After a couple of weeks, we ran into a problem. At least, I did, meanwhile Crystal was very pleased to announce, “I’m having my period!”

Which made me think: Fuck, I’m going to have one too?

It seemed like something she wouldn’t know much about since, well, that wouldn’t have been a thing for her in our old world. But she proved me wrong. “These are extra-absorbent ones so you don’t have to worry about changing them in the middle of the night,” she said, holding up a bundle of shaped cloths, then explained the other bundles.

I wished I could ignore her, but I didn’t want to have any accidents. A small embarrassment now to save a big one later.

At the end, she asked, “Any questions?”

I sort of knew about periods, but there was one thing. “How long?”

“We’ll find out,” she said, which didn’t really sound like something to smile about.

“Sorry, what?”

She shrugged. “How long it lasts and how long between cycles is sort of a personal thing, but it should last a few days and come about every four weeks. That’s just the bleeding, though—you might have symptoms before it starts.”

I wondered if she’d opened up the in-game help and searched for periods, sounding like she was reading a medical article or something. But that was just me trying to avoid my embarrassment with humour.

“Is there… maybe a potion to skip it?” I asked.

She tilted her head, tapping her lip. “There might be birth control potions? Those could, well, soften it.”

After a second, I burst out laughing. She stared at me, confused, so I told her why once I calmed down. “Sorry, I just imagined the looks we’d get if two women walked in and asked for condoms.”

She giggled, her smile so sweet when she did.

In the end, we went looking and managed to find birth control potions, the apothecarist confirming that taking one did help with heavier periods—and it wasn’t any more comfortable hearing a stranger talk about it.

On the way back, Crystal translated what the apothecarist told her. “So, once you start feeling any symptoms, take it.”

“Okay. What symptoms?”

That was the wrong question, the answer apparently everything from bloating to sore breasts to greasy hair. Again, I felt like she had a piece of paper with it all written down, and this time I had to ask, “Why d’you know all this?”

She chuckled and didn’t answer right away. “It’s like… have you ever had bad dreams that you like?”

“No?” I said, so confused.

“I read that… some people like me have dreams where they have a period, or are pregnant, or breastfeed. So I learned about it in case I did. I mean, not like anything could go wrong, but I wanted it to feel real if it happened. And it did, a few times even.

“Something similar sometimes happened online. Like, really stupid people sent me messages on my Crystal accounts, telling me I’d never be a real man. I guess they don’t understand what transwoman means? But it was… abuse that made me happy. Is that strange?”

It was. It was the strangest thing I’d ever heard. But it made perfect sense too, and I hated that. I hated that she had been so desperate for any validation.

“No,” I said.

I was sure she knew I was lying, but she didn’t call me out, the two of us walking home in silence.

Since she wanted to rest, we skipped our morning herb-gathering and went to our rooms. My room with my cursed mirror. I’d been busy enough to avoid it recently, to avoid myself, but not today.

She had told me that, now Alexa was real, her hormones might naturally soften her appearance. Well, my appearance. And if I was going to have a period, that did mean my estrogen was working.

Staring, I tried to see if I could tell, but I didn’t look any different. It didn’t sound like the sort of thing you could tell after a few weeks, though. The sort of gradual changes you probably needed a photo before and after to notice.

The mirror as depressing as ever, I turned around and practised walking. Slowly, I was getting the hang of it, albeit still feeling stupid the whole time. It felt so exaggerated, I was sure I looked like an idiot. Crystal had such a natural sway when she walked.

Turning around, I saw myself in the mirror… smiling. Because I was thinking about her.

We hadn’t really talked through my full confession, that sort of blocked behind my gender. If I ended up deciding I was a man, it didn’t matter that my body was female, she wouldn’t want to be more than friends.

So I tried not to think about her like that. Especially because… she was so cute now. When she was just an avatar in a game, I didn’t think about it at all, but now she was in front of me, smiling, twirling, walking around with a sway. And she was created as Crystal’s ideal image of who she wanted to be. Short, but a big chest, perfect to cuddle, such a pretty face, big eyes and small nose, cute ears, long, straight hair that she liked to braid. All wrapped up in dresses and skirts that came down to her knees, shoulders bare, never showing too much, but showing enough. Decorated with a cute hair band or clips, bracelets, necklaces, rings. Nothing gaudy, just cute, adding to her outfits.

In the mirror, I was smiling. But inside, I was getting hot, mind full of her.

