Alright, I’m back for a second round of introspection. I’ve got a lot to say after almost sixty whole chapters and I’ve decided to take it in a bit more academic (For lack of a better term) direction. There are a few things I want to tackle for now, those being characters, tone, pace, story, and criticism. Now then, I won’t fill anymore space and get started.

Character: 

When I first started the story, I left Mori as a blank slate. Looking at my early chapters, that becomes obvious. She only really developed as a more whimsical, free spirited lich after someone made a suggestion, saying that it would make sense for a newly minted lich to have. In some ways, this approach helped. In other ways, it hurt the story.

Mori, as a character, was always meant to be a contradiction. In fact, the whole world’s view of the undead was always meant to be a contradiction. One of the two gods who made the system is literally a god of death, but undead themselves are unstable and prone to breaking from their master’s control. This was meant to be reflected in Mori, her being a sociable person despite being a lich, who are anti-social at the best of times. The direction Mori developed really reflected this angle, as not only is this creature who defied death on the force of wanting to not die sociable, but she’s downright friendly. The moldability of Mori’s character also led to her becoming more likable, as you readers were the ones to contribute to her personality.

Now, for the bad. Mori’s personality being vague at the beginning really, really hurt the set-up to the story. If I remember correctly, she undergoes a couple-chapter shift from generally friendly lich to a fun goofball who only really gets serious when her friends and/or intelligent minions are in danger. 

She’s a shonen protagonist, pretty much. Without the fixation on food.

It also cut off any and all chances for this story to have a deeper meaning. Sure, there were a few hidden messages, like my clumsy dig at people putting so much stock in the intellectual differences between genders (something that made more than one person comment their complaints, but that’s for later). Either way, I do think that, for what I wanted for this story, this moldability had a positive effect on the story.  

Tone: 

So, tone… yeah, this one’s gonna need a bit of backstory. Remember my no-doubt inspiring words at the end of the last section you probably just read and can, most likely, still see at the top of your screen? Yeah, as you could expect, the story I wanted was a light-hearted romp through a (hopefully) interesting fantasy world. However… Well, let’s just say that I’m not that great of a writer. Sure, I can entertain well enough, but the nuts and bolts are things that I had to learn through mistakes. Luckily, some of those lessons were learned in my previous story. Others were not. 

Anyway, back to the point. What that whole spiel was about was this: I did not really realize until recently that tone shifts had to be well thought out and well constructed. I knew that taking a nosedive into horrible, horrible topics like in chapter 16 could only work if the tone rose back to normal slowly, but I didn’t really stick the landing. The same thing for the side chapter, Difference in Demons. I think the tone could have been excused through the excuse of it being a side chapter (and therefore something people skip, as if I don’t put things that can and will affect the story in there) but it’s still something I have to think about in the future.

Anyway, apart from that, I really want to know something. How do you all like the tone of the story? I mean, you’re all reading this over eighty chapters in, so you’ve got to like this one well enough. I’d love to hear from you.

Pace: 

Now then. Pace. This one’s not as complicated (to me) as tone, but I think it’s probably more important. Let’s start from the beginning. The first three chapters, in my opinion, were paced well. I mean, plenty of people dropped it because it didn’t just dive directly into the main premise, but that’s fine. After that, I think the part from where Mori and Fara decide to travel together to Green Oasis is… alright? I mean, the part before that, the friendship between Mori and Fara was kind of speedran so some interesting character interaction could happen, but I think that was better than the alternative.

Anyway, after their arrival at Green Oasis, the pace screeches to a halt. Mori and Fara arrive in the city in chapter 18. Mori leaves the city to go complete her task in chapter 39. From there, they don’t leave until chapter 59. That’s a good 41 chapters spent bumbling around Green Oasis. I think it killed the pace set up earlier and basically gave them nothing to do, with the whole end of the world thing going away for the majority of the second arc. 

If I turned back time, I would have had a few more small-scale adventures on the Kharon before they got anchored in Green Oasis. Then again, it would beg the question why the two were just wandering around after the gods asked for Mori to come to the Shrine, so…

Oh yeah, small tidbit about that. I didn’t think the whole extravagant temple vs. no desire for worship thing was so poorly explained, so let me clarify. The temple was made by the Blue Robes to be their castle, party hall, and maybe place of worship if they were feeling uncharacteristically pious that day. The Shrine was the thing in the temple’s garden that whisked Mori and Fara back to meet the gods. The gods having control of the temple was basically a case of spiritual and magical authority, something I haven’t even introduced yet, so let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, tangent over, next section.

Story: 

So, the story. This one’ll be simple. My misgivings with the story here was that, really, not much happens. Sure, Mori plays with magic or Fara upgrades the skiff or Mori and Fara make a cool set of armor, but it’s all just… filler. Well, maybe that’s harsh, but the entire second arc was just filler and preparations, something that spilled over into the third arc, too. Sure, you don’t need story-altering events at every turn, but something has to happen, and I feel like nothing really did happen throughout that whole arc.

Maybe I’m being overly self-critical, but I’d love to hear what you all have to say in the comments. I’d really appreciate the feedback.

Criticism: 

Now, for the last one. Criticism. Before anyone accuses me of being close minded, let me just say this: I love it when someone takes time out of their day to write a respectful comment detailing what they find wrong with the story they’re reading. What I don’t love is when people comment on multiple chapters parroting the same complaints, as if they were magically fixed in between. I know, problems exist in this story and they can turn a lot of people off from reading it. The only thing I have to say in response is… just be nice.

I want to pose a thought exercise. Let's imagine you, the reader, are an author who wants to post on the internet for one reason or another. Now, you know that your story has flaws, but you forge on anyway with the goal of internalizing any valid criticism people give you.

So, you post your chapters, diligently reading every comment sent your way, and get two people giving criticism. Now, the first person comments on the fifth chapter, where a flaw in your story seems to have crystallized and points out how it hurts your story. The second commenter, however, posts a full paragraph on your first chapter, complaining about many things, including things that you are planning on explaining later, with a subtle reveal. That second commenter then adds another comment on every chapter, ranting and raving about the same few issues and latching onto any small issue as a result of your (admittedly) amatuer writing. Who do you listen to? Do you take diligent notes from the first, or sift through the piles upon piles of crap from the second?

Do I even need to answer that question? So, here’s the lesson I want to give to you guys. And the ones who stumbled onto this chapter after your cat jumped onto your keyboard and somehow navigated you here. If you want a writer to acknowledge a flaw in their story and mitigate it in the future, be fucking polite. I know that every one of you here right now likes this story, and therefore like reading an introspective on it, so I doubt you’re like that, but it’s a good rule of thumb to go by.

If you are thinking about posting something on my or another author’s story, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my gripe or complaint or criticism of this chapter/story a real problem for the story or is it an issue exacerbated by emotion?
2. Am I clearly communicating that I take issue with the aforementioned problem?
3. Is(are) the problem(s) I am bringing attention to going to help the author improve? Most of the time, if the other two were yeses, then this one will also be a yes, but it’s always good to make sure you’re helping your authors write better.

That’s about all I have for this one, all things told. I could go on a million tangents about this or that, but if I wanted to do that all the time, I would write a blog. Anyway, thanks for tuning in for this one. It was a blast to write and I had some fun with it. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.