I let Jess's arm go. She turns around, still a bit of sweat on her forehead from the experience before. The daggers her glare shoots are expected, but it still hurts a bit after I saved her life.

'Let's not forget that you got her in that situation.'

"Well now. Aren't you already glad that you met me? Without me, that dude would've heard you and you would've been eaten alive." (Me)

She hides her fear as fast as it appeared. Her stern expression returns with more ferocity than ever.

"He wouldn't even have come here if it weren't for you." (Jess)

'She got you by your cockles.'

'Silence!'

"But then you wouldn't have gotten the chance of reeking in some sweet EXP by killing that monstrosity." (Me)

The girl I just met doesn't seem to understand the generous offer I just made her. She just looks at me with her dirty appearance.

Her expression tells me she already got what I'm getting at, but the rational part of her brain doesn't want to believe it. Granted, it's uncommon to go for a raid right after meeting.

"You're not seriously telling me to hunt something that made the whole building tremble with a mere shout, even though I just met you about 3 minutes ago." (Jess)

"Exactly." (Me)

'Wow. You should write a fucking book about how to argue.'

'Did I just hear sarcasm?'

The atmosphere around her changes. Even though she was just somehow strict before, she now looks at me as if she was talking with a retard. I appreciate the sentiment, although it is quite rude of her.

'It's like everyone lost their manners while I was in hell.'

The goodwill I'm showing might seem insane at first, but it's actually the only rational thing to do here.

"You could of course always just run from every single monster you see and not take any risks in this fucked up apocalypse, cowering om fear at every single noise you can't explain. Don't get me wrong, that does sound sweet to me." (Me)

'Oh damn...'

Her mouth opens, arguments against my logic stuck in her throat. Confused about the fact that my idea doesn't sound as stupid as she first thought, she carefully tries to get more information out of me.

"And you're telling me that you'd be able to defeat that thing?" (Jess)

"Nah, I'm just offering a group suicide session here. Something for the whole family." (Me)

Silence. You could hear a pin drop if it weren't for the blood-curdling screams around us. Apparently, along with millions of people, humor has died too.

"Tough crowd... with a bit of preparation I'd be able to kill that beast. With the help of someone controlling metal, it'd actually be a whole lot easier. That's why the offer." (Me)

With her life on the line, she doesn't seem to be convinced yet.

"Gone are the days of trust. We've been through so much together and you won't put your life in my hands. Wait a sec." (Me)

'Start tutorial.'

Welcome to the shop tutorial, User! Here, you will learn everything you need to know about the skill shop, provided by God! Would you like to have the full tutorial or a summar-

'The summary, please and thank you.'

Next time let me finish! You can buy skills from your shop with points earned by killing monsters! Each type of monster gives you a different amount of points! The only way to earn the right of buying a specific skill is by absolving certain actions which are connected with the skill! But there are also different ways of getting them! Achievements, special ways of killing a monster, or outstanding deeds, for example, can reward you with a skill too! You're from now on able to acquire points! Get all the skills and become the strongest! Have fun hunting!

 'Dafuq? You first need to unlock a skill, and then you still need to buy it?! What kinda fuckhead invented this system?!'

'The same fuckhead who sent his own son on a planet and watched him get crucified over there while laughing like a sociopath.'

'Couldn't you just have said "God"?'

'Nah, fuckhead suffices for that abomination. Now that I think of it, don't say that name. Gives me the jeebers.'

Even just talking about him leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth. I spit on the ground in contempt, which confuses Jess greatly. But what can I say? Had to get the taste out of my mouth.

'Reminds me of my Uncle Eric.'

'I'm... just gonna ignore that. But damn, why so mad?'

'That fucker once made me drink orange juice after brushing my teeth. I will never forgive him for that.'

Pleasantly surprised, the tutorial ends with just a short explanation. I've seen it way too many times, so another go would've driven me up the wall.

Congratulations! You acquired a skill due to outstanding achievements! Achievements: Be able to run from Orcs like the little bitch that you are; First one to kill an Orc; Creating a Berserker Orc Chieftain (Boss) Your reward will be calculated from these achievements! Congratulations! You acquired the skill "Berserker" (Lvl 1) (Active Skill)! Berserker (Lvl 1): The more damage you receive, the more damage you deal! (Conversion rate: 1% health lost = 0.75% increase in STR, AGL and END) (Buff increases with level)

 

You have no skills to buy yet!

