Chapter 6: Space Janitor, part 2

Space.

Endless abyss. Void of darkness with sprinkles of light fighting to not be snuffed out by the depthless black water.

But they will. One day. Soon enough.

All shall perish and return to the abyss.

For death is the natural state of the universe. Life is a perversion. A pathetic grasp for existence, of something that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

To live is to suffer. To grow old. To get sick. To hate. To fear.

Fear the unknown.

That’s the lie we tell ourselves.

For we do know death. She is our mother. Our lover. Our friend. Our oldest companion.

We know her better than we know ourselves. For she is always there in the corner of our eyes. Walking along with us in this thorny path called life. 

She is a kind mother who shakes her head at our vain attempt to cling to the realm of the living. But she’s never angry. She never punished us for our little games. She waits for us to finish our fun and bring us into her gentle embrace.

She is a kind mother. She is a sweet mother.

That’s why I hate her.

The dumb bitch!

The whore can’t even kill me properly back when I was a kid! When life was perfect! Before it all came crashing down!

When I grew up…

Into a manlet!

Goddammit!!!

“Hey, quiet down in there! Some of us are trying to sleep!”

An annoyed groan came from outside the bathroom stall. Hearing that, I quickly splashed my face with cold water to simmer down the rage in my heart.

I looked at the man in the mirror and sighed.

What an ugly bastard you are.

Short and ugly, the worst combo!

I dried my face with a clean towel. Blow-dried and styled my hair. Applied expensive cream on my face. Checked to see that there were no greens in my teeth. Put on some light perfume. And slapped my cheeks.

Smile! Smile, you ugly bastard! You look uglier when you frown!

Once I finished putting my face on, I got out of the stall to find myself in the VIP cabin of a commercial spaceship.

Sadly, I’m not high profile enough to get a private spacecraft assigned to me… yet.

I walked over to the only other person sharing my cabin. My travel companion. My partner in this mission.

“Kyle.”

“What?”

The sleeping man opened his tired eyes to stare daggers at me.

“Scooch over, that’s my seat!”

“Pick another one! The whole place is empty!”

The man referred to the rows upon rolls of empty seats on our flight.

We may not be high profile enough to get a private ship. But you damn sure we can rent one!

“Yeah, but…”

“Excuse me, great masters, may this humble one be of assistance?”

Seeing our little fight, the flight attendant came over to our aid.

I was embarrassed to show the beautiful woman my embarrassing side, so I quickly straightened myself and put my ‘charms’ on.

“Oh ho ho! Not at all, young miss! The two of us are simply discussing the details of our mission.”

The second the woman heard the word ‘mission’ came out of my lips, her eyes shone with admiration.

Yes! Hook, line, and…

“I humbly apologize, great ones! This servant doesn’t know her place. I shall take my leave.”

The cute flight attendant bowed her head before making her way out of the cabin. Out of sight, out of mind. The sound isolated door prevented any details of our ‘mission’ from leaking.

Shit.

“Puff! Bwa ha ha ha ha!”

“The fuck are you laughing at, four-eyes!”

This time it's my turn to glare hatefully at my travel companion.

“I haven’t worn glasses in years, casanova. Puff! Ha ha ha ha!”

“Laugh it up, asshole!”

I threw a fit before taking a seat across the aisle. I eyed hatefully at the man who took my seat. The best seat in the house.

The one that allowed me to look up girl’s skirts, whenever the sexy attendants walked over!

Hateful bastard!

You won’t even let me have this one thing!

“So do tell ‘great one,’ what detail of our mission would you like to discuss.”

“Fuck you, Kyle!”

My partner continued laughing for another solid minute before finally quieting down and laying back on his seat. My seat!

“Ha! But seriously, dude, just give it up. You’ve been doing this shit since we were kids.”

“Not true! Back then girls adored me! But they stopped when I stopped growing!”

“They stopped because you became out of reach, moron! Just put up a sign saying, ‘The great Level Four wizard, Jack, is looking for a lover.’ And women will kill each other to hop on your crotch!”

“Bullshit!”

“There’s really no helping you, is there?”

The man said with a depleted voice before putting on his eye mask and going back to sleep.

What does he know!? The handsome bastard!

Giraffes like him just don't understand the struggle of someone like me!

Someone who has to work tirelessly to increase his value in the dating market.

Someone who spends massive amounts of money every month on designer clothes, haircuts, and treatments just to barely pass as ‘average.’

Someone who achieved things most men can only dream of, just for girls to glance at him every now and then!

Fuck me!

Who was the asshole who said to pursue your career first, and women will follow?

