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I pushed myself out into the brisk morning air.
The heavy, wooden inn door slipped shut behind me; its soft creaking sound melded in with all the other morning commotion. I shook my head, running a hand through my hair as the breeze whipped at my skin.
Walking out onto the cobblestone road, a yawn crept up from my throat. Suddenly, my eyelids felt heavy and I teetered, the world spinning with my tiredness. The dull ache on my skull was still there, yelling at me to sleep every step of the way.
I stepped backward and leaned my head back, supporting myself on the wooden wall of the inn. Gravity pulled me down, beckoning my body to rest. But when my eyes slipped shut, it was anything but restful. Sharp, skewed images of a dark forest split by flaring tongues of golden light scorched themselves onto my eyes.
My body shook, jolting to life as the memories reminded me of their existence. Despite the morning air, slowly warming as the world woke up, I shivered and slammed my eyes back open.
A beam of sunlight glinted in my vision. I jerked my head backward. Squinting, I shrugged off the light and looked toward the sun. Soft, warm yellow rays blanketed the town, stretching over the winding roads as if trying to find a foothold so the sun could pull itself up.
Another yawn rose up but I stifled it. Tiredness came back, too, but it didn’t last very long. The sound of a phantom crack echoed against my skull and I didn’t even have to close my eyes to see the images again.
I pushed myself off the inn’s walls and shook my head. With sharp fear and my increasingly jarring movements, I was becoming more and more alert. And with the sun’s light stretching out to kiss my face, the tiredness was fleeing away little by little.
My metal boots scraped against the cobblestone as I dragged my feet forward. The uncomfortable sound made me wince as I remembered the still-dirty uniform I was wearing was the same one from last night. A shiver raced down my spine and I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to quicken. Even the mention of last night hurt, igniting the burns in my mind where the images were seared in place.
Seconds after I shuddered, I felt something shudder inside me as well. In the back of my mind, something stirred, shifting uncomfortably as I did my best to walk through Farhar’s streets.
I hunched my shoulders and stared ahead, trying to find peace in the way the wind cascaded over me and the town around me. Beside me, small wooden buildings flew by silently, a stark contrast to when I’d first entered the town. In fact, almost everything seemed to fly by silently as I went along my walk. Or, at least it was as silent as I could see the town getting at all.
With only the edges of sunlight warming the air, it was the perfect time of morning. It was just after even the most sleepless of drunks would’ve passed out somewhere, but still before when anyone in their right mind would get up.
A grin spread across my lips as I walked. I enjoyed the quiet. And with the pounding headache that was only now starting to fade, I enjoyed it even more than normal. Despite my sleepless night—all the tossing and turning spurred on by the ever-present fear—I was happy to be awake. The town was quieter now than it had been even in the dead of night.
My body ambled, moving on automatic as I followed the twisting roads. I didn’t pay attention to my direction. I didn’t pay attention to the signs. I just paid attention to putting one foot in front of the other and staying the hell awake.
After a time of just walking, my eyes started to wander. Even though I’d been in Farhar for multiple days, I was still in awe when I gazed upon it. The basic wooden houses with the flat, sweeping roofs. The standard shops with intricate and exaggerated signs. The winding streets that seemed to lead both everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Something about it all was just… special. It interested my eyes to no end, and each new time I took a breath of the magic-tinged air, energy fluttered in my lungs and put a smile on my face.
Behind my eyes, I could feel wonder as well. But this wonder wasn’t mine. Or, it didn’t feel like mine entirely. Unlike mine, this wonder was uneasy. It was as if whatever being used my eyes to satisfy its curiosity was still coming out of its shell, still testing the waters of my mind.
And so I walked on like that as the morning stretched on. Before I knew it, the single heartbeats I’d been living on bled into seconds that bled into minutes not long after.
By the time I’d come to Farhar’s town center, I’d been walking for an hour at least. My brain didn’t mind. My legs, however, were a different story.
As I walked on, step after step on the slightly uneven road that probably hadn’t been updated in decades, my legs felt like anchors. As clarity returned to my mind and the sun’s piercing heat stung at my neck, I couldn’t ignore the pain I still felt in my bones. They still hurt from the destruction of the terror’s source. And after all, I still hadn’t gotten any rest since then.
My breathing quickened and I blinked rapidly, trying to remove blur from my vision. But every time I did, the images would flash in my mind and I’d cringe, desperate to push them away.
A gust of wind blew over me and despite the moderate air, it reminded me of freezing cold. I shuddered, physically unable to stop myself. Only a few moments later, something stemming from the very back of my mind did the exact same thing.
Images flashed in my mind, more clear than before. The darkness. The forest. The roaring flames. I winced in pain, splitting my eyes as wide as they could go. But my vision just shifted, finding darkness in the light and tracking every shadow I saw.
I focused on myself, on my body instead of my mind. My hand fell to my side and gripped the hilt of my blade, trying to focus on its feel. Soft sounds of the town swirled around me, but I couldn’t focus on any of it. Dull aches cut through my muscles and I winced, trying not to focus on the pain.
But through my still too-tired haze, even that wasn’t enough. None of it was enough to stop the memories from coming on and before I knew it, I was plunged into darkness again.