"Alright, even the screen is rude now. Something is wrong with this world." (Me)

"What are you talking about?" (Jess)

Still on guard, Jess interrupts my train of thought. Again, understandable since a lunatic just got her life in danger, but that's no reason to drop all manners.

"Generally, we can take the Orc on right now." (Me)

She falls back a bit.

"Excuse me? Right now?" (Jess)

I open the door to the classroom. Even though this school should've turned into an Orc's den, the hallway is eerily empty. As if every single soul inside it just vanished.

"Yep, right now. And we need to hurry a bit, or else someone's gonna get the achievement before us." (Me)

"Didn't you say that you needed preparation for that?!" (Jess)

Even though I explained to her I could take the Orc on, she seems to still be nervous. Since I didn't get to see my face yet, I'm therefore presuming that Trick had an untrustworthy face.

'Give it back to me, then.'

'No refunds.'

"Can you embed metal into the ground with the power you merged?" (Me)

At the sudden change of pace, she frowns. But her seemingly composed nature hides that again pretty quickly. I'm seeing a certain pattern in her facial expressions, which amuses me very much.

"I'd think so? Why?" (Jess)

"Preparations are done. Let's go." (Me)

"If I die, we're gonna have a problem." (Jess)

*

*

The Orc's red skin has not yet vanished but rather deepened. Every single muscle of his is pumped up to the brim like a balloon. The only normal part is the tusks protruding out of his mouth with spit hanging from them like threads. Dust and gravel get thrown in the air just with his steps.

"Are you taking the piss? We're supposed to defeat that?" (Jess)

I notice how she fiddles around with her blonde hair nervously. Given that she only received her powers a few minutes ago, I'll cut her some slack.

My hands take both of her cheeks and I pull her closer to my face. Even her deep brown eyes seem to have some fear in them, while adrenaline rushes through my body in excitement.

"Fuck yeah, I am. Don't you think that this is great?" (Me)

A huge smile appears on my face. The monotonous days in hell are finally over, which slowly becomes reality for me. Even if I am at the top of my game most of the time, it's still hard to believe that I'm free at last.

But her nervous fiddling doesn't stop. It's clear as day that she's hiding it to the best of her abilities, but it seems like she can't suppress some gestures.

"No need to hide your nervosity. We'll go in, restrain him, punch him, bathe in blood. It's gonna be great. Much fun." (Me)

"I'm not hiding anything." (Jess)

There she goes, lying again.

"You can lie to your mother, but you can't lie to me." (Me)

"I'm not." (Jess)

Her fiddling stops forcefully.

"Don't argue with me, young woman. Anyways, listen here. The only thing you gotta do in this fight is to use all the stray metal you can find to cuff his limbs to the ground when I tell you to, alright? Don't do anything else. Just stay here and wait for your opportunity." (Me)

"What? How am I- where are you going?" (Jess)

"I'm going for little princesses." (Me)

I lift my skirt a bit and bow down.

"Are you serious?!" (Jess)

"I can just piss myself in the middle of the fight if you want? I mean, while I'm getting the literal piss beat out of me." (Me)

Once again, I checkmate her. The torturers in hell were way more complex in their way of thinking, so normal humans will be a cinch for me.

I go back the way we came from. Even beneath the whole destroyed building, the toilets seem to still be intact for some reason. I'm not complaining in any way. I wouldn't want to do number 1 in the corner, like some wild savage. I'm better than that.

"Now then. In which one am I gonna go? I mean, I AM a boy, but I have a skirt on. And the sign states that-" (Me)

'It's the fucking apocalypse. I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter anymore.'

'...Can't even let me have my fun...'

I enter one of the toilets randomly. The fact that there aren't any urinals as far as the eye can see, means that I made the right choice. This body was female just a few minutes ago, after all.

'Keep making excuses.'

I bathe in this one relaxing moment, in which nothing is really going on, and do my deed. I don't know how long it has been that I've had such a calm moment. I'm still on the high of actually escaping hell, which keeps away all the bad thoughts.

Just for the fraction of a second.

Even if it is still in an apocalypse.

Even if I'm sitting on the potty like a big boy.

A hysteric fever runs through my veins, my hands shaking in joy. My mind races, weighing out my possibilities with my past. A plan slowly forms in my mind with the limited information I have, leading to my one goal.

