I slide down the Arachmot's esophagus with incredible speed. The slippery feeling of its innards make me more slippery than my uncle's dick before-

'Alright, I think we'll stop there.'

'My uncle most certainly didn't stop.'

At every convolution, I hammer against a wall and sustain even more of a concussion than I had before. Only after a few minutes do I manage to escape this slip n' slide of brain damage and land inside a pool of gastric acid.

"AGAIN! AGAIN!" (Me)

The acid bath slowly corrodes my armor and, with it, my skin. But I still don't feel the pain. Even though my bones are clearly visible, like in some kind of cartoon, the numbness still won't go away.

'Kinda boring.'

WARNING! HEALTH IN CRITICAL CONDITION! 5% HEALTH LEFT!

'Not in that tone, young man!'

I do my best of getting out of the spontaneous bath and activate the "Regeneration" skill. My muscle tissue creeps back into place, ever so slowly, and the rapid dropping of my health stops.

'Well now, reality check: Why are we inside a spider's stomach that's the size of a building?'

"Wait a sec. I have to try something before that." (Me)

I clear my throat, so nothing gets in the way of my beautiful voice.

"I LOVE YOU!" (Me)

"I LOVE YOU!" (Echo)

"I LOVE YOU!" (Echo)

"I LOVE YOU!" (Echo)

"I LOVE YOU!" (Echo)

"Satan, it feels good to hear that from someone else..." (Me)

"Now to answer your question." (Me)

My nails dig deep into the Arachmot's guts, as I tear chunks of flesh out of them. Blue blood splatters on my face, but I keep digging. Not because I like giving the spider a little stomach ache, but cause it's necessary.

"Remember when I talked about the resistant cocoons, in which the Arachmots keep their prey?" (Me)

'Yep.'

"Good girl.~ Well, the part with "resistant" was a teeny tiny bit of an understatement." (Me)

The body shakes violently since I tickle it a bit stronger from the inside.

'You might even say that it's... tearing up.'

"How many times have I told you not to interrupt me?" (Me)

'You're just gonna ignore my golden joke?'

'Nah, I felt it in my bones.'

I point at my calves, where a good chunk of bone is visible.

'HA!'

"Now, to continue." (Me)

But immediately after I try to go on with my story, I get thrown around again by the struggling Arachmot.

"I SWEAR TO BEELZEBUB! STOP MOVING AROUND LIKE A SPAZMONKEY! IT'S JUST YOUR INSIDES GETTING RIPPED APART!" (Me)

In an attempt to try again, I return to the place where I started my digging. The whole tunnel only goes a meter deep until now, so it'll still take a while until I reach my goal.

"The cocoon is way more resilient than the armor I'm wearing right now, for example. I'm not entirely sure if I can tear it apart on my own before Jess's parents die." (Me)

'Alright, I think I have everything I need now. Can I be the one who reveals your mysterious master plan? Pleeeeaaaaasseeeee?'

"Awww, alright. If you ask so nicely!" (Me)

'Here it goes!'

I start to concentrate completely on the gutting of the spider, while Trick does my job of being a good narrator.

'The first thing you had to do was set the forest ablaze so the spider would be agitated and concentrate on you!'

Chunk after chunk, I rip a way through the spider, while it's writhing in pain.

'Then you lured the special attack out since it could be a possible threat to you! See "mini-spiders of fluff" for example! I mean, dealing with a horde of spiders or something different while digging a tunnel would be pretty inconvenient!'

"Yep." (Me)

The various bodily fluids mix together, and I take a quick shower in them while the acid-resistant coat works full time to protect me.

'After having provoked that shitty special move, you decided to do a bit of extreme deepthroat with a spider, and jumped inside it to get something that can dissolve the cocoon!'

"BINGO!" (Me)

My shout echoes through the stomach once more. I'm now several meters deep inside the flesh already, even though I just began to dig a few minutes ago.

I hear the Arachmot shriek from the outside.

"I wonder how Jess is doing by the way?" (Me)

*

*

Jess P.O.V.

"If he doesn't die inside the spider's stomach, I'll kill him myself." (Me)

Another spider goes *Splat* as I drive one of my spears into it. That makes it the 26th now.

You became level 22! MAG raised by 1!

"Really does not make it better. At all." (Jess)

*

*

Nith P.O.V.

"I'm sure she's having a blast. She's probably even thanking me for that opportunity." (Me)

'She ain't doing shit lolololol.'

A few minutes pass, as I continue my little mining project.

(Author's note: *Resisting the best he can to not make a shitty Minecraft joke*)

'Gimme some of them sweet diamonds.'

