Slowly, I trudged down the main street towards the main gate. I’ve rested but I still feel heavy.

With me I brought my bucket and my large cloth. I made a knot on the cloth to rest my sword on my back and tied it into a sash. It doesn’t look pretty, but practicality overrides aesthetics at the moment. They feel like they’re slowing me down, but I feel safer with them.

Merchants, workers and travelers walk down the street to whatever they do everyday. They all of course make sure to keep their bags and belongings far away from me as I pass next to them.

I approach the main passage in and out of the city, a large gate made of wood and laden with metal. I’ve never approached it since the guards surrounding it make me nervous, but I have no choice today.

The main gate itself is for vehicles and carriages mostly, so I have to pass through one of the smaller pedestrian passageways besides the main gate.

I go to the right passageway since here you’re supposed to travel on the right side of the road.

It’s not a long line, just what looks to be a few adventurers rearing to go out. God I wish that’s me right now.

The others get patted down and inspected before they leave, lucky job for these guards, but they just poke me with poles from a distance before they let me through.

“Good riddance beggar!” One of them yells behind me.

As I step out of the passageway, I feel a small sense of freedom. I’m finally out.

Right outside of the walls is quite unassuming. It’s a clearing with a path which leads into a forest. What’s surprising though is that every leaf and blade of grass is purple. It should look strange, but it looks oddly natural. Since it’s early dusk, I can see the leaves faintly glow.

I walk down the road to put some distance between me and the wall. Of course, I have to turn around and give them the double finger as I make my grand exit.

My eyes bug out. I don’t know how I haven’t noticed until now. 

From afar I thought they were just weird poles. Heads, mostly Orc and Human, sit skewered on wooden stakes on top of the wall. They’re in various states of decay, but I recognise the freshest ones. It’s the beggar who stole my bread, the man who tried to help him and the baker.

From the stakes, the banner of the city or maybe the kingdom is hung. I see a clearer view of the animal on the banner, it seems to resemble a bear with a mane, along with the fangs of a lion and beaks containing it’s three eyes. The blood from the heads have seeped into the white cloth of the banner.

I don’t know how, but they gave me another reason to leave. It’s time for me to enter the forest.

Birds chirp as the sun starts to rise behind me, the slight glow of the purple leaves fade.

The surreal sight of purple shrubbery makes me forget about my fatigue. It feels like I’m on an adventure.

My stomach growls. That’s right, I’m here to forage. I doubt I’ll find anything along the path so I’ll have to get off it and go deep.

Whatever lurks in here, I have no clue, but it’s either forage or starve to death. I’ll try not to go too far in so I can avoid anything too dangerous. At least I feel fine enough to avoid tricky terrain.

Before I properly enter the bush, I take a gulp of my water. I expect this to be enough before I find food.

The forest isn’t too dense, but there’s enough roots and thorns that if I move too quickly I could hurt myself. Not that I could move quickly anyway. I avoid the tall roots that I’d need to jump over since I can barely lift my arms.

After a while of walking, maybe around fifteen minutes, I end up in a small clearing full of bushes, many thorny, but more importantly, full of berries. It’s in a bit of a ditch so getting out might be hard for me, but I don’t care.

Finally, something to eat! 

Without a second thought, I start picking and shoving the berries into my mouth. Ooh they’re so sour, but so… bitter. Extremely bitter. Oh god.

I fall to my knees and start violently coughing. My hands reach for and squeeze my throat. Each berry felt like it was searing my flesh. I can’t tell if what’s coming out of my mouth is juice or my blood. Vomit drips down as my body tries to get rid of every single piece of the berry from my body. There goes what little I had.

Before I’m able to rest, I see a large grey furry animal standing a few metres away from me. My vision has started to blur more frequently, but my body is reacting to the danger. 

Adrenaline courses through my veins as a rat-like creature with teeth as big as my forearms starts charging at me. I throw my bucket at it and start moving away as fast I can.

My foot catches on a root and I fall, but I manage to break my fall with my elbows. Bleeding abrasions have now formed on my elbows but I can barely feel it. My throat pain has been reduced. 

But then, 

“AGGHHHHHHH!!!!”

I feel a large sharp object start digging into my calf. The rat has started to bear its teeth into me.

I try to pull out my sword. But just like it before, it won’t budge.

The rat sinks its teeth deeper. 

“AGGHH!”

My sword fails to budge.

