It wasn’t until the sun had set and Astrid had brought her another meal that Liliana finally agreed to the maid’s increasing prodding to return to her room. She had been so absorbed in the books she’d been reading that she hadn’t wanted to stop. 

She had so much information to gather and so little time to do it all. After Alistair had left, she’d dived back into the books. She wasn’t sure if she was desperate for knowledge, or an escape from the aching in her chest. She hadn’t told Astrid of the encounter, just as she hadn’t told her of Imogen visiting her room. Once more the very idea of telling Astrid filled her with fear, and Liliana had to wonder how many instances of abuse the original Liliana had kept hidden from everyone, suffering alone and in silence. 

It had taken a little convincing, but Astrid had agreed to let Liliana take the books back to her room with her. And now the moons were hanging high in the sky, Astrid long since retired and Liliana dressed in her nightgown, sitting at her desk with one book open before her. She had pretended to go to sleep so that Astrid would leave her and as soon as she had estimated the other woman was far enough away; she had hastened to her desk.

In her palm, she held a brightly glowing sphere. It was golden and the light it let off was warm and gentle. She had seen Astrid activating lights like this both in the library as the light waned and in her own room. Another memory had come to her as she watched, a memory of another Liliana easily using the same magical device. Apparently, they were crafted to allow even the Unawakened to manipulate the Mana inside of them. It had taken a few failed tries before she had figured it out, aided by the memory and the body’s muscle memory, and now she held a magical night-light in her hand. 

“So cool. They use magic for everything here,” Liliana marveled over it, reaching out to manipulate the Mana inside to brighten and dim at will. Settling on a brightness, she placed it in the holder for it on her desk and looked back at her notebook and the opened books around it. With a thought, she pulled up her Status Sheet.

At some point during her reading, she had gained a point in Intelligence. She wasn’t sure when it had happened. The alerts from the system had waited until she was done reading to pop up. Something she was rather grateful for in retrospect. She couldn’t imagine how dangerous such pop-ups could be in the middle of a battle. She pulled up her Skill Sheet next to look over her accumulated skills.

Liliana hummed in pleasure. She had gotten three new skills today and leveled one of them. Sure it was [Reading], and a result of her spending hours engrossed in books, but it was a level up! She’d even gotten a combat capable skill just from playing with her Mana! It made her think what other skills she could get just by playing with her Mana. Could she figure out how to make a fireball just by understanding the basics and forcing her Mana to do that? She had a lot of theories and experiments she wanted to try out but couldn’t. If she messed up with a fireball, she’d probably set the house on fire, so it would be best to wait. 

Though waiting was difficult, and her patience was running thin for it. There was only so long she could force herself to wait when there was magic right there for her to play with! Sure, she probably would not figure out how to use a spell like [Meteor Shower] anytime soon. Even so, that she could do magic now filled her with restless energy. It was only fear of having attention placed on her by Liliana’s family if she messed up and destroyed something in her eagerness that kept her from doing anything reckless.

Liliana blinked at the notification before a quiet laugh erupted from her. Well, it looked like the System agreed with her decision to wait. She pushed aside her curiosity about her Mana and the many experiments she wanted to run. She focused on what she needed to do right at this moment.

“Okay, so first we need a plan,” Liliana said out loud, taking comfort in the words. She hadn’t had the time to really come to grips with her situation. She had been under Astrid's and other servants’ gaze the entire time. Forced to push her panic and disbelief down in the name of putting on a calm face and surviving. 

Now that she was alone in the half lit light of her own room, she could feel the panic again. She felt so alone, so unprepared for this. Why would a goddess choose her for something like saving the fate of a world? Why would she put her in the body of Liliana Rosengarde? Wouldn’t it have been better to put her in the body of the Crown Princess? Or to have picked a more heroic soul? Someone who didn’t feel like hiding in a corner of a closet as all the worries and fears bore down on her?

Liliana closed her eyes and took a deep breath, a familiar voice coming into her mind.

Okay, when the world gets to be too much and your mind is going all kinds of crazy, you can’t let yourself get swept into the storm, little Valkyrie. You can't fight everything, so focus on taking one step at a time. One battle at a time. You’re strong, and you inherited all of my stubbornness and some more. So use that to your advantage. When you’ve got a million problems, you can’t solve all of them at one time. So find a solution for one. Then another, and another. And before you know it, they’ll all be gone. 

