Seeing Tanner's smile was a thing of beauty. It'd been ages since Jan had laid eyes on it. Each second that ticked by as they walked through the tunnel toward her designated domicile, she thought of how close she'd come to never seeing it again.

Their fingers brushed together. Jan's heart skipped a beat.

"Well, this is it. It's not much, but what'do you think?"

They slowed in their stride, Tanner interlocking their fingers as they faced the door.

"It...it looks a little small," Tanner mused, looking up. "It looks tinier than the closet-sized spot I had at your mother's school."

Comments like those were innocent enough but they left a sting.

"Actually...that's why I got this one," Jan confessed. She met Tanner's gaze. "It reminded me of you."

At the time the decision had made Jan feel whole. Now as she looked up at the low doorframe, she lamented it.

"I should have gotten something bigger."

Tanner leaned in, his warm breath against the back of Jan's neck as he reached up to catch hold of the doorframe.

"I dunno. It might be pretty cozy," he said. His lips brushed along Jan's skin. "We won't know until we've tried. Should I invite myself in for a cup of coffee?"

Even that much Jan couldn't offer. "We'd really be on top of each other. The hallway itself is only big enough for one."

Chest pressed against Jan's back, Tanner asked, "Are you saying...that you're against me being on top of you?"

Tanner ran his hand up Jan's backside, squeezing. When he slipped into the back of the snug trousers, Jan groaned.

"I really do have to study. Dinner took ages."

"You don't have to study," Tanner whispered. "The next evaluation won't be for months."

Tanner slid his hand up, finding purchase on Jan's waist.

"Dinner's over but I wouldn't mind some coffee."

"You don't need coffee, you don't drink coffee, and I'm not allowed habit forming substances. So you're out of luck either way."

Inhaling, Tanner cooed, "You smell so nice."

Jan fought to be strong. "Do I?"

"Oh yes. And you're not wearing anything under there, so you've piqued my interest."

Eyebrow raised, Jan looked back at him.

"Piqued my cock's interest," Tanner admitted.

At least that decision had turned out for the best. Jan unbuttoned her trousers and pulled the top open.

"I am wearing something. You were just too eager to notice it."

The fabric was solid white in the front and back, though the sides were so thin they were nearly transparent. Jan had worried at first that the undergarment would only serve to overemphasize her posterior . Tanner's guttural cough told her her efforts were appreciated.

"It makes your rump look so nice."

"Stop calling it a rump." Jan chuckled. "Don't you have a sexier name?"

Tanner didn't answer her for some time. Instead, he stared at the bare flesh.

Jan was careful as she re-buttoned her trousers and pressed her hand against the door. Once the narrow hallway gaped before them, Jan turned to enter on her own.

"Thanks for walking me home," Jan said, catching hold of Tanner's hands. "But I really have to study."

Tanner's smile fell. "You're serious."

"Of course I am."

"Oh."

Despite her words, Jan had a hard time letting go of Tanner's hands. The rough feel of them were like heaven.

"I missed you so much." Jan breathed out. "I don't think I can have you in my hovel. I...I won't be able to do anything. And the more I study now, the faster I do, the faster I pass and you're on top of me for the right reasons."

Tanner nodded. He took a step back, but Jan found it hard to let go.

"Just pull away. I won't mind," Jan insisted.

Somber brown eyes heavy lit, Tanner asked, "You think I could bring myself to pull away? Even for a minute?"

There they stood, staring at one another, like idiots. Their breaths deepened each time they took in more air.

"I've missed you," Jan admitted.

When Tanner's lips met hers, Jan nearly melted to the floor. She wrapped her arms around Tanner's neck.

Jan was far from tiny. She'd slimmed down but her height and build meant she didn't appear either delicate or light. With the way Tanner picked her up, Jan moaned into her E's mouth yet again.

"I'm too heavy for you."

"You're perfect for me," Tanner insisted. "Now what were you saying about me being on top of you?"

As the kisses traveled down her neck, Jan managed to reach out and tap the wall twice. The door slid shut, shrouding them in darkness.

"I missed you so much," Jan said again. "Didn't you miss me?"

"You came every two weeks."

"You know what I mean," Jan said. "Please tell me you missed me even slightly."

Tanner pressed her against the wall. In the darkness he whispered, "I love you."

Each word made Jan shiver. That was far better than her piddly response, but she could only manage, "And I missed you so much."

Getting down the hallway was rocky yet fun. At the end of it was one room. If not for the meager amenities, it would have looked more like Tanner's own cylinder.

"Wow. It's nearly identical," Tanner said.

