Justin had his arm around me at the base of the Cliff Tree today and asked me about leaving here.

We sat with our backs against the trunk and watched the faded red clouds hover over the well-lit suburbs.

I started shaking my head because he always talked about the same thing -- going somewhere new, seeing new things.

It was too much like some cheesy movie for me, so I just snuggled into his perched right arm more, kept my hands in my lap, and told him the truth; that we were stuck here until graduation or the end of the world.

He laughed a "Mwhaha!" and I laughed with him.

That was really cheesy too.

We are too perfect together.

Then he took my hand in his, bent down his full lips, and... peered at my watch.

"Sorry, my glasses suck. I need to get in close to see. Anyway, it's getting late, J. You should get home."

He was right, but I didn't want to leave.

When I didn't say anything, I could feel him twitching like he had restless leg syndrome or something.

He smiled.

A beautiful smile, by the way.

I've told him that before, and he just rolls his eyes.

Sometimes I think he likes driving me crazy.

Finally, he told me he was going on a blind date with some girl he met online tonight and that they were going to watch a movie.

I think I was jealous because I began to think about all the times we went to the movies together - at least one hundred!

It was just one with this... girl, I thought.

I was lucky enough to have Justin here with me.

He had been my only real friend since middle school.

I feared telling him I was gay for the longest time, but then last year in 9th grade he hugged me and said, "You're totally gay for me, huh?"

I didn't know what exactly he meant, or I did, and I was shocked he knew.

So I shook my head yes, he smiled, and we became even closer.

But he's not gay.

He's made that very clear.

I still love him.

He loves me too, but not like that.

It sucks though because we would be perfect.

After school, we usually go to the top of the grassy cliff 10 miles from my house and hang out by the giant oak, historically named by the town folks Cliff Tree.

It is supposed to represent Lowland's vitality and endurance. For me, it's a place where few go, so it acts as our diversion after school.

It stands undisturbed and beautiful, especially in Fall.

The leaves launch from the branches when the wind tugs, projecting so many warm colors in every direction.

We sit and talk about nothing and everything in the sacred space.

Then, at 6, we head home.

We always go the opposite ways, since I live on the Westside and he's on the East.

I always turn around a few steps apart to watch him walk away. Sometimes, I do see him turn around and smirk. Most of the time, our eyes never meet.

12:03 a.m.

Justin called to tell me how his date went.

It was awful! (ha!) First, Meg was fat (he said chubby, I said fat).

Her photos he viewed previously were from a different time and pants size.

Justin said he could overlook it since he cares more about personality.

I couldn't help but think he was really sweet for saying that.

Then she slept through the movie, which I would probably also do if I watched an environmental documentary.

And then, which is the best of all, when he told her goodnight and leaned in for a hug, she started making out with him and asked him to be her boyfriend.

After we laughed on the phone for a while, my mom opened the door to my room and told me to go to bed.

I told her she could "fuck off."

She left the room and came back with a bar of soap and chased me around my room in her pink nurse uniform, saying she was going to wash my mouth out. Of course, she was kidding, but Justin must have been having a good laugh with me screaming "I will not! I will not!" over and over. Then she kissed me goodbye and told me she was off to work. I love my cooky mom. Justin then said he was sleepy and we said our goodbyes. Now, I can't sleep for some reason. I wish Justin was still awake so we could talk.