Her mother’s words resonated within her and helped her focus. She might not remember her name, or even her mother’s name, but at least Vita hadn’t ripped her nickname from her. Valkyrie. Warrior women of Norse mythology. Strong and unbending. Liliana tried to channel a sliver of that strength now as she felt herself cast adrift in a world she barely understood, alone and in danger.

She opened her eyes and looked at the empty pages before her. She might be weak right now, might be in danger, but freaking out about it wouldn’t help anything. Panicking wouldn’t lessen her problems. She needed to figure out a plan, a way to get strength so she could protect herself.

She picked up a fountain pen, which was also magical. It sucked up ink from the inkpot just by setting the tip to the liquid. And the ink dried instantly. Which seemed like nothing special, but it was more magic and Liliana was enchanted by it. 

Pushing her amazement to the side, Liliana pressed the tip to the page and started writing out her plan. 

• Increase my stats without leveling. Do strength training, endurance training, dexterity training. 
• Try to find more skills and spells. Either hidden in the manor or by practicing with Mana.
• Avoid the Duchess, her son, my father.
• Try to unlock more of Liliana’s memories
• Figure out Bonding Magic
• Find a weapon
• Level with the low level mobs in the area
• Find something to bond with
• Level more to build power

Liliana looked at her plan with a nod. It was rough and not very expanded, but it set out her goals. She needed to get stronger and avoid Liliana’s family where she could. Especially her stepmother, who had already tried to kill her. She wasn’t ready to deal with assassination attempts right now.

 Granted, the woman likely wouldn’t try again so soon after the last failure. She’d want to give time for the event to be mostly forgotten, so it wouldn’t become suspicious. So Liliana had some time before she tried to kill her again. She knew the stepmother tried to kill Liliana several times, by assassins or poison, but other than the coma, any of the pre-Academy assassination attempts were only mentioned in passing, without set dates. She knew when a few happened at the Academy, but before then she was flying blind. Liliana just knew her stepmother would try again, and she had to be prepared. 

Still, it could be good to write the facts she knew down out about the assassination attempts at least. Liliana turned a page, and after a few false starts, she wrote out the small bit of details she had on the pre-Academy assassination attempts in English. She didn’t want anyone who came across her notebook to read it, and English differed from the language she had read so far. She just hoped it wasn’t a language at all in this world. 

When she was done, she had pitifully little information, but it was gathered all together neatly. She knew Imogen had sent several assassins after Liliana in the game. How many, and how Liliana had fought them off, were unknown. Imogen had also tried to poison Liliana three more times. All failed. Probably thanks to the poison resistance she got after the first time that she didn’t have now. Liliana frowned at that thought.

Stupid Soul poison loopholes, stupid Vita for not gifting me [Poison Resistance]. I don’t want to have to get it the hard way via poisoning myself.This is some bullshit. Liliana pushed that idea to the back of her mind for now. Building poison immunity wouldn’t be easy in real life, and she didn’t want to do it by herself. She could easily kill herself.  

Liliana lifted her head and noticed the moon had moved again. An enormous yawn surprised her, and she found her body was tired. She had been pushing through her exhaustion with pure stubbornness, but now her body was quite done with that. With a snort of amusement, she stretched out and grabbed the light, moving to her plush bed. She fell into the inviting covers and set the light on the side table, dimming it and plunging the room into shadows. She had barely crawled under the blankets and rested her head on the pillows when sleep rose up to grab her.

Liliana knew, somehow, that she was still asleep when she woke up in a sitting room. The edges of the room were misty, as if they weren’t quite there. Though she could feel the seat she was in, it was plush and comfortable. Her emotions were muted. Any panic or confusion over being in a strange place was absent. It was thanks to the way dreams smoothed over emotions and made you accept the bizarre that she didn’t freak out when someone else appeared in the seat across from her. 

It took a moment for her to register that the person she saw was her. Well, she shared Liliana Rosengarde’s body and face at least. The doppelgänger gave her a soft, small smile as she sipped from a delicate porcelain cup that hadn’t been there before. Liliana looked down and noticed she too had a cup of tea in her own hands and she sipped it. Unlike tea, though, it tasted of strawberries and whipped cream and her mind simply accepted it as correct.

“So you’re the one who will take on this journey instead,” the other Liliana said as she set the cup down on a table before them. Her voice was as soft as her smile, and her movements were perfectly poised and elegant. In comparison, Liliana’s own were less sure and awkward as she set her own cup down.

