On a hot summer day.

Maids were moving left and right silently to not wake up their new princess.

Their new princess though... 

Has opened her blue eyes.

'Hello there, everyon-'

'Hello, my fellow mind readers' 

'It is your ultimate adorable overlord who lords over the sky,' 

'Alice desu!'

To avoid embarrassing my great forefathers who are certainly watching from the heavens, I let out a fart.

While making baby sounds and trying to stand up.

"Uwii"

Attempting to stand up only resulted in me collapsing face-first onto my pink heart-shaped pillow.

The maids were giggling as they shifted jars.

The scent of the fart was drowned out by the fragrance of the jars, resulting in my dignity being saved.

Niesel's sweets were written on the jars. 

They are Niesel Mountain's signature mark and expertise.

'Oh?'

'You're probably wondering why is it this mountain specialty rather of something like nuts?'

'Well, I'll let you in on the secret'

'Sweets are the Niesel mountain's specialty because...'

As though I'd chopped an onion, tears welled up in my eyes.

'Of...'

My chest felt heavy like a cat had taken up residence there.

'How come I can't remember?'

'How come my recollection is blank?'

'Ah'

Instead of sweets, I'm thinking of other things.

Like a clip about two girls and one cup-

'Nope nope nope'

At this point, finding out how the candy became the specialty and staple food seems impossible.

'Kuh...'

'I've been humiliated!'

'By myself!'

'Sasuga candy sama!'

My mind is attempting to communicate with me. 

That something, albeit I'm not sure what it is. 

Personally, I believe that thing being licked is preferable to sticking your finger in it.

'Forget about that; I've got more essential news to share with my fellow mind readers!'

Distracting your attention is an excellent technique to protect your brain from short-circuiting, or so I recall our physics instructor saying before he flew out the windows while riding enormous mosquitos.

Huh...

Anyways!

'To me, everyone of you is more like an imaginary friend, but I feel you can all read my mind...'

I attempted to rise up again while assuming a gut position.

'So...'

My plump body landed on the soft cotton that served as the crib's base in a fraction of a second.

'One plus one equals?'

This is a really important question for all of mankind.

'Hah!'

'You're mistaken.'

With my mental image, I made a peace sign.

'Windows are the answer!'

'I'm not sure how that's the answer'

'No worries. I don't understand either!'

If we want to achieve greatness, my English teacher told us to utilize our creativity.

'Did I make it sensei?'

'Homete-homete!'

I coughed quietly to myself.

That simple act brought the maids full attention to me.

'Their hearing are too good'

I felt awful since their worried expression made me feel guilty, so I decided to cheer them up by making my regular noises until-

"Never gonna give you up~"

'Huh?!'

"Never gonna let you down~"

As quickly as I could, I swept my gaze through the maids. 

There wasn't a single one of them who opened their mouth.

They don't appear to have brought anything that will make a loud noise, either.

'I have no idea where that came from!'

"Not gonna turn around~"

'Ehh'

'how-'

'where?'

"And desert you~"

'Mom, I'm scared. Come pick  me up please'

"Aaaaliiiice!

The doors slammed open, smashing all the glass in the process.

All the maids hurried around.

Before forming a defensive line to protect me.

"Everything is OK now; there's no need to be afraid."

'Ah'

Mom's words rang in my ears, her face near to mine as she cooed me.

The maids turned around and glanced at us before bowing one by one.

Since they are always slow to catch up on topics other than love rumors and gossip it took them quite a long time.

Before they start a choir about how gorgeous my mother is, Mom held out a finger to ask everyone to remain quiet.

"So..."

"How come my little angel is scared?"

Mom looked at me with gentle eyes, while showering me with her most genuine smile yet.

Her dazzling grin almost blinded me, but because of Mizu's smile, I was able to train my resistance beforehand.

'Hold on a second'

'How did she figure that out?'

"Please, Alice, don't fall asleep."

One of the maids who was still holding the jar approached us, and her name was Rotte, as I recall.

"Milady, shouldn't you be meeting the president at the foot of the mountain right now?"

'Wait, what?' 

'Why the president?'

"Alice's health comes first."

