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{3rd POV}
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In a small shopping district on the edge of Tokyo, there is a small restaurant run by two siblings. Their parents died last year in a traffic accident, changing their lives drastically.
Even so, fortunately, the two siblings supported each other in joy and sorrow. They continue to run their parents' business, even though they are in their last year of school.
They have continued to run their restaurant business every day after school for the past year, and although there has been a little bit decline in customers since their parents died, luckily older brother has been trained by his mother since childhood so the taste of their food is not much different from before. And his little sister is quite adept at serving and cleaning the place, serving herself as a waiter in their own small restaurant.
About the restaurant itself, The appearance of the restaurant is quite good even though, both of the wall and floor was made of wood, unlike those fancy luxurious restaurant. Inside the restaurant, there are 12 antique tables and chairs lined up with one another with dim yellow lights. The windows on each side make the restaurant conditions have good air circulation and customers can enjoy their food while looking at the surrounding calming scenery. In the vicinity, there is a small garden that has been cared for by the younger sister from her younger age, which grows various types of flowers, vegetables, and fruit which is sometimes used as food ingredients in the restaurants.
Due to how the restaurant was surrounded by 'nature' grown by the little sister, the restaurant gives of close to nature... which is calming and quiet. With these conditions, this restaurant is a place that is often visited by consumers to relax and chill, especially since they are living in a busy and bustling city like Tokyo.
Thus... no wonder that the restaurant has a good reputation due to the perk listed above.
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{POV: Origami Jin (MC)}
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Maybe... I should just close the restaurant."
...
I looked outside and there was a heavy rainstorm brewing.
I know, it's still 9 PM, and there's still 1 hour before the restaurant's schedule to close... but, I doubt there will be customers coming in this kind of situation.
Not to mention the conditions inside the restaurant which became cold and damp... making me feel sleepy. I could have just turned on the heater, but I feel like it's a waste of electricity because no customers have come in the past 2 hours either.
I feel a little envious of my sister already sleeping upstairs, but I can't blame her because she looks so exhausted after school. Our 2 employee Saya dan Kaya, was also absent today for an unknown reason. So here I am, being alone looking at the restaurant by myself.
*Sigh*
...
No matter what I saw, I think the rainstorm wouldn't be gone anytime soon. So...
"I think I will start closing the curtain and take all the signs from the outside."
...
Just as I was thinking to do that, suddenly the doorbell rang and an old man in wet clothes came in. He looked like a homeless person because his clothes were tattered and his beard and hair were unkempt. He also seemed confused and embarrassed... probably not aware of what place he had chosen as shelter.
He is also currently shivering, obviously getting all the cold from the raging rainstorm outside.
...
However, as a professional, I don't care about my customer's appearance.
I swiftly took a clean warm towel that I have prepared before, and said: "Welcome to Sweet Carrot Restaurant! Here take this towel to clean yourself."
The old man immediately looks embarrassed, shook his head, and replies "Ah... it is not that. I am here... just to hide away... from rain, yeah... and I don't have... money."
"I am sorry."
The old man said as he bowed himself toward me, which made me feel a bit embarrassed.
...
"It is okay, old man. Take a seat, make yourself comfortable."
I pull one of the chairs and make a gesture to tell him to sit, which he hesitantly accepts. He didn't say anything but considering his situation, I understand his predicament.
...
"Here also a towel for you, Please dry yourself and make yourself warm."
I put the towel on his table and made another gesture for him to use it... At first, he tries to refuse, but since I insist in the end, he takes it and starts drying himself.
"Thank you... so much... young man."
"Don't mind old man."
...
I can see the old man is still shivering, obviously from the cold outside. A warm clean towel won't be enough for him.
"Wait a bit at here, old man."
...
I quickly turn around and made my way toward the kitchen.
Seems aware of what I am about to do, the old man told me "Young man, I am... okay. I will leave... this place... when the rain... outside is passed."
"No, you are my guest right now old man. So, sit down and act as a proper guest does."
...
After saying that, I shook my head and continue my walk to the kitchen. Honestly, I didn't have any intent to kick him at all. That would be inhuman for me to do that. There's no customer either right now, so it is not like his appearance would spread a bad word here.