I took off my skirt and underwear, then stepped up to the mirror. My pussy. I hadn’t touched myself since my first bath, but I felt the urge now. The urge to think about her and touch myself. My horniness drowned out my disgust with myself, barely. Knowing I was doing something wrong just made me more horny.

On the floor, I tried lying down, but I wanted to see myself in the mirror, needed to. Needed to see how I could look like a man while doing this. So I didn’t look at myself, I looked at my reflection, gradually adjusting like I was getting used to the controls in a video game—how my left was her right.

By this time, my pussy felt warm to touch, hotter than my skin. Felt good to touch. Still dry, I watched how the lips stretched as I rubbed, and I sort of understood why they were called lips. The inside was so pink too. I’d seen porn before, but I really saw the contrast now. Kind of pretty.

Settled in, my mind wandered, thinking how Crystal had something like this. How pretty hers would be. The weird feeling in my gut started, but I didn’t stop this time. I thought about kissing her, squeezing her boobs, her butt, about touching her pussy and watching her face as I made her cum.

My hand moved on its own, rubbing a small circle with my palm, something about that feeling so good. I gently rocked my hips, hard to move them while sitting. The weird feeling grew, soon like I needed to piss, but it was the wrong place, a bit higher than my bladder. Muscles randomly clenching, breaths quicker and deeper.

Then all I could focus on was the feeling. When I was a man, it was so urgent, holding myself back from finishing too soon. But now, I felt a rhythm, felt so good even before I came, almost like I was drunk. Hazy and warm, waves washing over me and pulling back. I wondered if Crystal had touched herself like this, imagined it, imagined her grinding against her hand and squeezing her boobs and moaning.

Soon, I felt it coming, like listening to a song and knowing the melody was about to change. That was when I felt the desperation, the need to cum, and my fingers rubbed along my pussy until they found my hole, pushing inside. I heard the squelch, how wet I was. I didn’t know what I was doing, my hand just moving, still rubbing with the palm, fingers sort of swirling and tickling, just moving for the sake of it, anything to help me get there.

And then I came, shuddering, hips bucking, mind pumped full with this satisfied feeling, and it leaked down to the rest of my body, muscles finally relaxing. So warm, like I was soaking in the bath.

While I came down, I stared at my face in the mirror, eyes half-closed, mouth slightly open. The face of a woman who just orgasmed. Looking down, I saw my fingers covered in my pussy juices, and I brought them up, tasted them, wondering if Crystal tasted the same.

Reminded of the shame, the headiness left and I sobered up. I wasn’t really disgusted with myself, though, just disappointed. In the mirror was a man who couldn’t control himself.

I stewed in my shame for a bit longer, then cleaned up, thankful I had tissues in my room and that I hadn’t made a mess on the floor. There wasn’t deodorant, so I put on some perfume after wiping off the sweat.

Dressed again, I went to the lounge, worried what else the mirror would make me do. There wasn’t a TV or anything like that, but we’d bought some books. It was pretty funny, most of the books in this world trashy romance stories, full of illicit affairs between elf noblewomen and beastkin stable hands or aspiring heirs and the family’s maid. Like, this world didn’t even have nobility, just royalty, so the books made no sense. Anyway, Crystal knew where to get lesbian stories, so we had a pile of them, things like a duke’s daughter and her companion.

Reading them now… made me feel less like a woman. The way they gave into their desires was so spiritual and romantic, the sex more dancing than dirty, full of emotional movement.

I hated myself, but couldn’t stop, tried to make amends by ignoring the urges, reading the intimate scenes without touching myself like it was a punishment.

Then I heard her door open. Yanked out of my head, I calmed down and put down the book, not really trying to hide it.

“Enjoying the stories?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, turning around, then frowned. “Are you okay?”

She weakly smiled, still clutching her stomach. “I’m maybe less happy about my period now.”

Without a word, she ended up on the couch with me, sort of cuddling as I rubbed her abdomen. She let out a shuddery sigh, then snuggled closer against me.

After a while, it hit me that we wouldn’t have done this in the other world. If she ever needed a hug, I was there for her, but, even if she had surgery, this wasn’t a problem she’d ever have.

That was neither a good or bad thing, it just made me appreciate this moment. Whether I was a man or not, she trusted me, let me comfort her. And I was really glad I didn’t have a dick right now—being like this would probably have been enough to make both of us uncomfortable.

Eventually, I heard her breathing change, felt her body sort of slump. Smiling, I kept comforting her.

Everything was so confusing, nothing made sense, but I knew this was what I wanted. This closeness with her, physically and emotionally. I just wished I felt like a woman so it could be real.