My name is Alan. 

I've often been described as a lazy individual, but I prefer to think of myself as simply a very laid-back and carefree guy. My life's motto is to never worry about anything, and to do the least amount of work possible, so that I could spend the rest of my time relaxing and taking naps.

Despite that, I had been a good student whilst still in school, at least academically-speaking, due to my near-expert proficiency in cramming at the last second. And, even though I got high marks on the entrance exams, I chose to go to the high school close to my house, despite it being a pretty crappy one. I did the same thing when I entered college, opting to attend the one nearby instead of the more prestigious, top-ranked institution three prefectures away.

After graduating, I took an easy, low-stress job with the government, which gave me plenty of time to read, relax, and pursue my hobbies. All in all, you could say I was living a pretty good life—that was, until I got hit by a bus.

 

<You have died.>

 

It was a blue message box, like that from a video game. I certainly didn't expect it to happen to me, but I was familiar enough with the premise. I had read about it in those light novels that I sometimes picked up at the convenience store on the way home from work. 

You know, the ones that you couldn't help but look inside the cover of because of their outrageously long and overly descriptive titles, such as the classic work of art, "I Was Hit By A Truck And Got Reincarnated As A Doorknob In Another World," or the equally famous, "I Died And Became Onsen Water At A Resort Popular With Beautiful Monster Girls."

 

<Would you like to be transported to another world?> 

 

Truth be told, I did not. If everything was going according to the plot of one of those novels, it meant that the world I would be transported to would be the fantasy kind, filled with monsters and kingdoms and magic. There would be a 'System', much like in a video game, with stats and skills and levels.

Unfortunately, I wasn't interested in any of that.

I mean, it was fun reading about someone running around fighting monsters and gaining levels and eventually conquering the world or whatever, but it was an entirely different thing doing it yourself. I got tired just thinking about it. Grinding out levels, figuring out which skills to choose, rushing everywhere to complete time-sensitive quests—that was all very well and good when you were sitting in an air-conditioned room mashing away on a keyboard and mouse, sipping iced tea and munching on snacks—but in a real-slash-fantasy world? Exhausting. Think about all the cardio you would have to do.

Not only that, what if you were unlucky, and didn't manage to get a secret, hidden class, or obtain a super-duper overpowered skill? You would be crossing literary genres right then and there from fun-to-read power fantasy to every-chapter-someone-dies survival action horror, wouldn't you? 

No, I selected.  That wasn't for me.

 

<Unfortunately, the waitlist for the [Reincarnation Process] is currently full. Would you like to be transported to another world in the meantime?>

 

What? It was the first time in my life that I've ever been slightly annoyed. What did it mean that the Reincarnation Process was full? How was that even possible? Maybe I wasn't even dead, just in a coma-induced fever dream of some sort. 

No, I selected again.

 

<Unfortunately, the waitlist for the Reincarnation Process is currently full. Would you like to be transported to another world in the meantime?>

 

Was it really putting me in a terribly programmed infinite loop of some sort? I tried selecting No again several more times, but the same message continued to appear. There was no way to 'exit' out of it, as far as I could tell. Just ignoring it also turned out to be impossible, because the blue box wouldn't go away even if I closed my eyes. Finally, after exhausting all other options, I gave up and selected Yes.

 

<Congratulations! You will now be transported to another world. Will you heed the call of the Goddess to take up arms against the Demon King?>

 

I should have known this was coming. It was the start of every isekai-transported-to-another-world story, AKA the plot of a budget JRPG game. Unfortunately, I had no intention of letting this poor reenactment of Dragon Quest happen. I didn't want to become a hero, nor did I have any interest in teaming up with a bunch of strangers to go murder some random dude who I didn't even know.

No, I selected.

Immediately, a blue box popped into my vision, followed by a loud, blaring warning noise like you would get from your phone during an emergency alert.

 

<You have offended the Goddess. Your blasphemous actions shall not go unpunished.>

 

"What the heck?" I shouted, to no one in particular, as the screeching noise seemingly blasted directly into my brain.

 

<You have lost the Title: [Hero, Warrior of the Goddess]>

<You have lost the Buff: [Goddess' Blessing]. Your stats have decreased.>

 

<You have lost the item [Starter Equipment - Iron Helm]>

<You have lost the item [Starter Equipment - Iron Cuirass]>

<You have lost the item [Starter Equipment - Iron Gloves]>

<You have lost the item [Starter Equipment - Iron Greaves]>

<You have lost the item [Starter Equipment - Iron Sword]>

 

<You have forfeited the opportunity to select a [Class]>

<You have acquired the Title: [Anti-Hero, Enemy of the Goddess]>

 

Title: [Anti-Hero, Enemy of the Goddess]

Unequippable

Description: You are a blasphemous worm. Did you really think you could reject an offer from a Goddess? Wallow in self-pity and despair as you are hunted down for the disgusting cretin you are. 

Also, you're so bad at cooking that you burn water and your mother is overweight.

 

I stared at the string of notifications in disbelief. What the hell just happened? Did she seriously just throw an enormous tantrum like a little kid who was told they couldn't get candy at the store? 

Also, what was with that last-second dig at my mother? And my cooking for that matter?

 

<You have been restricted from using the normal spawning points in the Towns and Cities due to disaffiliation with the Goddess. You will spawn in a random location in the Wilderness.>

 

You gotta be kidding me.

 

<You are now being transported to another world.>