'The pace taken should be slow,' was what he told himself 

"Are you okay?" Stepan looks at the boy beside him. The boy who used to be tough and careful but now looks like his soul has somewhat left his body. Him looking defenseless and weak like that caused Stepan's heart to itch a little. After all, there's nothing that he liked to do the most than to make a mess out of someone. Someone like Kirill will surely be a distinctive delicacy.

Kirill turns his head to look at Stepan who's currently behind the wheel. "You drive like shit," he commented.

Stepan's heart skipped a beat before Kirill suddenly shouted. "Eyes on the road!" He almost hit a street sign but managed to evade in time. "Do you even have a fucking driving license?!" Kirill complained.

The corner of Stepan's mouth started to curl up to a smile. "I have it. But I rarely drive," he said depravedly.

"Stop the fucking car!" Kirill ordered. "Get off!" He shouted angrily. With that said, they switched positions. Kirill is the one driving now while Stepan is seated comfortably in the co-pilot. The navigating device of the car is guiding Kirill towards their unknown destination. His backpack was placed at the seat behind him. The secrets that he found hidden in the ceiling is inside it.

'He hates being controlled. He hates taking orders. He hates it if you accelerate.' Stepan keeps himself reminded. With Kirill, he must take things slow and let him think he's in control. Like right now. Kirill is the one behind the wheel. He would feel like he is in control. But the destination has long been decided by him so at the end of the road, it was him who really held the power.

It's good that he's not driving. This way, he can take a good look at Kirill. A game. A rabbit about to be hunted and eaten. That was what Kirill was to him. But the more he gets to know him, he realizes that this rabbit has fangs. It's not an ordinary rabbit and he can charge to attack you back. You need to take a few steps back. Stepan smiles to himself. 'The game will get more interesting'. But, the sadness that somehow lingers behind Kirill's eyes leaves him feeling unsettling. The way he cried on the phone just now also makes him feel uncomfortable. "Are you okay?" He repeated his prior question.

"What do you think?" Kirill snapped.

Stepan chuckles, trying to ease the uneasiness he feels in his heart. It is very unlike him to feel uneasy. By far, only Kirill manages to draw out that side of him. What else? Other than anxiety, frustration, jealousy, anger, and amusement, there is also that wild untamable fantasy filled with lust. Like he had tapped into his inner demons. They are slowly coming out one by one. They are beginning to spiral out of his control. "You don't seem okay," he replied. He doesn't know whether he's saying that to Kirill or to himself. Because he's not stupid. He knows that in order for so many emotions to erupt all at once over one person could only mean one thing. But he refuses to acknowledge that just yet. He is afraid of that possibility. He doesn't deserve it and he knows it.

"You know, don't you?"

"Know what?"

"How my brother felt about me?"

"..."

There's a sound of Stepan clearing his throat after a moment of silence before he spoke. "I know," he gave a simple answer in the end.

Kirill holds back the tears that were about to spill. "What do you think about it? Don't you think it's disgusting?" He asked. He feels ashamed. Especially when other people know about it. It was like he was stripped naked in front of everyone.

"Are you disgusted?"

"..."

"Kirill," Stepan called. He knows what it's like. He understands exploitation. He understands betrayal and shame. He also understands the other side. The side who betrays, hurts, and exploits others. "Everybody has a secret," he said. He himself also has secrets. "It's just that sometimes some secrets are darker than others. No one in this world is pure. Do you think he asked to feel that way about you? I think if he can, he also doesn't want to be in love with his own brother but he can't help himself," he continued. 'You're too irresistible,' he added in his heart. 'Even I myself am trying hard to exert control.'

'In love with his own brother'...

'In love with his own brother'...

The sentence repeated in Kirill's head. For the first time, someone said it out loud for him. Suddenly everything becomes real. 

"It's that connection you had with him, right? That's what happened at the doctor's office, right?" Stepan asked out of the blue.

It shocks Kirill and chills him to the bone. "You know about that too?"

Kirill always thought that it was exclusive. It was only between him and Kliment but he can't believe that someone else knows about it too. "How about the others? Do they know too?" He asked. Stepan remains quiet and the answer is clear.

'I really know nothing about you, Kliment,' Kirill lamented. What can he feel now? Anger? Betrayed? Sad? Exposed? What to feel? All emotions had been felt and all that's left is just emptiness. 'There's nothing real between us. All are lies. There's nothing exclusive, nothing special, isn't it, Kliment? I can't understand you. I can't understand you at all.' Kirill laments again.

And then he realizes that he doesn't need to understand. What else is to do if he understands anyway? Kliment is already gone. He can't ask him why and he can't hear from his side. It's pointless in the end.

"But please do me a favor," Stepan spoke out of a sudden. "What you told me on the phone before about Kliment. Please don't tell my friends about that. Especially not Stanley," he begged.

"About how Kliment is already dead? Why not?" Kirill wondered. Stepan didn't say anything. He plans to tell him later. He is going to tell him everything that he thinks he should know. But those that can be hidden will be hidden.

A cabin is finally within their view and Kirill is finally dragged back to his senses. Where the hell is this? This place is in the middle of nowhere. It is quiet and far from human's civilisation. And there's only him and Stepan here. He is left here at the mercy of Stepan. If Stepan has bad intentions, he doesn't know if he's even able to escape unscathed. He panicked all of a sudden and had an urge to turn the car around but then Stepan said something that caused him unable to back out. "I'm going to tell you a secret," he said. "About a secret club. And a secret base."

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Next update: 2022/05/02

*Author's Note: one of my readers told me that I'm good at ending things where people will feel like killing me. But I like cliffhangers. Teehee. -K