It's been a month since Fielune - or Fiel, as she made me call her, started teaching me her language, and I was already able to understand it well enough to have a casual conversation with her. Although I needed a notebook to write on so I could talk, which quickly proved to be burdensome.

Witnessing my speedy progress, Fiel happily complimented my linguistic ability, though her skinship wasn’t as excessive as before - after the incident on the first day.

Occasionally, she would reach for my head on reflex, but then would hurriedly retract her arm, her face apologetic and sad. She did it often enough, to the point where I began to feel uncomfortable.

It was good that she no longer tried to hug or pet me and generally treat me like a child, but at this point I wouldn’t be against letting her do that just once, if it meant she would stop feeling guilty. I didn’t slap her hand away on purpose anyway. It was just bad timing - right after that despicable man had done those horrible things to me, and so I was mentally drained at the time.

×

"Fiel, can't they heal my throat? I want to speak." I showed her a piece of paper with my writings on it during one of our lessons.

"Well, I'm afraid that would be difficult with your current state." Fiel said apologetically.

"Why? They healed my other injuries without problems."

"...Do you know the principle behind [Heal]?" She asked.

"No."

"Well, [Heal] doesn't mean 'to make your injuries magically disappear', but rather 'to stimulate and accelerate the body's natural regeneration ability'. So when a mage casts it on you, the spell just makes your cells regenerate at a much faster pace. 

"So what I'm indicating is that the process relies heavily on your constitution, as in it takes away a lot of energy from your own body. Did you notice that your injuries were never healed completely?"

Yes. I nodded.

"That's because you are too weak for us to treat them fully. And they're only the simple injuries on the outside. Your throat, on the other hand, is a different story. Due to the fact that it is a complex part of your body and that you keep damaging it on a regular basis, if we ever try to heal your throat, you'll simply die from exhaustion." 

"So unfortunately, what you're asking is impossible - at least for now." Fiel said sternly.

"Tsk." And whose fault is that? I stared at her grudgingly.

Seeing me like that, she quickly lost her sternness. Replaced by a look of guilt, she dropped her shoulder. "Oh...I'm sorry." Then she sat in silence, her eyes downcast.

At that point, the metal door opened, and two guards walked in. "Time for injection." They said curtly, grabbing my arm, slapping a handcuff on my wrists and then dragged me away. They had stopped putting me to sleep, probably because I no longer had the ability and desire to resist them.

"Uh-um… There will be a surprise waiting for you when you come back, so look forward to it, okay?" She hurriedly called after me as I left the room.

×

"... I'm sorry. For not being able to do anything for you. Any of you." Fielune quietly muttered to herself when she was the only one left in the empty room.

×

When I woke up, I saw Fiel sitting beside my bed with a few rolls of bandages. It was revealed to me not long ago that she was the one who would always bandage me everyday from the start. The healers, on the other hand, would never do such a thing. 

But what is she doing here now? I wondered. It should've been noon at the moment, when she should be having lunch somewhere else. And our lessons shouldn't continue until the afternoon.

As I slowly sat up, rubbing my scarred wrists that were itching, something was shoved inside my mouth.

"Gah!" What the… Startled by the unknown substance, I almost gagged. But then…I felt something. Something strange…yet familiar at the same time, wrapping around my tongue. A feeling that I once possessed, but had long forgotten. I couldn't figure out what it was, yet it was overwhelming me, causing my emotions to go haywire.

"Is it good? The curry rice is kinda cold now though." Fiel said, then looked away to pick something up. "There's bread too. Here, open your mou…Ehhhh??? What? What's wrong?" Fiel suddenly panicked as she looked up and saw me stiff as a rock, face covered in tears.

*Sniff* *Hic* “Ugh…” I…What is this? W-Why can’t I stop crying? I hurriedly tried to wipe away the tears that kept coming with both my hands. It’s just curry rice! Why am I crying because of curry rice???

While I was bawling my eyes out, Fiel sat troubled, her head alternating between looking at me and her hands. Her arms kept raising and lowering, seemingly hesitant to do what their owner intended to have them do. However, after thinking for a while, she firmly slapped her cheek, her face showing resolve and determination.

I was suddenly embraced, and the scent of lilac caressed my nose - it was way stronger than before this time. But I didn’t feel suffocated. It was calming, rather.

Then I felt my hair being caressed. My body shook as I braced for the inevitable flood of painful memories. But then I heard Fiel’s voice in my ears. “It’s okay, it’s okay… I won’t hurt you. I’m here to help, so don’t be afraid. Just put your weight on me and don't try to bear it alone."

Strangely, my skin didn’t crawl. My breath wasn't short. I didn’t feel nauseous, and neither was there the usual urge to vomit. Unlike the man’s rugged, malice-filled hand, Fiel’s felt smooth, gentle and full of genuine kindness. It reminded me of my mom and dad - who I had accepted that I would never be able to meet again. 

Slowly, I leaned forward, resting my head on her chest as I hung onto her shirt and cried.

In the end, it took me a few more minutes to calm down. But as a result, I felt alleviated, as if a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.

Seeing that my condition had stabilised, Fiel breathed in relief and explained: “Your taste bud hadn’t been active for months, so the sudden stimulation just made it go into shock temporarily. Everything will be alright soon.”

*Sniff* “Mm.” I nodded as she wiped my eyes and nostrils.

However, when she gave me another spoon of rice, I began to shake uncontrollably as I tried to hold back my tears from bursting out again. So Fiel - taking advantage of the fact that I was no longer resisting her, hugged me from behind, one hand petting my head as she fed me the rest of the meal with her other hand.

I spent the entirety of that night rolling around in my mattress and biting my blanket, unable to sleep due to shame.