Arms still draped over her E's shoulders, Jan swallowed down her discomfort and nodded. "I told you, it reminded me of you." She gestured to the right where a small sofa rested against the wall. "And that's where I sleep, fantasizing you beside me like back then. Only, this time around...you're a little more active."

Tanner wrinkled his brow. "How? Show me." He led Jan to the sofa and shoved her to sit before getting down on both knees. "Show me what it is I should do. Guide me."

Jan thought to remind him about her plans to study, but this was far more important. She longed for it; her body craved Tanner beyond reason. She didn't answer though, instead, she tilted her chin, calling Tanner to her.

At the kiss, she held her E close.

"I missed you," Jan whispered. "So fucking much. So fucking much that I think I'm gonna just fall apart right here."

Tanner kissed Jan's cheek, then her ear.

"You came every two weeks," he whispered.

Jan choked back her upset for only a minute before tears welled up in her eyes and she couldn't fight them back.

"No," Tanner pleaded. "No. No. Don't you cry. You're gonna make me bust into tears and I don't know if you want me rubbing snot on you when we're together." Holding Jan's face firm, he said, "Did I miss you? Nikolette, I missed you more than I missed my freedom."

A tear left Jan's eye.

Tanner took kisses after kisses.

"More than anything," Tanner muttered. He didn't talk for long. Instead he pressed his forehead against Jan's shoulder. "Fuck," he said. "I love you, you idiot. Stop making me cry."

Jan waited, flattered and satisfied but Tanner didn't move. She hadn't expected that.

"Royce?"

Tanner muttered against Jan's neck. "Yes, I wanna be intimate but you have to study. I was trying to be considerate."

A smile formed on Jan's face that had no end. "You don't have to be."

Tanner gave her another firm kiss then eased away. "Yes, I do. Especially since I'm not gonna get any coffee," he teased.

Jan chuckled.

They stared at each other for a moment, pleased and contented.

Finally, Tanner said, "I should go."

"No...." Jan stopped herself and nodded. "Yeah, you probably should."

Despite their agreement, neither of them moved.

Tanner finally stepped away. "Okay."

Jan looked around. "Hey, where's my study diskette?"

Tanner shrugged, tucking something into his back pocket. "Don't know. It's around here somewhere."

Eyes wide, Jan dropped her jaw. "No."

"What? No, what?"

"No," Jan said. "Did you just take my diskette?"

She leapt but due to Tanner's kneeling posture, they only landed on the floor, laughing.

"If you keep this up, I'm just gonna seduce you." Tanner pinned Jan's hands to the floor.

Being pinned to the ground like that was less than appealing. It brought back bad memories but Jan gritted her teeth to keep her composure. She expected to hear something else and was curious when she didn't.

Being pinned to the ground like that was less than appealing. It brought back bad memories but Jan gritted her teeth to keep her composure. She expected to hear something else, and was curious when she didn't.

"You really do want me to leave, huh?"

Jan couldn't meet his gaze. "What?"

"That's the emotion you have."

It was true, Jan was unhappy with their positioning, but that had nothing to do with Tanner. She should have explained her emotion, but she hoped to put that off for another day.

"You're the one who said we should be upfront and honestly talk." Tanner eased back until he sat on his haunches. "So should I go?"

It took some time for Jan to admit it, but she nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I can get anything done if you're here." When Tanner stood, she stood also. "But it's not like I want for you to. I...."

"Just need me to. Okay." Tanner reached down for his shirt and tugged it on. "Give me a call when you're ready for us to meet up."

Jan accepted the offered kiss while digging into Tanner's pocket. She held the diskette up and laughed.

"Thanks."

Tanner snatched it. "That you can't have."

Jan took it back only to lose it again and it went on like that till they traveled the long, cramped hall to the doorway.

Puckering his lips, Tanner held it out finally. "Give us a kiss first."

That was something Jan was eager to offer. It was perfect. It wasn't Jan's preferred way. It wasn't even what she considered an expert kiss. But it was Tanner, and it was genuine, and when Tanner pulled her into a deep embrace, Jan fought to be strong.

She opened the door and shoved the E out.

As soon as the steel slid closed, she turned and put her back against it.

Tanner was gone, and now she could continue with her routine. It was important to her. It meant success or failure and she'd taken so long to perfect it.

Asking Tanner to leave had been the right thing. Only...Jan couldn't stand it. Hand over her mouth, she stared at the gray floor as she hugged herself.

She needed a minute but she was sure she'd be fine soon. She'd never experienced anything like this. It was as if a part of herself was gone. Turning to press her face in the corner, she took shallow breaths, reminding herself that she'd done the right thing.

Each minute that passed didn't serve to dull it, in fact, she felt physically injured.