“So you’re the real Liliana?” She asked with mild curiosity. She knew distantly she should freak out, but she didn’t. The dream felt similar to when she’d been floating in the void. Her emotions were distant and weak things that were easily brushed off.

“In a way,” the doppelgänger said with an amused smirk, “The ‘real’ Liliana isn’t here. I’m more of a ghost. The vestiges left over from her mind. You could say I’m the mind, rather than the soul,” Other Liliana said with a delicate shrug. Liliana nodded. In the realm of dreams, this logic seemed sound.

“So are you here to tell me to leave or die or something?” Liliana asked. It seemed logical. She was an interloper, a body snatcher. It would be sensible for the body itself to want her gone. Yet the doppelgänger giggled at the question, a sweet and tinkling sound.

“Oh no! In fact, I’m glad that she can live an easier life now. Our soul was weak. It could never survive the fate I’ve seen in your memories. She deserves a happier, easier life. No, you're strong enough to survive the storm that’s coming. So to ensure that we survive, I’m here to help you, as a guide of sorts.” The doppelgänger leaned forward, keeping her back completely straight as she did. A genuine smile lit up her face, wide and showing off perfect white teeth. Her blue eyes lit up with an inner fire that drew Liliana forward as if entranced.

“I’ve been giving you memories here and there, small things to help you along. But it won’t be enough by far. I can do more when you’re sleeping, begin integrating memories at a faster pace.” The doppelgänger paused for several minutes as Liliana waited for the ‘but’ she could feel. Yet the doppelgänger was silent as she watched her and Liliana realized she’d need to ask.

“What’s the catch?” She finally asked, and the doppelgänger's smile dropped a little as she pulled back.

“It won’t be pleasant. For the memories to fully integrate, you’ll need to live through it. Then... there’s the pain,” The doppelgänger paused again and a delicate lip was pulled between pearl colored teeth as she bit into it. 

“You’ll wake up with headaches. I don’t know how bad. When I gave you memories before, they were small and didn’t last long, but I could feel the strain they had on you. These will be long memories, so the strain will increase exponentially,” the doppelgänger continued, and Liliana nodded. It made sense, she supposed, and while she knew she wouldn’t enjoy the pain, she didn’t feel fear for it. Perhaps it was because in her dreams fear was damped, or maybe it was because pain was a close friend of hers. Her previous life had been full of it, and in the end that pain got her nothing but scars and death. This pain would give her something she desperately needed: information. 

“And,” the doppelgänger spoke up again and Liliana refocused on her, “I think once the memories are done integrating you won’t be... the same as you are now,” the doppelgänger finished, her voice quiet. 

“I’ll lose myself?” Liliana asked, and for the first time since this odd dream began, she felt real fear. The edges of the dream darkened and shadows pressed closer to them, reacting to her fear.

“Please don’t do that, it makes it harder to keep this stable,” the other Liliana chided as she waved her hands and the shadows retreated, the warm light of the room banishing them as the dream landscape settled once more.

“And no, you won’t lose yourself. You’ll still be you, you’ll just also be me. This does mean that the vestiges of the original Liliana will always be there, and can affect you. You’ll be a melting pot of the old and the new Liliana.” The doppelgänger explained. Her voice was confident now, but her delicate fingers were fiddling with the fabric of her gown.

Liliana worried her own lips in a mimicry of what the doppelgänger had done. The information was vital to her survival; she knew that. But was she willing to change in the process? To become someone different? Oh, it was known that people changed over time as they grew and their personalities developed, but it was slowly. This would be fast, every night's sleep molding her into someone else. Neither who she had been before nor the original Liliana Rosengarde, but some kind of amalgamation of them both. 

“If there was a way I could help you without hurting you, or changing you, I’d offer it. But I’m afraid this is the only way we can survive,” the doppelgänger interrupted her thoughts again, and her voice was sorrowful and sympathetic. It helped ease Liliana’s fears a bit. This wasn’t a forced choice, not done in malice. It was an offer made to help her. And perhaps it helped that she was talking to the only other person who would understand what she was going through. Even if she was technically talking to herself. 

The doppelgänger spoke the truth as well. Liliana couldn’t see another viable option to ensure survival. If she kept fumbling around, going off of instincts, she didn’t understand she was going to mess up. If she messed up too badly, or raised suspicion well... it wouldn’t be a pretty ending, she was certain.

“Okay, let’s do it,” Liliana decided, meeting the doppelgänger’s eyes. This might be a mistake, but she was sick of the ever-present fear she carried with her as a result of not knowing what she needed to know. 