Lying prick!

I looked out the window at the endless expanse of space and sighed.

Power.

Wealth.

Title.

Respect.

What was it all for, if you had no one to share it with?

God, either give me a girl or strike me down, I don't care anymore.

***

Our rank, Level Four.

Our mission, simple.

Headhunt promising youngsters to join our Order.

Kyle and I are nothing more than scouts, luring kids to join our exclusive club with the promise of wealth and power.

It sounds so wrong when you put it that way, but it’s the truth.

Kyle doesn't see the point of seeking talent when our Order already has a waiting list as long as the ocean is deep. But of course, there’s always the possibility of a diamond in the rough who couldn't afford a ticket to our homeworld.

Sometimes, I look at our travel bills and feel light-headed. Lucky for me, The Order paid for it all, plus accommodations.

It’s so good to have generous bosses. But I’m pretty sure they’re just cooking the books and taking a cut into their pockets.

Regardless, I actually enjoy the job. It’s easy, it’s safe, and most importantly…

It allowed me to come in contact with hot babes around the Galaxy!

Flight attendants, hotel staff, bartenders, maids, state officials, street vendors, you name it!

One day!

One day one of them will fall for my charms!

That's how the law of averages works, right?

There’s someone out there for everyone?

As long as I search far and wide, I ought to find a girl of my own.

So now we arrived here at a dingy little planet in the middle of nowhere.

“The fuck, you talking about? This dingy little planet is an important strategic point!”

“Okay, fine, whatever you say, nerd.”

God, all these military nerds are all the same. Talking about stuff like logistics and supply chains and resources management and shit.

“They’re all the same thing!”

“Shut up, Kyle!”

Our ship landed in a large bustling port town in the middle of endless farmlands. The place looks pretty enough. Kinda like one of those nostalgic farm life paintings you see hanging in old fogey’s house.

But we didn’t even get a chance to get used to stable grounds before the cavalry arrived.

Local high-profile wizards and government officials came to welcome us. And took us through the standard procedures of reception parties, photoshoots, pointless banter, high-class restaurants, and top hotels.

The possibility of experiencing what life's really like for the locals here never existed in the first place.

For we are fourth rank wizards from the Grand Order, the most powerful independent mage lounge in the Galaxy.

Our Order, houses hundreds of third rankers, dozens of fourth and fifth rank Masters, and three sixth rank Lords

To put that in perspective, our little exclusive club is as powerful as an empire.

More importantly, we’re filthy rich!

As The Order controls the Mana battery production in this region. Combine that with multiple banking institutions, industries, and companies we have a stake in.

Entire planets would starve to death if The Order so chooses.

Yup, we sounded evil as Hell.

But that’s just how business works, no hard feelings, yeah?

***

“Fucking Hell, why is it always so boring!”

I plopped down on the emperor-size bed in my suite. Hard to be impressed when it's always the same treatment wherever I go.

Just once, just one time, I wish they would drop me in a harem of naked ladies!

Why don’t I just hire some girls myself?

Come on dude, that’s just… 

It just feels wrong, okay!

Never mind, scratch the harem. I’ll go crazy if I don’t get out and breathe some fresh air!

Being on an alien planet, I needed someone to accompany me. So I banged on Kyle’s door.

“Go by yourself! You’re a grown man, aren’t you!?”

“My license is in the bag… it hasn’t arrived yet… They won’t sell me alcohol without one…”

“Bwa ha ha-”

I quickly cut the telecom to not listen to that asshole's mockery!

Moments later, the two of us flew into the city and tried to keep a low profile.

The locals here appear to be preparing for some kind of festival. Asking around, I found out that today is their local holiday. Something, something, about some mythical snake that swallowed the sun, or some nonsense like that.

I lost interest when I found out that the celebration doesn’t involve women in skimpy outfits.

Kyle and I just walked from stall to stall, buying random trinkets. Most of these shits are fake but who cares, it’s the enjoyment of spending money that counts!

That when I laid eyes on… him.

Tall.

Very tall. 

Very Handsome. 

Well built. Personable. Charismatic.

Every woman who walked past would look backward at him.

Every female street vendor would try to drag him into their store.

Every man who saw their girl swoon over him would grind their teeth in jealousy!

That man.

That hateful man.

That tall bastard!

“Is that guy a local celebrity or something?”

Kyle asked a rhetorical question as he ate some local street food. He smirked as he saw me grinding my teeth in jealousy at some random nobody in bumfuck nowhere!

I turned away from that hateful sight before heading down a different alleyway.