"Damn, I hope there's still running water." (Me)

I flush on my way to the sink and turn on the water. The cool liquid trickles down my arm and into my still open wounds, but I don't feel anything from them. I'm patting myself on the back for closing the wound successfully, but normal people would still be in immense pain.

"Pain resistance sure is handy, eh?" (Me)

At that moment, I notice the mirror in front of me and the person in it.

The face looks familiar, probably cause it roughly overlaps with Trick's original appearance. Even though I seem to have taken over full control of Trick's body, I still have some of her features left.

Black hair, which's a bit on the longer spectrum, curling at the ends. Deep, emerald eyes stare back at me. My face looks a bit young for my taste, but that should change in the next few years.

Although I'm not sure how long I'll still stay here.

"Damn, I would've fucked you if you weren't me." (Me)

'Go fuck yourself.'

"That's what I'm trying to say." (Me)

After drying my hands with the leftover paper towels, I return to Jess and my secret admirer. Jess hasn't moved a bit, too afraid of catching the monster's attention. I can see it in her eyes, her gestures.

"Well then, let's go!" (Me)

I step out of the corner she's hiding behind and approach the Orc with leisure.

"OI, CUNT! EVER BEEN FISTED UP TO THE ELBOW BEFORE?!" (Me)

"Huh?" (Orc Chieftain)

He turns around with a stupid look on his face. His bloodshot eyes shake in confusion until they lock onto me. His tusks become more prevalent the more his face warps into a distorted grin.

"ALIVE HUMAN!" (Orc Chieftain)

He immediately recognizes me, his hands grabbing the air as if he already has me in his grasp.

"Don't like the clingy type. Don't ya wanna talk first? Get to know each other?" (Me)

He starts to run at me at full speed, something orcs apparently love to do. His fist already raised, he reaches out for a wide swing in my direction. Even if it's a shame that I barely got anything out of the merge, the increased stats have already proved their worth.

'And you're gonna dodge it and then bash his head in.'

'Nope.'

'...wat?'

I stay still right where I am.

'You know what? At this point seeing your head getting bashed in might as well be the best choice.'

His fist comes closer and closer, eclipsing my head in darkness. With this size, I know it's gonna hurt. For someone with actual pain perception, that is.

"WHY AREN'T YOU DODGING?!" (Jess)

But how could I not teach my one comrade, whom I have just met half an hour ago, how to fight? Bonds like these are unbreakable and last for eternities.

The fist connects right with my guts, which surprises even the Orc himself. I throw up a bit and fly backward in a beautiful arc. The wall becomes my final destination as I crash into it, shattering part of it.

Warning! Health in critical condition! Only 5% health left!

"Oh damn, that was quite close." (Me)

After showing the panicking Jess a thumbs up, I trigger the Berserker skill. Immediately, I feel the stat increase and how my muscles seem to tense up and expand. With my "Pain Resistance" skill, I'm thankfully able to ignore the several broken bones sticking out of my body.

With a new feeling of superiority and fervor jolting through me, I brush the rubble from my skirt.

"The pros of being tortured in hell are actually coming through. Always see the positive sides in life, kids!" (Me)

Small steps hurry through the dust cloud. I wonder if the Orc just has really teeny tiny feetsies, but then notice that it's easier to explain than that.

"She's not really coming over here, right?" (Me)

"YOU FUCKING MORON! WHY DIDN'T YOU DODGE?!" (Jess)

"Of course she is." (Me)

I take a gander at the huge bodybuilder next to her. He seems to have already noticed her shrilly screams, and changed his target over to her.

'She's gonna die too, you fucking disgrace. Just like all of them did.'

The echoing voice of a child suddenly resounds in my mind, screeching words and curses at me.

'Nope, she ain't gonna do fuck.'

'Wait, what was that just now?'

I push the rubble away from me as fast as I can, but the Orc has already taken a swing.

She notices the fist, but alas too late. Her head turns in my direction, and there I am, flying at her.

Before the fist reaches her, I spear her out of the way, like a WWE champion.

'YOU DID WHAT?!'

'Spear her, you read right. There was no time to go for something romantic.'

Her body lands about a meter away from me since I held back, but I still knocked the air out of her. She gasps for a few seconds, while the Orc doesn't realize how she got away.