“Really?” the doppelgänger asked, perking up and looking at her with hope-filled eyes. Liliana nodded to the question, her own eyes filled with steely determination. 

“Very well, let us begin,” the doppelgänger declared. As her voice faded away, the room did too, leaving Liliana in the darkness. 

Soon, the darkness was filled with light, people, voices, smells, and sensations. Liliana was dragged through a marathon of memories she didn’t recognize. It was so much, so overpowering, and she could feel the pain in her head blossoming, yet it didn’t wake her from the dream. She lived through someone else's memories, feeling as Liliana had, experiencing everything she had.

She was five, as Liliana, crying next to her mother’s grave as her casket was lowered into it. It was a beautiful spring day and the cherry tree she was buried under was flowering and filling the air with a floral fragrance. Yet for all the beauty in the scene, it was the darkest day of Liliana’s life as she watched the only person who had loved her disappear beneath the earth. Her father hadn’t even come to the funeral, but half the town had come. Liliana had collapsed next to the hole, the flowers in her hands crushed in a tiny but choking grip.

She was eight, and had finished her first bit of embroidery. Liliana had snuck away from Astrid and ran to her father’s study to show him. She wanted so badly to gain her father’s approval, his love. After losing her mother, there had been a hole in her heart, a need for love she couldn’t fill. When she got into his study, he’d taken one look at her and turned to his steward, ordering him to remove her from his presence. Her embroidery hoop was dropped and crushed under the steward’s feet as her father turned back to his work. Astrid was flogged that day for letting Liliana out of her sight, and Liliana vowed to never misbehave like that again. Watching Astrid take such a punishment broke her, and it took a long time for the guilt to fade. The heartbreak of knowing her father didn’t care for her at all, and had hurt the person Liliana loved most in the world, never faded.

She was ten, and being introduced to her new ‘Mother’, she had been excited to meet the woman until Imogen had kicked Liliana back with a beautifully crafted heel as soon as her father’s back had turned. She was too young to understand the pain and maliciousness as she complained of an aching chest, bruised by an unkind woman. Astrid dragged her away as her wails upset her father. Later that day, Alistair had come to see her, and Liliana had been hopeful that she might bond with her new brother. Except Alistair hadn’t come to bond with her. He’d dumped a pail of dirt on her head, telling her filthy commoners like her belonged in the dirt. Liliana had seen Imogen hand him a piece of candy as he left her room before tears and dirt clouded her vision.

She was eleven, and chasing after her brother and Emyr. Liliana wanted to play with them, but every time she got close, they’d dart off. She’d tripped so many times and her hands and knees were ripped up and bleeding. Despite the pain, and the sobs waiting in her throat, she’d kept chasing. She just wanted a friend. She didn’t care if Alistair was sometimes mean. If his mother wasn’t around, he didn’t hurt her. She thought if she caught up to him with his friend without Imogen around, maybe he’d finally be nice to her. If she finally had a friend, a brother, the pain would be worth it. Eventually, as the sky darkened, Liliana fell and had too little energy to get up. She thought she saw Alistair at one point, and she called out to him, but he turned away from her and vanished into the night. Several minutes later Astrid found her and held her as she cried, body and heart sore and tired. 

She was twelve and sitting with her governess, desperately trying to figure out a math problem, when the woman sighed in annoyance and asked how her father could expect her to teach a dumb commoner whelp. Liliana had to keep her mouth shut as her eyes burned heavily with tears, but at twelve she was well used to biting back her pain. Long after the Governess had concluded the lesson, Liliana had sat in the study, practicing mathematical equations and reading up on the topics she was expected to learn, praying that she’d finally earn some praise.

She was thirteen and her parents and her brother were attending a ball; she had begged to go but her stepmother had said they simply hadn't been able to afford to get her a new dress and it would besmirch their family name for her to show up in out of fashion garments. Liliana had snapped back, saying that if they had enough to afford a new wardrobe for her stepmother every other month, they could afford a single dress for her. Her father had backhanded her for talking back, and she’d been imprisoned in her own room for two weeks afterwards. Liliana had cried herself sick several nights in a row, not upset over the bruise on her face but hurting from a shredded heart. All she had wanted was her father’s love, yet all she got was his disgust and negligence. After that, Liliana didn’t speak out of turn again, in the hopes maybe her father would finally notice her with kind eyes. 

As each memory came and left, Liliana could feel something inside of her changing.