, and look! Those dancers are making eyes at you.”

Kayla glanced over before steadily averting her gaze, uncomfortably realizing that yes, the dancers were indeed making eyes at Kayla’s table.

“Give them a smile, Minister,” Hu Qing cajoled her. “By tomorrow, there will be rumors about your generosity.”

Deciding that it couldn’t hurt, Kayla glanced over again and smiled at them politely. The dancers looked extremely delighted. Within a few moments, their table was descended upon by several beautiful young women in extremely thin and close-cut robes and expensive bottles of wine.

Resigned to footing a huge bill for the drinks, Kayla could only smile and accept as they practically forced her to order more alcohol. Hu Qing was trying very hard not to cackle, but also seemed mildly disappointed that there weren’t any male entertainers.

Think pure thoughts think pure thoughts think pure thoughts, Wenyuan chanted frantically inside her head as one of the entertainers leaned in to pour a drink, practically draping herself across Kayla’s lap. Kayla was extremely glad for a moment that she was in charge of their bodily functions, not Wenyuan, who would either panic at the bodily contact or panic at the beauty of the entertainers. She felt a rush of annoyance at what Wenyuan was paying attention to.

Calm down! Be respectful! Where the fuck do you think you're focusing on?! Her eyes are up here!

That's easy for you to say! You would understand if you were into women!

Kayla gave up and decided to ignore him altogether.

“Thank you, ladies,” Kayla said in a friendly tone as the pretty young woman refilled her cup. “May I have the pleasure of knowing your names?”

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The streets of the entertainment district were flooded with light and music, but the further outwards you went, the quieter it became. In a desolate area, a teenager let out a huff as she stepped from the carriage into the cool night air.

Her bodyguard bowed before the teenager as she pulled her hair out of the stifling top knot to let it fall over her shoulders, a serving maid approached to drape a cloak over the girl as the wind rustled the trees around them. Several plainclothed guards appeared, having wound their way back out of the crowd and into the company of their charge.

“Princess, are you satisfied now that you’ve met him? Surely we can return now,” the teenager's bodyguard asked respectfully.

“So soon? There are still a bunch of things we haven’t seen yet,” the teenager complained.

“Your highness, we’re already in trouble for secretly coming here, we’ll really be done for if you don’t return soon,” the serving maid pleaded. “If there’s anything you want to see, surely you’ll have plenty of time after your marriage.”

“Who says I’m marrying that man?” the princess demanded.

“Are you displeased? He’s not necessarily the only choice, just the one with the highest status,” the serving maid said. "If he really doesn't suit your tastes, perhaps the Khagan could get you a different husband."

The girl let out a sigh, crossing her arms. “Displeased? Of course I am! That’s the man father’s chosen for me?” She pouted, looking more petulant than disappointed as per her claims.

“You didn’t seem to dislike him though,” the bodyguard commented.

The girl harrumphed, turning away proudly. Her bodyguard and serving maid exchanged a look of amusement behind the girl’s back.

“He’ll do,” the girl announced after a short pause. “At the very least, he’ll be easy to handle. But really, such a weak-looking man! And he just lets the court bully him like this? The rumors have already spread to outside the capital and he hasn't even done anything other than getting scammed out of his money by a few dancing girls!”

“Regardless of the Minister's position, the Khagan and the Wu Emperor wouldn’t let you suffer any discourtesies,” the bodyguard assured her.

“I’m not worried, none of those fools from the Wu court can do a thing to me,” the girl declared. “I’ll just have to do something about that man as well. The husband of a princess can’t be easily pushed around!”

Her bodyguard and serving maid exchanged another glance of amusement over the top of the princess' head.

"Very well, princess. I'm sure that your husband will appreciate having your support," the serving maid said. "Now, we really must get going."

She ignored the princess' whine, gently pushing the girl back onto the carriage. The princess protested a little but gave in without much of a fuss. The carriage began discreetly moving towards the city gates, quietly and without attracting any attention.

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Cultural Notes

Ashina Xichun: Ashina was the name of the ruling clan of the Goturks and the Eastern Turkic Khaganate, while Xichun was the personal name of Chuluo Khagan, who here is fictionally depicted as the father of Kayla's bride-to-be. The princess is in fact using her father's name as a pseudonym, and it's only because Kayla (and many other officials from the Wu Dynasty) doesn't really know that much about the Eastern Turkish Khaganate, many official only know the Sinicized version of the names of important people, that she didn't manage to guess at the princess' true identity.

唐朝以胖为美/Plumpness as beauty in the Tang Dynasty: Standards of beauty differed wildly throughout Ancient China. For example, Tang Dynasty valued plumpness as beautiful, while the following dynasty, the Song, valued slenderness as beautiful. People have had different interpretations of what "plumpness" would have meant, but one example that illustrates this is the portrayal of Royal Consort Yang, one of the four great beauties of Ancient China who lived during the Tang Dynasty. While many modern portrayals show her as a slender beauty, that would have been wildly historically inaccurate. See the two pictures below to get a sense of what I'm talking about. The first picture is an actress who gained 25 kilograms to portray a version closer to the historical Royal Consort Yang, vs. the second picture, a slimmer actress portraying the same character. With the aesthetic taste of the Tang Dynasty, the first picture would've been much closer to what was considered beautiful.

Genetic Makeup of the Eastern Turks: Many modern portrayals of 胡姬/Turkish maidens and 胡人/Turkish men tend to use European actors, which can be rather misleading. From current evidence, many archaeologists and scholars believe that during the Tang Dynasty, people from the 西域/Western regions (which includes the Turkish Khaganate directly to the West, the Uyghur Khaganate that later emerged, and various countries throughout Central Asia, but not Persia, Arabic, or Europeans, who were labeled differently) would have a genetic makeup much more similar to modern-day Central Asians compared to modern-day Europeans. This is still heavily debated, as it was believed that intermarriage with Han, Xianbei, and other Northern Asian and Central Asian peoples was rather common. Historically, many of the various factions competing for hegemony at the beginning of the Tang Dynasty had some degree of genetic, military, or political ties to the Eastern Turkic Khaganate.