"WHY DID YOU TACKLE ME?!" (Jess)

"I just saved you, you ungrateful cunt. Now, go sit in the corner and wait your turn as I told you!" (Me)

"BUT YOU FLEW AGAINST A WALL, AND SHATTERED IT WITH YOUR OWN BODY!" (Jess)

I push a broken rib into my body, which doesn't really work in my favor, while she continues to rant about my carelessness. I minimize the continuous blood loss by shutting the wound close with mana again.

At the sight, Jess freaks out, looking away in disgust while still trying to lecture me.

'She's worried about me, how nice.'

'Where I come from, that's common decency.'

'Not exactly where I come from.'

The confusion of the cunt who just did a homerun with my bare body sadly doesn't last long, as his head snaps at us with foam coming out of his mouth in anger. Getting his food taken away doesn't seem to sit well with him.

"Now then, to finish this fight." (Me)

Mister Universe sprints at me with unrelenting force, while I do the exact same.

"WHY ARE YOU GOING IN THERE AGAIN?!" (Jess)

He punches once more in my direction. But this time, I don't let myself get hit. I dodge the cannonball of a fist by stepping a bit to the side. My body finally manages to keep up with my reflexes at least a bit.

I use the same arm I just dodged as a ladder to climb his 3-meter tall body, sitting down on top of his shoulders.

"Look at that. I'm riding ya like your mom rode me. How nostalgic." (Me)

I don't know if he doesn't like me as his step-dad, but he got even more agitated in response.

"MOMMY!" (Orc Chieftain)

He starts to flail around wildly with his arms, pushing everything out of his way, just to get me off his head. Walls and doors collapse under his arms, rendering the vicinity into a dangerous minefield.

"Come on, up here. Take a deep breath and try to aim a bit." (Me)

And he tries to do exactly that.

He forms a fist and goes in for the uppercut. His arm goes up with the power of a freight train behind it, honoring my advice. But what he didn't think about is the ceiling right above him.

He barely misses my face and hits the ceiling instead. Easily, it breaks into several pieces under the sheer force he put behind the punch, ending in a rain of rubble and slab.

I, of course, jumped off of him before the ceiling could hit me too, leaving the new buddy I made for himself.

The Orc falls on his back for just a split second, and this is the moment that I needed Jess for. If she fucks this up, I'm gonna have a serious talk with her, which she's gonna be not too pleased about.

"If you wouldn't mind, could you do me a favor and restrain him?" (Me)

Gotta stay polite.

The metal rods, which were meant to support the now broken ceiling, fly around the messy hallway and find their way to the orc's limbs.

They bend around his thicc arms and barely connect with the ground under him once more. I know that 5 metal rods per arm won't hold him back for long, but right now...

He's completely unable to move.

"Hohohoho, Santa is gonna give ya some presents today." (Me)

"ROOOOOAAAAAARRR!" (Orc Chieftain)

"You might want to look away on this one, Jess. This may look like your very first period." (Me)

She averts her gaze, just like I told her to.

"Good girl." (Me)

With the full boost of 71% from my berserker skill, I start bashing his head in.

My fists hit his incredibly hard face multiple times. Each time they connect, a little chunk of skin and flesh gets ripped off of my hands because of his tusks, but his face doesn't stay unharmed either.

First, his nose starts to break, blood flowing out of it.

Then his teeth shatter, ruining the inside of his mouth like thorns.

After that, his facial structure starts to cave in, slowly forming a puddle under his head.

By now, I have probably already broken all of the bones in my hands, but there are more things to worry about than that. I don't even know if I turned the stove in hell off.

'What's gonna happen? More fire?'

A bunch of pent-up frustration gets released on his face until it's completely bashed into smithereens. My hands are barely able to move now, their ligaments and muscles shredded like they were in a meat grinder.

'Your hands alright, buddy?'

'I will never be able to paint again!'

I look at my own fists. They don't really look better than him in any way. Stumps would be more useful than my crooked fingers and ground bones.

"This might leave a scar." (Me)

"Is... is that it? Have you finished him off? Cause I'm feeling kinda sluggish, and I'm not sure if I can use my powers any longer." (Jess)

She still has her gaze averted since she probably isn't really used to such gory scenes. I'd be surprised if that was the case, considering this is her first time doing this.

You have killed an Orc Chieftain (Lvl 30)! +10053 EXP! +1600 SP! You became Level 20! Every stat +9!

 

Due to being the first in your world to kill a Boss monster, you will get a special reward! Visit the shop to receive your special reward!

"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him." (Me)