Rotte let out a gasp. 

The maids who were observing their conversation were stunned one by one, as if they were a stack of dominoes falling on top of each other, until the final maid screamed and Rotte approached.

"Lotte, you're getting too near; don't you see you're scaring Alice?"

'I'm not afraid!'

'It's just her boogeymanness-'

"Some... BODY ONCE TOLD ME"

My mother gazed at me with her head tilted slightly to the left as I searched the entire room once more.

'Woah..'

'Wow, that's so cute...'

'Will I be cuter than that when I grow up?'

"Somebody That I used to know!"

As Lotte drew another inch closer to me, I was interrupted by someone I used to know.

It became evident where all those songs had suddenly appeared.

'It was in the jar!'

"Didn't I tell you to back off, Lotte?"

"You don't have any actual power over me."

''Ugh..."

I chose to stop them because the situation was becoming a bit too bitter for my liking.

And not because I was bothered by strange music playing in my head.

Nope.

Not in the least.

Or at least that was my goal before Lotte removed her maid uniform and revealed her white lab coat. 

Mom was dripping sweat and murmured inaudibly.

"Of course, I don't have any power over Lotte Gardner."

"Then you're aware. Please give her to me so that I may investigate what's happening with Alice."

"I'm her mother-"

"I'm the doctor, by the way. So get out of here."

This family didn't have access to a physician.

If my memory serves me correctly, but it's a muddled mess right now, so take it with a pinch of salt.

'Wait, no!'

'Don't let her come any closer, Mom!'

"Alice forbids you from approaching!"

"You nasty mother-in-law!"

Lotte clenched her fists.

"Ohoho"

"And who took my Suzuki a few years ago and then came back to tell me you were pregnant with his child?"

"While he appeared half-dead, no doubt due to the fact that you wrung him dry"

The maids' mouths were gaping and their faces were flushed crimson.

"That was all for love!"

"Love my ass!"

Lotte rice planted my mom on the floor

'Grandma is scary'

I concluded as I was flying in the air

Grandma Lotte caught me while still holding the jar

"Now is there something wrong, Alice?"

'Yes, there is! The music is getting louder and more erratic!'

"She isn't responding,"

'Can't you see my tears, grandma?'

Grandma paused for a moment, as if recalling a fond memory. 

How did I figure that out?

It's simple.

That's because Mom undid what Grandma did and is now attempting to do what Grandma did to her

All while Grandma smiled absently.

"This is yours!"

"Ouf-"

Mom was caught by grandma's left arm and replanted to the floor once more.

"I recall doing something similar when Suzuki was a baby,"

"It's amazing how quickly time has flown."

'You planted a child on the floor!'

'Someone, please help!'

'A crazy grandmother wants to bury me on the floor!'

Grandma's bright red eyes were fixed on me.

"It's funny, but I have the feeling that someone is cursing me."

'Women's intuition is frightening!'

"It doesn't matter. I'm sure the cookies are making you feel uneasy, right?"

'Once more. Grandma is terrifying!'

What are the chances of determining that from a single glance at the scenario while fending off mother?

"Well. I'm going to put the jar away."

'Thank you very much, I love you so much, Grandma is the best!'

"I mean, I heard honey is hazardous for babies"

'Huh... hon-?'

"AMOGUS"

A read bean person flapping their massive lower cheeks on me

"Maids put the honey candies jar away!"

'Honey?'

A man in a pink suit sprung from the kitchen sink in lieu of the red bean figure.

"I am Gay!'

"Yes, ma'am!"

'What the hell?'

Several armed bodyguards brought an elderly guy into the room.

"We're from the government, and we've been given instructions to arrest the Gardner family as a whole!"

'How come?'

Grandma handed me over to the maids

As they formed another protective line around me while bringing out various cameras.

Grandma moved closer to them

The government kidnappers moved closer as well

Grandma said.

"Hoh, so you're coming closer. Instead of running away like the past agents you're coming closer"

"I can't knock you out without getting closer"

"Hoho, then come as close you like!"

"Lotte!"

"John!"

The maids stayed firm as all of John's bodyguards began firing.

The maid's clothes were unaffected by gunfire.