The distant, ghostly ache rippled through my body and my eyes drooped.
Dark, twisting trees flashed in my vision exactly as they had the night before. I’d walked forward, trudging farther and farther into the piercing cold as what was left of the blazing flames receded behind us.
My arms had ached and strained as I’d carried the weight of Tiren’s body. He’d coughed and grumbled, slipping in and out of consciousness in my arms. Occasionally, his eyes had opened for longer and he’d searched my face before trying to spring out of my reach. The realization that the task he’d wanted to complete wasn’t very possible with his cold, stiff muscles hadn’t sat well with him at the time.
As we’d pushed closer to the treeline, I’d found myself glancing back often. Even from what had felt like a million paces away, I’d always been able to see the golden flames. I’d always been able to see them slowly dying as they burned down the last of the source.
At the time, I’d been worried about the fire spreading. Next to the source, the entire world had been heat, and I hadn’t wanted the seemingly insatiable flames to consume the whole rest of the forest.
I’d been reassured quickly on that though after Mayin had been able to speak again. She’d been the one to make the flames, and she’d known how they worked. Apparently, the flames that she’d set were ingrained with a purpose and had been quick to burn.
That’s what she’d told me, at least. But that hadn’t stopped me from worrying.
“She did it right,” Nesrin had grumbled, respect lining her tone. Mayin had smiled at that, nodding as she settled back in Cas’ arms.
“That’s why she incurred total soul drain,” Cas had added. “It’s a good thing she didn’t push herself further than that.” Her words had piqued my interest then.
After Cas had said those words, nobody else in the group had commented. Everyone had understood. Everyone except me. And as my question had risen up, I hadn’t been able to stop it from coming out.
“Total soul drain?” I’d asked. I’d gotten multiple strange looks for that, especially from a frustrated Myris who’d been carrying Rian’s body.
“Soul drain,” Cas had repeated, her expression unchanging.
I’d had to stop myself from scoffing, opting for clarification instead. “I’m not a mage.”
If I’d gotten weird looks for my first question, then that had gotten me glares. Particularly, from across the group, Myris had stared at me sidelong with distaste curled on his lips.
“You really don’t know what soul drain is?” Nesrin had asked, staring down at me condescendingly.
My hand had fallen by my side then, making sure my sword had been close. It had been all I could do to stop myself from cursing her out in my tired and annoyed state. Instead, I’d just kept up with the truth and shaken my head.
Nesrin had glared at me, searching my face for any hint of foolery. But I hadn’t given any.
Eventually, she’d given up and just sighed. “Well, this is as good of a thing as any to pass the time, I guess.”
I’d nodded. I’d felt validation for that.
“Soul drain is what we call it when a mage uses their magic a lot,” she’d said, staring at me to make sure I’d understood. “The soul is what manipulates energy to your will, but it can only take so much before it needs rest. Total soul drain then, naturally, is when your soul has taken all it can.”
After explaining, Nesrin had rolled her wrist at me and turned back to the front. We’d continued in silence for a while. But even then, her explanation had rattled around in my head, bouncing on my skull and forming questions as it went.
As soon as the next long silence had struck, a particular one had taken hold.
“What happens if you push further than that?”
At that, Nesrin had frozen. She’d shot me a glare that still burned my skin now, and the words she’d said next had been stuck in my head ever since.
“You don’t.”
The darkness around me receded and I shook my head. The thin layer that was left of intrusive memories wavered and I pushed it away.
Sunlight stung my eyes; I winced, breathing heavily. I took a long breath, slowing the pace of my feet somehow still beating against the cobblestone streets. The sound of pounding blood faded from my ears and the shots of cold steel I’d experienced last night faded away along with it.
I shivered and rolled my neck, relishing in tiny moments of relief. My eyes drooped a bit, but they didn’t stop me from smiling. The memory was over, and I was happy that the images didn’t flash each and every time that I blinked anymore.
A sigh slipped from my lips as I stretched out. My left arm reached into the air but I was surprised to find my right hand curling weirdly as I tore it from its grip on my sword. A chuckle built up in my throat, but I stifled it before it became too loud. I’d had my hand on my sword that whole time.
That whole time, I realized, of some unknown length. I had no idea how long I’d been walking now and, looking around, I had no idea where I was.
Softly, I cursed under my breath as my eyes glided over the houses around me. The practical wooden houses with ancient, cracked stone foundations peppered my vision, making up almost all the buildings around me. The rest of the space, however, was occupied by trees as Farhar’s border with the forest became fuzzy again.
With my smile softening, a sound registered in my ears. Suddenly, I felt a twitch in the back of my mind and the presence that I’d become accustomed to over the past few months felt greater than it ever had before.
“Is it… is it really…”
A woman’s voice lilted to my ears, soft and broken. I furrowed my brows and turned on my heel, the presence in my mind starting to burn white-hot. I felt that it was burning but in an almost familiar way, it didn’t hurt.
When I whipped my head around, the brown-haired woman gasped, staring at me through blurry eyes.
The flaming white presence in my mind grew even hotter somehow.
And I stood there confused for only a moment longer before the woman looked up to meet my eyes.
I winced, the realization hitting like a pile of bricks.
She recognized my face.
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