Above professionalism, Origami Family's also put importance on our attitude.
...
>>>>>
Back from the kitchen, I brought him special mild-hot curry and hot green tea and put them on the table. After consuming this, I am sure his body would become warmer and fine.
"Eat it up, old man."
The old man look at me with disbelieve and said "Are you sure? I didn't have anything to pay back after all."
"Yep, You should just accept my food, Old man. Tell me the taste though... That would be enough for me. This very rare chance to have the opinion of an old man about my food because most of my customers mostly come from a younger generation than yours."
...I am lying about that fact but I doubt he knows that anyway.
"I see... Then, pardon me."
I nodded in understanding while waiting for his reaction after trying my cooks. As a professional cook, I believe in my ability to satisfy people, and looking at people's reactions is one of my pleasures and proves my skill.
...!!
And at the first bite on my curry, the old man's eyes quickly widened with a look of astonishment on his face.
He drop the spoon and said: "This is... good. Actually, it is incredible. Thank you so much."
"Your welcome."
After that, The old man continues eating his curry and taking his time, while I am sitting across from him watching and waiting for him to finish.
...
After he finished the food and I also clean the table, both of us begin to talk to each other.
"Your cooking is superb, I can tell it is normal curry, but it is also a bit different?"
"I add more garlic and tabasco sauce, balance them so that they are mixed together, you know in this cold weather... those produced a hot enough to warm your body."
"I see, you are quite a proficient chef."
"Thank you for the compliment."
...
Surprisingly, The old man is quite talkative and very enjoyable to talk with. I think we have spent about a half-hour talking about a random topic and I am not getting bored out of it.
...
"It seems the rainstorm was about to stop..."
I muttered as I look outside right now. it was noticeably calmer than before, and I can't help but be concerned about this old man right now. He is a good guy, though homeless. He didn't deserve to be live on the street at his age.
Hmmm... Maybe, I could offer him to live with us? My parents always said it is not wrong to help others.
Weirdly enough, The old man looked at me with a smile and suddenly asked."Anyway, I am sorry but to ask... You are alone managing this place? I didn't see anyone else in this place."
I nodded and said: "I did the one who managed this place but my sister also help me."
He looks confused about what I just said and asked: "Why you are managing this place? Where are your parents?"
I take a breath and replied: "They died last year in a traffic accident."
"Ah... that's insensitive of me, sorry young man."
I shook my head and replied: "No problem, you didn't know it anyway."
I am seriously didn't feel offended or anything about it. I have come term with it a long time ago and right now, I just need to focus on what is in front of me... for myself and my own sister.
...
"How old are you, young man?"
"Both of my sister and I are 18. My sister was adopted from an Orphanage, by the way, so she is not blood-related."
"So young, yet able to handle small business and your kindness... was admirable."
"It is nothing, old man."
"I see."
...
The old man looked at me with clear admiration. I honestly feel a bit flattered, but as a professional, I have received a lot of praise and thus made me more durable against it.
While I am sipping throughout the rest of my hot tea, I heard the old man suddenly mumbling to himself.
"You are the perfect candidate, Origami Jin. A very admirable soul with no intention or hate, even though I look like a filthy homeless old man."
...??
Wait, did I tell him my name? I don't think I did.
Then how did he know my name?
Did I have become that popular in this area that a homeless old man out of nowhere even know me?
Wow, talk about a surprise.
As I still thinking about how the old man knew my name, the old man grinned and said: "Young man Jin, I am here to test your qualifications to become a new god for one of my world and you are passing my test brilliantly "
"Yes?"
I can't help but get confused hearing what he just said. Qualification? What?
"Young man Jin, do you want to become a god?"
...
...
"What?"
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Quick tips!
- Nix the PoV tabs, your context is strong enough for us to tell the whos and whats of the perspective (good job).
- Even if you don't have an editor, you can comb through the text a few times and fill in missing words or clean up a bit of the clunky phrasing:
In a small shopping district on edge of Tokyo, there is a small restaurant where only two siblings run it. Their parents died last year in a traffic accident and since then their lives have changed drastically.
would work better as
In a small shopping district on the edge of Tokyo, there is a small restaurant ran by two siblings. Their parents died last year in a traffic accident, changing their lives drastically.
