In a vacum, the concept of love does not exist. We only seek the desire to be of usefulness to others. 

As such, we try to deceive ourselves by endorsing the idea of feelings. 

She looked at me in the expectance of a response. Even tough she hadn't said a single word, the message of the short girl with the braid had been clear. 

Putting an emphasis on her point,looking deep inside the bottom of my soul. 

I was afraid, so afraid. Frozen in place.

She was waiting for a response to this behavior but all I could achieve was ignore it all together.

I had known for a while,now. I couldn't run away anymore from the absolute facts. For three years, I had been aware of the feelings she possesed . Alas, the human heart is so fragile.

It cannot accept that somebody out there, even one ounce can see someone in a romantic light.

After all, the image people have of you often isn't reflective of your own perceptions. Consequently, it bounces back the truth like a deep lie.

" ( Why me? What do I have?)"

I knew the answers to these questions, as she had stated them to me before.

Still, how could someone accept a feeling that doesn't require any predetermined understanding. 

If I support the idea that I love her, in what circumstances could I prove it faultlessly?

She still stood there, observing my behavior all the more. As I continued to ponder, the distance between us felt so close yet so far.

Fully armed with her determination, she shouted her love for all the world to hear.

" I love you! Go out with me!"

Even though I had been expecting those kinds of bold declarations, the result was still quite powerful. An urge of embarrassment surging from deep within.

Alas, as much as I could want to, nothing of the sort could ever move my heart. 

I don't trust in the human heart. The frivolous declaration of Amy, the girl,only grasped at tiny pieces of what others would call the heart.

To add, this unexplainable feeling I get when she's close to me could only ever be born from a single truth.

She was only met with silence. Unable to know what she wanted to hear the most at the moment. Although it had been obvious the combination of sentences she wanted from me. I could never ever bring myself to say it.

What are feelings but useless tools you push aside after all?

I was only ever capable of silence. Be it my opinion, my own toughts or what I felt about others.

" Why aren't you saying anything?" 

Asked Amy, concerned.

A river flooded her face, deforming it's features. Brushing away her good perspectives on life. 

I didn't feel a thing.

"( Why does she likes someone like me? The more I think about it, I'm an horrible personn. Despite that, she still chose to love me. Really, what are feelings?")

I took a look at both my hands, the mere body parts so useless they couldn't even reach out and comfort her.

" I don't know..."

I finally responded back to her question, pronting her sorrow to sink ever deeper.

It was the only idea that had been clear in my mind for all this time; I don't know. I never knew. I wouldn't know.I would never understand..."

" What does that even mean? Be clear, goddammit! Is it a no or a yes?"

She raised her voice, chaos mixing her toughts together. 

" I don't know..." 

Her two irises released water, unable to hold back the needles tearing down at her heart.

" You're not making sense! It's either you want it or not!" 

Swiping away her sorrows, she fought with the air. Finally breaking down.

" Listen, I just want you to say something! It doesn't even matter if it's a no!" 

Contrasting my lack of self confidence in her own worth, she put out of her chest to the last of her effort. Preying eyes finding their way trough the scene, attracted by the ruckus.

" Listen,Eiel. I love you...I'm really serious about this."

She couldn't manage to look at him while making the words come straight out of her mouth. 

" I don't know." 

Furious over my apparent nonchalance, she upped her pace and fiercely held her hand above my right cheek. Ready to strike a clean hit.

" I hate you!" 

Her newfound hate realised, I felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Apprehending that this was how it should have been  from the start. 

" Yeah, I tought so." 

Powerless, she let go of the hand she was about to slap me with. The tears slowly replaced by utter shock.

" This isn't what I mean. Why can't you understand!" 

She shouted, while grabbing my collar,shaking my entire body.

" Actually, maybe I was wrong about you."

Her eyes twitched, unsure of if she wanted to continue.

" ..."

" I tought it was charming how you always were ready to help other, a good personn."

She had no idea what she was talking about.

 I'm not a good personn. What if I only helped these people because I had something to gain? To be honest, I just feel compeled to help others for no reason at all. I don't think that's being nice. In the end, I may just do it for the world to see value in me. I don't necessarily care for the well-being of others. She's just deluding herself in her own illusion about myself. 

" How you were so smart, knowing so much."

I'm not smart. Saying I'm would be an insult to the people that put effort into their studies. I have never put an effort in my life into studying. I don't know anything.Similarly, she doesn't know anything.

"  I just find you incredible! Why can't you just get along with that fact!"

Because it is plain false. What she likes is an image of me she has created in her own head. Besides, why exactly do we fall in love? Is love an heavy enough token that you can fall in love with the "image" and not the "personn". 

I felt compelled to actually scrutinize her face, finally looking at her eyes to eyes. 

She's totally wrong.Yet, she's so beautiful.

" That look right now... " 

She violently released me on the ground, infuriated by the revelation she discovered.

" You like me as well, don't you?"

As she felt like it couldn't reach my quiet ears, she shouted all the more.

" So, why are you resiling yourself on silence! Aren't you hurting yourself by just not saying what you want?" 

Hurting myself? I never ever saw it that way...

Nothing ever breathed out of my mouth.

" Maybe you were an egoist all along. Only considering your feelings and not mine as well." 

I was in fact, an egoist. It was a fact I couldn't deny. 

She moved past the spot I was in, not looking back a single time. 

I just stood like tree, only ever capable of facing in a single direction.

" That nightmare again..."

I said, while slowly opened my eyes, greeted by the morning sun piercing trough my windows .

" It's been one year since that little incident happened, huh." 

As memories of Amy came , my psyche,I fell down on the floor. 

" Unforgivable. I'm such a coward. If I had just said it....Then, then,then..."

I couldn't even fool myself efficiently, knowing I would have never said it back.

I began the same self destructive  cycle trough my toughts that proved to bemy downfall one year ago. 

" No, I should forget about this. I'm going into my first year of highschool. New faces, new me, as they say. Wait, is that actually the expression?"

I put on his uniform, put on the acting role,ready for the entrance ceremony. 

Immediately as I came out of my cozy home, my phone vibrated. I took it out verify it's content.

" Let's see,I passed by your new school and the entrance ceremony already started. You're late.

                                          -Mom"

" I should probably hurry."

I waited for the next bus to arrive, the next being in five minutes. 

The vehicle finally on sight, I jumped into it as fast as he could.

Now, I only had to wait to be transported toward the new horizons.

Or so I tought. 

As I  searched for a chair to sit on in the vicinity, a very familiar  brunette girl with a braid couldn't help but admire his tenacity. Managing to show up again.

" A-Amy!" 

" I see that you're quite skilled with your tongue nowadays,mime."

She hit right where it hurt.

" Mime?"

" Everything about you is just theatrical." 

She wasn't holding back in the slightest.

" Why are your eyes closed?" 

I sat in the seat above her, unsure of what kind of weird trendy ritual she was partaking it.

" I don't want to look at you, simple as that." 

" Rude but I get it." 

" Excuse me! I am the rude one? Tough, I'm surprised you can somehow talk now." 

" Only to you. Wasn't it already the case ?" 

She opened her eyes and scanned her reflection in the window.

" Just so you know,I hate you. "

He responded the only way he felt like he could.

" I know." 

Our discussion ended up there, the two sides unable to go past the mistakes that were made.

" Eiel?" 

All she could hear was snoring noises in front of her. 

" Sleeping,huh."

She apposed her hand in the chair above hers, a slight taint of red coloring her feelings.

" You're still so stupid."