Hey there voices, you haven't been replying back in a while. Did someone else take your spot? Ooh, do I have a new watcher? Just kidding, that's a delusion of mine. Mel and I are in the middle of these random plains, looking for yet another bandit. Merida forgot how expensive demon summoning is and wasted a lot of our money. There are no more treasures to sell and no more mourners to scam, so we had to double down on the bandit hunting. 

Merida sent us to these plains since it was the easiest bandit group to access. She sent Speedy to a bandit group on the other side of the world and had her take Mimi with her. Meanwhile Merry is taking her demons to take out some bandits in a nearby abandoned castle. As for Merida, she's staying home to take care of the dragon. Damnit, I want to take care of it. Fighting bandits isn't that fun. Unless the bandit is Speedy. 

The Bounty Association said that a thing to be careful about is some floating balls the bandit can control. I wonder if I can ride them. They said they can spin. They also noted that this bandit doesn't have lackeys, so this should make things easy… probably.

We kept walking, looking around the plains, before coming across a small hill. As soon as we reached its top, behind it was a flat plain filled to the brim with floating balls at different heights, orbiting around a single point. At the centre of it all, a singular person meditating.

"Hey Mel."

"What?"

"Do you think we could get to ride on the balls if we ask nicely?"

"Probably. Also, please call it spheres. Balls give me the wrong idea."

"Balls?"

"Stop it."

"Balls."

"I'm going ahead." She walked towards the figure. I followed her, looking at the floating balls. When I reached my hand towards one, it felt like something was pulling me towards it. The pull wasn't strong enough to move me, fortunately. Mel and I reached the man, who didn't seem to know we were behind him. I guess we should introduce ourselves.

"Sol the Round Bandit, hear us!"

"Who dares interrupt my meditation?!"

"The two of us! Melanie, Ranger of the Hero Party, and I, Madeleine the Maid Who Gave Herself An Unnecessarily Long Title That Offers No Information About What I Am Capable Or Known About!"

"What are you saying?"

"We've got to introduce ourselves. It's rude to just ambush him."

"I should've just come here alone."

"He's a Sacred Power holder. I need to be here!"

"Will you two stop your pointless squabble?! Actually, remove yourselves from these premises. Your presence is an eyesore."

"Too bad, Roundy Loundy, we're taking you in!"

"You?! A mere maid? Improbable."

"Very much probably. We'll show you."

"Madeleine, please shut up. Stop provoking the ma- AH FUCK!!!" The man had thrown little dust from his pocket and was smirking wildly at Mel's pain. "DID I JUST GET FUCKING POCKET SANDED?!?!?!"

"Pfft… as if I'd use something as primitive as sand. No, I merely used sand-sized planets."

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" Mel calmed down and stopped rubbing her eyes, then angrily glared at the bandit. "That's fucking it. Madeleine, blast him."

"Aye aye, captain!" I quickly grabbed out a throwing knife, planning to stab him with it, when suddenly I was hit in the head with one of the floating balls.

"So focused, so shortsighted. Wonderful opponents to have."

"Short Sight this!" Mel quickly jumped up in the air and kicked the bandit in the face. 

"Nice kick Mel, and also nice thighs!"

"Didn't need to add in that last pa- AGH!" She was hit in the head with a giant sphere. 

"How dare you touch me! The great me!"

"Can you just hurry up and shut him down with magic, Madeleine?!"

"But I want to use my knives!"

"I don't care!"

"Fine! Secret combat maid technique: TRIPLE DRACONIC FIREBALL!!!" I threw three massive fireballs toward the bandit. No way he can… what the fuck? Why is there an enormous ball above his head?! Why are my fireballs getting sucked into it?!

"That's not how gravity works!" Mel yelled whilst firing light arrows at the bandit. The light arrows were also getting sucked into the ball. The light arcs are really cool, though. Mmm… curves.

"Haha! Face my ultimate attack! World Crusher!" He pointed his fingers at us, and slowly the ball approached us.

"Hey, Madeleine."

"Yes, my love?"

"You wouldn't happen to have something to deal with that?"

"Umm… no."

"Quick, call Speedy!" I quickly grabbed out the bell and rang it as hard as possible.

"Prepare to be crushed by the world I own and rule alone! Hahaha!" The ball was within touching distance when suddenly we were moved out of the way by a gust of wind onto the hill. From here, we could see how massive the sphere was. Almost as big as the mansion.

"Man, that was close. Don't ring the bell that hard again, though." Oh, the gust of wind was Speedy. "I need to get back to Mimi. You two owe me." And off she went.

"Madeleine, can you sneak behind him? I'll distract him with my arrows."

"Aye aye, captain!" She started firing arrows at the bandit, who was busy laughing, thinking he had killed us. The arrow barely missed him, with one of the balls orbiting him knocking it away. He immediately focused on Mel. Now's my chance.

I started rolling and rolling, trying to not be seen. Fortunately, Mel seems to be knocking down some balls for me, letting me use them as cover. On the other hand, the bandit is sending ball after ball at Mel. It took a while, but I finally reached behind him after some more rolling. Time to knock him out.

"Secret assassin maid technique: Holding a knife to their neck!" I'd kill him, but I don't like killing, that isn't nice. Also, you get more money if you leave them alive.

"Eh?" He finally noticed I was holding a knife to his neck. "Fine, I surrender." He lifted up his hands. Mel noticed and walked over, pulling out rope from her table pocket. Turns out the table, even in its shrunken form, can store things. It truly was the best purchase.

"Good job, Madeleine. Now, do your thing while I tie him up."

"Aye aye, captain!" Secret Madeleine technique: Side Note!

"Oh, it turns out they're planets, not balls."

"I figured that out when they started attracting our attacks, which doesn't make sense if my understanding of gravity is correct."

"I have no idea what that means."

"I tire of this comedic back and forth you two attempt to have. Now perish." A tiny light appeared between their thumb and index finger, the size of a speck of dust, but the light was quickly growing to reach his fingers before it suddenly disappeared.

"Huh, that was anti-climatic."

"Do you want to know the name of this technique?"

"Not really."

"Subatomic supernova."

"Wait… Madeleine, ru-" And suddenly things turned white, then black.

Character profile: Sol The Round Bandit

Sacred power: Planetarium

Reason behind nickname: His body is literally round.

Description: The second son of the Bandit King Kaos, he grew tired of life under his father, as he forbade his son from bandit activities, for reasons unknown to Sol. As soon as Sol learnt of his Sacred Power, however, he quickly fled to the nearest country, hoping to become its Bandit King, and potentially rival his father. His narcissistic tendencies stopped him from gathering a following, and so he gave up his Bandit King ambitions. He recently started his quest to be a Bandit King due to news of a solo Bandit King existing. Little does he know that he was close to that solo Bandit King for a few seconds.

Chapter namesake: Vs DJ Subatomic Supernova by Funk Fiction for No Straight Roads. (I like the mashup of the EDM and Rock version. I also like the cover with lyrics.)

pojlk

Writing this made me realise I don't like how I write action, so don't be surprised if this ends up being one of like thirteen fight scenes to be written for this story.