We haven’t had much of a chance to do this lately. Sitting on the bed, having light conversation before going to sleep. I got away from my “duties” a bit earlier than usual thanks to Karine’s plans going to the next phase, I guess. Didn’t really feel like training more after all those talks, either.

I can’t get over the dreadful feeling that they’ll end up expecting more of me than they say they do. Plans rarely go exactly as you wanted them to! Sure, I could, maybe, possibly, hold my own against regular soldiers now. I’m not very confident, but hey, it’s definitely possible. No way to be sure, though. Practice fights aren’t like the real deal!

The big question is, however… What if that summoned hero shows up? Karine keeps saying they’ll stop him by disrupting the transporter network, but I’m not convinced that’ll be enough. I have some ideas but they need more work. I’m running out of time!

“What is the matter?”

Oh, oops. It shows on my face! I guess I’m more tired than I thought.

“Well, you know. Karine keeps piling things on me. She expects me to play a heroine, but I can’t even train in peace. She still says I’m needed the most in the prepping stage, but I’m not so sure I’ll get out of this thing without a fight.”

She places her hand over mine and smiles. It’s so warm.

“They can only expect you to do your best.”

I sigh and lower my head onto Avilia’s lap. “Sure, in Karine’s and Vaqelin’s case. But the others don’t know I’m not a ‘summoned hero.’”

Avilia strokes my head. It’s comforting, somehow.

“That is not your fault. You did not claim to be anything. Karine made the claim, showed them something that could be construed as proof, and they chose to believe her. And then they managed to convince even greater numbers of people. It is all on them, not you. All they can expect is for you to do your best.”

She’s right, of course. I never said I’m a ‘hero’ of any sort, summoned or otherwise. I’m just someone who got lucky. But they don’t see it that way. They’d probably think I somehow managed to lie to Karine and made her believe I’m something I’m not if they found out now. And if I objected… I’d be just as much a target as I’m now, but without any protection.

A real lose-lose situation if I ever saw any. At least this way, I’ll get some perks.

“It’s not like I made them reconsider it, either. But you’re right. This is all because Karine’s moving so fast.”

“Her haste is understandable. The longer we linger, the more time the royals have to come back with an even greater force. Whoever sent those guards must have started to get suspicious over the lack of reports by now. It has been a week, after all.”

“Right. I guess postponing things just so I could train a bit longer wouldn’t necessarily be a good idea.”

Avilia nods. “It is simple. The longer they have, the greater the risk of them recalling their armies.” A short pause. “I am just surprised by how quickly Karine could put her plans into motion. If I did not know better, I might think she had everything prepared beforehand.”

I snort. “She probably did.”

“Indeed. She probably did.”

“I just hope she’s prepared for the chance things don’t go the way she’s planned them.”

“We can only hope. She does not seem like the type to leave her plans half baked.”

“True.”

Thanks Avilia. I feel a lot less anxious now.

“But, you know.”

“What?”

“There is something you seem to have not considered at all.”

“And what might that be?”

“We still could just leave.”

“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t thought of that. If we did that, they’d still think I’m a summoned hero, wouldn’t they? I’d have to deal with potential assassins and stuff on my own.”

“Only for as long as we are in this country. It is not the only place in this world. In other countries, you would just be a typical nobody. We could start over anywhere else.”

Oh… I didn’t really consider that. It’s not like this country has global reach.

“Wouldn’t that mean leaving everyone to their fates, though?”

“Yes. Once they would find out you have fled, it is likely the current course of action the rebellion is taking would become unviable. The rebellion could even collapse entirely.”

Another sigh. “I couldn’t let that happen. They deserve better.”

After a few moments, Avilia breaks the silence. “Maybe you are more of a heroine than you think you are.”

“Funny.”

“I mean it. No matter how you see yourself and what you are doing, I would not be as ready to help these people as you are. Also, I would have declined the opportunity the very moment Karine presented it and said she must be mistaken and her proof means nothing. I would not have considered her standing at all. It is she who brought it on herself.”

“You think they would’ve believed me?”

“I do not think it matters. In fact, who cares if they would have thought you are a coward? It is not like they could have stopped us from leaving without taking a chance, proving that you are probably not a summoned hero in the process. And then, what would they have gained from telling their people someone who left is a summoned hero? That information would have probably stayed in that room.”

Right. Sure. Just saying thanks but no thanks and leaving immediately. That too was an option. But that would’ve meant ruining Karine’s reputation with the rebellion and leaving everyone behind.

It didn’t really sit well with me. It would’ve been a lot easier for me and Avilia, but…

… Dammit. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’ve just been rationalizing my morals and sense of justice? All these people want is a better life without kings and the nobility who’ve had a stranglehold on the rest of society for centuries and to stop the indiscriminate slaughter of innocent beastfolk.

If what they needed to give more people the courage to rise up was the vague notion of a ‘summoned hero,’ of a god’s blessing for their struggles, who was I to say no?

Yes. It just wouldn’t have felt right to do anything else, even if it means risking my own neck. And I’m helping by just being here. And hell, what they want to replace the monarchy with doesn’t sound too bad. Some kind of representative democracy, isn’t it?

She shrugs. “But I am also not exactly human. I do not feel the kind of kinship with them as you might.”

“They think I’m an elf too, remember?”

“Yes. But you do not actually consider yourself any different from them, do you?”

She’s got me there. They might call me an elf, but I know I’m still human. Honestly, that doesn’t mean the rejection of my humanity isn’t painful. In her case… The fact that they call her an elf makes her feel more like an outsider. Like she’s not one of them and is never going to be one of them.

I don’t know how she handles it.

I turn over and hug her by the waist. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Oh… I’m falling asleep...

-*-*-*-*-*-

Another dream.

I’m in a desolate wasteland. I’ve never seen it before, not even in my earlier dreams. A completely new location. It seems to be surrounded by sheer cliffs on all sides. It doesn’t feel natural. Something must’ve created it. It’s permeated with magic.

Before me, there are seven vaguely human shapes. Like in all my earlier dreams, I can’t quite say what they look like. As if they’re being distorted by some sort of interference.

I feel like an ant beside them and they completely ignore my presence. They seem to be arguing over something. I can’t quite tell what the argument is about. The meaning of the words elude me. The argument feels rather one sided.

One of them against six.

Six and one.

Something about the one feels familiar.

The one seems to plead while the six seem increasingly agitated. Angry, even. They aren’t being persuaded by its words.

Quite the opposite.

They scream profane-sounding words at it. I don’t understand them, but I feel their meaning. They don’t want to hear it speak anymore. They want it gone from their presence.

They attack it like ravenous beasts. It doesn’t understand this reaction. The six tear into its flesh and it shrieks in pain.

Before they manage to land a killing blow, it disappears.

The six turn.

They stare at me. Their forms clear. I was wrong. They don’t look human at all.

Horror fills my core. I want to flee, but I can’t move. I can never move in these dreams.

I wake in cold sweat.

Avilia’s fallen asleep. My head’s still on her lap.

I sit up.

That was the closest of these dreams to a nightmare. Why am I having them?

No time to think about it too hard. Save the data and prepare for the day.