Shadow Madeleine number 13 here, and I've found myself in yet another disaster, specifically one of the 72 Calamities. You see, for some reason, I'm very unlucky, incredibly unlucky. According to Physical Madeleine's memories, the average person runs into zero of the 72 Calamities. I've run into seven… actually eight, counting the current one. 

The seven I've encountered include: Toxicity Itself (I said hi to Physical Madeleine's teacher. Somehow I can communicate with him), the Zombielands (Still filled with cake), the Temple of the Fanatics (Somehow not considered a cult), The Kraken's Circle (I made the mistake of visiting Shadow Madeleine 36. She and the harem she hangs out with was visiting the home of the Kraken, who is apparently a member of the harem.), the Chaos Storm (I made the mistake of visiting the Shadow Madeleine on babysitting duty. Also, it turns out the Shadowrealm is connected to other worlds.), the Grove of Swords (I actually grabbed a sword from there. It's made out of snake scales.), and lastly, the Bottomless Pit (I accidentally fell into it. Fortunately the walls are covered with shadows I can go into.). 

So what Calamity have I accidentally stumbled into? The BIG MAN PARADISE. By the way, the name has to be in all capitals, it's just how it is. I'm being escorted by four huge men to their leader. Something about protecting a damsel or something. They're tough to understand. So, you're probably wondering why the BIG MAN PARADISE is considered a Calamity, huh? Well, a couple decades ago, there was this country called something, it doesn't matter. Long story short, they pissed off the BIG MAN PARADISE, and now they only exist in the history books. So yeah.

They're escorting me because none of them know how to talk, but the leader does. How do they communicate? As far as I can tell, they communicate through poses. Poses that show off the reason this Calamity is called BIG MAN PARADISE. Big, meaty arms with round, plump thighs, sturdy, blocky chests, and other big-sounding adjectives describing literally any part of the body. As for how I know they're escorting me, the men conveniently have a piece of paper that says, "POSE LIKE THE LETTER T AND YOU WILL BE ESCORTED TO A MAN WHO CAN SPEAK". Very convenient.

Oh, they stopped right in front of the only building I could see in this place. There are a lot of waterfalls, hammocks, and tents, but no buildings, so it's surprising they have one. Ooh, it even has a sign. 'LEADER HUT LEADER HUT'. Why does it say it twice? Eh, whatever, in I'll go!

"GREETINGS, MAID." A large man sitting behind a desk noticed I entered and immediately stood up to pose. "I AM GAMIN RIVI, THE GOD OF BIG MEN!!! I WELCOME YOU TO THE BIG MAN PARADISE!!!"

I did a little curtsy.

"AN IMMACULATE FORM!!! YOU MUST DERIVE FROM A MAID SCHOOL GRADUATE!!! WHAT BRINGS AN ALLY TO THIS PARADISE FOR BIG MEN???"

I was about to speak up, but then I remembered I couldn't speak. Oh, silly me. If only I could break the rules like Darky and speak.

"YOU MUST BE INCAPABLE OF SPEECH! THAT IS A CHARACTERISTIC OF THE SHADOW CLONES MADE BY SHADOW CLONING, IS IT NOT??? I REMEMBER FACING THE USER IN A WONDERFUL BATTLE!!! IF MAD ROX WERE ANY BIGGER, I'D HAPPILY INVITE HIM TO THE BIG MAN PARADISE!!!"

Oh, so Gamin knows about Mad Rox. That's cool but also unhelpful. Eh, whatever.

"DO NOT WORRY!!! UNLIKE THOSE UNDER MY PROTECTION, I AM CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING THE DESIRES OF OTHERS REGARDLESS OF THEIR POSE, SO MAID, GIVE ME A POSE!!!"

Oh… umm… lift my right hand up to my… face… then lift my left leg up a ninety-degree angle… then… face left… lastly… stick my tongue out. Okay, got it. That's my pose. I'm proud of it.

"WHAT AN EXHILARATING POSE! HOLD IT FOR A SECOND SO I MAY DECIPHER IT!!!" The man jumps over and examines me for a second before backflipping behind his desk. "I HAVE UNDERSTOOD YOUR PURPOSE AND YOUR POSITION!!! YOUR ROLE, ALTHOUGH SMALL IN YOUR EYES, IS TRULY IMPORTANT TO THIS WORLD!!! I SHALL LET YOU PROGRESS YOUR SOURCE'S GOAL ONE MORE STEP!!!"

The man dramatically opened up a draw, taking out a pair of glasses which he threw into the air. The glasses flew up, stood in the air for a moment, then fell right onto his nose. Immediately, the man's demeanour changed. His shoulders relaxed, his eyes turned serious, the happy grin he had on went into a neutral state, and somehow it felt like he became smaller. "Hello there. I am Tham, the god of mathematics. Do not ask why there is a god of mathematics, a god of big men, or why they are the same person. I understand you are here to look for Sacred Power holders, like that of your creator and your sisters who are out and about. Feel free to look into my eyes." Alright then, guess I'll do that.

"Now that is done, I want to ask you one question before you leave." I nod since I like answering questions. Gamin pulled out a picture of a big man. "Is this man hot?"

I shake my head. I don't think he's hot. He's not on fire.

"Understandable. Have a nice day." Then suddenly, I found myself in the middle of the air.

CHARACTER PROFILE: GAMIN RIVI

SACRED POWER: CALCULATION

FAVOURITE THING: BIG MEN, OBVIOUSLY!!!

DESCRIPTION: THE GOD OF BIG MEN WHO SHARES A BODY WITH THE GOD OF MATHEMATICS. GAMIN'S EXISTENCE IS AN ENIGMA AMONG THE GODS DUE TO HIS VERY NICHE DOMAIN. SERIOUSLY, WHY IS THERE A GOD OF BIG MEN??? ALSO, WHY CAN'T I WRITE HIS CHARACTER PROFILE IN LOWERCASE??? THE NEXT TIME I GO TO MENDASS, I WILL DELETE HIS BUFF BUTT!!!

CHAPTER NAMESAKE: MANS NOT HOT BY BIG SHAQ