The sense of loss was so strong that she pressed her face against the door.

Tanner was gone by now, it'd be at least twenty minutes. Regardless, Jan decided to open the door. If she could see that empty tunnel, she could convince her body to stop craving someone who wasn't there.

She put her hand over the steel and muttered.

The doorway was empty. No Tanner.

Jan sucked in a deep breath. She'd expected as much. She stared at that empty doorway for ages.

A hand extended.

Jan's breath hitched.

When the diskette slid down into the E's hand, she laughed. "You bastard."

Body pressed against the doorframe, Tanner leaned back to look at her. "You sounded like you really wanted it."

Jan did want it. But instead of a thank you, or something along those lines, she found herself saying, "You can't make a sound."

Tanner gave her an unsure smile but nodded as he turned to face her. "Not a word," he promised. "I'll be as quiet as furniture."

"And you can't correct my mistakes when I try to do the oath aloud," Jan said.

Hand to his chest, Tanner nodded. "Done. Other than probably sucking on your toes on occasion, you won't even know I'm there."

"And you can't interrupt me."

Tanner nodded again.

"And..." Jan said then paused. "I'm gonna need my underpants back."

Stepping past her, Tanner chuckled. "Nope. That's not gonna happen."

He started to strip down as he made his way to the couch.

Tanner was too tall for it but he lay naked, eyes closed. When he put Jan's diskette on his face, Jan squinted.

"Will you please stop that?"

Picking up one end of it, Tanner glanced at her. "Hey, you study the way you want, and leave me to enjoy my mute time in your company."

Jan relented. "Fine, but put some clothes on..."

"Not listening. I'm furniture. Furniture doesn't wear clothes. We sit here all stiff and eager to be sat on."

When Jan groaned, Tanner chuckled.

Jan found a new pair of shorts and pull them on. She reached under the sofa for several well-used diskettes and sat on the floor.

"You don't wanna climb up here?" Tanner muttered.

"Hell no." Jan glanced back at him. With a small smile, she turned to lick Tanner's left nipple. At the groaning response, she grinned. "That's what you get."

"Another stunt like that and I won't be responsible for what happens."

Chuckling, Jan leaned back into him, her head pressed against Tanner's hard body.

Jan had her doubts about trying to study like this but in a matter of minutes, she heard Tanner's familiar coo as he slept.

"Did you seriously fall asleep?" Jan turned, a grin in place as he hovered her hand over the diskette. Before she could pluck it from Tanner's face, the E in question snatched it up.

"Mine," Tanner grumbled.

Leaning over, Jan pecked her lips. "By the Colony, I've missed you."

Nuzzling her throat, Tanner whispered, "I love you, too."

***

Two months later, their bodies twitching from fatigue and frustration, they waited in front of the projection wall of the ELETE division's recruitment center, waiting for it to come to life. Jan nearly vibrated out of her skin; she couldn't take another month, another minute of studying.

To her left she saw an old familiar face.

"I thought his name was Ian," she said, leaning closer to Tanner.

"Huh?"

"That guy. Is he seriously walking around with a medical escort?"

"Who?" Tanner looked over her head and then nodded. "Yeah. That's Tellman. I've never seen a medic shadow anyone. Though I admit, the word 'demented' does pop up a lot when everybody talks about him."

"Tellman? That's Tellman? I don't know why I thought his name was Ian. Doesn't he ever smile? He's going to jinx us; I just know it."

The next five minutes were a blur, and when Jan Tannenbaum showed up in blue this time around, they were too stunned to even speak.

They shared a glance, and Jan swooned when Tanner took her by the waist and pressed their lips together.

"It's about gaw-ro time," Jan whispered.

Holding her waist, Tanner looked up to the names again. "I'll send out an announcement and tell everyone. I'm so proud; I wanna put it on a shirt." He hesitated when he met Jan's gaze and said, "I can send a notice to your mother and Gulliver. If—"

"No. Dom's funeral was enough for me. I don't need to see them again. Marian wouldn't even look me in the eye. She didn't even tell you thank you for performing the burial. That was petty. I'm done with them, and I'm pretty sure they're done with me."

Nodding, Tanner said, "I think it's because you gave up the name. You didn't pass it on like she asked. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. This is the first time in my life that I'm not looking for their approval, for anyone's approval. That name was a burden. Nobody else should have it, so let it die. They know my new name, and they know where to find me. But I'm not making another move. I'm gonna live my life for me."

No. You can't change who you are. You just have to grow into it. Besides, there was nothing wrong with me in the first place.

The End

If you like this, please check out other books written in this Universe.

Series titles include:

When I see you

The Nobleman's Masterpiece

Sated

We Can Go Back