Heyo, it's me, number one in the popularity polls, Darky! Huh? There weren't any popularity polls? Well, fuck you. I'd probably top the popularity polls by using sabotage. It'd be against the rules, but rulebreaking is my thing. So yeah, fuck you. Anyways, Trogen sure is a shitshow right now, huh? Not that it matters. All this country shit only works if y'all know the geography of the place, but thanks to Mendass fuckery, the geography is like the dude in Aphrodite's bed; constantly changing. Enough about all that background stuff, it's not like it has an effect on the story… maybe. Eh, I can't tell the future. Well, I could, but I won't. Something about free will.
Anyways, the plot of today's chapter is that I will get a child. Sure, I could've revealed that in a less straightforward way, but I don't care. I want to get this over and done with, you know. Clock in, do the bare minimum and then clock out with a full paycheck. Except my paycheck is extended existence… just kidding. I'mma break the rules and invade other stories should Side Note ever fucking die. Right now, one of you guys reading this is being compelled to insert me, Rebel, and my future child into a story draft I know you just have lying around in your folders. I'm fucking in it now, binch! Also, binch is intentional.
Back to today's broadcast of Side Note, the kid I'm interested in getting is a girl named Riri. She runs the biggest bandit group in Thawnerry, and is actually the Bandit King there, but that's not why I want her, although it would be cool to have a Bandit King for a daughter. The reason is because of her Sacred Power.
As a refresher, my Sacred Power is Anarchy, which allows me to break rules, including universal, multiversal, hell, basically anywhere and everywhere. My partner, Rebel, has Defiant, which lets her break laws without consequences. She used to only use it to break government laws, but as soon as I taught her that the laws of physics have law in its name… well, we got a little crazy.
What does this have to do with Riri? Her Sacred Power is called Killing In The Name, based on the Rage Against The Machine song. Just like Rebel, she too can ignore laws without consequence, but on top of that, she is immune to anything that wishes to control her. Mind control, authorities, manipulative bastards. You can see why I want to adopt her, don't you? A family that breaks the rules of reality together, will probably end up in Multiversal Gay Baby Jail together. Eh, we can break out easily… probably.
Hmm… we're only halfway there. Both the chapter and my walk to Riri's hideout. I'd go faster or teleport, but I need to waste time. Lots of time. I kind of left the house, telling Rebel I was going to get us a kid, which left her in a frozen state. She has been talking about how she'd like a kid, but even with Anarchy, I don't know if I could make a kid… then again, the Creator is an artificial lifeform like me, and since she's my grandma, maybe I could make a kid. Nah, it's easier to kidnap Riri. I'd like Rebel to get her sleep. It's bad enough she deals with my bullshit. We hooked up on a whim, but I love her. I guess even I'm not immune to the rule of change, huh?
Fuck it, I'm revealing Sacred Power lore. So, get this, Sacred Powers are… a fucking mess. I can't tell if that's on the author, the state of Mendass, the Creator's whimsical nature, or all three. There seem to be no rules on Sacred Powers. Nearly every rule you could possibly think of has exceptions. Sacred Powers don't only go to the different races since animals have gotten them. It's also not limited to just living creatures, since inanimate objects can have them. They're not all unique since some Sacred Powers are shared among multiple people. There's no power limit since Omnipotence is a fucking Sacred Power. I know it's ironic that I'm the one complaining about a lack of rules, but look, I can only break them if there are rules in the first place, which means I'm the one who needs them in the first place!
Although I can't tell you the rules or even the origins of Sacred Powers, I can at least tell you a neat categorisation method I came up with. First, you've got the simplest and biggest category: The Verb Category. Basically, the Sacred Powers that are a single verb. Stuff like Illusion, Rewind, and Dance. Then you've got the Adjective Category, which are the Sacred Powers that can be summed up with a single adjective. Stuff like Lucky, Immortal, and Omnipotence. Then you've got the Phenonemon ones, which are Sacred Powers that cause stuff to happen that wouldn't happen naturally, like Entropy, Despacito, and my own one, Anarchy.
Then you've got… umm… I'm still in the middle of figuring this shit out, okay. There are some Sacred Powers I'm trying to think of categories for. Stuff like Sixty Four, Jack The Ripper, and Eldritch Knowledge. I could also probably redefine the existing categories and… well, shit, now I see why people don't like categorising abilities. Eh, I'll finish it… eventually. I tried getting Rebel to do it, but she'd rather steal the categorisation documents from each country and cross-reference them… holy shit, that is a smarter idea. Why didn't I agree with it?
Oh, I'm at Riri's base. I'm going to skip right in through, put her over my shoulders, and walk out, with no further elaboration to her or her bandit group, and you'll know I had done it after you see a Side Note after three beeps.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
|
Killing In The Name You can ignore all laws and face no consequences. You can ignore those who wish to control you. You can do what you wish to do. Side Note: Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. |
Character profile: Riri
Sacred power: Killing In The Name
Bounty: 0 gold (No one realises she's part of the bandit group, and is, in fact, its leader)
Description: The Bandit King of Thawnerry. Riri grew up as the only child of a single father, who was a guard for Coast City. He was a diligent man, knowledgable on the law and was known to never give exceptions, much to the annoyance of the rest of the corrupted guard. This would lead to his murder at the hands of bandits who were paid off by her father's superiors, who wanted him dead, as he often arrested bandits willing to pay bribes. As revenge, Riri took over the bandit group using her Sacred Power and used it to solely harass the men who had her father killed, whilst also taking over other bandit groups that give out bribes, all to weaken the corrupt guard. She eventually succeeded, then disappeared one day. No one knows how she disappeared, but some rumours say she was taken by a maid with no shadow.
Chapter namesake: Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine
tftc
All this country sh*t only works if y'all know the geography of the place, but thanks to Mendass f*ckery, the geography is like the dude in Aphrodite's bed; constantly changing.
That's a funny reference.
Eh, I can't tell the future. Well, I could, but I won't. Something about free will.
This is not a deterministic world, is it?
You can see why I want to adopt her, don't you? A family that breaks the rules of reality together, will probably end up in Multiversal Gay Baby Jail together.
So many questions never to be answered
I know it's ironic that I'm the one complaining about a lack of rules, but look, I can only break them if there are rules in the first place, which means I'm the one who needs them in the first place!
You have a point.