One of the maids that were named Louise lifted her arm and began wriggling like a clarinet-playing squid who was always irritated by a sponge who lived in a pineapple under the sea.

'How's Grandma doing these days?'

Grandma was putting people on the floor, wall, and ceiling on the other battlefront.

"Three, four, five, and six months ago, you were unable to succeed. Bonnie has had a difficult time as a result of your actions."

"Can you tell me who Bonnie is?" 

"For fuck sake, she's your daughter!"

"I had no idea the Mountain Dragon was fond of kids."

The shots were no longer fired.

His surviving bodyguards all pointed their weapons at him.

"Can you tell me why you're aiming at me?"

"Of course they're going for you," 

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," 

"Louise's wololo dance is complete."

The creature's pupils dilated dramatically.

"The legendary wololo dance, I thought magic doesn't exist!"

My mother appeared behind him, steam billowing from her brow.

"This is for you!"

Mom stomped on his balls with a powerful kick.

'Ouch'

As his eyes slid to the back of his skull, the thing spat white goo from his lips.

"Every now and again, you're a decent daughter-in-law."

"Sure, why not? Remove all of the honey this time."

'Nononono'

'Wait, nothing happened?

'I thought saying and thinking about the h-word is gonna make those songs playing in my head?'

When I discovered a cat-like llama entering the room and devouring the leftovers of the monster's bodyguard and pooping them out as our bodyguards, my appreciation for not hearing the songs vanished

'Eww'

My bedroom ceiling collapsed due to an explosion that was almost certainly triggered by the people in brown jackets wearing gas masks and tubes linked to their bodies.

"Greeting fellow ordinary people"

'What in the world do you mean when you say ordinary?'

Mom sprang to her feet and slammed into them.

"Can you tell me a little bit about yourselves?"

"We're just a normal society with heavenly blue eyes,"

Grandma hauled mum away from the roof, dragging her by her neck.

''How rud-"

Because a flying whale that looked eerily like the one that murdered me was on its way to devour them.

The heavenly blue-eyed society is no longer in existence.

"Awice!"

"I've come to play-"

"Huh"

Mizu stood there confused because of how messy my room is.

"Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened sweetie, now let's go back to bed"

"Okay"

Mom kissed Mizu on both cheeks and took me into her arms.

Because of how crazy today is, my eyes felt heavy.

"Oh, my little angel is sleepy, it's okay sleep well"

She kissed my forehead

'Thanks, maids I'll be sure to remember all your names, also thanks mom, and thanks to grandma'

On that day I slept my most comfortable sleep.

After Alice, Mizu and Irina left the room.

The maids did their job helped by the newborn guards and after a year the repairs were finished.

The mansion has become one of the most formidable fortresses that ever existed on earth but that's a story for another time.

In a dark room filled with candles giving the place a medieval aesthetic, a group of shadows with different shapes were bickering with each other.

The square shadow smashed the table.

"The attack was a flop!"

The shadow in the shape of a circle three a can of cola at the square.

"Of course it is, you goddamned square head"

Seeing this, the trinagle shaped shadow patted the cirle.

"Now-now, don't be mad; we still have an ace in the bag."

A cough boomed.

Everybody looked at their leader.

A star-shaped shadow

"So we're going to use her?"

The square looked at the star.

"Yes, of course. Why are you still asking? Weren't you the wisest and smartest of all of us?"

Another can of cola was thrown towards the square. Courtesy of the triangle.

"Shut up, square-head; your schemes have cost us many of our aces."

The square-shaped shadow changed its voice to become deep to scare the triangle.

"At the very least, I'm utilizing them correctly rather than fooling around with them. You slutty triangle"

Instead of scared, the triangle was enraged. White veins popped up in her shadow.

"Enough!"

Both of them were interrupted by a deep voice belonging to the star-shaped shadow.

"We'll make use of her. No objections are permitted."

"Do you have any questions?"

When the last time someone asked questions. they became a soulless shell.

None of the shadows dared to ask even though one of them just indirectly called the star shaped shadow stupid.

"This meeting has been adjourned; we will continue it later."

"End of communication"