(Author's note: *Failed horribly*)

The environment starts to stink even worse, signaling that I'm slowly reaching the end of the Arachmots abdomen. I try to ignore the fact that I'm literally neighbors with spidershit right now.

I tear out the last chunk of flesh, which breaks the barrier between the normal organs and the part I'm searching for.

"The most potent of the Arachmots acid. Or as we called it in my times: "Hot sauce"." (Me)

'...Wait, you didn't really-'

"Fuck yeah, we did." (Me)

The bag of boiling liquid is connected to the fleshy walls on two ends.

Fortunately, the narrow tunnel I dug myself opens into a cavernous space, giving me the liberty to move around a bit. Carefully, I move my hand around the lower end and start using my hands like shovels, just to scrape out the piece of flesh that the string is connected to.

In the blink of an eye, the rubber-like substance shoots directly at the ball and hits it with high momentum. A minuscule hole is opened in the container.

"Uhm..." (Me)

A few drops start leaking and immediately start eating through the spider's flesh, aggressively.

"Yeah... this might be bad." (Me)

'You should get that sack while you can...'

"I think you might be right." (Me)

I respond as fast as I can and snap the second string. I catch the container as gently as I can but a few drops still manage to get on me. The acid-resistant coat is long rendered useless so the drops get on my armor and damage it even more.

"Ahhh, it was a good time armor but you've done your job. You barely cover my magnum dong now." (Me)

Suddenly, the spider starts getting a seizure again, unusually energetic if you consider the state it was in before. I get thrown around the place, violently, until I manage to grab a hold on one of the walls.

"Alright... what now?" (Me)

I'm dangling off the ceiling... ground... walls (it's a matter of perspective) on one arm, while the Arachmot continues to struggle.

The frantic movements make it only harder to stay stuck while keeping a highly corrosive acid in my hand, which is coincidentally leaking.

'Suicide is always an option?'

"Nah, I'm having way too much fun for that right now. Thanks for the tip, though." (Me)

I assess my situation once more. The fleshy walls feel mushy and sticky, but not sticky enough to really help me stick.

My mana is nearly completely depleted since I had to keep "Orc's strength" activated the whole time. Coupled with the need to stop my bleeding with mana, I'm kinda forced to be a little mindful of the magic resource.

Additionally, I seem to lose my consciousness every few seconds because of the blood I already lost.

"Trick?" (Me)

'I already know what you're about to do. I only have one thing to say.'

'Gonna confess your lo-'

'No balls.'

"I'll show you my balls, damn it." (Me)

'I... What do you mean by that?'

I ready myself for the next move.

I tense my abdominal muscles and curl up so one arm and both feet are on the same wall.

The muscles in my legs tense up. I prepare to jump with more speed than ever before.

The buff of "Leap", "Orc's strength", "Orc's wall" and "Berserker" give me a bigger boost than I've ever felt before.

'The feeling of invincibility with a shitton of buffs really never gets old.'

I jump off.

"I WANT TO BREAK FREE~!" (Me)

*

*

Jess P.O.V.

 

The last of the baby spiders gets impaled on the bark of a tree, the same moment as my last drop of mana gets sucked out of me.

"Metal control" became Lvl 12! Mana usage decreased to 8 MP/10 sec! You unlocked control over the metal "Vulmanium"!

"Bloody hell, that was exhausting." (Me)

I drop on my knees which felt like gummy bears for a while now. A slight wave of worry washes over me.

"That twit didn't come out for several minutes now... I kinda hope he's-" (Me)

The guts of the baby-spider above me spill and land right on my head. I suppress the urge to vomit right on the spot.

"Nope, scratch that. He deserves death." (Me)

My gaze wanders around the battlefield.

Corpses and innards everywhere. Not a single spot is not glowing bluely in this dark, but usually green, forest.

The memory of me, playing with my parents in this forest comes up. The nostalgia makes me even more stressed than before since I can't even be sure anymore if Nith survived and can save my mother or father. Hell, I don't even know where my parents could be to save them myself.

Not that I have the strength left to search through the whole forest.

As their daughter, I hate the idea of any one of them dying, of course. That's only natural.

It's just that even with all the shite he has put me through, I still won't leave the back of my mind.

"Bloody hell, why am I even worried about him? I literally only know him for 8 days! Fucking suspension bridge effect!" (Me)

I try to raise my fist, but the exhaustion doesn't even let me form one.

"Save my parents, you wanker..." (Jess)

Suddenly, the already unmoving Arachmot starts throwing a fit again.

