Chapter 7: Space Janitor, part 3

I’m sitting on the sidewalk. My heavy, pounding head resting on my palms.

I’m not ill and my Mana started filling up some time ago.

But I’m sick. Sick to my stomach. Sick inside my head. Sick inside my guts.

I’m sick of my shortsightedness. Of my false pride. Of my arrogance. Of my foolishness.

I’m disgusted with myself.

I realized now that I’m not just ugly on the outside, but uglier within.

I almost killed a kid!

In my mind, I had already murdered him in cold blood. I was going to disintegrate him along with his ship.

I would never know what I had done.

I would have moved on with my life, not knowing I had committed an unforgivable act!

I tried to snuff out an innocent life.

But he saved me. He saved the kid. He saved all of us.

That man. 

That twisted charcoal-looking motherfucker!

I never knew living beings can look like that!

Kyle found him holding on to the kid for dear life. Using his body to protect the boy.

All his bones, ashes. All his tendons, cut. All his organs, burst. All his skin was scorched.

But the boy doesn’t have a single scratch on him!

Not one!

Crazy! Just, crazy!

That level of will. That level of Intent.

And to keep breathing despite being a mangled corpse!

I look at him, then at myself, and all I could do is hang my head in shame.

Bah! The great master of the Grand Order, my ass! 

What’s the point of rank? Title? Wealth? Power?

When you lost as a man.

Completely lost in every aspect that matters.

Kyle is healing him now. Using high-level spells to reconstruct his body. Even for Kyle, it mustn’t be easy to reconstruct organs or regrow flesh.

It takes more mental work than I could afford, that’s for damn sure.

So now I’m waiting to face… that man.

My stomach churned like I’m a kid sitting in front of the principal’s office. A disciple waiting for his master to grade his papers. A guy waiting for a late date.

I think I’m going to hurl again.

“It’s done.”

A familiar voice came from behind.

“How is he? The crazy bastard…”

“Sh-… He’ll live. I put… him… back the way he was. Guy’s got spirit, he should wake up soon.”

“Good… that’s good.”

I massaged the bridge of my nose before standing up. My knees are shaking, but I should face that man with the dignity and respect he deserves.

“Kyle… are good-looking people just built differently? Fucker didn’t even hesitate to use all his Mana to shield the kid.”

“Yeah… about that…”

“What is he anyway? Level Two!? He’s weak compared to us, but I lost to him on every front.”

I lifted my face to see a very strange look on my co-workers face. It’s like he’s not sure whether to laugh or cry.

“What?”

“He’s Level Zero.”

My ears heard his voice, my eyes read his lips, but my brain refused to interpret the message.

“Level One… that weak, huh?…”

“Level Zero.”

“H- He must’ve been one of those guys who peaked in school and avoided self-cultivating r- right? Probably spends too much time partying and screwing around... right? Right!?

“Zero. Zip. Na Dah. Not a spec of Mana.”

“Z- Zero.”

“Yup, Zero. Absolute Zero. Lower than One, Zero. No chance of cultivation, Zero. Potential-less, Zero. No Mana, Zero.”

That man.

That enviable man.

“He’s Level… Zero.”

Zero. Level Zero. The realm of toddlers and…

Cripples.

And to think just moments before, I thought I couldn't hate myself any further.

***

The resting man looks like he’s having a really sweet dream. Hard to imagine that he just went through near-death and resurrection.

I saw it all happen and I could barely believe it.

No one would ever believe my story. About him. About his heroic feat.

Because it’s simply impossible.

A cripple creating miracles by his sheer force of will. By his unyielding Intent.

What a man.

What a man’s man.

The sheer size of his balls!

The absolute unit!

Can I hire him as my life coach? He shouldn’t be doing anything much on this planet right?

Judging by his clothes and shabby haircut. No.

So that settles it!

I’ll offer him a job, have him as my entourage, take him off this dingy little planet, and pay him more in a month than he could ever make in a lifetime!

And in return… he could teach me the path of manliness!

How to be a man! A man’s man! A ladies’ man!

*Ahem*

I’m getting ahead of myself again.

Who knows, maybe the guy’s got a loving family here and doesn’t want to go.

Gotta wait for him to wake up first.

Kyle and I took the resting man back to our hotel.

That sounds dirtier than it is, I swear!

There’s no ID on him, no contact information. Plus, Kyle had already healed him far better than any local hospital could.

As for the boy? 

The authorities already took him in. Poor kid lost his mother today. But he’ll live. He’s young. He’s got an entire future ahead of him.

Now that all the excitement is behind us, I finally had time to study the sleeping man’s face.

He’s handsome. Hatefully so.