It starts dragging me towards it, stretching the gash it has caused in my calf. 

“AAGGGH!!”

My sword fails to budge.

Out of desperation, my body forgets every bit of fatigue and pain it has. With all of my strength, I pull the sword out of its sheath, twist my torso and jam the sword into the creature’s eye. I didn't even know I could do it that fast.

It screeches as it tries to shake the sword out of it’s skull. In its panic, it pulls its teeth out of my calf. The wound feels like it got widened in the process. Whatever’s happening in my calf right now, I don’t dare look.

Finding the part with the least thorns, I start crawling into the berry bushes. There’s no other way for me to escape. The rat is still squeaking behind me, I can’t give it a chance to start attacking me again.

Though this looked to be the least thorny, the thorns that are there are leaving cuts on every part of my skin. My hands bleed from grabbing and scooping the bush away from my face. I can’t even begin to describe what’s happening to my gash right now.

I’m trying not to think about it, but I may not be able to walk again.

At this point, I’ve been hyperventilating, but every breath I take is a dagger shoved down my throat, even with the adrenaline.

As I crawl through, I’ve been using my hands to grip onto roots and rocks, but my hand no longer feels ground. I clear more of the bush in front of me. 

Darkness. A deep pit with nothing but darkness within it is what’s left in the bush. This is ridiculous. I can’t even anymore. Every single thing in this damn trash world hates me. I am literally reduced to a crawl, brushing against thorn bushes with a large gash on my calf and a giant man-eating rat behind me, and even here I can’t have a break?! 

Suddenly, I feel a tugging on my shoe. Then the tugging begins to press. Then the pressing breaks through my shoe. 

Behind me, is the rat, blood gushing out of where it’s eye used to be. It looks like it gave up on removing the sword and has focused its attention on me again.

Fuck it. There’s nowhere else to go. The hole it is.

With both of my arms, I grab onto the ledge of the hole and drag myself to the hole. I briefly notice how much my chest is suffering from all of this, but it really doesn’t matter right now. 

I lose my shoe, but I’m able to drag myself in with only my heel getting scraped. Before I realise it, I’m plunging into the darkness. 

I don’t know what to expect, but I fall for a few seconds before…

“AAGGHHH!!!” 

My shoulder crashes straight into the ground. I reach to feel my right arm. The arm doesn’t even feel like it’s mine anymore, it just feels like some strange loose piece of meat lying next to me. 

It’s so dark I can’t see the state of my whole body, but with adrenaline running out. I feel it kicking in. Every cut, every bruise, the large gash, my dislocated shoulder, my sore throat and my severe hunger. It all comes crashing down on me at once. 

Out of my left pocket I take out the charm given to me. If you do anything, please do it now. Please.

Nothing happens.

“Raquia! Please! If you’re there. Please… Save me… Please…”

With what’s left of my voice, I cry out to the goddess. You said it yourself, that if I call out, you’ll help me. Please Raquia… Please…

Nothing happens.

“FUCK THIS DAMNED GARBAGE FUCKING WORL-” I feel something coming out of my throat. As fast as I can, I move my body to its side. My right arm doesn’t seem to follow. I violently cough out what I’m now sure is blood. 

“...”

My throat has reached its limit. Nothing but a whistling sound comes through. This is it. This is the end.

Tears start streaming down on my face.

In the end, even a fantasy world couldn’t save me. I’m as worthless as when I left earth. I still failed to get a job. I still failed to make proper friends. I still failed to accomplish anything.

Live in a fantasy world? Become an adventurer? Learn magic? I couldn’t even feed myself or beat a damned rat. Even here it was all a fantasy.

I thought it would all change here. I thought I could finally get a fresh start, live a new life, free of the mundane life of the modern world. Free of raging viruses that prevent me from going anywhere. Free of parents that want to dictate my every move. 

Maybe it was better back home. Maybe university would’ve been better. Maybe staying with my parents was the right option. Maybe, if I didn’t run away, I would’ve never been…

Been… I can’t even remember how I died. Maybe it was like this too. Alone, beaten and bruised in the dark. 

If I die again, where would I end up? Am I going to get reincarnated again? Please Raquia, no more. I don’t want to live anymore. 

Please, just take me to heaven. I don’t want to be here anymore.

My consciousness starts to fade away. The cold stone floor and the dark become comforting. I accept where I am now.

It all then fades to black, as I see the saddened face behind the veil.