Focus on saying the most with the fewest words possible. If a word doesn't contribute to imagery, comprehension, or prose, it belongs in the trash. From here, you have a solid base to add sensory information or figurative language because of all the space you saved, but this alone will do well.
All in all, I feel like this is a decent start, but you can expand the scenes a bit, don't worry about boring us with too many details, we want to know what the restaurant smells and feels like, even if we only end up visiting once. The location is important to the lead characters, so that should be reflected in the narrative.
Thank you so much for the tips! I will edit and perhaps add more details to the restaurant scene this night.
@Renaxan
So there no blood related and there's also the same age. This isn't incest at all shame on you author
Oh well... The tags itself were suggested by other readers to add, but if its really that bothering.
Welp let me delete the tag real quick.
@Renaxan step or foster siblings still consider as incest I think?
Thank you for this chapter!
Why did you make his sister adopted, why?
Because I got long time plan for her real parent identity
Thanks for trying to read though!
@Renaxan “If she’s not related, then she’s safe to be dated.”
~Boomstick, Death Battle
I liked the first chapter, but even though this was posted a few months ago I feel the need to comment about something.
I add more garlic and tobaccos
I can't really see someone adding tobacco to food for someone to eat. Certainly not in this day and age where we know how bad smoking is. Since the idea is to warm someone up, it's possible you mean tabasco sauce. Otherwise it's also possible you meant tomatoes.
See the link below for the sauce I mean.
https://www.tabasco.com/
Ah yeah, my mistake. Thank you for reminding and reading! Will fix it right now.
*Sigh* I don't really have anything to do rn so might as well try to be helpful.
n a small shopping district on the edge of Tokyo, there
In a small shopping district on the edge of Tokyo, there
even though they are in their last year of school.
even though they are still in school
although there has been a little bit decline in customers
although there has been a little decline in customers
luckily older brother has been trained by his mother since childhood
luckily, the older brother has been taught by his mother since childhood
serving herself as a waiter in their own small restaurant.
serving as a waiter in their own small restaurant
due to the perk listed above.
due to the perks listed above.
Our 2 employee Saya dan Kaya,
Our second/2nd employee Saya dan Kaya
saw, I think the rainstorm wouldn't be gone anytime soon. So...
saw, I think the storm won't fade/go anytime soon
while waiting for his reaction after trying my cooks
while waiting for his reaction after trying my food
"I add more garlic and tobaccos, balance them so that they are mixed together, you know in this cold weather... those produced a hot enough to warm your body."
"I added more garlic and tobacco, so that it would warm your body."
Surprisingly, The old man is quite talkative and very enjoyable to talk with.
The old man is quite talkative and(, surprisingly,) very enjoyable to talk with.
You are alone managing this place? I didn't see anyone else in this place."
Are you managing this place alone? I don't see anyone else here."
"I did the one who managed this place but my sister also help me."
"I am the one managing this place, but I do have some help." / "I am the one who's managing this place, but my sister also helps me."
I am seriously didn't feel offended or anything about it.
I really didn't feel offended about it.
Then how did he know my name?
Then how does he know my name?
become a new god for one of my world and you are passing my test brilliantly "
become a god for one of my worlds, you've passed my test brilliantly "
A tip if you don't ignore this and actually go on editing this chapter: copypaste this chapter into whatever text editor you like (notepad++ recommended because open source = cool) and press ctrl+f. Then you can search for the quotes easier.
Btw everyone be talking about character development, but never about character expression
Thanks for the edit !! I will edit when I got time (currently outside, I don't even write anything today).
Hmm.. I didn't realize that I did lack writing the description of expression here... Sigh.
Still long way to become good writer, I will do something about it later... thanks!
It’s really good, just needs a few tweaks of grammar here and there.
Interesting~
Wish-fulfillment is my cup of tea so I check this out. Aside from a miniscule amount of typo and grammar mistakes, it has been a pleasant reading~
Our 2 employee Saya dan Kaya,
you might want to correct that