- Where am I?!

   - Out of time and space, young man.

   - Am I dead?!

   - That's right.

   - How?! I don't remember any of this!

   - It's just that a piano fell on you.

   - What nonsense, uncle?!

   - It was a beautiful, exclusive and very expensive piano. It was being taken by helicopter to the Minister of Culture, Mr. Bazhenov. Unfortunately, the piano's fastening turned out to be of poor quality, due to the fact that in the assembly shop at the factory where they make universal fasteners...

   - It doesn't matter anymore, man. So that's what the helicopter was flying overhead... And what, I just got nailed by a grand piano like that?

   - The force of the impact was such that you were literally ground to a pulp. A man following you had his face crushed in with shards of your skull. Also part of your giblets flew aside right on Lydia Klavdievna, seventy-six years old. Because of the surprise, stress and poor health, she had a heart attack. Now she is being taken to the hospital, and even I do not know whether poor Lydia will live or not. Oh, yes. You, Edward, died instantly. I do not envy the paramedics who have to pick up your body from the neighborhood bushes and cars like a puzzle.

   - Oh, crap! That's not fair! Take me back, I haven't even had twenty years to live!

   - To tell you the truth, I am not in the habit of bringing someone back to life, even if fate, in their opinion, has dealt them an injustice. Everything in the world is in balance. And since you died, it was meant to be. Besides, you didn't lead a very righteous life.

   - I wasn't a bandit or a hooligan!

   - That's the end of your virtues. But I've decided to give you a chance. Do you know why?

   - And why?

   - The boredom I suffer from is the same as what you would feel. Even higher entities like myself can't always help but be bored at some point. You liked computer games, didn't you? Well, if this doesn’t make your day any more interesting then let me send you to one world where I am not yet bored of it! .

   - Do I have a choice?

   - I don't think so. But you have a right to speak your mind.

   - If you're a god, you suck.

   - Is that all you had to say before you left?

   - Wait, I'll still be a young guy, right?

   - I admit it.

   - Do I get any perks?

   - Bonuses?

   - Of course! Some kind of power-up that makes me stronger than everyone else! Or the chance to get a quick boost for free!

   - You can't handle it on your own, can you, young man?

   - No! I want cheat bonuses!

   - Well, I'll consider your request. Now it's time to say goodbye. Enjoy your second chance, Edward.

   - Fuck you.

   The light faded, and I sank into a gloomy nothingness.

Consciousness returned in an instant. I opened my eyes, finding myself in some half-dark, dark cave. Here and there pulsed glowing mushrooms and dangling multicolored moss.

I sat down, felt my face, and examined myself as best I could in such meager light. There didn't seem to be any dramatic changes in my body. My clothes were a simple woven shirt with a vest, rough pants, and some handmade boots of very poor quality. Instead of a belt, the pants were girt with twine.

A herd of goosebumps ran up and down my spine from where I was. Somewhere nearby I could hear the measured clatter of water droplets, and in the distance an indistinct screech or shriek. I stood up and shook myself off.

My pant leg was wet because a small stream was running nearby. I looked around a bit and found a crack at the top, where the water was dripping from. I took a handful and quenched my thirst. Then rinsed my face.

Well, there you go. It didn't look like anything, as they say. I lived my life without a worry, only I entered the university.

Hadn't even had time to make out with the young first-year girls yet. And here you are, Edik, the adventure. What a disgusting god he's got. I wouldn't be surprised if he had prepared some nasty thing for me.

I didn't feel any anxiety about my new life.  Maybe dying twice makes it more normal, I don't know. 

Or somewhere deep in the bowels of my brain lived the aching hope that some bored god would save me from this second death as well.

I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw a notification just below the right:

To open your status send a mental message with the meaning of "status".

So that's what my grandfather was talking about. Well, status.

Name: Eduard Zimin (?)
Age: 17 (?)
Gender: male (?)
Race: human (?)
Level: 1
Experience: 0 out of 10
Health: 10 out of 10 (?)
Mana: 10 out of 10 (?)
Characteristics: Free points: 0 (?)
Strength: 5
Dexterity: 5
Intelligence - 5
Stamina - 5
Class: Beginner (?)
Skills: Chastity (?), Phoenix (?)

This game is very tired and unoriginal.  There are only four possible traits, you can't do anything out of the ordinary in the game to level up.  But grandpa was quite generous and gave me a couple of special skills!