Guy’s got one of those underwear model eyebrows. The ones that’s so thick and hang so low they almost overlap his eyes.

His well defined cheeks led down to his sharp jawline with naturally red lips women would kill to kiss.

His messy sun bleached hair and sun licked skin just makes him look more exotic and add to his manly charms.

And of course, his athletic body just completed the package.

Guy’s a heartthrob.

I wonder how many hearts he’s broken, thus far.

He may be a cripple but I’m sure many women would want to keep him as a kept husband anyway.

Lucky bastard.

Enviable bastard.

Pitiful bastard.

God gave you looks, but took your powers away. It’s almost like a practical joke.

I saw movement under his eyelids.

The man is waking up now.

When he does…

I’ll apologize to him.

I’ll reward him for his bravery.

I’ll offer him the opportunity of a lifetime.

I’ll treat him as an equal. As a friend.

So wake up. Wake up and have your world changed forever.

The man slowly lifted his thick eyelashes. His amber eyes swam around, unfocused. His mind was scattered in hundreds of directions. His heavy arms lifted, searching for something.

I got closer.

The man grabbed me and hugged me tight!

“There, there, little boy, it’s okay now, big bro is here. I’ll keep you safe.”

Fuck it.

Let’s kill this son of a bitch!

***

“Make a wish, any wish at all, and I’ll grant it to you. Wealth. Power. Land. Say it and you’ll receive it.”

“My wish? But my lord, I… I dare not say…”

“Dare not? Dare not!? Do you know who it is you’re talking to! Do you think someone as great as I, can’t make your lousy desires come true!?”

“I do not mean to offend my lord! But my wish… my desire… is simply too grand to make real… someone such as I… could not hope to obtain it!”

“Speak! Speak, and I shall determine that for myself!”

“I… I wish… I… I wish to become a space janitor!”

The handsome man before me cried out before banging his face on the floor. The man bowed so low he was crawling on his knees as if he’s praying to a petty god.

That petty god… is me.

I looked at the pathetic figure crawling at my feet and thought…

Oh no, he’s retarded.

This tall asshole is completely insane!

His greatest wish is to become a janitor?

Are you fucking kidding me!?

And look at him, floundering beneath the sole of my shoes like a worm!

A pathetic worm.

A large pathetic worm.

An overly good looking worm!

Fuck, I want to kick that pretty face of his so badly!

“Jack, come on, don’t bully the poor guy.”

My longtime friend and coworker gave me the stink eyes, as if I’m the one who forced the insane man to his knees.

“But he's the one who…”

“Jack, no excuses!”

“H- He started it!”

Kyle pulled me out the door, away from the earshot of the crawling man.

“Space janitor. It’s gotta be a joke right!? That bastard is making fun of me!”

“Jack… did you forget who he is? ‘What’ he is?”

That's right.

That man. That hateful man is a…

“There aren't many career opportunities for a cripple, Jack. What to you, sounded like a joke, is a castle in the clouds for someone like him.”

“…”

“You were born lucky. Him… not so much. So have a heart, won’t you?”

I listened to my friend’s words and felt a splash of cold water on my head.

Am I really that out of touch with reality? Do people really prefer janitorial work over money and land?

But then I think of how expensive planetary travel costs, and it all made sense.

Yup, I really am that out of touch.

Fuck me.

I really am the bad guy here.

“Kyle, can you hit me in the head really hard once?”

My friend raised his hand and ruffled up my hair.

“I’m not the one you should apologize to, shorty.”

I glared at him before blowing air out my nostrils.

“I don’t have any stocks in space-liners so… guess he’ll have to make do, scrubbing my toilets.”

“Lucky you, finally got yourself a g… new friend.”

We returned to inform the man of his new employment, this time I dropped the high and mighty act.

He didn’t.

Guy’s still a complete pushover. What years of low self esteem does to a man.

“Thank you! Oh, thank you great masters! I- [Sniff] I swear you won’t regret it. I dedicate my life to serve you as best I could! [Sniff!]”

Seeing a handsome bastard crying tears of joy as snot ran down his nose was a strange experience.

There’s this strange ticklish sensation in my chest.

But when he tried to kiss my shoes with his snot-filled face I ended up kicking him anyway.

Fucking disgusting!

*Smack*

“Ouch! What was that for!”

I turned around to the man who slapped my head all of a sudden.

“Never raise your hand to a la… an employee, moron!”

“He started it!”

And with that response, I got punched square in the jaw.

My assailant cracked his fists before helping the crying man up.

“We haven’t introduced ourselves have we? I’m Kyle. That tiny dumbass is Jack. We’ll be in your care in the future.”

“This lowly one is Marianne masters, but please call me Annie!”