But then I saw him again! Walking aimlessly like a tourist.

And again. And again. And again.

No matter which path I took, he was there!

That hateful bastard just waltzed around like he owned the damn place, as every woman in the five-mile radius swooned over him!

“He’s mocking me! That bastard is intentionally mocking me!”

“Jack chill. The world doesn’t revolve around your short ass.”

“I can’t kill you… but I can kill him! No one would even find his corpse!”

I ground my teeth so hard, I had to use healing magic to prevent my teeth from falling off.

Kyle just looked at me and chuckled at my pettiness.

He may think I was joking, but at that moment I was dead serious!

I could disintegrate him into tiny particles!

I could make the ground split under his feet.

I could throw him into space.

I could even… make it look like an accident.

It would be so easy.

All I need is a…

Okay, this is insanity!

I’m going to assassinate some random bloke because he’s a bit good-looking?

If that’s the case then I should kill every celebrity and supermodel in the universe!

I shook my head and laughed in self-contempt. My obsession with looks has turned me into a monster. I really need to think beyond myself.

Take that man.

That enviable tall man.

I’m sure his life’s not all perfect either.

He may have looks, height, muscles, ladies, but… err… 

Ooh! Ooh! I know! He doesn’t leak mana outwards, that means he’s a Level Two at best!

And look at those clothes! Those dirty stinky old clothes. They belong on a farmhand.

So he’s a regular working-class guy who’s just a bit good looking, that's all!

And to think someone like me, me! got jealous of him!

What a fool I was. A petty old fool.

At that moment of self-realization, I heard the sound of fireworks above my head.

That's right, today's a holiday. A holy day.

I may not care for the local's beliefs, but I should be respectful enough to their culture and enjoy the show.

So I looked up and saw…

A burning spaceship coming right at me!

Huh.

What a strange way to celebrate.

It took me a few moments to realize that the burning ship crashing down to earth wasn’t part of the show.

If that thing landed on me, it would no doubt ruin my overpriced designer’s clothes.

I raised my hand in an attempt to stop the metal carcass.

Now, what should I do? 

Blow it away? Too messy.

Stopped its trajectory? Too lazy.

Help it land safely? Puff! Ha! What’s the point?

Okay then, disintegration it is!

Once I made up my mind I aimed at the falling ship, planning to use it as an outlet for all my anger and frustrations.

That’s when I saw… him.

That man.

That hateful man.

Creating a miracle.

What the flying fuck are you doing, asshole!?

Why!? Why in the world would anyone leap into a burning ship!? Do you have a death wish!? Do you!? Do you!?

His arm! It came off! If fucking came off like a toy!

I’m going to vomit!

I’m going to vomit and ruin my clothes and it's all your fault!

If you’re going to commit suicide then do it in a cleaner way, fool!

At least do it away from my eyes!

It’ll be murder if I destroy the ship now!

Goddammit!

I cast a spell to do the only thing I’m allowed to do at that moment. What that hateful man forced my hands to do.

Saving the day.

I created several barriers. Hundreds of them.

Some protect the buildings and the bystanders around me.

Some wrap themselves around the falling debris making them harmless as balloons.

Many broke the falling projectile impact. Make it slower. Slower. Slower still.

Lower its speed until it can land on the streets safely.

It’ll make a mess. The metal carcass would block the road and no doubt make traffic worse.

God, this is why disintegration is so much cleaner!

By the time the crisis was averted, I felt lightheaded as my vast amount of Mana was used up.

I grabbed my knee as I gasped for air, beads of sweat rolled down my pale face, making me uglier.

“You alright, Jack?”

“Stop standing over my head like a giraffe and check the ship!”

I prevented the nerd from healing me and had him rescue that man with a death wish.

What was he trying to do? Play hero?

Do you seriously think the ship would fall in the first place if anyone with Mana was alive in there?

Think, man, think!

I feel sick. My Mana tank is almost empty.

Some people ran up to check if I was alright. They gave me water, which I used to pour on my burning scalp. Fuck, my head hurts!

“Hey, found him!”

I took a deep breath, straightened myself up, before approaching the sound of my co-worker.

The guy specializes in fine magic control. He, a scalpel. I, a hammer. We complement each other more than either of us is willing to admit.

I made my way past the burnt remains of the ship’s passengers. Poor sods. Hope none of them live long enough to feel their skin melt away.

I walked next to Kyle who has an odd expression on his face. I followed his eyes and all blood ran out of my face.

I saw… them.

That man.

That enviable man.

He prevented me from becoming a child murderer.

I vomited right then and there.

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