*SHRIIIIEEEEKKKK!!!!*

"And now even I am going to die. Great." (Me)

The wail makes my ears nearly burst once again, reminding me of the beginning of this failed battle.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Not only am I not going to find my parents, but even the guy who protected me died, and now I'm going to follow that wanker." (Jess)

The futility of any struggle takes over my survival instinct. In the end, I was even struggling to kill the baby spiders, let alone the full-grown version of them.

'I survived longer than I thought.'

When all this started, I was convinced I would die in the classroom Nith found me in. Getting a few weeks more out isn't a bad quota.

I lay down on my back, devoid of any strength. This shitty apocalypse can eat my ass.

More than sad, I feel angry at my own weakness. Maybe if I had trained more, I could've at least escaped.

It's too late for regret now. My mind wanders to the explanation about death Nith gave me when we slept over at my house. Each time I've been in danger these past few weeks, I somehow come back to this one thought.

'At least there's an afterlife.'

Now I can only wait to be sent to it. Soon, the damn spider will curl me up in a cocoon and dissolve me in its acid. I won't even have a funeral, now that I think about it.

Mundane thoughts fill my mind as soon as I started accepting death. About my old classmates, friends and other, distant relatives. Most of them should be dead by now.

"Fuck me..." (Me)

I will soon follow them.

"I don't want to die, damn it!" (Me)

But at that moment, the Arachmot turns on its back and the legs curl up. It died like any other spider died, with no apparent reason.

"...to be honest, a bit cliché to happen right as I said that. I will gratefully take it, though." (Me)

Suddenly, the head of the spider bursts into thousand pieces, and the biggest cunt in the whole universe comes flying out of it.

"I WANT TO BREAK FREE~!" (Nith)

His armor is completely burned and corroded to shreds, revealing his...

'Fuck it, I'm gonna say it.'

-impressive body and bulging muscles. Even though he only stands at approximately 1.80, his body looks better trained than most bodybuilders out there.

"I WANT TO BREAK FREEEE~!" (Nith)

"Please, I don't care who it is. Give me some mana so I can stab that twitbag a thousand times with this damned power." (Me)

Pieces of guts and liters of blood drop from him in massive amounts. There are generally only two things intact about him: The armor around his dick and some kind of ball he's holding in his hands.

I can't describe how grateful I am that he still kept his private parts private.

He kicks the huge corpse one last time and then starts searching for something.

"Ah! There you are!" (Nith)

He approaches me, limping since his leg is nearly torn off. It never fails to impress me how he can ignore such wounds so easily. I long figured out that it's most likely one of his skills working in his favor, but it's still a weird dissonance with reality.

"You bloody wanker." (Me)

"Not the nicest greeting but I'll take it." (Nith)

With every step he takes, I realize that my worries just get swept away with his fucking jokes. How he can make jokes in such a situation is still a mystery to me.

"What? Can't even get up because of mana exhaustion? Man, you really can't be-" (Nith)

"Just help me up, you dickhead." (Me)

He looks at me, with a blank expression.

"You want to be a gentleman, and everyone just insults you. What a world this is..." (Nith)

"Eat my ass." (Me)

"Is that an offer?" (Nith)

A few drops of blood drip on the floor, as he looks at me again, with a thrilled smile. Even if it's a life-threatening situation, he still seems like he's having the time of his life.

"Don't you smile at me like that. You're a fuckbag for leaving me alone and you know it!" (Me)

"Just one of my many charms." (Nith)

He picks me up in a princess carry as if he wouldn't know any way to carry me differently.

"You could just give me a piggyback." (Me)

He looks me deep in the eyes. Each time I see their emerald color, I try to remember anyone in our school having a similar shade of green, but I can't recall anyone with that feature. I'm sure that someone with black hair and shining eyes like that would have stood out.

"At this point, it's a tradition for me. And you're blushing as well, so it's proved its worth." (Nith)

As a matter of fact, I feel my face heating up a bit.

"You must be real glad to see me, huh?" (Nith)

"Fever due to mana exhaustion." (Me)

'Am not. It's barely been a few weeks. Suspension bridge effect. He nearly left you out to die.'

I continue to chant this like a mantra until this whole evening ends.

*

*

Nith P.O.V.

 

I feel Jess' thick legs in my hands and enjoy the feeling of my hands sinking into them, even with the momentary loss of consciousness every few seconds.

"Fever due to mana exhaustion." (Jess)

"More importantly, did someone already tell you that you have phenomenal thighs? I mean, the sheer volume of them-" (Me)

The scarlet face vanished, and now she looks at me like trash again.

'Sniff 'em'

'Ask yourself if it's the right mood for it.'