My ear heard his words, my eyes read his lips, but my brain refused to interpret the message.

“What a weird name for a man. I’ll just call you Marl, it fits you better.”

“I’m happy with whichever name you choose, master Jack!”

“Call me boss.”

“Yes boss!”

“Call me sire.”

“Yes sire!”

“Call me handsome Jack.”

“Yes handsome Jack!”

“Bark three times and roll around the floor.”

“Woof! Woof! Woof!”

With that command, Klye broke my nose and knocked out half my teeth.

“…Master Jack is fine…”

And with that, the three of us became acquainted.

Marl’s a strange one that’s for sure. He’s like an overly excited dog that does everything to please its master. The second he stopped crying, the guy moved around the hotel room, cleaning every spec of dust.

The bedsheets, pressed. The toilet, scrubbed. The floor, shoned. Corners, tooth-brushed. Curtains, cleaned. Our bags which arrived late were unpacked. Clothes were professionally pressed and hung neatly.

The high class suite which was clean before now sparkles. Even the very air somehow became cleaner.

And he did it all without Mana! Just Intent! Holy shit!

“We searched for diamonds and found gold, haven't we?”

Kyle glanced at our new janitor… You know what? I'll just have him be my personal butler, it’s more fitting.

Kyle looked right at our brand new butler with a gleam in his eyes. His mind, no doubt, thinking about… 

Her.

His girl.

The Level Zero who has his heart.

Tch! Lucky bastard! All of them can drop dead and explode for all I care!

But no, seriously, a cripple who could do menial tasks just as good as anybody else. That’s a game changer if I ever saw one.

“Hey Marl, what did you do before we hired you? How did you live up to this day?”

“I worked on a farm, master. My very generous boss, Mr. Ross, gave me simple tasks like chopping wood, cleaning the pig pen, and carrying boxes around.”

“Chopping wood!? Carrying? How strong are you?”

“I’m weaker than a child master. But with enough grit, I can get the job done. Mr. Ross tends to yell at me for being slow, though.”

“I see…”

I glanced over at Kyle. He looked as if he wanted to drop everything and take Marl to meet his girl, who can’t even chew food properly. The giraffe was practically salivating. Creepy four eyes.

After that Kyle did most of the questioning. About how he grew up. His daily routine. His work. What he does differently to other cripples.

His answer was surprising.

The man believes that he is naturally strong and other things simply follow. He never doubted that he could chop wood, or scrub the floor, or any other labor, therefore he did.

The man successfully brainwashed himself into believing that he was normal, and his Intent reflected that.

No. He never met any other cripple before, so he has no idea how to live otherwise.

Was that all it takes? Ignorance?

Crazy! That’s just crazy!

That’s like a comatose patient thinking, ‘All right, it’s time to wake up now.’ And they just did.

No wonder, he’s so fucked up in the head!

“Kyle, you know we still have a job to do right?”

“I do.”

Those words seeped out of his teeth.

“And you understand that we still have other planets to visit first before going home right?”

“Yes.”

He was biting his teeth so hard, I heard the sound of them shattering.

“And you understand that he may not be able to help Doris, right?”

“We don’t know until we try!”

“Here’s hoping, dude. Here’s hoping.”

I patted the man in the back, before walking over to my brand new butler.

He’s tall.

Very tall, very handsome, very annoying to look at.

But those clothes! That hair!

They insult my fashion sense!

Fuck it!

If he’s my subject, then he gotta dress the part! Even if he’ll absolutely outshine me!

Who knows, with him and Kyle walking next to me, maybe I’ll benefit from the cheerleader-effect!

It’s makeover time bitches!

***

I regret everything.

I truly regret everything.

But it's too late to go back now.

“Master Kyle, I don’t think this skirt fits me, and these sleeves are a bit too tight.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Shorty over there always wanted a cute personal maid!”

“I dare not describe myself as ‘cute’ master.”

“Chin up Annie, don’t be so down on yourself.”

“No disrespect master Kyle, but I’m simply stating  the fact. These clothes are too good for the likes of me.”

“Look, if you’re that uncomfortable then it’s fine to just wear a suit.”

“Really master!? Something as expensive as that on my lowly self!?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Think of it as a uniform. Your employer here will pay for it, right Jackie boy?”

I regret everything.

My life. My hopes and dreams. My very existence.

I turned over to the female store manager who’s salivating over my new… butler… and sigh.

Fuck it!

“Close the store! Call in the seamstress! Bring over the stylist! The manicurist! Everyone! We’ll take everything!! You hear me!!? Everything!!!”

I asked God for either a girl or death.

I wish I would’ve just asked for death.

——————————