"Can we go and save my parents now?" (Jess)

My vision becomes black for a second, or several. Since I came out of the Arachmot, my consciousness has been hanging on a thread. If the adrenaline didn't pump through my veins with the force of a thousand suns, I wouldn't even be able to keep myself awake with the trickles of mana I'm forcing to move.

"We better do. I'm slowly starting to lose my consciousness, and if we don't use this sack of potent acid dangling under you soon, then it will become completely useless." (Me)

"Wait, what was that about "potent acid"?" (Jess)

I pour my last strength into my legs and jump on the highest tree in the vicinity. The cold air dances around my half-naked body, which immediately reminds me of the skirt I used to wear.

'I really don't want to wear a skirt ever again.'

"...Please don't let go." (Jess)

I can feel Jess's grip tightening around my neck, even though she barely had any strength left just a minute ago. It's a miracle how deep-rooted fears can help you overcome yourself.

"Ah, right. You were afraid of heights." (Me)

"...don't." (Jess)

In my opinion, she should've already learned that it's best to just be quiet in situations like these. I mean, what does she expect me to do now? I can't just leave the matter.

'Hehehehehe...'

'Hehehehe.'

I let my beaming smile shine as innocent as possible. I know that it won't look innocent at all but you gotta respect the effort.

"Please don't." (Jess)

"Oh nooooo, I think I'm losing consciousness again~!" (Me)

I lean forwards on the tip of the tree until the ground is directly below us.

She actually manages to move her arms more than before and she chooses her first move to choke me. Not really the best thing to do when I'm already light-headed due to literally having 60% of my blood drained. Usually, I'd be dead already.

"FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!" (Jess)

"Okay, ouch, my ears." (Me)

They don't really hurt, of course.

While relishing the fact that I'm an actual dickhead, I scan the forest for anything that might look like the Arachmot's web. The ropes of the Arachmot itself are actually pretty thick, so it isn't as hard as it should be to spot it.

To my right, I see multiple ropes in a peculiar order aligned.

I feel my legs already refusing to follow any of my orders, but with sheer, manly power I manage to stumble to the monster's den.

Every step makes my heart squeeze harder, trying to get the pitiful amount of blood to the places where it's most needed.

'Fuck, this mortal body is kinda getting in the way now.'

What would normally take me a minute at most, now demands several tens of minutes of tumbling and tripping to reach. To be honest, I can't remember most of the way as I'm still in a heavy daze.

My vision has long become so blurry that I can't rely on it. My other senses have to substitute, which makes this whole way an additional bit more uncomfortable than it already is.

Jess already opened her eyes again, but, except for her arms, she still can't move anything.

I see her mouth moving, but my senses can't really keep up anymore. I hear white noise, but nothing more.

The conscious intervals become less and less. With each second that passes, I become less sure if I'm still actually moving. It's like I'm moving through sand.

'Do it, faggot.'

'I'm emotionally very vulnerable right now, be careful.'

I reach the web. The multiple cocoons with multiple families inside them are the only thing that matters to me now. They're the only thing that stands between me and my well-deserved nap.

I see Jess's fingers move and the cocoons, which just now were still hanging inside the web, are slowly arranging themselves in front of me.

'To be honest, I don't have a fucking clue where she took the mana from, but that doesn't matter.'

I drop Jess off on the ground, quite rudely but that's what she gets for choking the shit out of me and ripping the ball of acid open. Carelessly, I pour it all over the mountain of hostages.

'Golden shower guys! Have fun with it!'

Slowly, multiple bodies get revealed, and with them, Jess's parents. The picture I had seen in their mansion must've been fairly recent as they don't look a day older.

"Welp, mission accomplished. A bedtime story would work wonders right now." (Me)

I fall backward on the oddly soft forest ground.

'I hope this compensates for at least some of the people that died because of me.'

Multiple faces flash before my eyes. Every single one of them died a long time ago. The people I saved here barely amount to a drop in an ocean in comparison.

"I don't feel so good, Jess." (Me)

Behind me, I hear her shouting.

"Don't you fucking dare become dust now!" (Jess)

I didn't really hear her, since my senses aren't working all that well, but I'm hoping she said that.

'She sure did, buddy.'

"Nice." (Me)

My eyelids slowly close. At this point, I'm not even sure if "Regeneration" can heal me quick enough to prevent me from dying. Would be a shame if I did.

"If I die, tell your parents I loved them." (Me)

I hear her shout something once more.

'She says, and I quote: "What the fuck!?" '

"I want to fuck your mom, Jess." (Me)

With that sentence, everything I accomplished everything I wanted to do.

I check if my "Regeneration" skill is working properly one last time, and then I blackout.